


My Dream Nightmare

by CatFiction



Category: My Chemical Romance
Genre: Angst, High School, Runaway, Teen Romance, teen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-04-17
Updated: 2016-04-17
Packaged: 2018-06-02 16:36:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 34
Words: 106,875
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/6573814
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/CatFiction/pseuds/CatFiction
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Daphne Taylor is your average teen. She suffers from identity problems and admires the group that is the opposite of her. One person she admires most is Frank, and it just so happens he's the leader of the group she wants to fit in with. When she's finally accepted into the world she wanted, things are twisted into nightmares. In the group she thought was so perfect are underlying problems of drug dealing and addiction, gang related crimes and alcohol abuse. With no hope of turning back after falling in love with Frank, Daphne is pushed into their twisted world and has to learn to cope with it all within a short amount of time as Frank begins confiding in her his biggest fears.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> This was the first MCR fan fiction I began sharing on the internet. I originally began posting it in July of 2008 and eventually completed it in August of 2014. 
> 
> [Story "Trailer"](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tTDdSMnK9YQ)  
> [Frank and Daphne (under the "Show More" section)](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=pBfOTjJd7pQ&feature=youtu.be)  
> [Ray and Bob](http://youtu.be/5YE_kbRf974)  
> [Gloria](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ImbMkAOrMfs)  
> [Gerard](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4AsiAsJ9g5o)  
> [Mikey](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cZG_39utPyg)  
> [Nikki](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8aEdG5G7Djs)

 

People walk passed me as if I’m just another brick in the wall. I’m invisible to them. Why? I’m human am I not? Therefore I’m just like them, right? You see, there’s this group of people I admire with all my heart, and yet, I’d never fit in with them. Even if I tried to dress like them, and talk like them, and hell, even walk like them, it’s still just that; ‘trying’, because they’d never in a million years be caught with me in their group. Other people call them rebels, and say they won’t amount to anything, but I’m the opposite of them, and have I amounted to anything better? Obviously not. I wish there was a way I could be rebellious like them and not be such a fucking wimp about it. Maybe be inside the reflection for once instead of just being an admirer at a distance like they were the next big phenomenon.

There’s the first bell. I got up and walked down the hall to my locker to retrieve my textbook. I don’t know how to look upon the situation set before me. See, my locker is within this group of ‘thugs’. The group I admire from distance that is, and though I’m this much closer to them, I’m petrified. They all stare at me like I’m a disease that just walked into their systems. Not that they’re glaring at me or anything. It’s just the feeling you get that makes you bite your lip without even noticing, or maybe you even try walking in a cooler manner, but really just look like a moron with a gimpy leg. The stares tell you all this, because at that moment you know you’re not wanted in their area of the hall. As soon as you walk over, it’s like the conversation they were having just stops, or that they awkwardly switch it to something else. It almost gives you the impression that they were talking about you the whole time.

I fumbled with the lock on my locker, trying my hardest to get it on the first try, but failed miserably, and then failed again. I could feel their stares. It made me nervous. I heard a giggle, and though I knew it probably wasn’t about me, I felt as if it was. A bustle of laughter distracted me, as the three, what I like to call “leaders of the pact” started laughing. Gerard Way and his brother Mikey Way sat on the floor by the window. Gerard, I know is talented in art, and I know he doesn’t give a shit what anyone thinks of him. His long, thick, black, straggly shoulder length hair, pale complexion that he went as far as to paint white and on occasion add black eye shadow are all his way of flipping you off without even putting effort into lifting up his middle finger. His brother, Mikey, wasn’t quite that bold. He was actually pretty geeky looking and I found myself wondering how he belonged to that group. Probably because he was Gerard’s younger brother. His black rimmed glasses, and shaggy sandy brown hair that I could’ve sworn was straightened most days. His wardrobe wasn’t as gothic or punk or whatever you want to call it either, and he almost seemed to dress preppy at times. Today he was even wearing a hat. Then there was my personal favourite. He sat on the ledge by the window gazing down at the street below as the cars zoomed by. A smile was plastered on his face from laughing his hilarious laugh, that sounded like a giggle most of the time. I guess you could go as far as to say a “pot laugh”. You just wanted to hug him when he laughed. He was so cute sometimes and god was he gorgeous. I don’t know what drove me to his style, but I loved it. Frank Iero. His hair was always changing colours it seemed. Today it happened to be buzz cut on the sides and dyed a shade of red, that resembled more purple, and then the rest of his faux-hawk was dyed black. His bangs were long and hung in his face most of the time. It suited him though. It suited him just fine. He had the most gorgeous eyes too, that happened to have x’s crossed over them today with eyeliner. My personal favourite was when he drew diamond shapes around his eyes in red and shaded it in with eye shadow. You only need a quick glance at his eyes to know they were amazing. They were bright hazel and you just wanted to smile looking into them. He had multiple tattoos as well. My favourite being the scorpion on his neck and his knuckles that said Halloween spelt across them. His nose and lip were pierced as well as both ears. Today his wardrobe included long baggy black jeans and a skeleton printed hoodie covering his black t-shirt. He even wore skeleton gloves to match. Perfection. I took a glance at my black painted nails. No matter how hard I tried, I could never get my makeup to look as cool and bold as all theirs. I’m just a misfit who has a total of about five friends. Let me belong here, with this gang, please? It’s all I’m asking.

I fumbled with the lock again and finally one of them said something. “Are you going to spend all day trying to open the damn thing? Did you forget your combination or something?”

My face must’ve turned five shades of red and I almost felt ready to cry. “I’m sorry, I ju-“

“Just forgot you were a retard?” I was cut off.

I heard laughter and glanced around at the group that was laughing. He wasn’t though, and neither was Mikey or Gerard for that matter. Frank just watched the group and looked at me as he placed a cigarette behind his ear.

“Did you forget your combo?” Mikey asked.

My eyes swivelled to meet his gaze. “No, I’m just having a rough day.”

Well that was somewhat true. At least it made me out to seem less stupid…I think.

“Well would you hurry it up,” the blonde sitting right by my side asked as he looked up at my locker.

“Give her a break Bob,” Frank sighed as he looked out the window again.

This Bob character grunted and then said nothing as he looked back at the group. I fumbled with the lock yet again and finally got it. I heard a sarcastic cheer from some people and felt my face turn hot again. I quickly took my binder out, careful not to drop anything on this Bob person and then slammed it shut again. “Sorry,” I mumbled before scurrying off to my first class. I heard a burst of laughter as I took off. This time I knew they were laughing at me. Smooth one Daphne.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

My day just didn’t get any easier when lunch time came around. I had to get my science textbook now for after lunch. So there I was again at the end of the hall in the all too familiar surroundings. It was like déjà vu from that morning. The awkward glances and stifled voices. This time Frank wasn’t there though. I didn’t know if I should consider that a good thing, or a bad thing. I mean, at least I didn’t have to worry about being embarrassed in front of him this time around, but then again, I didn’t have him to back me up like he had this morning either.

“Hey, look guys,” Bob pointed out. “It’s that girl with the locker troubles again.”

“I wish you all the luck in the world this time around,” Gerard grinned smugly.

Was that him teasing me in a joking way, or being funny in a mean way? I didn’t know, but I felt my face warm again as I turned the knob to the right, left, and the right again. This time the lock clicked and I opened it quickly.

“My luck works,” Gerard announced.

“That doesn’t say much,” Mikey teased and I heard a swift slap from behind me followed by an “ow, Gee, that hurt!”.

“I’m just happy she’s not going to be hovering over me for months without end,” Bob stated.

They were talking about me like I wasn’t even standing there, and yet it sounded like they were teasing me in a friendly matter…like they wanted me to hear them and giggle or something. I didn’t though. I felt too awkward. I turned to leave and smacked right into someone instead. Laughter filled the hall and I was scared to look up at who I just smacked right into. I had a pretty good idea who it was too. The smell of cigarettes and cologne filled my nose. It wasn’t a bad smell. I really didn’t mind the smell of cigarettes actually. Weird, but true.

“I’m sorry,” I mumbled as I slowly looked up to meet Frank’s gaze.

“No big deal,” he answered as he walked around me to his usual spot on the ledge.

With nothing more to say, I turned to leave.

“Took you long enough,” my friend Jamie stated as I sat next to her down the hall. “Get into locker trouble again?”

“Not really, but I did smack right into Frank Iero just now.”

Jamie burst out laughing. “Nice one.”

“There’s nothing nice about it. It was embarrassing!”

“He won’t care, don’t worry.”

I sighed. “No, he didn’t really care. He said it was ‘no big deal’.”

“See?”

I nodded. “It was still embarrassing though. That whole gang was staring at me. I wanted to die.”

“You’re over reacting.”

I shrugged and sighed as I stared down the hall at the gang of ‘punks’. I heard Frank’s laugh echo down the hall. How I wished I was sitting with them, joking about all the other misfits like me. How I wished I belonged. “Frank looks pretty cool today doesn’t he?”

Jamie gave me a weird look. “What? Oh god. You like him don’t you? Well, it’s actually kind of obvious. Listen, Daphne, he’s bad news. He gets in so much trouble. He smokes, he drinks…I’ve heard he does drugs, and you can’t possibly want to hang out with jerks like them?”

I shrugged. “Talking about them badly behind their backs is just sinking to their level isn’t it? Besides, Frank seems really nice….and I mean, Mikey’s ok, and Gerard isn’t so bad… Frank is pretty hot though. I just like that style I guess.”

“You like odd styles. Face the facts though Daph, he’d never go out with you in a million years.”

“Thanks for the support. Does he have a girlfriend?”

“Not that I know of. The last I heard, he broke up with his last girlfriend about a week ago and has been single ever since. Not that he can’t be single…and not that a week is a long time… But you never know who he sees after school.”

I blocked out the last part as I watched intently, Frank, Mikey, and Gerard walk passed us down the hall. Frank shot me a glance and I think I almost pissed my pants. It wasn’t a glare. It wasn’t a mean look at all. It was just…a look. Almost like he wanted to know more about me. Like he was scanning through me with his bright hazel eyes. I wish he’d talk to me. But he didn’t stop walking. He just turned his attention right back to Gerard who was in the middle of telling them both something.

“Did you see that look?” I asked Jamie excitedly.

“What look? The one Frank just gave you? Yeah. I saw it.”

“Do you think he’d talk to me if I started a conversation?”

“What would your conversation be about?”

I scrambled my brain thinking of something. “Music?”

She shrugged. “Good luck with that. He listens to nothing you do I’m sure.”

“Really Jamie, you’re such a downer.”

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next morning I got to school a little earlier than usual and sat in the empty hall upstairs. A teacher walked by, but that was all. I could hear voices around the halls, but it was one of those things you could hear, but couldn’t locate. I heard someone walking up the stairs and looked down the hall to wait and see who it was. To my utter surprise, Frank walked up and threw his bag down, taking a seat on the ledge and staring out the window at the foggy day. You could barely see anything outside. It was miserable, but intriguing, like one of those things you want to hate, but just can’t. Could I really just get up, walk over, and talk to him? Was it worth an embarrassing shot? I looked at my cell to see what time it was. It wasn’t even a quarter to eight yet! There was definitely enough time for myself to go make a fool of myself and come back before anyone else even got to the school. So with all my courage and nerve, I got up to go take a chance.

I didn’t want to just go right up to the guy and start talking, so I decided to just get my binder from my locker first. I fiddled with the lock like I always did and sighed to myself. I knew this caught his attention. I could feel his gaze on me. I shifted my eyes to look at him.  
“I really do hate lockers.”

He grunted softly and looked out the window again. First fail.

“Ever have trouble with your locker?”

“Not really.”

“Oh…” Attempt two failed. I opened my locker and got my binder and then walked over to stand in front of him. He looked up at me with his friendly bright eyes in a questioning look. Today he wore ripped at the knees jeans, and a black t-shirt that said ‘Kill Em All’ on it. “I…I was actually hoping to get the chance to talk to you.”

“Uh-huh? Well you are now. What do you want?”

My face must’ve turned three shades of red because he slightly grinned as he stuck a cigarette behind his ear like he always did. “Music,” I managed to blurt out.

“Music,” he repeated. “What about it?”

“What kind do you listen to?”

He raised an eyebrow at me as if I was insane. “A lot… Probably stuff you’ve never heard of.”

I was getting more comfortable now amazingly and I sat down on the ledge with him. “Well see, that’s why I wanted to talk to you. I’d really like to listen to the stuff your “gang” listens to.”

“We listen to a lot of hardcore stuff…”

“Really? I listen to all that stupid poppy junk, and I’m really sick of it. I want to change.”

He looked a little surprised. Maybe that was a good thing! “You’re sick of it?”

“I just…I want to be accepted.” Did I just tell him a really deep issue of mine? How was it that easy to say!? What the hell is he going to say to that? He’ll probably laugh at me. At least I made Frank laugh!

“Don’t we all. Well you want to be accepted how?”

“Accepted to the point that your group stops insulting me.”

“That never ends. Trust me.”

“I trust you.”

“Listen, I don’t even know you. How are you talking to me like this?”

“I just wanted to talk to you. You seemed nice…”

“And I can be, but you’re a little odd.”

“I’m sorry.”

“Don’t be. Just stop being…creepy.”

I weakly smiled. “Ok.”

“Alright, so you want to know music huh? What do you listen to right now?”

“All that poppy junk that’s a big hit on the radio.”

“Alright, you’re way off track. Please tell me you at least listen to Green Day.”

“Green day? Yeah. Sometimes.”

“There you go. I listen to Green day a lot. I listen to a lot of screamo, hardcore, punk.”

“So I should download some of that then.”

“You should if you want “my group” to stop bothering you every time you walk down the hall. But I think you should just stay with your group. If you want my opinion, you’re too bubbly preppy to hang out in a gang like ours.”

That’s what I was afraid he might say. “I’m just sick of the fake. I’m sick of putting on an act like everything is perfect.”

“So quit the act and tell them straight up that you’re pissed off at the fuckin’ world. I do it everyday.”

“Yeah…but you belong in the right place. I don’t feel like I have any friends anymore.”

“What about that Jamie chick you were with yesterday?”

“She’s a bitch. She’s always blabbering on about the latest gossip and I swear to god she talks behind my back.”

He seemed to give me a bit of a sympathetic look. “Well hey, just look at life and charge at it with a dagger.”

“Thanks for the advice. But like you said, I’m too nice of a person… I don’t think I’d want to stab anything.”

He slightly laughed at the small joke and again I felt a little more confidant.

“I really like your whole style,” I pointed out.

“Thanks…” he answered. “I take a lot of pride in ‘dressing up’.”

“It pays off. I suck at doing my make up. I’ve tried numerous times to copy some of your guys style, but I always look like such a fake when I do. I just don’t do it right.”

He shrugged and we both turned our attention to a gang of his friends who were walking up the stairs. Gerard and Mikey led the way, followed closely by that Bob guy, and another guy I came to know as Ray.

“Hey Frankie,” Gerard chimed before throwing his gaze at me.

“Why’s the locker girl hanging out with you?” Bob asked.

Frank shrugged. “I really don’t know. We were just talking music and then you pricks showed up.”

“Fuck you,” Ray grinned.

I got up and turned to walk away, having nothing more to say to him while everyone else was around.

“Hey,” he called after me.

Frank Iero was actually calling me! I turned around trying to be a little cooler than I am. “Yeah?”

“What’s your name anyway? I want them to quit calling you ‘that locker girl’.”

“Daphne,” I smiled.

“Alright Daphne, catch you later,” he replied.

I turned to leave again and bit my lip. But this time it wasn’t out of embarrassment. It was to keep from squealing. I actually just had a full conversation with him! To hell with what Jamie said. She was wrong. He was genuinely nice.


	2. Chapter 2

When the next day came along, I showed up early again, and once again Frank showed up at the same time as well. I wandered over to my locker and this time he actually nodded at my presence. I flashed him a small smile and opened my locker with less trouble. Taking my binder I started to walk away, but I was stopped.

“So you got more of the style down today huh?”

I rotated to look at him and looked down at my outfit. I wore black jeans with a black t-shirt that was splattered with a bands name on it in white. It actually belonged to my brother, but I stole it. “Oh, yeah.”

“That’s a good band,” he pointed out. “Do you listen to them?”

I shrugged. “My brother does all the time. It’s growing on me.”

“They’re coming here soon. Were you planning on going?”

“No. I’d have no one to go with and my Mom won’t let me go alone.”

“You could probably come with myself and a group of my friends. Mikey, Gerard and them… If you want to fit in, then that’d be a good idea.”

I was ecstatic. “Really?! Yeah! Yeah, that’d be great!”

He partially laughed, “Well don’t piss your pants about it. It’s not that exciting.”

“Well you’re trying to include me. That really means a lot to me.”

“You’re welcome then. I’m going out for a smoke. Did you want to come?”

Out for a smoke? Was he asking me to smoke? Or was he just asking me to come so we could keep talking? I guess I’d find out… “Sure.”

He nodded and kicked his bag under the ledge before getting up and taking his cigarettes out. “Lets go then.”

I followed him down the stairs and through the halls that were filling up. I was shot weird looks as we walked. As if they didn’t think I could possibly be “hanging out” with Frank Iero. He was considered cool in our school. It was cool how he’d talk back to teachers and get in trouble almost daily. Lots of “hey’s” were thrown his way and he just nodded in reply.

“So you’re in grade twelve, huh?” he questioned me.

“Yeah, we’re actually in the same English class…”

“Fuckin’ right,” he muttered, putting a cigarette between his lips as we walked out the back doors to our school. “Did you want a cig?” he asked as he held out the pack to me.

“No thanks. I don’t smoke.”

“Really? Not that, that really surprises me.”

I nodded. “I don’t want to ruin my lungs.”

He slightly laughed. “Wow, shot to me.”

“I didn’t mean it that way!”

“Then how did you?”

“Well if you want to smoke, then it’s your decision. I just choose not to. Does that sound better?”

“It would if you hadn’t even said anything about ruining lungs in the first place.”

He was teasing me now. I could tell. “Oh shut up!”

He laughed and lit the cigarette. “You know, I got asked to do an extra assignment for some kind of scholarship for English class.”

“No way…” was the first thing that came out of my mouth. That was stupid. I’d make him feel dumb or something! Oh shit, that’s not good.

He raised an eyebrow at me and exhaled smoke. “Way? I turned them down.”

“How come?”

He shrugged. “If word got out how smart I was, then it’d ruin my image.”

“But if you’re that smart, I think you should do something with it.”

He took a drag of his cigarette looking at me intently…like everything I had to say to him was important. I love it. “Yeah? Well maybe I’ll try it…but I swear to god, if you say anything…”

“I won’t!”

He took another long drag before talking again, blowing the smoke away from my face. “Alright. You’re ok Daphne.”

I smiled. He finished off his cigarette and then walked back into the school followed by me. Again we walked down the still quite halls as people threw weird looks our way. I walked next to my crush boldly though. This was going better than I thought it ever would. We were already on a “regular” talking basis.

As we walked up the stairs, Gerard and Mikey came into view as they sat in their usual place talking. They were the only ones there though. Mikey automatically turned his attention to me as Gerard lingered for a moment looking at Frank and then at me.

“You guys know Daphne?” Frank asked.

“Not really…” Mikey responded, pushing his glasses back up his nose.

“Not at all,” Gerard answered.

“Well this is Daphne then,” Frank stated as he sat down on the ledge. “She’s alright. Don’t be pricks. Daphne, this is ‘Bat-Boy’ and ‘Wannabe-Skywalker’. Love them tenderly and try not to insult their freakish looks.”

“Hi,” I squeaked.

Gerard nodded then turned to Frank, but Mikey kept his vision fixed on me.

“Daphne is a pretty cool name huh?” he asked.

I shrugged. “I guess so. I think Mikey is a pretty cool name…”

“You should. Cause it is. How old are you?”

“Seventeen…turning eighteen in February, you?”

“Just turned sixteen, and you know my name?”

“Yes, but if you’d rather be called ‘Wannabe-Skywalker’ I can do that.”

He grinned. “Naw, Mikey is a lot better.”

There we go, I was already alright with Mikey. It made me feel a little more secure that he was a year younger than me too. I set my attention to Gerard now, who was still talking to Frank. As they finished I took a deep breath. “So, Gerard, should I call you ‘Bat-Boy’ then?”

“Only if you want to get beaten.”

I laughed. “Gerard it is then.”

“And you can call me God and bow down to me every chance you get,” Frank smirked as he pulled a notebook out of his bag.

I smiled and sat on the ledge by him again. “So, ehrm…God, do you think I’m cool enough to stay here today and meet the rest of the group?”

“Do you want the honest truth or a candy coated answer?”

“I guess I want the real answer.”

“Try tomorrow. I don’t even really know you.”

I nodded, respecting his opinion. “Ok. Thanks Frank.”

He raised his eyebrows at me. “You’re welcome? I’ll catch you later.”

I said a quick bye to Mikey and Gerard and I’m pretty sure they mumbled ‘bye’ back before I turned to walk away.

XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX

The next day, Frank approached me first. He leaned down a bit and handed me a ticket. “There’s your pass to the concert in a few weeks.”

“Oh, thank you,” I nearly squealed out.

He nodded. “So, just pay me back whenever you get the money. It cost fifteen.”

“I’ll have it for you by tomorrow,” I smiled.

“Alright, cool I guess. I’m going out for a cig, did you want to come?”

I got up immediately and followed him down the hall back towards the stairs. Again I got weird looks from everyone.

Outside, Mikey was standing around with Ray having a conversation. He took a cigarette from Frank as soon as he saw him though and nodded at me. I smiled and then looked at Ray. Man he had poofy hair.

“You don’t smoke?” Mikey asked me.

I shook my head and he gave me a weird look. “You should try it.”

Frank held the pack out to me and to my own surprise I took one. I don’t think you can get addicted on one inhale… I’m pretty sure you can’t at least. “Well, I guess it can’t hurt too much, right?”

Frank grinned and flicked his lighter on holding it out to me so I could light up this stick of pollution. Coughing was my first reaction as I inhaled. All the guys burst out laughing and I blushed.

“Don’t worry, that’s the first reaction everyone gets,” Mikey snickered. “Try it a couple more times and you’ll be fine.”

Did I want to try anymore was the question though. I watched how Frank did it and he flashed me a small smile when I tried to mimic him. I coughed again and Ray slapped my back.

“Way to go person I don’t know.”

“Oh yeah, Ray, Daphne, Daphne, Ray,” Frank introduced quickly before sucking in more smoke and exhaling right in Mikey’s face with a laugh that sounded much more like a giggle.

I took another inhale of the thick burning smoke. I was getting used to it now as I blew the smoke back out to the side so not to get smoke in anyone’s face like Frank was doing to Mikey.

“There ya go,” Mikey grinned to me as I improved on the new bad habit I’d just acquired.

“Now you’re fitting in,” Frank added.

“I am?” I asked a little too excitedly.

“Well don’t go pissing your pants again!” Frank laughed. “Chill.”

“Right,” I replied smoothly as I took another drag of my cig. These things weren’t so bad. I could get hooked on this… I could get hooked on _them_ too…


	3. Chapter 3

I’ve never been one to act like a dog and answer to whistles, but when I heard it coming from down the hall in the morning, instincts told me to look up. Good thing I did too because it was Frank waving me over as he stood with a girl I’ve seen in their group before.  
  
In a mechanical way my legs carried me down the echoing hall hoping he wasn’t about to introduce me to his girlfriend. I’m quite confident he wouldn’t do that though, right? I just started talking to the guy about a week ago after all… I doubt he’d want to introduce me to his girlfriend.  
  
As I approached nearer I could see the grin on his face as he put his arm around the girl with very straight shoulder-length black hair. I stopped in front of them and noticed a few more things about her: she had bright green eyes that seemed accented due to her hairstyle; she loved eyeliner considering how much of it she wore; she was definitely ‘one of them’ considering how she was dressed; and she gave me a big smile that showed off all her perfect white teeth when I stopped in front of them.  
  
“Daphne,” Frank started, “this is Gloria.”  
  
“Your girlfriend?” I interrupted.  
  
“Ha, he wishes,” she laughed, giving him a nudge to the side.  
  
“Not my girlfriend,” he smirked. “Gloria’s one of my best friends, if not my best. I’ve known her a long time… Point is Daphne, you want to be like us and Gloria is the best person to go to for that. She’ll get you on the right track. Outfits, makeup, facts, you name it. I don’t have time for the junk you’ve been asking me and she does.”  
  
“Thanks for speaking so highly of me,” she glared up at him in a joking way. “I do too have a life. I’m just not such a prick like you and can make time to help someone.”  
  
“Anyway,” he dragged out with a grin, “ask her what you want. I thought it’d be good if you got to make at least one friend before even attempting to hang out with us for a day. I don’t want to have to clean your guts off the floor if it doesn’t work out.”  
  
“And you don’t even know how to make us sound good,” Gloria glared up at him once more. “Go sit on your ledge and leave it to me.”  
  
“All yours,” he announced to this girl as he motioned to me. “Have fun.”  
  
First I stared blankly at her. Did he really just tell me she was going to basically sculpt me into one of them?  
  
“So you’re going to be the newbie to our group aren’t you?” she questioned. “I’m calling you Daph by the way. Daph, let me ask you a question. What the hell are you wearing?”  
  
I looked down at my outfit and shrugged. “Uhm…clothes.”  
  
“Mhmm…ugly ones. Today it’s ok, but I’m taking you shopping after school.”  
  
“I don’t have money…”  
  
“You’ll pay me back. Now, your hair. It’s ok for the most part. You could style it a bit better but right now it’s fine.”  
  
Frank laughed quietly from the ledge where he was sitting and Gloria walked right over to him and slapped his arm. “Quit giggling. I could say a few things about your outfit of the day too.”  
  
“What’s wrong with it?” he demanded.  
  
“All wrong dear, but that’s all I’m saying. Learn from your mistakes.”  
  
“But-“  
  
She marched back over and grabbed my hand. “Let me at least fix your makeup for the day. Girls washroom so Mr. ‘I can’t coordinate colours’ can’t get us.”  
  
I giggled and covered my mouth as Frank flashed me a slight glare.  
  
“Stop glaring, Frank, you’ll get wrinkles,” Gloria said as she pulled me along.  
  
“I wasn’t- Gloria,” he called after us.  
  
“Ignore him,” she told me in a singsong voice.  
  
Maybe I should be idolizing Gloria instead…  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
“So you’re the girl Bob always made fun of as ‘the locker girl’, right?” Gloria giggled as she put eyeliner on me.  
  
“Yeah, that’d be me,” I answered shyly from my seat on the counter in the girls washroom.  
  
“We apologize on behalf of him. He’s a real douche sometimes. What drove you to talking to Frankie at random?”  
  
“He seemed nice I guess.”  
  
“I’m not going to lie to you. It’s not like me to lie to fellow students. You’re definitely the opposite of our gang.”  
  
“I know,” I blushed.  
  
“That’s ok though,” she smiled. “You’ll fit in, in no time. You won’t have a choice if you start hanging out with us. We’ll sculpt you into one of us. Gerard’s good at art after all.”  
  
“Is Gerard nice too?”  
  
“Sure… I sort of have a thing for him though, so don’t you start crushing on him!”  
  
“Ok,” I smiled.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
By the time the bell rang I was looking at myself in the mirror. A different image of me but definitely still Daphne Taylor.  
  
“Well?” Gloria prompted as she motioned with her hand for a response. “You like? You don’t like? Reaction is what I’m looking for Daph!”  
  
“I look…different. I like it though.”  
  
“You better! That’s how I do my makeup everyday! Come show Frankie before he goes to class.”  
  
I nodded and followed her out of the washroom where we were met with the noisy sounds of the hall again. Everyone was heading to class now, but not Gloria’s gang. They always went to class late. I guess I’d be late for class today too.  
  
“Hi, Gerard,” Gloria smiled to her crush who sat in his usual spot on the floor next to Mikey.  
  
I giggled quietly as Mikey nudged his older brother in the side to get him to respond to the girl who just aid hi. He looked stunned.  
  
“H-hi Gloria,” Gerard finally replied with a tiny smile. “How are you?”  
  
“Good, and you?”  
  
“Fine.”  
  
I stood awkwardly where I was as Gloria flirted with Gerard some more. Finally I was noticed by someone else though as Bob looked up and stared at me for a moment.  
  
“Frank, who the hell’s this?” he questioned.  
  
Frank looked up from a notebook he was looking over and looked to Bob before resting his eyes on me. “Well now that’s a change isn’t it?” he grinned, eyeing me up and down. “Gloria you did a good job.”  
  
Gloria finally stopped talking to Gerard and slung an arm around my shoulders. “I did, didn’t I? Did you have doubt in me?”  
  
“Of course not. I never do.”  
  
“Daphne told me she likes the change.”  
  
“Who’s Daphne?” Bob demanded as he got up and brushed off his pants from sitting on the floor so long.  
  
“’Locker girl’,” I answered with a smirk. “You know…the one who hovered over your head trying to get her locker open…”  
  
“Shit. Locker girl! What happened to you?”  
  
“I worked my magic,” Gloria sighed proudly as she fixed her hair and walked over to Gerard again who had a grin on his face now.  
  
“Damn good job since it’s just her makeup you fixed,” Bob nodded, suddenly standing closer to me. “What grade are you in?  
  
“Twelve,” I answered, sounding a lot more nervous than I wanted. “I’m actually in your bio class.”  
  
“No kidding. Shit. I never noticed.”  
  
“You don’t notice much,” Frank cut in suddenly. “Go to class Bob.”  
  
I don’t know what it is about Frank that makes everyone around him listen, but Bob shrugged and headed in the direction of his first class like he was summoned to it. When he was gone Frank turned his attention back to me. “Looking good Daphne. It’s a start. Why don’t you come and sit with us at lunch today?”  
  
“Really!?”  
  
“If you piss your pants, you’re out.”  
  
I giggled. I’m pretty sure that’s going to be ‘our’ joke now. He always says that when I get too excited.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
After school I was in Gloria’s car. If you want to get technical though, it was her parents car that she had borrowed that day to get to school. Gerard was shotgun and I was sitting in the back next to Mikey who had tagged along too and was staring at me oddly.  
  
“You know…” he finally said, “people are deceived by my geeky looks at school. I’m actually quite masculine. Sort of like a superhero. At school I’m the nerd and out on the streets I’m a god.”  
  
“Oh shut the hell up, Mikey,” Gloria burst out laughing. “Daph ignore him. He’s always trying to hit on girls. He sucks at it though.”  
  
“He doesn’t have my charm,” Gerard added as he looked back at Mikey with a grin. “Huh Mikey? No charm?”  
  
“Shove it,” Mikey glared before turning back to me. “So guess what happened to me today.”  
  
”Uhm, what?” I questioned with a small smile that I couldn’t contain.  
  
“I lost my phone.”  
  
“It’s ‘I lost my number’, moron,” Gerard sighed with a shake of his head. “You’re embarrassing me.”  
  
“Right,” Mikey quickly responded. “I meant that! Daph, so there I was, you know…standing there in that deserted hallway, and I lost my number…telephone number that is. So I was thinking, can I have yours?”  
  
“Oh my god,” Gloria droned. “Mikey just give up. You suck.”  
  
“I do not! That was a good one!”  
  
“Maybe if you actually said it right on your first try,” Gerard muttered.  
  
I started laughing. I started laughing hard until my whole face must’ve been completely red. I couldn’t help it though.  
  
“At least Daph appreciates my efforts,” Mikey announced. “Maybe I’m meant to be a comedian rather than a super-stud.”  
  
“Or just a complete failure at everything,” Gloria replied slyly.  
  
“I can’t believe I put up with you,” Mikey huffed as he shook his head. “I have to put up with all of you every single day and this is the thanks I get.”  
  
“Yes, you have to put up with _us_ ,” Gerard smirked. “I’m so sure it’s not the other way around.”  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
My trip at the mall ended up being quite eventful as Gloria was continuously throwing clothes at me to try on with comments like, ‘this will bring out your eyes a lot,’ and ‘you’ll look amazing in this, put it on’.  
  
We spent a good couple hours shopping for clothes as Mikey and Gerard spent the two hours in a comic book shop. I have no idea how they could spend so much time in there, but they did.  
  
“Gloria, you’re spending so much money,” I cringed when I saw the total price at the last store we were at. “I won’t be able to get you the full amount back for awhile!”  
  
“It’s fine,’ she replied. “It’s my parents money, not mine. I’ll sweet talk them like I always do when I go shopping for myself. They always fall for the bullshit I tell them. I’m their little princess.”  
  
“Oh… If you’re sure…”  
  
“Positive. Now, lets go find my future hubby and his brother.”  
  
“I hope you mean Gerard when you say hubby. I can’t see you marrying Mikey.”  
  
She giggled and handed me the bag of clothes. “I did mean Gerard, Miss. Cheeky.”  
  
“Do you think Frank will like my new outfits?”  
  
She eyed me sceptically and then smiled. “Yeah. Sure he will. You looked hot in the outfits you tried on.”  
  
I pursed my lips together in a smile and shrugged shyly. “Thank you.”  
  
“Gah, but do me one favour!”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Loosen up! You’re so shy! If there’s one thing our group isn’t then it’s shy! You can look the look, now work on being more outgoing. Frank likes when you tease him back…”  
  
Why did she say ‘Frank’? Does she suspect…? Oh no. “Oh.”  
  
“Mhmm. Well, lets go find Gee and Mikey now before they write themselves into a comic.”  
  
“Ok,” I nodded before hurrying out after her.


	4. Chapter 4

I find the perfect sound to come home to everyday, is the sound of my mom’s screechy voice. If I said I meant it, that’d be lying though, because it’s completely untrue. Unfortunately for me though it’s what I get.  
  
“Daphne, where were you?” my mom frowned as she marched into the hallway with a big mixing bowl containing cookie batter. Must be baking day.  
  
“Sorry. A friend took me shopping.”  
  
“You bought all that?”  
  
“Well, she lent me some money…”  
  
“Oh, and how are you going to pay her back? Monopoly money?”  
  
“I’m paying her back in small portions. I’ll save up my allowance or something.”  
  
“Hm. What’s the gunk on your face?”  
  
“Eyeliner… My friend gave me a little makeover today. It was just a joke…”  
  
“Go wash it off before dinner though. Ok?”  
  
Now for the second round. Dad walked out of the kitchen as well. “Who drove you home? I saw a car upfront.”  
  
“A new friend. Gloria. It’s her parents car.”  
  
“There were two others in the car.”  
  
“They were just more friends. I have homework. Can I go work on it?”  
  
“Of course.”  
  
I nodded and then ran up the stairs before there was another chance for questioning. At least they didn’t shine a bright light in my face and blame me for crime!  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
The next day I walked down the hall with confidence. It was one of those days where you wish you had an awesome theme song play when you walked into a room. Just like in the movies. Of course there was no music playing as I walked down the hall, but I did get lots of looks from people who were already there.  
  
I was stopped by Jamie who stared at me for a few seconds before talking. “What the hell is this?”  
  
“What’s what?” I replied, trying to handle the situation like Gloria might.  
  
“What’s what? Your outfit, the makeup…”  
  
“A change?”  
  
“Since when?”  
  
“Since I went shopping with Gloria Glassen yesterday. It was fun.”  
  
“Is this supposed to be your little plan to get closer to Frank? It’ll never work. You’re hardly his type, Daphne! You’re going to get screwed over!”  
  
“Maybe it’s not about Frank,” I argued as my face grew warm. “Maybe I just think they’d be good friends! Maybe even better friends than you!”  
  
”What’s that supposed to mean?”  
  
“Like I don’t know you talk behind my back. I’m a pushover, not stupid! And I’m not even a pushover anymore, because you know what? I already learned something during the past week from Frank, and Gloria told me the same thing yesterday, and that’s to say ‘fuck the world’ when you’re mad! I’m mad at _you_ , so I guess that must translate to ‘fuck _you_ ’. You’re so fake.”  
  
I slightly shook from the amount of emotion I’d shown. I never in my life stood up to anyone before, and now I did. Jamie didn’t seem very proud of me though.  
  
“Fine, ok. I do talk behind your back, because you’re a freak and if you go hang out with those morons, do you know how much more of a freak you’re going to be? You won’t fit it. Not at all. You’ll just pretend you do, but you’re not meant to be one of them.”  
  
“I’m meant to be who I want to be,” I argued, though I knew if I kept this up I’d only end up in embarrassing tears.  
  
“They probably don’t even want you there!”  
  
“Daphne, aren’t you coming?” a voice questioned from the side of me.  
  
I looked over to find Frank leaning back against the wall watching us. How long had he been watching? I hadn’t noticed him there.  
  
“I d-d-“ I stuttered.  
  
“Piss off, Frank,” Jamie suddenly cut in.  
  
“Bite me, Jamie,” he glared back. “Go choke on cock.”  
  
“Well you can be sure it won’t be yours,” she snapped back before turning to leave.  
  
I stared at Frank again after witnessing the little quarrel between them. I didn’t know they hated each other so much…or even knew each other. “Th-thanks,” I ended up mumbling.  
  
His eyes looked up to meet mine after having stared at the floor when Jamie stormed off. “No problem. Looks like you learned to stand up for yourself a bit though. That’s good to see. You’ve improved a lot in only a week. Style and even attitude. I came over to see if you wanted to come hang out with the gang today.”  
  
“Uhm, yeah,” I weakly smiled. “Yeah, that’d be…uhm…cool.”  
  
He nodded and then began walking down to the opposite end of the hall where he always sat. I quickly rushed after him, which proved to feel a little odd since my shoes were practically boots, and brand new. Basically…just shoes I wasn’t used to wearing sums it up nicely.  
  
“Soooo,” I started, “I didn’t know you knew Jamie.”  
  
“Yeah,” he mumbled.  
  
“She never mentioned being friends with you.”  
  
“That’s probably because she’s not a friend. I don’t like her.”  
  
“Oh. What happened?”  
  
“Listen, did you want to hang out with us today? Or are you just planning on interrogating me? If you are then –“  
  
“I’m not! Sorry!”  
  
He sighed heavily as if he was already exhausted by my presence, but didn’t shoo me away. Instead we reached the gang who all acknowledged my presence in some form. Some said ‘hey’, some just nodded and someone threw a paper aeroplane at me, which I figured was Mikey considering he was grinning.  
  
Gloria quickly reached up and pulled me down next to her on the floor against the wall where she sat beside Gerard. Frank sat on the ledge with some other girl from the gang and they talked quietly to each other as if in a different world. I couldn’t help but feel a little jealous. I didn’t want him to get a girlfriend, because as I understood it right now, he was single.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
During spares and at lunch I got to know the gang some more. They all became a little more open at lunch and started to include me in conversations, but what puzzled me was how tense Frank seemed that day. Gloria caught me in the act of staring at him and called me out on it in a whisper.  
  
“What ya staring at, Daphy?”  
  
“Is he ok?” I asked quietly as the rest of the gang was preoccupied with Bob’s loud speech about how his mother did in fact _not_ pack his lunch. I turned my attention back to Frank who was gazing out the window in his own little world.  
  
“Oh, he’s just having an ‘off’ day,” she answered me after a moment. “He’ll be fine.”  
  
I nodded and when no one was really paying attention, I walked over and sat by him. “Hi.”  
  
“Yeah?” he replied without breaking his gaze from the many buildings seen out the window.  
  
“Just…felt like saying hi I guess. You’re…uh, quiet today.”  
  
“I’ve got a headache,” he shrugged.  
  
“Oh, did you want something? I think I have advil…”  
  
“I’m fine.”  
  
“Ok. It’s pretty nice out today,” I smiled.  
  
“And?”  
  
“I don’t know. Did you want to go have a cigarette?”  
  
“Do you have any?”  
  
“No,” I blushed, thinking he’d just offer me one.  
  
“So what’re you going to do? Just watch me? I’ll pass.”  
  
I quickly got up and sat down by Gloria again, wishing I could disappear. I might’ve gained points with the rest of the gang, but it was quite apparent I was losing points with Frank on this particular day.  
  
It wasn’t a moment later after I sat down that Gloria rummaged around in her purse and then gave me a cigarette. “Go back,” she said firmly to me. “Go back and tell him to quit being such a fucking prick.”  
  
My eyes grew wide. How was I supposed to just go up to him and insult him, expecting him to go outside with me after?  
  
“Go,” she said again with a swift slap to my leg.  
  
I quickly got up and wobbled over to Frank who didn’t seem very happy that I had returned.  
  
“What now, Daphne?”  
  
I held up the cigarette and swallowed. “I got a cigarette. Qu-quit being a prick and come s-smoke with m-me.”  
  
He cocked an eyebrow and then looked to Gloria who giggled in return and waved to him. “Alright,” he grumbled as he got up and walked with me to the stairs.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
We smoked in silence for awhile, aside from the other people outside and the cars that passed by on the street. “Do you have any siblings?” I asked finally as I flicked ashes onto the ground.  
  
“Yeah. A sister. Nikki.”  
  
“Older? Younger?”  
  
“Older. She’s twenty-one. How about you?”  
  
“Just my younger brother. Mitch. He’s fourteen.”  
  
“Does he go here?”  
  
“No. He goes to a fucking private school. My parents worship his brains or something. They only want the best education for him.”  
  
“So, are you stupid then or something that they don’t want to harvest _your_ brains?”  
  
“I’m not stupid. I just don’t get straight ‘A+’s.”  
  
“And he does?”  
  
“For the most part.”  
  
“Christ, that’s a gift. Did they think about sending _you_ to a private school?”  
  
“I had more of a choice than him. I didn’t want to have to dress in that stupid uniform he has to wear though, so I chose here.”  
  
“Good choice,” he grinned. I was gaining points back!  
  
“So what about your sister? What’s she like?”  
  
“Do we have English next?” he questioned me. He completely avoided the question I asked. I picked up on that.  
  
“Yeah. So-“  
  
“We should go back,” he coughed. “Come on.”  
  
I nodded and followed. Was there something I wasn’t supposed to know about Nikki?


	5. Chapter 5

Three days later I was sitting on Gloria’s bed and painting my nails as she rushed around getting ready for her date with Gerard that night.  
  
“Can you believe he asked me out?” she giggled. “He must really like me if he actually got up the courage to ask me out! He’s so shy sometimes it’s cute!”  
  
I smiled back and nodded. “Yeah. You guys look good together too. Perfect match!”  
  
“You and Frankie look good together,” she hinted my way. “What do you think about him now? He’s sweet, isn’t he?”  
  
“I don’t like him in that way,” I answered untruthfully. “And he’s bittersweet.”  
  
“What!? Why? What did he do now?”  
  
“He barely talks to me when I sit with you guys! He just sits there and stares out the window! Then, when he does talk to me, it’s like he’s being forced to…by, like….you! You always give him one of those looks and he automatically starts talking.”  
  
“Maybe he’s shier than you think,” she winked before walking into her washroom to change outfits.  
  
“He’s hardly shy. Just bittersweet.”  
  
“Oh bullshit,” she called from the washroom in frustration. “Anyway, I never asked you how it went after I sent you out for a smoke with him the other day. How did that go?”  
  
I finished painting a nail before answering. “It was ok. I asked him if he had siblings and then I told him about my brother.”  
  
She looked around the corner at me and smiled. “So you know about Nikki?”  
  
“Not really. All I know is she’s twenty-one.”  
  
“And that he lives with her…”  
  
“He does?”  
  
“Does the boy not tell you anything about himself? I’ve really got to have a talk with him.”  
  
“Can you give me the basics?” I asked hesitantly.  
  
“Alright,” she began as she hopped back into the room as she attempted to put on one of her shoes at the same time. “Frankie’s parents died when he was fifteen. There’s no point bringing the subject up with him, because he’s just gonna shrug you away, so try not to even mention it unless he tells you first. After their death, he moved in with his grandparents. Things were ok for awhile, but then turned bad. It’s only this year he moved in with his sister, Nikki, in a little apartment and that’s where he’s been ever since. That’s all I’m sayin’. It’s his life to tell you when he wants.”  
  
I was in a bit of a shock. I had no idea his parents passed away. I didn’t know any of these things about him. I guess I always assumed he had this perfect life with amazing parents who let him live the way he wanted. “But why wouldn’t he say anything about Nikki after I told him about Mitch?” I finally asked.  
  
“Nikki’s a model.”  
  
“What’s wrong with that?”  
  
“Well, she likes to call herself a model at least. She’s only ever done one nude pinup in a guy magazine. That’s not what he won’t talk about though. Nikki’s…uh…well, she ‘works’ the streets, ya know?”  
  
“Seriously?”  
  
“Yeah. She claims to make a lot of money that way, and Frankie’s not one to stop her because he’s one to talk.”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“I’m not sayin’ nothin’ else,” she squeaked before rushing back into the washroom. “Don’t ask me, Daph!”  
  
“But what do you mean he’s one to talk? Is he some male whore or something?”  
  
“Hell no,” she squeaked again. “Listen, I said nothing’. If you let on that you know anything’ other than what he’s told you, then you can consider this forming friendship over between you and me.”  
  
“I won’t say anything,” I replied quickly as I sunk back on the bed again, trying to piece together bits of information I’d now been told. “How did his parents die?” I asked after awhile, hoping she’d still give me that detail.  
  
“A car accident,” she said quietly before sitting next to me on the bed. “It was a tragedy.”  
  
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In English class the next week on Monday I watched Frank from behind. He sat at the desk in front of me now and I’ve noticed how much he seems to like English class. In fact, I’m pretty sure him and I are the only two who really pay attention to our teacher for tips in writing. I’m also in awe of him today. Now that I have a brief idea about what his life’s been like to date, I want to know how he stays so together, and strong.  
  
“Frank,” I whispered. “Can I borrow a pen?” What I really wanted was an excuse to talk to him right now.  
  
He turned around after a moment and tossed a pen onto my desk without a second glance at me. I frowned and then tapped him on the shoulder. He turned around again and raised an eyebrow, awaiting my explanation that I was scrambling to find in my brain.  
  
“Do you have a car…here?”  
  
“Yeah…”  
  
“C-can I get a ride after school…maybe?”  
  
“Bus is too good for you?”  
  
“No, I mean, I need to be dropped off at the mall… I need to get something, and I don’t know the bus route to get there.”  
  
“We have computers in this school you know. You could figure out the route.”  
  
I gave up and sighed. “Ok. Yeah. You’re right.”  
  
“But I’ll drive you,” he grinned. “Meet me at the back doors after school.”  
  
“Thanks!”  
  
“Sure.”  
  
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Of course I rushed to the back doors after school to find Frank sitting on top of one of the picnic tables talking to that same girl from the gang the other day. This time he was writing something down in this notebook as she told him something. He carries that book everywhere with him, and I don’t know what it is. Then again, I didn’t even know his parents died, so why would I know what some silly notebook of his was about? He nodded and then put the notebook away before she got up and kissed his cheek quickly. Within a split second she was gone and he was staring at me.  
  
I walked over hesitantly and he didn’t budge until I was right in front of him. “Your girlfriend?” I questioned.  
  
“Is this some obsession you have with me?” he teased back. “No, that wasn’t my girlfriend. Just a good friend.”  
  
“Oh. Well sorry, I just get curious! What was that book you had?”  
  
“That’d be none of your business Miss. Piss-pants. Did you still want a ride or what?”  
  
“I’m not the one still just sitting there like a rock,” I teased back.  
  
He grinned and nodded. “Touché.”  
  
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“How’s your essay for that scholarship coming along?” I asked as we walked toward the street.  
  
“I haven’t started it yet,” he weakly laughed as he took his car keys out and stopped at a car that I hardly thought would be his. I don’t know what kind of car it is, since I really don’t know cars at all. All I know is that it was red, kind of beaten up and badly in need of a wash. I guess I always thought he’d drive this really cool car that got everyone’s attention when he drove down the street. I was wrong again.  
  
“Oh,” I mumbled as he unlocked his door and got in before unlocking mine too. I got in feeling a little hesitant now that I had asked him for a ride. What if he was a really bad driver? I’m used to thinking he’s an amazing driver, but since I seem to be wrong about everything else about him, what would be so different about this situation? “Do you have a license?” I questioned without thinking as I buckled up.  
  
“No shit. Yes I have a fucking license.”  
  
“Sorry,” I squeaked. “That was a stupid question.” I awaited for him to tell me off some more, but instead I heard laughter and looked over to see him smiling.  
  
“Whatever. So we’re going to the mall, right?”  
  
“If that’s ok…”  
  
“If it wasn’t, you wouldn’t be in my car right now. What’s at the mall anyway?”  
  
“I need…uhm…a new… I just want to look around.”  
  
He shook his head and then pulled away from the curb. “You’re a weird one Daphne. But we’re all fucked in the head in this world aren’t we?”  
  
“Sure…”  
  
“Yeah,” he sighed wearily as he ran a hand over his face. “All fucked up alright.”  
  
“Are you ok?”  
  
“Yeah. Fine. Why?”  
  
“You look tired. That’s all.”  
  
“Yeah, well that’s what you get when you don’t sleep. I was out all night last night.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“It doesn’t matter. Do you have a ride home after you’re done shopping?”  
  
Why did he always refuse to answer my questions!? It was getting annoying. “No, I don’t. I was just going to call home. Maybe one of my parents can pick me up.”  
  
“I have an errand to run somewhere. It won’t take that long. If you’re not planning on shopping for hours I can pick you up on my way back.”  
  
“That’d be great. Thanks!”  
  
“Uh-huh. Alright. Give me your phone.”  
  
I took my cell phone out of my purse hesitantly. “What do you need it for?”  
  
“I have to give you my number obviously. Use those so-called brains you have.”  
  
“Right,” I nodded as I handed it over. “Can I have your phone then? So then you’ll have _my_ number?”  
  
“It’s in my right pocket.”  
  
Did he just tell me to reach into his friggen pocket? “So, you want me to…get it?”  
  
“Would you rather me crash the car? Yes, get it.”  
  
I shifted a bit closer and reached into his pocket slowly, feeling my heart rate increase just a tad. Was it wrong I was so excited about this? I mean, for months now he’s been like my idol after all. I got his cell phone and quickly added my number. We exchanged again so I had my own phone back and he slipped his back into his pocket.  
  
“Great, buddies for life now,” he grinned teasingly.  
  
I blushed lightly and giggled. “Buddies for life.”  
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Naturally I became bored quickly at the mall, having no reason to actually be there. I had just been shopping the other day, and I’m not a shopping fanatic. Instead of actually looking at anything I just got an ice cream and sat down on a bench. Frank told me his errand wouldn’t take long, but I had been sitting at the same bench now for over an hour.  
  
When an hour turned into two I took out my cell and called his, only to get no answer. By 5:30 my mom called wondering where I was and I just told her I was with some friends at the mall. Thankfully she told me that was fine so long as I got my homework finished.  
  
It was 6:00 when I called Frank again, and he picked up after a few rings.  
  
“What?” he giggled.  
  
“Hi-uhm, Frank. Are you almost done that errand?”  
  
I heard lots of noise in the background and then him laughing again. “What?”  
  
“You said you had to run a quick errand. Are you done? Should I call someone else for a ride home?”  
  
“’Piss-pants’?”  
  
“What’s wrong with you?”  
  
“What’s wrong with _you_?” he snickered back. “I gotta go. Lateeeerrrr.”  
  
Just like that he hung up and I was temporarily stranded at the mall.


	6. Chapter 6

As it has been witnessed before, I’m not a very angry person. It takes a lot to make me mad, and I was pretty ticked off at Frank the next day. Not necessarily ‘mad’, but still fairly annoyed to the point that I didn’t even bother sitting with them in the morning. Of course this caught Gloria’s attention, since her and I are always blabbing on about something.  
  
“Daphy, come sit down,” she shouted all the way down the hall to me without any sort of hesitation.  
  
“That’s what I’m doing,” I shouted back before covering my mouth quickly when a passer-by gave me a dirty look.  
  
“Daphne, if you don’t come over she’s just going to keep shouting at you,” Frank called, and even from far away I could sense he was grinning.  
  
I didn’t answer him and just took out my bio book to study for a bit. That was until I felt someone staring at me. I looked up to of course find Mikey standing there like a statue with his eyes frozen on my chest. What a horny kid. I rolled my eyes before talking. “What?”  
  
His eyes flickered up and he grinned. “’God’ has sent me to find out what’s wrong with you,” he explained while motioning back toward the gang. “He summons you.”  
  
It was obviously a joke but I wasn’t in a joking sort of mood. “Tell him he can shove it.”  
  
“Are you kidding? And get myself a black eye? I don’t think so. Just come back with me. We can hold hands if you want! Maybe it’ll you know…make you look cooler…”  
  
“Mikey, please.”  
  
“Fine then, but you _know_ you want me.”  
  
He turned and left and a minute later Gloria was sitting beside me. “You owe me. I haven’t sat in this part of the hall for over two years now. So what’s your problem today?” She snapped her gum and waited for a response that I didn’t really want to give.  
  
“I’m just…not so happy with Frank.”  
  
“Tell me about it.”  
  
“He left me stranded at the mall yesterday after he drove me there and said he’d pick me up awhile later.”  
  
“He ditched you? I hate to break it to you, but that’s not really like him. If he didn’t come get you then he probably has a good reason.”  
  
“Being high is a good reason to ditch your frien- I mean, passenger?”  
  
“Oh,” she frowned. “Uhm, well maybe he has a reason for getting high.”  
  
“And that would be?”  
  
“Daph, give him a break, people _do_ mess up now and then ya know.”  
  
“I’m staying pissed off today, thanks,” I answered before getting up and walking briskly down the hall to the stairs where I passed by the whole gang and didn’t even bother looking at Frank who I knew was looking at me.  
  
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It was five minute break between classes in the afternoon and I had English next. I was at my locker retrieving the novel we were reading and before I could close my locker someone slammed it shut from behind me. Needless to say I jumped and quickly turned around to be face to face with Frank.  
  
“Gloria told me you’re mad at me,” he said casually.  
  
“Not mad,” I muttered before trying to walk passed him, only to have him pull me back gently by my arm.  
  
“Whoa, whoa, you need to know two important things about me. First of all I hate when people lie to me like you just did, and secondly I can’t stand it when one of my friends is mad at me.”  
  
He said ‘friend’. I think my heart fluttered a little and I had to struggle not to smile.  
  
“Are you going to tell me why you had Mikey come over telling me that you said ‘shove it’?”  
  
“I thought it was obvious,” I answered quietly. I was beyond nervous right now. I think I even shook slightly.  
  
“Refresh my memory.”  
  
“You didn’t pick me up at the mall yesterday like you said you would,” I explained quickly. “I waited hours there for you to answer your cell, and when you did you didn’t even know who I was until the end of the brief conversation. So I had to call my mom to pick me up after having told her I was with friends who’d take me home.”  
  
“Oh,” he mumbled. At least he was feeling bad for it now! “Look, it was a crazy mix up and…”  
  
“You decided getting high over picking me up was more important.”  
  
“It’s not like that Daphne.”  
  
“So-“  
  
“Annnd, before you go and ask me ‘how it is’, I’m going to tell you to stop. I did something stupid, ok? I said I’d pick you up and I didn’t, so I was at fault. I apologize. I acted like a moron. Lets leave it at that.”  
  
I knew that’s the best I would get so sighed quietly and nodded. “Ok.”  
  
“We’re good?” he grinned.  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Awesome,” he smiled before pecking my cheek. I think I almost died right there and then, but he tugged me to a walk toward our classroom before I had the chance to.  
  
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Before I knew it, another week had past by. Time spent with them always seems to fly. They’re always having fun it seems. Their idea of fun might pertain to alcohol and drugs on wicked party weekends that I had yet to be invited to, but during school they were just a goofy bunch who liked to joke around. Why I had ever been intimidated by them I’ll never know. I’m never forced into anything. Not physically at least. Being a pushover though I say ‘yes’ too much and ‘no’ too little. I think everyone has that problem in the gang though. Especially when it comes to saying ‘no’ to Frank. It’s nearly impossible. I’ve tried. I tried during the past week a couple times.  
  
On Tuesday I couldn’t say no to ditching English with him to go for a random drive because he said he’d be bored going alone. Then on Friday night after already lying to my mother that I was staying at Jamie’s house to study for a test, I couldn’t say no to trespassing into the park after hours. Then again trespass into the park’s pool to swim. Majority of the gang came since it was Frank who’d called them up and told them to come. The water had been extremely cold since it’s nearing the end of September now, and the pool was closed because they were going to be draining the water soon. That didn’t stop us from swimming though, and I couldn’t very well say no to leaving. There had been drinking involved of course, but I managed to avoid that unlike Mikey who was completely plastered by the time the cops showed up. We all managed to escape however, and thinking back to it now I don’t even know how we pulled it off without even one person getting caught.  
  
“Alright, now listen,” Gloria said to the entire group in the hall at lunch. No one really even looked up though and Gloria frowned. “Frankie, make them listen.”  
  
Frank laughed a little and then told everyone to shut up.  
  
“Right,” Gloria continued. “I wanted to tell you guys, because you all know you’re my adopted family. Gerard and I…we’re dating!”  
  
“Is that all….?” Ray spoke up first.  
  
“What do you mean ‘is that all’,” she shrieked back in response. “It’s a big deal!”  
  
“So when’s the wedding, Glore?” Frank joked with a grin.  
  
“You know, you all have problems. You just don’t know what love is.” With her speech in place she sat down again next to Gerard and kissed his cheek causing him to blush lightly since we were all staring.  
  
“I for one am happy for you both,” I announced from my seat across from them.  
  
“Thank you,” I heard Gloria say loud and proud as Gerard just mumbled shyly.  
  
“Hey, Frankie, you approve of Gloria dating ‘Bat-Boy’?” Bob smirked.  
  
“Aye,” Frank nodded back before smiling at Gloria. “I’ve raised me daughter to be a fine young lady and she hooked a fine young lad.”  
  
Gloria blushed and giggled at him, and I just plain started laughing at his stupid attempted pirate voice, but then I stopped. “Frank? How come I can’t call you ‘Frankie’ like everyone else?”  
  
“Do you want to call me Frankie?” he replied with a faint smile still on his face.  
  
“Well if everyone else does and I don’t, then I’m still like ‘the loser’ of the group aren’t I?”  
  
“Call me Frankie then.”  
  
“But you’ll still always be the loser of the group,” Bob teased.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
By the time Friday rolled around I was ready for the weekend after having had two tests that week that I had been studying for like mad, and having assignments due left and right. Besides, tonight was the concert and I was looking forward to the idea of going with my whole new group of friends.  
  
I yawned during English class almost in a pattern. The period was dedicated for just working on our essays for the novel we’d just finished reading and I was having a severe case of writers block. That, and I couldn’t stop staring at Frank’s boxers that were just slightly showing since his jeans were so low on his hips. Suddenly he leaned back in his chair, balancing it on the back two legs and holding onto the table in front of him so he wouldn’t fall. “Hey, Daph, do you need a ride tonight?”  
  
“Yeah,” I answered quickly. “I actually didn’t know how I was getting there yet. A ride would be great.”  
  
“Sweet. I’ll pick you up at around 6:30.”  
  
“Isn’t that a little early? Doesn’t it start at 8:30 or something?”  
  
“Yeah, but I have to pick some shit up for Glore’s party tonight. Which you’re coming to, right?”  
  
“I…guess?”  
  
“You are. Her parents are out of town. As if they fucking trust her with the house, huh? A whole weekend!”  
  
“She told me they treat her like their little princess.”  
  
“For sure. Anyway, you’re coming. We’re all just going to crash there tonight, so bring a sleeping bag or something. You can just keep it in the trunk of my car until we get to her place.”  
  
“Uhm, ok. What do you have to pick up for the party?”  
  
“Booze, and a bunch of junk, I don’t know. Why do you ask so many questions? Bitch.”  
  
I should be offended by the name, but that’s how they teased each other in the group. Apparently calling each other offensive words was a way of affection. What I should be feeling was flattery, and I sort of did… “Seriously though, where are we going?”  
  
“I have some business I have to attend to, alright?”  
  
“What kind of business?”  
  
“Is that any of your concern?”  
  
“It is when I’m in the same car as you and don’t know what you’re doing…moron…”  
  
“Maybe my business is stopping to take a leak.”  
  
“You go by a schedule?”  
  
“Maybe I do. Got a problem with it?”  
  
I laughed and pushed him forward so the chair landed back down on all four legs with a thud. He automatically got up and flipped his chair around before straddling it and sitting back down with his arms folded on my desk in front of me. He rest his chin on top of his folded arms and stared at what I was writing.  
  
“What are you doing?” I giggled quietly.  
  
“Just watching,” he mumbled.  
  
“Why? Nothing better to do over at your own desk?”  
  
“I’m done the essay.”  
  
“How the fuck did you manage that? We just got it yesterday!”  
  
“I’m pure brilliance is all. Damn I’m bored now. I still have goddamn forty-five minutes to kill too.”  
  
I looked up to see the boy who sits next to Frank trying to be subtle as he leaned back a bit to listen to us. Without looking Frank reached out and slapped the back of the guy’s head sending him forward again.  
  
I burst out laughing and this caught our teachers attention. “Mr. Iero? Please face forward.”  
  
“Naw, I’m good,” Frank answered.  
  
“Mr. Iero.”  
  
“What’s up, teach?”  
  
“How do you expect to finish your paper sitting backwards?”  
  
“It’s done. I’m just helping Daphne write her own. She was confused about the middle portion of the novel so I’m giving her my opinion.”  
  
Sadly, our teacher seemed content with the answer and went back to marking papers.  
  
“I’m bored,” Frank whined to me again. “Daph, come skip with me. We’ll go for a drive or something.”  
  
“I really have to finish my paper though.”  
  
“Do it over the weekend.”  
  
”But-“  
  
“I’ll help you.”  
  
“I-uhm…well…ok. Alright.”  
  
As if on cue Mikey appeared in the door’s window waving like a maniac and smiling big.  
  
“Ah, perfect timing,” Frank laughed quietly as he got up and grabbed his binder. “Lets go, Daphers.”  
  
We headed to the door and were almost there before our teacher stopped us both. “Mr. Iero, again, what are you doing?”  
  
“Well since I’m done that essay I thought I’d dig into that scholarship paper. You know, the one you said I’d be great for?”  
  
“Ah, yes. Good idea. However, why is Miss. Taylor leaving with you?”  
  
“I don’t know,” he grinned at me. “Why _are_ you following me Daphne?”  
  
Was this supposed to be some sort of test? If it was, I was freaking out. He wouldn’t leave me hanging! What was I supposed to say!? “Well. You see… So…” I was brutally murdering this. There was no way I could make this work.  
  
“Daphne and I tend to work well together, sir,” Frank finally cut in. “She always gives me fantastic ideas for themes and always proofreads my work. Don’t-cha, Daph?”  
  
“Y-yeah. All the time.”  
  
“Very well,” our teacher nodded. “You may both go to the library. Straight to the library though.”  
  
“Thank you,” we both smiled before exiting the room. I caught a glimpse of Jamie as we walked out the door. I almost started laughing at the face she made. I think she was stunned that she was wrong about me fitting in. I think I was fitting in just fine. At least that’s what I kept telling myself.


	7. Chapter 7

After exiting our English classroom, Frank grabbed Mikey by the arm and dragged him halfway down the hall before talking, or letting Mikey even talk. “How do you manage to sneak out of class so fast, you runt?”  
  
“Teachers look at me in my glasses and automatically think ‘genius’?” he shrugged. “I’m cute. Teachers adore the hell outta me.” He paused for a moment and then craned his neck to look at me. “Heeeeeeey Daphne. How’s it going?”  
  
“For fuck sake you little runt, keep it in your pants,” Frank teased. “Daphne’s not interested in you.”  
  
“How do you know that!? She laughs at me!”  
  
“Because you look weird.”  
  
“That’s not it! Daphne, come on, you’re crazy for me! Tell his majesty the news of our recent romantic excursion to the Bahamas where we lathered each other in sunscreen.”  
  
“I really have to talk to your brother about fixing that loose screw in your head.”  
  
I giggled all the way to the back doors as a result of this brief conversation.  
  
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“So what are we going to do now?” I sighed as we stood around Frank’s car.  
  
“Frankie, lets go to your place,” Mikey smiled widely as he clapped his hands together. “I fucking love your place.”  
  
“Shut the hell up,” Frank laughed lightly in return as he lit a cigarette. “We don’t need to go there.”  
  
“But I love it!”  
  
“Who the hell knows if Nikki’s fucking some guy’s brains out! We’d probably walk right in on that disturbing scene.”  
  
“All the more reason!”  
  
I guess what Gloria told me about Nikki was proving to be true.  
  
“Dude,” Mikey laughed, “you should get your sister a leash, huh?”  
  
To this I watched Frank glare in all seriousness. “You shut up about my sister, you got that, runt? Nikki’s a good girl.”  
  
Mikey’s mouth opened and closed a few times, trying desperately to find something to say that would ease the tension a bit.  
  
“Does Nikki work?” I asked, which seemed to relieve Mikey as he hunched over a bit and sighed.  
  
Frank blew smoke right in my face before answering. “Yeah. She does. Two jobs.”  
  
“Those are…?”  
  
“She works at a clothing store at the mall.”  
  
“Say the other,” Mikey smirked.  
  
Frank seemed to hesitate and I already knew why. I just wanted what Gloria said; him to tell me about his life instead of herself. “Alright, she’s a fucking hooker, ok?”  
  
“Prostitute,” I corrected quietly.  
  
“Right. That. Call it whatever the fuck you want. Call her a slut if you want. It’s what she acts like when she’s on the job. But she’s not just that. She’s going to be a famous model one day too. She’s got the looks for it. Since she was a kid she’s wanted to model and I think she can do it. Don’t judge her Daphne. You don’t know her. I think you’d like her if you got to know her, she’s cool, ya know? You’d get along for sure.”  
  
“She _is_ cool,” Mikey agreed with a nod. “Cool, really funny, and so fuckable gorgeous.”  
  
Again Frank glared at him. “I swear Mikey…I’ll kick your ass.”  
  
“Don’t you ever get scared for her?” I questioned quietly as I played all this over in my head.  
  
“Huh?” Frank responded before taking another drag of his cigarette.  
  
“I mean what if she gets a disease sort of thing…”  
  
“It’s her choice what she does with her body. I’m in no place to tell her what she’s doing is wrong. Even if I did she wouldn’t listen to me anyway. If it’s what she wants to do, then she’s going to do it. The only thing I can do, is give her support. So I do, and she does the same for me.”  
  
“Wow,” I smiled. “You seem to be one hell of a great brother.”  
  
He smiled back and then flicked his cigarette to the ground. “Lets go.”  
  
“To your place?” Mikey giggled as we all got into the car.  
  
Frank sighed as if contemplating his decision, and then looked into the review mirror to see me. “What do you think, Daph? Did you want to come to my place? Maybe meet Nikki? I already apologize in advance if she’s with someone. I never know when she’s gonna drag some guy home. I’ve even walked into a couple scenes when they’re in the living room.”  
  
“Oh man I hope we walk in on that,” Mikey practically drooled.  
  
“You’re such a hormonal boy, Mikey,” I commented with a small laugh before looking at Frank in the review mirror. “Yes. I’d like to meet Nikki.”  
  
He seemed to smile at my answer and then we drove there listening to music along the way.  
  
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It took about ten minutes for us to reach Frank’s place, and when we did I wasn’t too happy with the surroundings. Sure, I’ve seen worse, but this wasn’t all that great either. Odd people were outside the apartment building, but at least the apartment building wasn’t all that bad looking. They always say not to judge by outside appearances though, so what if the inside of the building was run down?  
  
I quickly got out of the car after Mikey tapped on my window wondering why I hadn’t even unbuckled myself yet. Looking passed him I saw Frank already at the front doors to the building and talking to a tough looking man who seemed friendly enough to Frank since he clapped a large hand on Frank’s shoulder and laughed.  
  
“Daphne, you’re slowin’ me down,” Mikey teased me as I finally stumbled out of the car and closed the door.  
  
“S-sorry,” I stuttered slightly before following him to where Frank was still standing and now just waiting for us with an impatient look.  
  
“Damn, Daph, you’re like an old person in a teenaged girl’s body, huh? Took you a good five minutes to get here.”  
  
“It did not,” I retorted with a slight glare.  
  
To my surprise he laughed and then hit a button down on the intercom. A female voice soon answered.  
  
“Hello?”  
  
“Are you wearing clothes?” Frank asked with a frown.  
  
“Yes,” the female voice answered back with a giggle. “It’s safe for you to come up dearest brother of mine. Did you bring me back some of your friends?”  
  
“Yeah, your favourite.”  
  
“Hi, Nikki,” Mikey shouted excitedly as he shoved in front of Frank and grinned like a maniac at the speaker as if it was actually Nikki in front of him. “Did you miss me?”  
  
“Aw, of course Mikey. You know how much I wuv you.”  
  
He grinned again, but this time at me as he pointed to the speaker and then gave me thumbs up. ‘All mine’, he mouthed.  
  
I burst into giggles and Frank pushed Mikey away so he could talk to his sister again. “Buzz us in.”  
  
“Who else did you bring?” Nikki asked slyly. “I heard a girl, Frankie… Is it Daphne?”  
  
How did she know me? Why would she? Did Frank talk about me a lot?  
  
“Yes,” Frank answered hastily, “now buzz us up.”  
  
All I heard were giggles from Nikki before she let us up. It was nice to see that the inside of the apartment building wasn’t all too bad, just like the outside of the building. Sure it wasn’t spotless, but at least it didn’t smell like old gym socks in a locker. Mikey dragged me along with him up a couple flights of stairs and then tugged me around a corner sharply where we then paused in front of a door that Frank was about to open. He peeked in first before sighing in somewhat relief I guess.  
  
I was shoved into the apartment first by Mikey who quickly walked passed me and looked into what I guess was the kitchen. “Well, where is she, Frank?”  
  
I watched as my, with luck, future husband shook his head with a slight smile and slumped down on the couch already lighting up a cigarette, which is what the whole apartment smelled like; cigarettes. I guess that was better than walking in to smell pot…  
  
Frank blew smoke up into the air before calling for his sister. She soon walked out of a room in a skimpy black robe that she seemed to be really comfortable in. She walked over and stopped in front of Mikey, which allowed me to examine her facial features non creepily. Among being petit, she also had the same colour eyes as Frank, the perfect nose, and full lips. I for one really liked the multiple piercings in her ears. I guess her and Frank had that in common; both seemingly into piercings.  
  
I had to hold back laughter at Mikey who was nearly drooling at the girl in front of him. “Nikki, come on,” he whined, “I’ll pay you!”  
  
She laughed and pushed him away lightly before tickling under his chin with her long nails in a playful manner. “You couldn’t afford me.”  
  
“Yes I could,” he scowled. “Try me. How much?”  
  
“It depends on what you want.”  
  
“The whole thing, babe, you know it.”  
  
“Mhmm,” she sighed softly before pausing for affect. “You couldn’t afford me. I’d have to double your price too.”  
  
“What for!?”  
  
“You’re one of my brother’s friends! That’s just plain weird, honey.”  
  
To this Mikey seemed to give up and just frowned. “You’ll see, Nikki. You’ll want me one day.”  
  
“I’m sure I will,” she pouted at him before breaking into laughter and looking to me again with a smile.  
  
I smiled back, waiting for Frank to introduce us properly. He sat up and then glared at his sister. “Go put fucking clothes on, Nikki! Fuck!”  
  
“Oh shut up,” she glared back, “I just finished up with a client of mine. He’s just changing and will be gone in a minute. He already paid.”  
  
Frank shook his head and lay down flat on the couch, blowing smoke up into the air again before talking. “Anyway, that’s Daphne, and Daph, that thing you’re looking at is my sister, Nikki.”  
  
“Aw, I love you too, Frankie,” she said sarcastically in response to Frank’s introduction. She shook my hand and smiled. “Nice to meet you.”  
  
“Likewise,” I smiled back shyly.  
  
Nikki sat on the back ledge of the couch and looked down at her brother with a grin. “So, Fwankie this is Daphne, huh?”  
  
He bolted upright and gave her a look that just confused me before speaking calmly. “Yes that’s Daphne.”  
  
“Well she’s really pretty.”  
  
“Oh,” I blushed. “Thank you. I’m nothing compared to you though.”  
  
She waved me off and laughed. “As if. You’re a goddess.” She was about to say something else but was interrupted by a guy who walked out of the same room she had a moment ago.  
  
He finished tugging his t-shirt on before scanning the room of us and settling his gaze on Nikki. “See you soon?”  
  
“Anytime, tiger,” she grinned back as he walked to the door and then exited.  
  
Frank rolled his eyes, putting out the cigarette he had and then quickly lighting up another, only to have it snatched by Nikki who took a long drag while examining me I suppose.  
  
“So, Mikey. Mikey, Mikey, skipping school again?” she teased.  
  
“And they aren’t?” he responded.  
  
“Yes, but they’re a year older than you, chiclet.”  
  
“What’s that supposed to mean!?”  
  
“It means you’re my little chiclet. Be proud.”  
  
“Fine. I’m very proud to be your little chiclet.”  
  
She laughed and then leaned down to smack Frank on the leg. “What the hell host are you? Did you even offer them anything to drink yet?”  
  
“No,” he blushed as he got up. “Sorry. Drinks?”  
  
“Sure,” I said quietly.  
  
“Beer?”  
  
“Uh, yeah, ok.”  
  
He nodded and went to get us some drinks. He tossed me mine first and then one to Mikey. When he handed one to Nikki he made it a point to glare. “You know, I’m not that bad of a host compared to you. At least I don’t fuck people when we have company.”  
  
“Frankie,” she squealed. “That’s not fair! It’s my job!”  
  
“It’s not your job to be a slut,” he nearly shouted back before sitting down quickly and lighting up yet another cigarette.”  
  
“Frank, shut up.”  
  
He shook his head and took a long drag before exhaling slowly.  
  
So it _did_ actually bother him; what his sister did. He must actually try to stop this sometimes if this is how he’s acting right now. I guess this is what he’s like when he’s stressed out.  
  
Nikki seemed to forget the fight almost as suddenly as it started as she sighed and ruffled his hair lightly. “You have to go grocery shopping tomorrow.”  
  
“Quit it,” he grumbled, swatting her hand away. “And it’s not my turn. It’s yours.”  
  
“Nope. It’s yours big boy.”  
  
This seemed to irritate him all over as he turned completely to face her. “Alright, one, don’t start talking to me like I’m one of your fucking playmates, and two, I’m not going shopping. I have plans all day tomorrow.”  
  
“Well I have work tomorrow, so what were your important plans of the day?”  
  
Anyone could clearly see him trying to struggle to come up with a plan, but he obviously couldn’t think of anything as he slumped down again frowning. “Fine. I’ll go.”  
  
Nikki giggled and slapped his cheek lightly. “I love you, cutie.” She grabbed his chin and made him look to Mikey and I, but specifically me. “My brother’s a cutie, huh, Daphne? Isn’t he cute?”  
  
“Yeah, cute,” I answered quietly, hoping I wasn’t blushing too much.  
  
“Nikki, let go,” Frank mumbled as he pulled away and took another drag from his cigarette.  
  
Nikki rolled her eyes before taking a drag of her own cigarette too. “So what are the plans tonight for all you?”  
  
“That concert,” Frank coughed.  
  
Nikki frowned and took his cigarette away. “Cool it with the smoking for a minute, would you? You’re going to get smokers cough. And what time are you planning on being home this time, huh? Three days from now?”  
  
“Whenever,” he mumbled.  
  
She seemed to ignore his response as she looked to Mikey and I again. “That’s happened before you know. He disappeared for three days without me knowing where the hell he was at. Then he showed up all fine and dandy with a fucking black eye and fucked up shoulder. Do that again and I’ll kill you, Frank.”  
  
I was startled by the story but tried not to let it be shown as Frank turned to face her and glared.  
  
“I’ll be home by tomorrow,” he muttered. “I’m staying at a friends house tonight. There’s a party.”  
  
“Fine,” she nodded. “Just be careful. And use protection.”  
  
“Nikki, you fuck, not that!”  
  
She burst into laughter. “Look at your face! You should see your face, cutie. Aw, my baby virgin brother.”  
  
“You’re a virgin,” Mikey choked.  
  
He automatically shut up when Frank gave him the death glare. “Shut the hell up, Mikey, and I didn’t say I was.”  
  
Like he’d ever be a virgin though. That’d be pure insanity!  
  
Frank got up and took back his cigarette from Nikki. “Quit with the babying act, Nikki. Please?”  
  
“What’s the matter with you?” she asked caringly. “Usually you’re teasing me back. This is so unlike you.”  
  
I’m not sure what happened at that moment but I thought I saw him shrug and flash me a look before Nikki smiled back gently at him and nodded. “Oh. Alright. Well sit down hot pants.” Then suddenly all the attention was focused on me. “So, Daphne, you have a boyfriend?”  
  
“N-no,” I blushed with a small smile.  
  
“Really? That’s surprising, a pretty thing like you. You could probably go out with anyone you wanted.”  
  
I shrugged shyly and scuffed my shoe against the floor.  
  
Frank gulped down the rest of his beer and then threw the can into the garbage before getting up again. “Alright, lets go.”  
  
“Frank, you just gulped down a whole can of beer,” Nikki frowned. “Sit back down for a bit. I don’t want you driving right after that.”  
  
“It was one beer,” he argued. “We’ll be fine.”  
  
She sighed in obvious disagreement but then nodded. “Alright. Well, have fun at that party tonight. What time does the concert start?”  
  
“8:30 or something.”  
  
“So what the hell are you going to do until then? That’s hours away.”  
  
“We’ll find something to do,” he shrugged.  
  
This time she sighed again, more out of worry than anything else. “Yeah, ok. Be careful. I love you.”  
  
“Love you too,” he answered softly before leaning down to peck her cheek quickly. “I’ll be home tomorrow for sure.”  
  
“Yeah, well you better. I’ll call the cops the next time you’re gone that long and don’t answer your stupid cell.”  
  
He grinned and then walked to the door, taking his car keys out of his pocket. “Lets go.”  
  
“I didn’t finish my beer,” I quickly pointed out, holding the still full can of beer that I found tasted disgusting.  
  
“Bring it with you,” Mikey shrugged. “Or…I could just drink the rest for you…”  
  
I quickly shoved the can into his hand, grateful he’d down the rest of it for me.  
  
“You hardly drank any,” he gaped. “Wow. Lucky me.”  
  
I watched him down the drink before turning to wave back at Nikki who blew him a kiss in return. She then turned her attention to me after both boys were out in the hall. “It was nice meeting you, Daphne. Hopefully I’ll see you around here more often.”  
  
“It was nice meeting you too,” I smiled politely before walking out the door, pulling it closed after me.


	8. Chapter 8

“So what _are_ we going to do?” Mikey demanded stubbornly in the car as he put his feet up on the dashboard, only to have them slapped back down by Frank as soon as he was seated in the drivers seat.  
  
“What time is it?” he questioned irritably.  
  
“Only 3:23,” I answered after looking at my phone. “I still have to pick up some clothes at my place. If I’m invited to the sleepover party that is.”  
  
“Everyone’s invited to it,” Mikey scoffed. “Obviously. Keep up, babe. I know it’s hard to do though; keeping up with me that is. I’m like _lightning_!”  
  
“You’re the shock people get when they shuffle across carpet and then poke someone,” Frank laughed. “You’re hardly lightning, bud.”  
  
“So then what are you? Oh, right, a virgin!”  
  
I didn’t see what was so funny about it. I mean, I was a virgin, and I didn’t see anything wrong with that. Guys always seem to be on other guys cases about that subject. I guess it was for moments like that, that I was extremely happy I was a girl. I’d never been forced to discuss the matter, or pressured into doing it. Of course, that was before I had this gang of friends, and something told me they were a lot different compared to other friends I had in the past.  
  
I saw the smack coming before it actually occurred. A swift slap to the back of Mikey’s head, provided by a livid Frank.  
  
”Mikey, I have many reasons to kill you already, don’t push your luck.”  
  
“Is it true though?”  
  
“I hardly think that’s any of your business, _chiclet_. It’s not one you discuss like a moron in front of a girl either, which if you might’ve forgotten is present in this car right now. I think you should apologize to Daphne.”  
  
“Oh come on, I bet she wants to know too. Tell.”  
  
“Did you become gossip-queen just after one visit with my sister? Jeez, chill. And as if the answer to the question isn’t obvious. How many girls have I dated?”  
  
Mikey grinned. “Nice. Man, I gotta get me a girl.”  
  
“You’ve gotta get you a life before you can introduce a girl to it, man. But like I said, apologize to Daphne for being so outspoken.”  
  
“Sorry, Daph,” he mumbled out his side window.  
  
I shrugged. I didn’t think Frank had been serious about the apology. “So, did we make a plan yet?”  
  
“Where was it you said you had to go?” Frank asked me. “Clothes?”  
  
“I was just saying I needed to pick up some clothes for tomorrow if I’m staying overnight.”  
  
“Huh. Well, that’d be a first, Daph. No one actually plans things like that for these kinds of parties, but I’ll gladly take you home so you can get stuff.”  
  
“Thanks,” I smiled.  
  
He returned the smile and then brought the car to life before speeding off.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
“I’ll hurry,” I informed as I stepped out of the car awhile later.  
  
The only response I got was a ‘shoo’ gesture from Mikey, so that’s what I did.  
  
It occurred to me as I was walking across the front lawn of my house that I’d have to make up a quick story as to why I wouldn’t be home tonight. I couldn’t possibly screw up simply saying ‘mom, I’m going to a concert with my friend Gloria and I’ll be back tomorrow because I’m sleeping over at her house’. It’s sort of silly how easily I can lie to my dad, but when it comes to my mom there’s something in her eyes that makes it nearly impossible to lie. So silly as it may be for me to be rehearsing the simple explanation in my head right now, it was necessary for me if I wanted to go out tonight.  
  
No surprise to me to walk into the house and immediately find my brother working on some homework in the living room. He always does his homework as soon as he gets home. That’s a habit I have now broken out of. I like to think it’s for the better, but something tells me it’s for the worse.  
  
I quickly ran up the steps and stuffed an outfit, my toothbrush, hair brush and some makeup into my backpack before darting back down the stairs and then froze at the door as my name was called.  
  
“Daphne, who’s outside?” dad called. “Who is this guy? Did he drive you home?”  
  
“He’s a new friend,” I explained calmly. It was the truth after all. “Both of them are new friends, and yes, he did drive me home. But I’m going out again right now.”  
  
“Oh?” mom came over to my side with a basket of laundry under her arm. “Where are you going today? You seem to be going out a lot lately. You’re not getting into trouble are you? Because heaven forbid you come home with the cops one day, Daphne. I-“  
  
“No, nothing bad,” I quickly responded before her rant was taken too far. Frank and Mikey were waiting for me, I had to keep in mind. “I’m just going to a concert tonight.”  
  
Mom peered through the front door window suspiciously at the car outside that was blaring pure punk music now, as the two people in the vehicle proceeded to ‘rock out’ until their hair was a complete mess. Damn them making things more difficult for me!  
  
“I’m not just going with them,” I reassured. “They’re just taking me over to Gloria’s and then we’re all going together. Gloria’s dad will be taking us there.”  
  
Mom still didn’t look convinced. “Hm. What concert are you going to? I didn’t know any big bands were coming to town.”  
  
“Oh, they aren’t that popular yet. They’re just a local pop band.”  
  
“And these boys are interested in the same music as you?”  
  
I chewed on my bottom lip for a moment as I quickly thought of a lie to get out of this. “Well, no, not really. Gloria’s boyfriend in one of the guys in the car and that’s why he’s coming, but he didn’t want to be alone with just us two girls so he made one of his friends tag along too.”  
  
“I see. Why are you bringing your backpack?”  
  
“I thought it’d be fun to have a sleepover at Gloria’s tonight after the show. She invited me for a little slumber party. The guys won’t be there or anything…”  
  
To my great relief, mom nodded with a small smile. “Ok then. Well have fun. Call me when you’re at Gloria’s later tonight for your sleepover. I want to know you got back there ok.”  
  
“Will do, mom.”  
  
Frank honked the horn impatiently which caused mom to look out the window and raise an eyebrow. “I’m not sure I like you driving with these boys…”  
  
“He’s a really good driver,’ I said fast as I stepped back outside. “He always makes sure I’m buckled in and respects the speed limit.”  
  
“Daphne…”  
  
“Gotta go, mum,” I smiled before she could get another word in. I ran down the sidewalk and opened the car door, cringing first at how loud the music was to my sensitive ears and then cringed again for all the cigarette smoke that made my eyes water slightly. “Turn the music down,” I yelled over the blaring noise to Frank.  
  
He listened and looked back at me. “Are you finally ready to go?”  
  
“Yes, but you have to drive off slow and look just remotely mature for all of two minutes while both my parents stare at us through the windows.”  
  
Frank scoffed and then flicked his cigarette out the window. His lungs just had to look like ash. They just _had_ to. I’ve never seen anyone smoke so much in my life.  
  
He managed to flick Mikey’s cigarette out the window too, despite ‘Chiclet’s’ loud protest of ‘hey, what the fuck!? I just started that!!’.  
  
“Look like you’re not a moron for thirty seconds, aight?”  
  
Mikey frowned and buckled himself in, as did both Frank and I.  
  
“Now when I honk, wave politely to Daphne’s parents who are watching and we’ll be golden.”  
  
A smile played across my lips hearing him sound so calm and in order. It amazed me how fast he could switch moods if he had to.  
  
“Parents are such a fucking hassle,” Mikey muttered as he waved on cue when Frank honked twice and then pulled away from the curb slowly.  
  
All three of us smiled and waved like a group out of an old black and white movie. For a split moment I felt like I was going away to college. That was until Frank blared the same punk band so loud I felt dizzy.  
  
It wasn’t until Frank slowed down to a stop in front of Gloria’s house that I brought myself full throttle back to reality.  
  
“Madam, your stop,” Mikey motioned before clearing his throat.  
  
I stared back at the two boys for a moment before I caught onto the fact that they actually had no intention of following me out. “Where are you guys going then?”  
  
“We’ll be around,” Frank shrugged nonchalantly.  
  
“Doing manly things,” Mikey mused.  
  
I closed my door again after having opened it. “So, hold on. You said you’d drive me to the concert.”  
  
“I’m sure Gloria has no intention of letting you miss it,” Frank smiled in amusement. “She’ll be fine with taking you…”  
  
“So, is this your way of getting rid of me?”  
  
“I’m not physically kicking you out of the car.”  
  
“So I could stay if I wanted?”  
  
“If you really wanted to spend a couple hours doing nothing, then yeah. Don’t girls like getting all dolled up for concerts though? It’s usually one of the highlights.”  
  
“Why don’t you help me with my makeup?”  
  
Mikey burst into random giggles and Frank rolled his eyes. “I’d rather not, Daph. Now get out or stay in.”  
  
I contemplated this decision. “Didn’t you have an errand to run?”  
  
“Yes. All the more reason for you to go kill time with Gloria.”  
  
“I _do_ want to know where this errand is though…”  
  
He sighed impatiently and that’s when I got out of the car, gracefully taking my backpack with me. My action seemed to catch him off guard as he stared at me standing outside the car.  
  
“I’ll see you at the show,” I smiled. “And you can bet my makeup will be perfect.”  
  
“Sure…” he answered, still obviously bewildered by my decision to not come with them. He knew how much I wanted to know what he was up to, so naturally figured I’d come along to find out. The only problem with me not going now was that I _wouldn’t_ find out what he was actually up to. But it was all worth it for the look on his face. Absolutely priceless.  
  
Like the gentleman he was, Frank waited until Gloria answered the door before driving off and I blushed lightly. He made it impossible to be even just the least bit annoyed with him.  
  
I didn’t even have the chance to say ‘hey’ before Gloria pulled me into the house and giggled. “Good, a helper. Start cleaning off the coffee table would you?”  
  
“Sure,” I laughed as I wandered into the living room where she had boxes stacked up on the couch. Beer, beer, more beer, vodka, gin, rum, everything. “So, all that must have cost you a fortune…”  
  
“Well, it’ll cost mummy and daddy a fortune, but then again, I’m paying it off before they even get home. Gerard, Frankie, Bob and Ray are helping pay.”  
  
I slapped myself mentally for not offering to help pay when she had brought up the cost of booze at our last group lunch. “Crap. Sorry, Glore. I can totally help pay too!”  
  
“If you want. Put that stack of magazines on the kitchen table and then bring me back the plastic cups in there. I don’t need any broken glass in the house.”  
  
I obeyed and when I got back she was fixing her hair. “So why are you here anyway? Wasn’t Frankie driving you there?”  
  
“There was nothing to do. I _did_ meet Nikki though. She’s really funny.”  
  
“She’s a doll. I adore her. I’m sure Frankie dearest was so pleased that…well I’m assuming going there was Mikey’s idea wasn’t it?”  
  
“Yeah,” I laughed.  
  
“Did he do his makeup at the house?”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“Frankie.”  
  
“What about him?”  
  
“Did he do his makeup at the house for the show tonight?”  
  
“He dresses up to go to concerts?”  
  
“Only when he plays,” she laughed. “He has this image to keep up after all.”  
  
Did she just say only the shows he plays? “He plays shows?”  
  
She looked at me in shock and then laughed. “You didn’t know!? How did you not know!? Daphne, I’d think you just started hanging out with us yesterday if I didn’t know any better. Yeah he’s in the band.”  
  
“One of the opening bands?”  
  
“The _main_ band! I thought you said you liked them!”  
  
“Well I do! But I don’t know about the members!”  
  
“Well you do now. You know quite a bit about one of them. He’s their lead guitarist.”  
  
This was getting to be too much. I grabbed a chunk of my hair and groaned. “You need to stop revealing all these secrets to me.”  
  
A serious side came through in Gloria as she came closer and smiled faintly. “If you want to be Frankie’s friend, you’re going to have to get used to him trying to keep secrets and failing miserably.”  
  
“What’s that supposed to mean?”  
  
“Take it how you will. Now can you help me move this table to the other side of the room?”  
  
So Frank liked to keep secrets, but failed at is easily? That’s all I got from what she said. But there was some logic behind this. I had said I hated secrets and she said he sucked at keeping them. Was that to say that I was going to be finding out secrets I shouldn’t know? If it was, then was I getting myself into some sort of trouble?  
  
“Gloria, is he keeping secrets from me?”  
  
“He’s trying,” she giggled.  
  
“Good or bad?”  
  
“Both?”  
  
“You’re no help.”  
  
“Apparently you’re not either! Pick up the other side of the table before I get a hernia!”


	9. Chapter 9

It was 7:30 when Gloria and I left for the concert. I was a bit more excited than before too. My crush was in the band after all. It made me feel like a had a special right for being there, even though he had no idea I was falling or him.  
  
“It’s gonna be fuuuun,” Gloria sang as we pulled into the Way’s driveway.  
  
“Do you want me to move to the back?” I asked. “So you can sit with Gerard?”  
  
“Don’t be silly,” she giggled before honking the horn twice.  
  
Mikey darted out of the house in a pair of the tightest jeans I’ve ever seen. “What the hell is this?” I laughed as he dove into the backseat of the car.  
  
“What’s what?” he replied, looking around my seat to stare me right in the face. “You like what you see? I knew you would, baby.”  
  
I rolled my eyes at him. I really liked Mikey. As much as you wanted to hate him sometimes, you just couldn’t. He was the type of person who _would_ make you laugh on days you felt frowning was your one and only expression. “I thought you were with Frank?”  
  
“He booted me out of the car after we dropped you off. Dropped me off at home then drove away. I cried a little.”  
  
“If that’s your way of getting me to feel bad for you then it’s not going to work,” I laughed.  
  
“She has long since caught onto your little scheme,” Gloria piped up. “Sorry, Mikey, it looks like you’re going to be single forever and then some. Where’s my boy-toy?”  
  
“Brushing his hair,” Mikey shrugged in response while trying to climb over the seats enough to reach the radio.  
  
“He never brushes his hair.”  
  
“Or messing it up! I don’t know! Put the radio on!”  
  
“Please do,” I laughed loudly as he almost landed in my lap.  
  
“You owe me,” Gloria lectured to me before turning the radio on so Mikey would retreat back to his own seat in the back instead of the current seat he had on my lap.  
  
“There he is,” I commented when Gerard walked out of the house, calling back something to his mom before walking on over to the car.  
  
“Hi, Glore,” he smiled once he was settled in the back next to Mikey. He leaned forward to peck her cheek and then continued to smile as he started out the window.  
  
I smiled too. For many reasons. This was turning into a really good day.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
At the venue everyone was a river of black clothing. Black shirts, pants, nail polish, jewellery…everything. It was easy to blend in; easy to pretend you were exactly the same as the person next to you who was a foot taller than you and easily in their twenties. No one was better or worse than anyone else and I think I liked that.  
  
“Lock your fuckin’ door, Mikey,” Gloria glared as he jumped out of the car and made to dash over to Bob and Ray who were standing around outside smoking and drinking.  
  
“Fine, fine,” he quickly answered before fulfilling her request… _then_ dashing off to Bob who was waving us over.  
  
“Well, come on,” Gloria giggled to me as her arm hooked through mine. “You’re just standing here like a statue. Are you scared or something?”  
  
“No,” I weakly smiled. “Just…it’s a lot different than anything else I’ve been to.”  
  
“Good! Now you’ll finally be able to have fun!”  
  
I nodded and followed alongside her until we reached the rest of the gang who were all chilling out and drinking.  
  
“Daphne,” Ray smirked. “Long time no see.”  
  
I smiled slightly. “Yeah…”  
  
“Where’s my rock star?” Gloria questioned.  
  
“No idea,” Bob answered. “Getting ready, probably.”  
  
“Daph didn’t even know he was in the band!”  
  
“No kidding!?” Mikey snorted with laughter. “Whoa, I take you for granted sometimes, Daphy. Maybe you’re a little more dense than I thought.”  
  
I frowned at him and then shrugged to the rest. “I never made the connection?”  
  
“Connection to what?” a voice asked from behind me. An arm came around in front of me, offering me a drink and I turned to practically be in _his_ arms. “Drink?”  
  
“Thank you,” I blushed as I turned again to take the plastic cup from him. I had to compose myself. He looked amazing. Even more so than I’ve ever seen him. I don’t know what it was. Maybe the way he wore his eyeliner tonight? Whatever it was I wished he’d never change.  
  
“So what connection?” he asked again before taking a sip of his own beverage.  
  
“That you were in the band,” Bob laughed. “Apparently that went right over her head.”  
  
“Really?” Frank laughed, then moved to where he could see my face better. “You didn’t know that?”  
  
I shrugged again having not much else to say.  
  
“That’s funny,” he chuckled more to himself than anyone else as he slung an arm around my shoulders. “You talked like you knew the band so well… I just assumed you didn’t want to say anything.”  
  
“He’s famous you know,” Gloria beamed at her best friend.  
  
“No I’m not,” he laughed.  
  
“Don’t be so modest.”  
  
“Then don’t go talking bullshit.”  
  
“Fine… He’s well-known in town. The band that is. Them as a whole.”  
  
“So I feel stupid,” I blushed again.  
  
“Don’t,” he smiled, giving me a squeeze. “I’m kind of glad it was a surprise, Daph.”  
  
“Good, then, I guess,” I smiled weakly. “Thanks for the drink.”  
  
“Anytime.”  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
Waiting around for the show to start was fun. We talked about a bunch of different things, but the highlight was focussed around Gloria’s party after the show was over. And judging from the amount of beer cases I saw stacked up in her living room, I knew it’d be a party lots were bound never to forget. Frank had told me on the side that she was ‘the queen’ when it came to partying. I had absolutely no doubt she was.  
  
“I should get backstage,” Frank yawned at 8:00. “The opening band better stick to their fucking scheduling.”  
  
“How long will they be playing for?” Gloria whined. “I hate the opening band. They’re so full of themselves.”  
  
“You don’t even know the half of it. They’re little bastards. All seriousness. Anyway, they’ll probably play for forty-five minutes. If we didn’t give them that they’d still be bitching and complaining right now.”  
  
“They have enough material for a forty-five minute set?”  
  
“Naw. They’ll be playing a lot of cover songs.”  
  
“Why can’t they come up with their own material?”  
  
Frank shrugged and flicked Gloria’s arm for really no reason. “So I’ll see all you losers in the crowd.”  
  
“Want me to be your fan girl?”  
  
“Only if you want to get shot in the leg.”  
  
I giggled and then finished off my soda as he walked away, high-fiving people along the way.  
  
“Dreeeaaamerrr,” Gloria sang to me as she waved her hand in my face. “What’re you doing? Checking out his ass? He has a nice one, huh?”  
  
I blushed red. “No I wasn’t!”  
  
“You totally were, Daph. It’s ok. I won’t tell. So are you getting excited? I mean, you get to see your crush rock out.”  
  
“Yeah,” I smiled before realizing what I had actually admitted to. “I mean, well, not my crush, but-“  
  
“Ha!” She dragged me to the side; away from all the guys who would surely start eavesdropping our conversation soon. “Don’t lie to me! Just admit it!”  
  
I found over the course of time that I’d known the gang, that Frank and Gloria shared similar personality traits. Persistency was definitely up there on the charts.  
  
“Daph!”  
  
I kept my mouth shut. If I kept quiet for long enough maybe she would get distracted by Mikey who was currently trying to persuade the rest of the guys to do certain dares but failing miserably at his attempt.  
  
“If you don’t tell me then I’m just going to tell him my theory. If you _do_ tell me though, then I won’t and we can actually plan this out…”  
  
I glared at her. Wasn’t she supposed to be my friend? And here she was playing mind games with me! “Ok,” I blushed. “I sort of have a crush on him. Just a little one.”  
  
She hopped up and down a few times and giggled. “Not that it was a secret. It’s so obvious you like him! You’re lucky the guys are boneheads and can’t catch on to the fact though. Well, Gee sort of suspects it, but he won’t say anything because he’s a sweetheart and I told him not to. But if they knew! Daph, if they knew, they’d totally be on your case. You’re lucky you’re a good friend of mine so I won’t rat you out!”  
  
My mind was spinning. What were we even talking about anymore? She talked a mile a minute. Were we even talking about Frank anymore? “Huh?”  
  
“You liiiike him,” she sang to me while giving me a playful nudge. “That’s so cute!”  
  
“Like who?” the last person I wanted to hear this conversation asked. “Ooo, Dapher’s has a crush?”  
  
“I tried to avoid his gaze, but I saw that sly grin of his and almost melted.  
  
“Why are you here?” Gloria demanded. “Go get prettied up for the show!”  
  
“I’m ready for the show. The opening band was pissing me off backstage. I had to leave. I almost punched one of them. But don’t get off topic. What’s this ‘you like him’ stuff?”  
  
“Why are you barging in on conversations you shouldn’t hear?”  
  
“I was asking Daphne, you loser.”  
  
“Maybe she doesn’t want you to know,” Gloria glared back jokingly.  
  
“If she does though, maybe I can help her hook up with ‘him’.”  
  
Gloria eyed him up and down suspiciously. “Was that supposed to sound endearing?”  
  
Had I disappeared? Had I physically vanished off the face of the planet? They were talking as if I wasn’t standing in the middle of them!  
  
“Why can’t I help set a friend up with someone she likes?” Frank continued after a pause.  
  
“Because you’re a boy.”  
  
“Annnd? The point, Glore.”  
  
“Alright. The truth, darling, is that you suck at hooking people up! Remember when you tried to hook Mikey up with your cousin Althea? Remember!? The one who always has spinach stuck in her teeth!? She got Mikey hooked on that crap within a week! And as if he wasn’t weird enough before!”  
  
“So she likes spinach,” Frank argued. “She’s a…good person… sort of.”  
  
Gloria held her hand up to stop him. “Whatever. I don’t want to hear it. At least they were only together for that one _month_!”  
  
He rolled his eyes and gave up pestering Gloria. Instead my presence was finally recognized again and he was grinning. “Daph, who do you like? I’ll hook you up, I swear. I’m good at it!”  
  
What if I actually found the courage to mumble ‘you’ to him? What would his reaction be? I guess the worst he could do is laugh…or maybe yell… No. The very worst he could do is leave. Walk away and never come back. “Just a guy.”  
  
“Well I got that far. What guy are we talking about?”  
  
“Frank, leave her alone,” Gloria whined. “I’m sure she’d tell you if she felt comfortable enough to. She would’ve told you already, now go.”  
  
“I seriously make you uncomfortable?” Frank asked me.  
  
“No,” I practically shouted, giving Gloria a glare and then softening my tone. “No. You don’t. I like Logan Elson. Ok?” I just said the first name that came to mind. What else was a supposed to do? At least I didn’t name some unrealistic name. Like Orlando Bloom or something…  
  
“Oh…”  
  
“Fuck,” Gloria sighed to herself.  
  
I raised my eyebrows at her and then looked back to my crush who was still standing there and looking passed me, as if thinking about something. “Logan, huh? I never would’ve guessed him… You’re in luck though, Daph. I know him. We used to hang out a lot. I’ll warn you now that he can be a bit…well he’s really outspoken. I can definitely talk to him for you though. I don’t think he’s seeing anyone right now.”  
  
“Yay,” I said weakly with absolutely no enthusiasm. “That’d be great, Frankie.”  
  
“Yeah, yeah,” he agreed with a small smile. “So I’ll see you in the crowd. Don’t run away.”  
  
“I won’t,” I giggled.  
  
Gloria punched his arm lightly in a playful manner as he turned to talk to the guys. Then I was dragged yet again by her into the girls washroom.  
  
The smell of marijuana filled my nose and I cringed a little. It was such a weird scent. A small group of giggly girls looked to us and then continued to smoke and laugh. Gloria glared back at them in return and dragged me into one of the stalls. “Why?” she demanded.  
  
“Why what?” I coughed.  
  
“Why’d you say Logan?”  
  
“First name that came to mind?” I shrugged innocently. “I don’t know… He’s sort of cute I guess…”  
  
She stomped her foot in frustration. “Cute!? He’s not Frankie! You should’ve fucking just told him the truth!”  
  
“And be humiliated when he laughed in my face when I did!?  
  
“He’d _never_ laugh at you for telling him the truth. He’d _never_ humiliate you! Don’t you know him more than that by now!?”  
  
I couldn’t understand why she was getting so upset.  
  
“He’s really going to try to set you up now, you know,” she sighed. “he really will. Please don’t go out with Logan. For your sake and the rest of the gang. Logan’s a fucking jerk. Frank and him used to have fist fights all the time. Logan loves fights. He always tried to get on Frank’s nerves.”  
  
“But he said-“  
  
“He wasn’t about to shut you down when you were so ‘uncomfortable’ to begin with. Ugh. Now he’s going to try talking to Logan. That won’t go over well.”  
  
“I don’t even have any intention of going out with Logan!”  
  
“He doesn’t know that! You told him that you were crushing on fucking Logan and he’ll do something about it!”  
  
“So I pretty much just fucked this up?”  
  
“Duh.”  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
During the concert I let loose. It took awhile to get used to the violent thrashing of people that made up the mosh pit, but after my first couple of bruises I adjusted and realized that the only way to _not_ get hurt was to shove everyone back.  
  
“Are you having fun?” Ray shouted to me, even though we were about a foot apart.  
  
“Yeah,” I laughed back as I lightly shoved Mikey away from my side again.  
  
“Bitch, if you yank on my hair again you’ll pay a price,” Gloria screamed at a small girl next to her who was so beyond drunk now that her body seemed to be completely out of her control. “Don’t mess with me! I know very important people who could make your life a living hell!”  
  
“You can sure pick them, Gee,” Bob said loudly to Gerard while pointing a thumb in Gloria’s direction.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
By the time the opening band was done, who actually did suck, I already had beer spilled down my shirt and my hair was a mess. It was a sudden wash of relief as the crowd eased up a bit since there would be a good fifteen minute break before Frank’s band hit the stage.  
  
The band of course set up their own equipment and I was a little shocked to see how many girls seemed to know Frank, or at least pretended they did. They pressed themselves right up against the stage to talk to him as he tuned his guitar. As I watched him reply to their random questions I was suddenly shoved forward. I turned around to glare at whoever had just shoved me, but refrained from doing so when I saw the perpetrator was Gerard. He flashed me an innocent smile and shrugged. “Go save Frank from the fan girl madness?”  
  
“Those are fan girls?” I questioned in surprise. I looked over my shoulder to the little crowd of girls again and then back to Gerard who was nodding.  
  
“Yup. I think they have a little site set up for him on the computer too. Or at least some myspace or facebook page. I’ve seen them at every show. They’d totally flash him if it meant he’d invite them to go to the party after the show.”  
  
“Would he agree to that?” I asked hesitantly.  
  
“No. Mikey keeps trying to convince him though…”  
  
“Well of course,” I laughed.  
  
He smiled again and then turned to Gloria who was going on and on about the little drunk girl who had pulled her hair.  
  
“Frank, Frank,” one of the girls up front called loudly to him to catch his attention.  
  
“Yeah,” He replied after a few seconds of tuning his guitar some more. “What’s up?”  
  
“I know all the lyrics now! To every song, I swear!”  
  
“Really? Right on. Can you scream like Jace too?”  
  
I assumed he was referring to the band’s lead singer who had just walked onstage and waved to the people who acknowledged him.  
  
“Not quite,” the girl giggled. “I’ll work on it though.”  
  
“Good. Keep me updated.” Frank then turned slightly and I saw the slight bored expression cross his face.  
  
I shoved through the crowd of people, having suddenly acquired a boost of energy and I made my way up front until I was in that same group of fan girls.  
  
“Frannnnnkiee,” a different girl called.  
  
He turned again and then paused before grinning at me. “Hey, Daph!”  
  
“Hey,” I smiled in return, earning a glare from the girl who had been trying to ask him a question.  
  
“So how’s the mosh pit going? Are you going to have any bruises in the morning?”  
  
“Without doubt,” I answered. I was beginning to feel uncomfortable being in the middle of his fans, even though I suppose I was one myself. After all, I wanted the exact same thing as them; for him to fall madly in love with me. “I think I’m getting the hang of it though. At least I didn’t fall…yet.”  
  
“Scream bloody murder if you fall and get hurt so I can see what I can do to make sure you don’t end up getting stepped on,” he smirked.  
  
“Me took, Frankie?” the girl beside me asked.  
  
“Yeah…for sure,” he nodded.  
  
“I should go try to find Glore,” I said to him.  
  
He glanced over the band’s audience and then pointed in a general area of the venue. “Shove your way in that direction,” he told me. “She’s with Gee and Ray.”  
  
“Thanks,” I called over my shoulder as I began pushing against the crowd to get back to where my friends were. “Break a leg,” I added. “I think that’s what I’m supposed to say.”  
  
“Thanks. And don’t break a rib. I think that’s what _I’m_ supposed to say.”  
  
I giggled to myself and continued my adventure of finding the gang.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
The concert was amazing. My eyes were always glued on Frank of course, who was a god onstage. I was in a trance as I watched him slam through chords so easily you’d think he practiced in his sleep.  
  
“He’s a turn on,” Gloria said loudly into my ear, no doubt trying to persuade me to tell him how I was practically in love with him. “Huh, Daph? Isn’t he?”  
  
I gulped before nodding my head. “Yeah.”  
  
She seemed pleased by my response because she didn’t bother me for the rest of the show and I got to watch my idol tear up the stage with his energy and awesome guitar solo. I had to marry him. There just wasn’t any other way for my life to go. All signs were directing me to him and the hell if I’d avoid those signs.


	10. Chapter 10

I was dizzy by the end of the show. So much in fact that as soon as the music and screaming stopped, I almost staggered to a fall, my ears ringing so that everyone talking around me sounded like they were on very low volume.  
  
For awhile I just stood with Gloria and Gerard who seemed to be in the same kind of after-concert shock I was in.  
  
“…it…huh?” Gloria asked me. Though I knew how loud she must actually be talking I still didn’t catch the entire question.  
  
“What?” I laughed as I pointed to my right ear. “I can’t hear!”  
  
“I said,” she replied louder than a normal person would in a casual conversation, “so it was good huh?”  
  
“The show?”  
  
“Obviously!”  
  
“It was amazing!” I smiled. “They’re so good!”  
  
“Frankie is the best guitarist in the whole world,” she nodded in a matter of fact way.  
  
“That doesn’t seem far from the truth.”  
  
“There he is,” Gloria gushed as she looked passed me. “Superb job, darling.”  
  
Frank walked up beside me and smiled. “Thank you. I think the show went pretty smoothly.”  
  
I nodded and smiled shyly. At this moment he seemed like nothing less than a superhero.  
  
“So did you pass out at all?” he teased me.  
  
“Nope,” I responded before sticking out my tongue.  
  
“But you almost did.”  
  
“I did not!”  
  
“Sure, sure, I saw you. You were swaying a little _too_ much to be fine.”  
  
“I was just overly moved by the music.”  
  
He grinned and then the lead singer I now knew as Jace came out of nowhere and lightly punched Frank’s arm. “Are you coming? Greet the fans a bit?”  
  
“Yeah, in a minute.” Frank nodded.  
  
Jace exited through the door into the lobby and Gloria and Gerard followed right after with jokes of ‘oh my god, meet the band!?’.  
  
I giggled and looked around. Frank and I were alone except for one lone security guard standing by the stage. “Gonna go greet your fans then?” I asked, feeling rather shy still.  
  
“Yeah. Sign some autographs and all that crap.”  
  
“Mr. Popular.”  
  
He shrugged and then took a sip from the bottle of water he carried in his hand, sharpie in the other.  
  
“You’re still going to the party, right?” I asked.  
  
“Shouldn’t I be the one asking you that? Of course _I’m_ still going. You backing out or something?”  
  
“No, I was just wondering.”  
  
“Glore’s driving you there I’m guessing?”  
  
“Maybe. I guess. Well she did drive me here after _someone_ ditched me earlier.”  
  
He grinned and then signed his autograph on my arm with the sharpie. “Well, I’m going to go do the whole meet the fans thing for a bit. If you wait around for awhile I’ll drive you there to make up for before…”  
  
“Yeah,” I answered a little too quickly, “yeah, ok.”  
  
He grinned again and then exited through the doors, leaving me alone with that security guard.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
When Frank explained to Gloria that he would be driving me later on so that he wouldn’t be “lonely” for the drive there, I blushed and Gloria gave me a big smile before dragging Mikey out the front doors to the street. He protested at first saying that I was supposed to be his date for the party so he could make a grand entrance.  
  
During the extra forty-five minutes that we stayed at the venue, Frank would often look over at me and smile between talking to people.  
  
“Alright, ladies, I’ve gotta go,” he announced as he glanced at the time on his cell phone. “I have a party to get to.”  
  
“Aw, where?” one of the girls whined.  
  
“It’s my best friend’s party and she might murder me if I invited anymore people, sorry. I’ll see you at the next show though.”  
  
Though slightly let down, the girls said their goodbyes and I was once again shot a few odd glares from them as Frank walked over to me and pulled the hood on his hoodie up. He flashed me a grin and picked up his guitar that was resting safely in its case on the floor. “Aight, lets go.”  
  
I smiled and then walked through the doors into the late night. It was easy to find his car in the now practically empty parking lot. I automatically walked to it and waited as he put his guitar in the trunk. As he did, a thought came to my mind. “Did you run those errands you had to after you dropped me off?”  
  
“Yup.”  
  
“Did you pick up the booze?”  
  
“Uh-huh.”  
  
“No you didn’t.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“I said you didn’t.”  
  
“Why would you say that?”  
  
“Because Gloria has mountains of booze at her place already and Mikey said you practically booted him out of the car. You weren’t picking up booze, were you?”  
  
“I was picking up… _something_?”  
  
“Drugs?” I asked nervously.  
  
He sighed and then slammed the trunk shut. “Why would you assume that?”  
  
I shrugged and he pulled himself up to sit on the trunk of his car. I joined him. “You always seem to be the one with the drugs at parties. And I’ve been lying to you.”  
  
“You’ve been lying to me? About what?”  
  
“I know more about you than you want me to know.”  
  
“What do you know?”  
  
“Your parents died when you were fifteen. You live with Nikki because living with your grandparents didn’t work out. You can’t judge Nikki about what she does because you do something bad too… That’s all.”  
  
He nodded and then pulled the sleeves of his hoodie over his hands. “Alright. What’s your point? Gloria told you all this junk?”  
  
“I don’t think it’s junk. I don’t know if there is a point. I just thought I should tell you I know and that I’m assuming your errand was picking up drugs.”  
  
“Fine, assume. Get in the car, lets go.”  
  
“Frankie!”  
  
“What the fuck do you want me to say?” he laughed out of frustration. “Gloria told you stuff I don’t like talking about. So what? Get in the fucking car and lets go.”  
  
“Everyone else seems to know all about you! I’m left in the dark!”  
  
“Why do you have to know that I’m a drug dealer?” he snapped.  
  
“So then you lied to me too,” I defended myself quietly.  
  
“I didn’t lie! I just didn’t tell you! After all, why do you have to know that’s what I do? Why do you have to know that after my parents died in that accident my life that was already fucked to begin with, dove into an even bigger mess? Why the hell do you have to know how much all of you guys mean to me? Why the fuck do you have to know that my ex girlfriend cheated on me, that I caught them and that I had a severe case of depression? Why should you know anything about me!?”  
  
I was absolutely frozen. I was scared to move. I kept my eyes glued to the passing cars on the street. “I’m sorry,” I finally managed to say. “But I care because I like to think we’re friends.”  
  
“Yeah, you’re sorry,” he snorted, seemingly blocking out the rest of what I said. “You think your life was the only one turned upside down. I know people like you. You think we; people like me…and the gang, live this huge party life… That we don’t care about anything other than booze, drugs and music.”  
  
“I’m sorry,” I said again. I waited until his body seemed to relax a bit for myself to do the same.  
  
“When I was fifteen, my aunt showed up at our front door in tears. Mom and Dad died in a huge collision. I didn’t even have to ask whose fault it was. I knew it had been dad drinking. His fault. My mom was no saint either though. When I was thirteen I had my first introduction to drugs. Pot. My dad lit up with me when I was thirteen! Tell me how fucked up that is, Daphne!”  
  
“It’s fucked up,” I said quietly, hoping my softer tone would calm him, if only a little.  
  
“It is! Never again. I vowed not to do it again. We learned in school about all the problems drugs have on a person after a period of time. Drug addiction causing families to split, best friends to drift away from each other… I didn’t want that. At thirteen it was scary shit to hear. I have very few friends who actually give a fuck about me on this planet. There’s no way in hell I wanted to lose them. So no drugs. Not anymore until my parents died. Then I didn’t see the fucking point. I mean, my mom didn’t do drugs. But she still died. She was no saint, like I said, but she didn’t do drugs. My dad was a big fan of weed and alcohol. He loved pot. He’d smoke it like I would smoke cigarettes today. Cause he was addicted to it. It makes you feel good. Like you can do whatever the hell you want to do and that consequences won’t follow.”  
  
“You were only thirteen when they taught you about this in school?”  
  
“Where the hell have you been living?” he laughed bitterly. “This is Jersey, Daphne.”  
  
I swallowed and then stared out in front of me. “So you do drugs now.”  
  
“Probably not in the way you think I do. I’m a dealer, but I’m not an addict. Yet. I’m convinced I will be. I do cocaine here and there. I do what the gang tells me to. I didn’t do the stuff at all until just a couple months ago. I always said no. I stuck to pot. I don’t want to be an addict of that other stuff. Those stories end badly most times. I’m convinced my story would end badly too.”  
  
“So how did you even get into dealing?”  
  
After my parents died we – me and Nikki – moved in with our grandparents. That was hard on them though. Nikki and I were awful in so many ways. They couldn’t handle us. We’d be out all night, or sometimes we’d be gone for a couple days without letting them know what we were or how long we’d be gone, cause we didn’t know either. Money started coming into play because we’d spend so much money on pot. Nikki started selling her body to come up with quick cash. I started stealing… Then I got offered this deal from these big time drug dealers. If I worked for them they’d make sure I got what I wanted. At least that’s what they said.”  
  
“They lied?” I prompted quietly and hesitantly.  
  
“Partly. I deal for Mikey. I deal for lots of friends, but if they don’t get me the money when they’re supposed to have it, I’m fucked and so are they. Mikey scares the hell outta me most. If he doesn’t pay me then I have to beat the shit outta him. If I don’t, then they _will_ and after that’s done I get fucked with. If the money amount is big enough; if they lose a huge sum, then I could wind up dead.”  
  
I swallowed hard again and folded my arms tightly against my chest trying to keep from shivering even though it was hardly cold out. Then I cried. Tears just started flowing and I couldn’t stop it at all.  
  
“I shouldn’t have told you,” he mumbled.  
  
“I’m glad you did,” I sobbed quietly. “I just…I never…I-“  
  
His arm was around my shoulders before I knew it. “I’m sorry.”  
  
“Why should you be sorry? I lied to you. Your life is so complicated and I whine and complain about how nobody likes me. Why do you do it? Why can’t you just quit?”  
  
“I don’t want to quit pot. I like it too much. It relaxes me and gives me the chance to feel like I can for once do anything I want. It sure as hell makes a hit at parties. Quitting the dealing is near impossible. They’d get suspicious, and you don’t want to make these people suspicious. They aren’t people you want to piss off. They’re a tough bunch of fuckers. You don’t mess with them.”  
  
“But we’ll help you!”  
  
“The only way you can help me, Daphne, is by staying like you are. Don’t change from what you are right now. I don’t want another druggie friend. I have enough of those. When someone out of the gang offers you a hit, say no. Please say no. If you don’t then you’ll be spending the rest of your life wishing you had. I wish my fucking father never introduced me to pot. Then I wouldn’t have wondered about it after he died. I remembered it making me feel better, so I did it again after they were gone. Nikki too. It made us feel better about their absence.”  
  
I wiped my eyes and then sighed quietly. “If this is what you thought in the first place then why did you let me become part of the gang? Why’d you tell me to change?”  
  
“Well you did need _some_ improvement,” he joked gently.  
  
“Smoking?”  
  
“I didn’t tell you to. You did that on your own. Could’ve said no. You could’ve said no this whole time. But you didn’t.”  
  
“You encourage it!”  
  
“Why do you listen to me then? What’s so fucking great about me that it’s impossible to say ‘no’?”  
  
“Your cute wittle nose?” I teased weakly.  
  
He grinned and then hopped down from the car, turning back to wait until I did too.  
  
“Frankie, I just want you to know that I have one more secret. I’m not telling you what it is though.”  
  
“Alright. Ditto.”  
  
I nodded and then got choked up again. “And I’m really happy that I got to be part of the gang. You guys are so much like family. A month with you guys has made a huge impact in my life in a positive way.”  
  
“Now you know how I feel.”  
  
I smiled weakly and then watched him get into the drivers side of the car before I walked to the passenger side. Frank was so perfect in some ways, and so wrong in others. He was capable of being someone’s best friend one minute and suddenly their enemy the next. But I think I liked that. I liked how dangerous he could be. He lived at the edge of life and being his friend gave me insight to what that must be like. His story was so tragic. It made me want to hug him, but something stopped me from doing so. It wasn’t nerves or the fact that I blush easily. The thing that stopped me from the action was my conscious. It was screaming danger at me, telling me to run in the other direction. But he was my dream. My dream nightmare.  
  
I got into the car and he greeted me with a small smile. “Lets go have fun now. Gloria’s party queen, remember?”  
  
“Yeah,” I smiled.  
  
“Maybe Logan will be there.”  
  
“Maybe…”  
  
“I’ll hook you up with him.”  
  
“Uh-huh.”  
  
“Why aren’t you more excited about it? Don’t you trust me?”  
  
“Yeah,” I smiled big, making sure it was my most enthusiastic smile ever. “Excited! Yay!”  
  
“I don’t get you sometimes, Daph.”  
  
“Me neither,” I agreed.


	11. Chapter 11

We pulled up behind Gloria’s car in the driveway of her home awhile later. The drive there had been relatively quiet considering the amount of information both of us had shared. Calm and quiet for the ride seemed suiting. It made me a little upset though as well, considering it was supposed to be an evening full of pure fun. I probably shouldn’t have said anything to him about what I knew. Of course it had to be on the day he just wanted to be able to spend time with friends and have a good time. His eyes had been fixed on the road during the drive, and he kept both hands on the steering wheel which overall made him look out of character.  
  
He got out of the car first and waited for me. I quickly got out to follow and took a good look at all the cars parked down the street. “That’s a lot of cars.”  
  
He looked and then nodded. “A lot of fucking people. Good thing Glore let us park in the driveway or we’d be having a good amount of walking to do.”  
  
“Thankfully we don’t, considering fitness seems to be the last thing on everyone’s mind in this gang.”  
  
His hand made contact with my shoulder to stop me and he laughed lightly. “Whoa, don’t care about fitness?”  
  
“Maybe some of you guys do then,” I smiled shyly with a shrug.  
  
He flexed his arm and grinned. “Feel.”  
  
I blushed red and fulfilled his command. It was a typical guy request of him, but it was a great excuse to touch his strong arms. “Yeah,” I laughed nervously. “Like I said, maybe some of you guys are fit.”  
  
He laughed in return and then put his arm around my shoulders again that night, but this time in a more playful manner.  
  
“Are you ok?” he asked a few seconds later as we walked up the driveway. His tone had suddenly changed to more serious and concerned than joking and it got my attention.  
  
I nodded quickly, “yeah, yeah, fine. Why? Aren’t you?”  
  
“Mhm.”  
  
He didn’t sound very convincing, but I let it go since we were already standing outside the front door. “So do we knock?”  
  
He shrugged and opened the door, letting me walk in first. My first impression was that it was loud and crowded. To Frank though- he seemed to feel right at home. A moment after we walked in, Gloria came to greet us. She smiled at the both of us and then asked me to come and help her in the kitchen as Frank was called over by Mikey.  
  
“Well?” she asked once we were standing in the kitchen near the counter  
  
“Well what?” I responded, utterly lost by her question like I usually was.  
  
“Well, what the hell did you both do?! Your hair is a mess and your makeup is smudged. Did you both do something naughty in his car?”  
  
“What the fuck!?” I cried. “No! Gloria you’re such a freak!”  
  
“What did you do then?” she giggled as she went about trying to fix my hair with a comb. I have no idea where the comb suddenly came from. She could’ve kept it in her bra for all I knew.  
  
“I was crying and it was windy!”  
  
She paused and put her hands on my arms. “Crying? Why?”  
  
“He just, like, told me practically everything. About his life. I just got all worked up I guess.”  
  
“Aww, well, fuck,” she commented before giving me a hug. “His life story could make anyone cry. At least you know everything now.”  
  
“Despite him not wanting me to know.”  
  
“No, he wanted you to know. He just- I don’t know. But you know now so it’ll all just calm down now. Did he get upset? He absolutely dreads talking about his parents and the drug dealing.”  
  
“Yes, but he just flipped out, yelling and all until he calmed down enough. Then he just spilled his guts.”  
  
“Oh, poor darling. Where’d he go? He needs a hug.”  
  
“You’re a bit sappy.”  
  
“I’m serious,” she giggled. “He’s such a teddy-bear. Watch this.”  
  
I used the toaster in the mean time to try and fix my makeup as she looked out of the kitchen and then called Frank. “For the love of music,” she hissed when she saw me using the toaster as a mirror. “Here, use my compact.”  
  
I laughed weakly and accepted the offering. Again, I had no idea where she got the compact from. Gloria was a girl of mystery.  
  
“Frankie, come here,” she called again.  
  
He walked into the kitchen a minute later with his hands in his pockets and hood up again. “Yeah? Did you need help with something?”  
  
She gave him a sad smile and then walked over to hug him. “You just need a fucking hug right now. I’m glad you told her.”  
  
“Yeah, cause of you, you bitch,” he mumbled though hugged her back tightly.  
  
“Are you having fun?”  
  
“S’alright. I’m just tired.”  
  
She let go and took a step away from him, pulling his hood down in the process. “Want to go crash in my room?”  
  
“Naw, it’s a party! Fuck sleep!”  
  
She smiled and looked over her shoulder at me. “Gonna go out there and party, Daphers?”  
  
“Not yet,” I answered quietly as I focussed on fixing my eyeliner.  
  
“Better hurry, Mikey’s starting to wonder where the hell you are,” Frank grinned.  
  
“Oh?”  
  
“Yup. He was starting to ask random people if they’ve seen you.”  
  
“Why’s he looking for me?”  
  
“Wants to know if you want a joint I guess. They’re lighting up.”  
  
I raised an eyebrow at him. Hadn’t he just told me about half an hour ago to always say no to drugs? Maybe this was a test. “Tell him I say no.”  
  
He smiled brightly and nodded as he stuck his hands back into his pockets. “Gladly.”  
  
Once he left the room, Gloria slapped my arm and squealed. “Did you see that!?”  
  
“The hug?”  
  
”Yes, he likes hugs, but not that! Screw that! His hands were in his pockets!”  
  
I was completely lost. “Is there a point, cause-“  
  
“Yes there’s a fucking point! Guys always stick their hands in their pockets when they’re thinking about sex!”  
  
“So? That’s such a stupid theory.”  
  
“He was looking at you when he did that!”  
  
“They were also in his pockets when he walked into the room.”  
  
“Maybe he was already thinking of you when I called!”  
  
“Gloria, you’re being dumb.”  
  
“I am not! You just wait.” She took a deep breath and then yelled Mikey’s name.  
  
He was in the kitchen faster than I thought was possible since we were at a loud party. “Yeeeaaah?” he grinned mischievously.  
  
“When a guy sticks his hands in his pockets it means…?” Gloria began to narrate.  
  
“He’s thinking about sex,” Mikey nodded to finish.  
  
“You both set that up,” I argued.  
  
“Don’t hide your excitement about how my hands are in my pockets for you right now,” he smirked. “And come with me. The real party is about to start and you’re gonna miss it.”  
  
“I don’t want to,” I shrugged. “Thanks for the offer though.”  
  
“Missing out,” he repeated as he walked out of the room.  
  
Gloria was smirking at me when I looked at her again. “Told you!”  
  
“Shut up,” I laughed a little nervously. If that theory was true then I felt awkward. His hands better not be in his pockets the next time I see him! And I didn’t just mean Mikey.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
Gloria and I sat in the kitchen talking for at least fifteen more minutes until Frank came in to interrupt us. “Gals,” he greeted before stopping at my side. He tugged on the sleeve of my shirt a little and then pointed at the door. “Logan showed up. I’ll get you both talking.”  
  
“Uhm, no thanks,” I answered.  
  
“Why not? Glore’s not having too much influence on you now, is she?”  
  
“Nope.”  
  
“So this is actually you saying no to me?”  
  
I smiled for the true fact it was.  
  
“Why not then? I’ll hook you up!”  
  
“She said ‘no’ you moron,” Gloria cut in. “Go out there and party.”  
  
“Well why aren’t you both out there then?” he asked curiously. “It’s _your_ party, Glore.”  
  
“Daphy is having issues with shyness.”  
  
“Ooohhh,” he dragged out before smiling at me. “You’re scared to talk to him?”  
  
“Not scared,” I defended myself.  
  
“Fine. Shy. Same thing. How about a few drinks then? No talking to him. I swear. Just come drinks with the gang.”  
  
“We’ll be right there,” Gloria declared. “Now shoo. Go keep my guests entertained. Play guitar or something.”  
  
“Why so keen to be rid of me?” he pouted jokingly.  
  
“We were having a girl talk before you trudged in.”  
  
“Fine, I’ll be out there. Come party soon though.”  
  
“Uh-huh, uh-huh, I don’t see you walking out the door.”  
  
He glared in a teasing way and then left. Thankfully with his hands _not_ in his pockets.  
  
Gloria turned to me and smiled. “I think he likes you.”  
  
“Logan?”  
  
“No! _All_ of you are so stupid today! Frankie. I think he likes you. I mean, obviously he does if he has his hands in his pockets when he looks at you.”  
  
“Gloria, that’s ridiculous.”  
  
“Fine! Be that way! But he does! I can tell. I know him almost as good as I know myself. I can sense how he’s feeling, and right now he’s all crazed about you. But think what you want.”  
  
“Did he say something to you?” I asked suspiciously. I’d be lying if I said my stomach wasn’t twisting up in knots.  
  
“I never repeat what he tells me, she replied lowly. “He needs to be able to feel safe talking to someone.”  
  
“You’re not very good at your job, considering you told me about his parents and everything.”  
  
“Fine, so I slipped up! One time! It doesn’t change the fact that I love him to death and don’t want him to get hurt anymore than he has. He’s my best friend, Daph. He has been since we were kids. All I want if for him to be happy. Truly fucking happy for once in his life since he was nine.”  
  
“I think I want a drink,” I said nervously before leaving the room. Luckily I bumped into Mikey first who was running on a high. He shoved a drink into my hand before I could even ask for one and I guzzled whatever the hell it was down like fruit punch. I had another right after and then mingled as I drank yet another before I bumped into Frank.  
  
“There you are,” he grinned. “What are you drinking?” He took the red plastic cup from me and took a sip. “Yikes. Strong stuff. Never thought you’d want to drink stuff like this.”  
  
I shrugged and smiled. “It’s not so bad. What are _you_ drinking?”  
  
“Just beer. I’m not really in the mood to get wasted. Kinda sick of that, ya know?”  
  
“Nope,” I giggled. “I don’t.”  
  
He laughed, “how much of that have you already drank? You sound a bit loopy.”  
  
“I don’t know,” I shrugged.  
  
“Did Mikey give you that?”  
  
“Think so.”  
  
“Did he put anything in it? Bit extra?”  
  
“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I laughed before stumbling forward against him.  
  
He laughed again and then turned me around slowly. “I guess you being a bit tipsy is a good thing though, right? You’re more relaxed. Logan’s right over there, so you can maybe go and introduce yourself now.”  
  
“Yeah,” I laughed. “Yeah, I can! Thanks, Frankie! You’re the best!”  
  
“Sure. Are you ok to talk to him though?”  
  
“Of course! I like him don’t I?”  
  
“It’s what you keep saying so I guess it’s true.”  
  
“Yeah,” I smiled.  
  
He weakly smiled back at me before turning to Gloria who had shown up at his side out of nowhere. She glared at me when he wasn’t looking, but I had no idea why at this point. I stumbled forward toward this guy named Logan instead of questioning her. I think I’ve only ever said ‘hi’ to Logan three times ever. I used to think he was cute, but now not so much when I looked back at Frank who flashed me another small smile when his eyes met mine. Then there was Gloria again. Glaring. What was her problem? She practically shoved me into this situation I was about to begin with Logan. Her and her fat mouth. Frank even looked happier for me than she did! He probably wanted the stalker version of me away from him so he could focus on getting back with whatshername, his ex girlfriend.  
  
I walked by a table where cocaine was being done line by line. Frank had brought that. I knew that now. He must be really strong because I don’t think he’d done any yet tonight, and it’s right there in front of him. Instead he was sitting on the couch with Gloria now. She had one hand on his knee and was holding his hand with the other. By the look of it she was listening closely to what he was telling her. He looked a lot more tired now and it made me feel like turning back, but then I heard Logan laughing loudly and I remembered what I was supposed to do.  
  
“Hi, Logan,” I giggled as I plunked myself down on his lap with my drink still in hand.  
  
“Uh, hey?” he chuckled. “Sorry, I forget your name…”  
  
“Daphne. You don’t remember? We used to say hi in the halls all the time.”  
  
He looked to his friend next to him and then back to me. “Right. Yeah I remember now. Daphne. So, what’s up? Are you having fun? Well, I mean clearly you are.”  
  
“I’ve had a crush on you for so long,” I sighed. I couldn’t be blamed. I was drunk. No one was stopping me!  
  
“Really?”  
  
“Yeah,” I giggled as I leaned in and kissed him. A few people whistled and I giggled again until I felt his hands running up the back of my shirt. What the hell was I doing!? “N-no,” I stuttered, pulling away slightly.  
  
He grinned and pulled me back against him. “What’s the matter? Isn’t this what you wanted?”  
  
“N-no!” I repeated. I didn’t want this with him. He was stealing my first _real_ kiss This was nowhere near what I wanted it to be or who I wanted it to be with! I looked over to Frank who was still sitting with Gloria, but now he was sitting more alert and watching me. I pushed Logan away and that was when my first scream came.  
  
“What the fuck,” Logan growled. “You said you wanted this!”  
  
“No I didn’t,” I screamed as I hit his chest repeatedly, spilling my drink all over him in the process.  
  
“Hey, hey,” Bob shouted as he came over. “Logan, let her go!”  
  
“Fuck off, Bryar,” Logan yelled back.  
  
Then it happened. I was pushed onto the floor by Logan as he got up fast. Frank was right there ready to punch him, and I passed out.  
  
XXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXXX  
  
I woke up in the morning feeling groggy and gross. I was lying on the floor in my sleeping bag and there was a bucket next to me, no doubt in case I needed to throw up, which in my case felt like any second. These weren’t the details that came to my mind first though. Everyone who was part of the close gang were scattered around the room sleeping. Mikey was sleeping very awkwardly in the armchair; Bob was lying on the couch snoring; Ray was in the corner curled up; and Frank was sleeping in his own sleeping bag on the floor right next to me. This morning he was sporting a black eye. I’m pretty sure it wasn’t freaky makeup either. I reached out to wake him when I heard a creak on the stairs and Gloria hissing at me.  
  
“Don’t wake him,” she whispered. “Get your ass in the kitchen.”  
  
She sounded highly serious so I jumped up to follow orders despite my dizzy head.  
  
She was already pouring coffee when I got there. “Are you stupid?” she questioned.  
  
“Is this a trick question?” I replied sceptically as I slumped down in a chair at the table.  
  
“Do you not remember how I told you Logan and Frankie fight? So then of course you get drunk, strut your way over to the jackass, put the moves on him and then flip out when he touches you!”  
  
“I didn’t know what I was doing! And how was I supposed to know Frankie would react like that? I didn’t know he’d come over!”  
  
“Christ, Daphne! You got everyone’s attention for starters! And what makes you think he wouldn’t come and help you when you were in trouble!? You were freaking out!”  
  
“I didn’t want Logan touching me!”  
  
“Then why’d you go over to him in the first place!?”  
  
“Frankie told me to!”  
  
“And you listen to him? I thought you liked Frankie! Why are you screwing yourself over for this!? You could be with him!”  
  
“I don’t know,” I broke down in tears. “I don’t know what I’m doing. And my head hurts this morning.”  
  
“Don’t cry,” she pleaded, almost dropping her coffee mug. “Listen, I’m sure everything will work out. But listen to me. I . Know. Him. Well. I can tell he likes you.”  
  
“Why doesn’t he say anything then?”  
  
“Because he thinks you like Logan. He’s a boy, Daph. He can’t pick up on these signals. If he thinks you like someone else then of course he’s not going to try asking you out. He’s respectful. Now he’s just confused though. you owe him an explanation. I think you should just come right out and say you like him. Just do it without thinking too much about it. You’d be so perfect for him, Daph! You really would! I’ve known all his past girlfriends and none of them are like you. He needs someone like you.”  
  
“Someone like me?”  
  
“Yeah. I hardly think you’d date him for the drugs, and I know you wouldn’t cheat on him. You wouldn’t break his heart. You’re too sweet and caring to do something so fucking selfish and cruel.”  
  
“And you don’t think he’s going to, like, laugh, or get mad, or ignore me or something if I do tell him?”  
  
“Never.”  
  
“Ok. M-maybe later today.”  
  
“Yay,” she squealed as she pulled me into a hug. “And speaking of Mr. Wonderful.”  
  
I turned around and watched Frank walk into the kitchen a little hesitantly. “Sorry. Am I interrupting girl bonding time again?”  
  
“No,” I smiled. “How’s your eye?”  
  
He shrugged and stuck his hands into the pouch on his hoodie as he looked around, either trying to think of something to say or waiting for me to say something else.  
  
I decided I should take another leap. I walked over and hugged him. “Thank you. For last night. I realize I acted like an idiot.” It took a moment but then his arms snaked around me in a warm hug. I bit my lip to keep from squealing as I’m sure Gloria did as well.  
  
“I just don’t understand why you flipped out. I thought you liked him?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“No…?”  
  
I shook my head and took a step back out of the hug. “Can we maybe, talk, outside or something?”  
  
He raised his eyebrows in surprise at me before nodding. “Yeah. Sure.”  
  
“Just let me get you some ice for your eye. That looks like it hurts.”  
  
“Not so much anymore,” he weakly smiled.


	12. Chapter 12

Taking leaps has never been an easy thing for me. Taking chances is challenging, but lately I’ve learned that if you don’t take a leap now and then you won’t get any further than you already are. That’s why I’m sitting in Gloria’s backyard on the steps with Frank.  
  
“So what did you want to talk about?” he asked as he held the ice pack against his eye and cringed at the freezing contact.  
  
“Stuff, I guess,” I shrugged. Smooth.  
  
“ ‘Stuff’ is great. We can talk stuff. Generally that topic is narrowed down a bit though. Pick a topic, Daph.”  
  
“Lets talk about you.”  
  
“We talked about me already. What more is there to know?”  
  
“Lots of stuff.”  
  
“There’s that goddamn word again. Narrow it down.”  
  
“Love.”  
  
“What the fuck is there to talk about on that subject?”  
  
“Have you ever been in love?”  
  
“Uhm…I guess. Yeah. I have. So what?”  
  
I shrugged. I don’t think I really had any idea where I was going with that question. I just wanted to know.  
  
“Haven’t you?” he asked before I could conjure up another failure of a question.  
  
“No. No, I don’t think so.”  
  
“You don’t think so? Have you ever even dated anyone before?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Huh.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Your actions last night I guess. I mean, you just marched over there to Logan. You seemed really determined to get what you wanted.”  
  
“Are you calling me a slut!?”  
  
“No!”  
  
“Good! Because I’ll have you know I’m not!”  
  
“I know you’re not. I know what fucking sluts are like, alright? I’ve dated a fair number of them. And my sister happens to have the fucking career as one, and-“  
  
“Shut the hell up for a second!”  
  
He froze and stared at me. I myself had startled me. I just told him to shut up. I swallowed and continued talking anyway.  
  
“Can I tell you anything?”  
  
“Depends…”  
  
“I mean, can I trust you with anything I tell you?”  
  
“You want to tell me a secret?”  
  
“Only if I’m allowed to ask you a personal question.”  
  
“Ask me and then I’ll decide.”  
  
You said that your ex girlfriend cheated on you. How did you find out? What happened?”  
  
“What importance is that to you?”  
  
“I want to know what happened to you. You told me you were depressed.”  
  
He sucked in a breath of air and then put the icepack down. “You care a lot, huh?”  
  
“Sure I do. You’ve done a lot for me in a short amount of time. I want to pay you back.”  
  
“By making me spill my guts even more?”  
  
“I think it makes you feel better.”  
  
He eyed me sceptically before holding the ice back to his eye. “I found out about what was going on a couple weeks before our one year. Saw them, at her house. I was picking her up to go to a friends house for some stupid drug related party. I figured I’d surprise her. You know, just sort of sneak up to her room. She has the best laugh. I love her laugh. So I got up to her room, opened the door and, well, you know what I saw. Pretty fucking shitty scene to see when you’re in love with one of the two people in the bed.  
  
I didn’t answer right away. Instead I took a sip of coffee and then chewed on my bottom lip. “So you must’ve been really upset.”  
  
“Mhm. I was depressed for awhile. I was out of school for about a week. I don’t know if you noticed. Then you came up to me one day and started blabbing about stupid boy band music. I guess I drowned her out by helping you fit in. I guess that means I owe you thanks.”  
  
“Until I went and made you think about it again,” I laughed sheepishly. “Sorry.”  
  
“Naw, it’s ok. I think Gloria’s right. I should tell you more.”  
  
“So who was the cheater?”  
  
“You know her I’m sure.”  
  
“Who?” I asked more anxiously now.  
  
“Tia,” he replied hesitantly  
  
“No,” I said in complete shock. How didn’t I know!? How the fuck did I miss something like that? Jamie was at one point my best friend. I knew her sister almost just as good. Sure her year younger sister goes to a different school, much like my brother Mitch, but I saw her enough outside of school! How didn’t I know she was dating Frank!? Why didn’t Jamie tell me!? Bitch! “Fucking-what!?”  
  
“Thought you’d know her. Now you know why Jamie and I don’t get along. She defends her sister a lot.”  
  
I nodded in agreement. “I just don’t know why she didn’t tell me.”  
  
“Jamie never liked me to begin with. I’m a drug dealer. It’s what I do. Jamie’s sister’s a big time user and I’m sure you know how against it Jamie is.”  
  
I nodded again . I knew this. Jamie was always trying to stop Tia from going out. She hated drugs, hardcore music and anything else relating to what this gang was about. It’s why she got so mad at me for having an interest in them. But I wasn’t like her stupid sister. I wasn’t going to end up like Tia. I knew that for a fact.  
  
“She probably didn’t tell you, because- as I understand it- you always wanted to fit in with us. Had she told you, you might’ve started hanging with Tia more and you would’ve met me. Guess that didn’t matter anyway since you’re with us now despite Jamie’s attempts.”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“I didn’t force drugs on Tia, Daph. Honest to God I didn’t. She was into it before I started seeing her. I have a problem. I know it. I’m addicted. Thankfully I have strong self-control though. I’d never try to force drugs on you though. It’s why I tell you not to do it. My life’s a nightmare. I don’t think a nightmare is what you need.”  
  
“No,” I answered quietly. “I guess I don’t. Thanks for telling me. I’m sure that was hard for you to talk about.”  
  
“I think you might’ve been right though. Talking about it helps. Thanks for listening, Daph.. You owe me something now. Spill _your_ guts. What’s the secret you want to tell me?”  
  
What was I supposed to do now!? I couldn’t tell him! He was a nightmare! I couldn’t handle that in my life! What would happen if he knew!? Maybe taking chances was overrated. Whatever it was, I wasn’t going to find out. I run too fast to know what taking chances feels like. “I need to go.”  
  
“Go? Where? Now? You didn’t tell me your secret! Christ, I told you something deep. At least tell me something you’ve never told anyone else?”  
  
“I’m a fast runner?” I squeaked before proving my skill and running out of the yard. Idiotic and ridiculous to run, but he didn’t chase me.  
  
I didn’t know where the hell I was even running to. My home was too far away to run to, and I didn’t know the area well enough to know where I could retreat to for awhile. Lucky for me I came to a bus stop and dug into my pocket to find some spare change that was just enough for bus fare. When a bus that would take me home showed up I got on and I was taken away from the embarrassing problem I had just created for myself.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Home didn’t make me feel better by any means. Mom and dad were curious like always and asked why I was back so soon. I just told them that I had a bad headache and they were convinced, which allowed me to take refuge in my room without any sort of interruption. It was up there that I noticed I had left my purse at Gloria’s, along with my sleeping bag as well. I didn’t really care about my sleeping bag, but my purse had everything in it. “Fuck,” I cursed as I flopped down on my bed.  
  
Frank would probably hate me now. He’d probably disown me as a friend, and if Gloria was right at all, then he’d forgotten any sort of feelings he might have had for me. My cell phone began to vibrate in my pocket and I took it out to see the caller ID. I should have known it was going to be Gloria. I ignored the call though. I couldn’t face talking to her right then. All she would do was bicker anyway, about how I screwed up again.  
  
Instead of answering her I curled up on my bed and hugged my pillow. Maybe I could sleep up an escape.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
I woke up at three-thirty in the afternoon by Mitch who knocked on my door loudly and yelled that mom and dad had went out to some get together for the rest of the afternoon and evening. They apparently left me in charge of cooking my brother and I something to eat too, which is all Mitch actually gave a damn about. “Fuck off, you little jerk,” I yelled to my door.  
  
“Yeah, well you still have to make dinner,” he shouted back.  
  
“Fine. I will. Now piss off.”  
  
“Did you drink last night or something?”  
  
“What do you care?”  
  
“Did you?”  
  
“Maybe I did. Go away.”  
  
“Shit. Really? You? Since when do you drink?”  
  
I didn’t answer and pulled my pillow over my head instead. “Go away,” I mumbled, not nearly loud enough for him to hear, but he left anyway when I didn’t answer him.  
  
My phone started to vibrate on my bed again and I picked it up. I had five missed calls. Three from Gloria and two from Frank. It was Frank who had just called. Caller history told me he called earlier at two-thirty as well, but I had obviously slept through it. I wasn’t going to call him back though. I was already blushing at the thought.  
  
I pulled my binder up onto my bed instead and tried to write more of my English essay due Monday.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
An hour later the doorbell rang and I cringed. I hated when people dropped by without notice. Thankfully, Mitch was thudding down the stairs before I could even think about actually getting up.  
  
“Daphne,” he shouted. “Some guy wants you.”  
  
I froze and dashed to my window fast. I saw Frank’s car parked up front and my hand flew to my head. Why the hell was he here!? Why did he just show up!? “I can’t,” I called back fairly loudly to make sure my idiot brother could hear. “I-I’m not feeling good.”  
  
I heard the door close downstairs and then I looked out the window again to watch Frank walking back to his car. It probably looked bizarre to our neighbours if they were looking. I was known as the innocent good girl next door who would baby-sit your kids for free and always say a pleasant ‘hello’ if I saw them outside. I hated that about me though. What did I ever get in return?! I was a pushover. I knew that. I was a pushover my whole life and now I was just being a pushover to someone else. Frank probably looked like someone my neighbours would think negatively about, and that’s exactly what I loved. I wanted people to be appalled by me.  
  
He stopped at his car and lit a cigarette before crawling halfway into the front seat of his car. He was back out standing again a moment later and was using the roof of the car for something. I think he was writing, but who the hell knows.  
  
Whatever he was doing lasted a couple minutes before he opened the backdoor of his car and reached in for something. When he turned his had my purse in his hand. Then he went and he got my sleeping bag from the trunk and I froze as he walked back toward the house. Mitch would be pissed off soon. But that was really nothing new, nor anything I cared about.  
  
Sure enough the doorbell rang and Mitch muttered swears as he thudded back down the steps. This time he didn’t call up to me and I heard the door close not thirty seconds later. I watched Frank walk back to his car, but was startled when there was loud knocking at my door. “What?” I sighed.  
  
Mitch walked in and tossed my purse onto the floor along with my sleeping bag before he pulled a paper out of his pocket. “I’m not going to be your stupid messenger,” he glared. “Get your own fucking love notes from your boyfriend next time.”  
  
“It’s not a love note,” I retorted. “And he’s not my boyfriend. Get the hell out of my room.”  
  
“Thank you Mitch,” he mumbled.  
  
I had to smile a bit and then sighed, “thank you, Mitch.”  
  
“Whatever, just don’t read me whatever’s in that stupid love note. I don’t want to vomit.”  
  
I closed the door on him and then walked back to my bed where I sat down and opened the note.  
  
_‘I’ll start this off on a good note. What the fuck is wrong with you? Really. What the fucking hell is wrong with you? Did I say something to completely offend you today? Is there a secret word that makes you react in psychotic ways? If I say ‘car’ are you going to start barking like a mutt too? You ran. Actually ran. I don’t understand you. You’re the weirdest person I know, officially. And why don’t you answer your goddamn phone? I want answers from you. So once you’re done reading this I want you to pick up your fucking phone and call me. You know the number, lunatic.  
  
Frankie’_  
  
I had to giggle. There was no way I couldn’t. He just worded things in a way that made me laugh. I looked out the window again but he was gone. As much as the stupid note made me smile I still didn’t want to call him. There was no way I could manage talking to him yet. I didn’t even know how to begin to explain what I was thinking. I didn’t even know what I was really thinking.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
By Monday I didn’t want to go back to school yet. One, because I just didn’t feel like facing the gang quite yet who would surely all have questions regarding multiple things. And secondly, I hadn’t finished my English paper yet.  
  
I got several calls from Gloria again on Monday along with about ten texts telling me about how I was driving Frank nuts by not answering him. She told me I was an idiot and she told me that she hoped I was back at school by the next day because she missed me. I rolled my eyes and smiled. Gloria was someone I knew I could always rely on. I could see why Frank was friends with her.  
  
Gloria convinced me enough to show up again on Tuesday, but I avoided them at all costs by waiting until last minute to get to school and by eating lunch off campus.  
  
Even when you try to avoid Mikey though, you can’t. He found me by lunch and insisted on eating with me. Thankfully he was alone though so it didn’t bother me quite so much. What made me happier was his lack of questioning about the party. Instead he told me all about this new drinking game someone told him about. He told me about how he was going to some ‘drug party’ that night too and I cringed. Ever since Frank told me about selling drugs to him I was worried. Mikey seemed so much younger than he was sometimes and it reminded me of Mitch. I’d hate for Mitch to be in Mikey’s sort of situation. Mikey was such a cute little horny nerd. I was scared about the thought of anything happening to him.  
  
“You’ll…be careful, right?” I asked him hesitantly as I took a sip of my drink.  
  
“You want me,” he grinned.  
  
I rolled my eyes and shook my head. “I’m just…concerned I guess. You’ll be ok, right?”  
  
“Yeah,” he laughed. “Do it all the time. You want to come?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Why not?”  
  
“I’m not into drugs I guess.”  
  
“Daph, it’s the best! Come on.”  
  
“No. Thanks though.”  
  
He frowned and then shrugged. “Whatever. You might still break down.”  
  
“What’s that supposed to mean?”  
  
“What? I just said you’ll break down sometime. You’ll want to try.”  
  
“No I won’t.”  
  
“You say that now.”  
  
“What, you don’t think I have any willpower?”  
  
“Do you?”  
  
“….yeah.”  
  
He grinned and then shook his head but didn’t say anything at all and neither did I. We simply changed subjects and I ended up paying for lunch since he so conveniently forgot his wallet.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Avoiding Frank ended after lunch when I had English class to go to. He was already there when I arrived. He sat in the same spot he always sat and had his arms folded against his chest. He frowned at me as I walked in but I didn’t look at his gaze. Instead I directed my attention to apologizing to my teacher about my paper being late and explained that I hadn’t been feeling well yesterday.  
  
Frank sat up a bit more as I approached my normal spot. I could play the childish card and sit somewhere else in the classroom, but that seemed dumb. Then again I had been playing the childish card the whole week so far. Why break a pattern? I sat in my same spot though and he turned around almost instantly. He looked tired and irritated. I really wanted to be somewhere else.  
  
“Trapped now,” he muttered.  
  
I stared down at the blank page in my notebook and concentrated on writing the date down, surrounded by silly little decorations around it. It was just my way of not looking at him. His gaze was almost scaring me. He didn’t seem like himself somehow and it bothered me. “Well, I guess so. If English class is a trap now.”  
  
He grunted as his reply and then took his cell phone out, holding it near my face so I was forced to see it. “It’s a phone,” he told me bluntly.  
  
“I sort of got that,” I laughed a little.  
  
“You’d think so.” He put it away and then pulled my notebook away a bit when I went to draw on it again. “Why didn’t you call me?”  
  
“I wasn’t feeling well.”  
  
“Bullshit,” he glared. “You’re lying to me. I told you I hate when friends lie to me. Don’t.”  
  
I swallowed and then folded my own arms stubbornly as I stared right back at him now. “Why do you look like hell?”  
  
“What’s it matter to you? I tell you things and you don’t return information.”  
  
“Why do you look like hell?”  
  
“Fuck off, Daphne.”  
  
“Why?”  
  
“I partied last night. So what?”  
  
“You crashed.”  
  
“Fuck off,” he laughed bitterly before averting his gaze to the side. “It’s nothing. I’m just tired.”  
  
“Now who’s lying?”  
  
”Daphne, fuck sake. Why’d you run?”  
  
“I don’t know.”  
  
“Did I scare you or something? What did I do?”  
  
“Nothing.”  
  
“Daph…”  
  
Our teacher walked to the front of the classroom and began talking which cut both Frank and myself off from carrying on any sort of conversation. Instead, Frank turned away muttering.  
  
“Girls don’t play fair,” he directed toward me before facing front.  
  
“Drugs don’t either,” I whispered loudly enough for him to hear.  
  
“They play fairer than girls.”


	13. Chapter 13

That was the last day we mentioned anything about my running away incident for about a month. Gloria had been mildly forgiving of me over the issue rather quickly and instead began badgering me over trying to tell him again. She didn’t know that my running away was because I couldn’t tell him. He scared me. His life was a nightmare. If I got involved in his nightmare then where would I end up? You never know where you’re going to end up in nightmares.  
  
Today it was October thirtieth and we were all discussing Frank’s party the next day. Halloween was also his birthday and apparently he always had a huge party every year at his place. The entire apartment building became the grounds of a party central for the night and I was mildly excited to see this occur. Since it was Halloween everyone would be dressed up and I didn’t really know what I was even supposed to be yet. All I knew was that I had some kind of green cloak with a bunch of sequins on it, and a matching hat. I figured I could just wing it when someone asked me what I was dressed as.  
  
There was also the issue of having to buy Frankie a present. I had asked him if there was anything he wanted and he didn’t really have a response. Actually, his response had been rather cute. ‘Just be there’. I had blushed of course. I blush too easy. It’s a curse. But of course I wasn’t just going to show up and call that his present. I asked Gloria about the issue and she and I went shopping together before I finally decided to buy him a t-shirt. It was a band t-shirt and Gloria assured me it was one of his favourite bands and he definitely didn’t have that particular shirt, so that was what he was getting from me. I had brought it with me to school today to give him. I thought it would be better to give it to him now because I didn’t know when I’d get the chance tomorrow. I didn’t think many people were getting him presents by the sounds of it.  
  
I was sitting around with everyone in the hall during lunch. Frank sat on the ledge flipping through his notebook and I got the gift wrapped present out from my bag before walking over to him. I sat down on the ledge, looking around at everyone who didn’t seem phased at all by my move, so I continued. I just didn’t want this to be awkward. I tapped him on the leg and he looked up at me.  
  
“Hey,” he nodded. “What’s up?”  
  
I held the present toward him and smiled weakly. “I know your birthday is tomorrow and all, but I thought maybe I’d give you your present today?”  
  
He smiled back slightly and put his book down before moving closer to me and taking the present. “Thanks, Daphne. I told you not to get me anything though.”  
  
I shrugged and smiled at him again. “I didn’t listen.”  
  
He started to tear the paper and suddenly Gloria was highly aware of what was going on. She whipped out her camera and took a picture. I blushed seeing as it got most of the group’s reaction for a moment before they continued their conversations again. It was just Gerard and Gloria watching now as Frank finished unwrapping the t-shirt and held it up. “Holy shit. It’s great, Daph. Thank you!” He leaned over and pulled me into a hug during which I knew Gloria snapped another picture with a giggle, because I heard her.  
  
“You’re welcome,” I told him quietly as he started to let go. To my surprise he pecked my cheek quickly and I giggled a bit before looking away shyly. I should be used to him being like that now, but I wasn’t. It always made me smile to get a hug from him.  
  
“You want to go have a cigarette?” he asked me after putting the t-shirt into his bag.  
  
“Sure,” I replied as I got up to go get my own pack that Gloria got for me, since I’m chicken to get my own pack.  
  
“Don’t worry about it,” he said as he tugged me by the arm toward the stairs. “I’ll give you one.”  
  
“Oh-ok.”  
  
He smiled at me and we walked down the hallway toward the back doors. People downstairs watched us closely. I liked getting the attention. You always got attention when you walked alongside Frankie anywhere. He simply commanded it with no words at all and it was a skill I wished I had. Gloria had it too. Even Gerard, Bob, and Ray did. I’d even seen Mikey get attention! But I never got the attention they did. Not yet at least. It was something I was striving for though.  
  
As we walked he gave me a cigarette and before we were even out the doors we were lighting them.  
  
“Are you excited for you birthday?” I asked firstly once outside.  
  
“Excited?”  
  
“Sure. You’ll be eighteen. That’s legal drinking age in parts of Canada you know.”  
  
“Yeah, I’m aware,” he laughed. “So? I’m not planning on moving there or anything. And why would I even have to?”  
  
I shrugged and took a drag from my cigarette. “Well, it’s still turning eighteen.”  
  
He nodded and then exhaled smoke away from me. “Thanks again for the present, Daph. It’s pretty rad.”  
  
“You’re welcome,” I giggled. “Gloria told me it would be something you’d probably like.”  
  
“Yeah. They’re one my favourite bands.”  
  
I smiled faintly and then studied his face more closely as he looked away. He looked tired again. Stressed, maybe. Something was bothering him. But something was always bothering him, so it was a stupid assumption. “A-are you alright?” I asked.  
  
He laughed a bit and nodded. “Yeah. Why?”  
  
“I don’t know… You look like something’s on your mind.”  
  
“So do you.”  
  
“I do?”  
  
“Sure. You’re thinking, aren’t you?”  
  
“Well, you can’t stop yourself from thinking.”  
  
“Right. So there’s always something on everyone’s mind.”  
  
I glared jokingly at his escape out of the question and then kicked a stone on the ground. “So what are you dressing as for Halloween?”  
  
“Nothing too special,” he shrugged. “I don’t dress up much. I just wear a mask for awhile then take it off when I get bored of it.”  
  
“Oh.”  
  
“What about you? What are you dressing as?”  
  
“It’s a surprise.”  
  
“Ooo,” he teased.  
  
“It’s nothing very good.”  
  
“I’m sure it’ll be fine, Daphy.”  
  
I smiled at him and then we were joined by Bob and Mikey.  
  
“Well I’m dressing up as a vampire this year,” Mikey declared, probably having heard our conversation.  
  
“And what are you being, Bob?” I asked.  
  
“A locker,” he answered bluntly. “Just to piss you off.”  
  
I started laughing and then looked over at Ray, Gloria, and Gerard who followed out soon after them. “What are all of you going to be for Halloween?” I questioned curiously.  
  
“Zombies,” Gloria answered for both her and Gerard.  
  
“And I’m going to be Slash,” Ray laughed.  
  
I smiled widely at their answers, looking forward even more to the party the next day.  
  
“Is Nikki going to be a stripper?” Mikey asked hopefully.  
  
Frank reached out and smacked him upside the head rather hard. “Watch it, mutant.”  
  
“You should be a chiclet, Mikey,” I spoke up.  
  
Gerard started laughing suddenly and staggered back against the wall before laughing even more at Mikey. “Is that the costume you were trying to put together?”  
  
“Oh hell,” Frank giggled. “Mikey you’ve sunk to a new low. We need to teach you something about girls soon.”  
  
“Hey,” Mikey glared, “Nikki has a dream and I was trying to fulfill it.”  
  
“Yeah, that’s really what she wants. Your scrawny ass in a square suit, posing as gum. What, you think her dream is to fuck a piece of gum?”  
  
“Well, some people are kinky.”  
  
Frank reached out to slap him again but Mikey ducked this time and grinned.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
“Daph, what the hell are you supposed to be?” Gloria whined as I walked out of her washroom clad in my ugly green cloak and matching hat.  
  
Gerard who was at the house too looked over from Gloria’s desk where he was drawing and laughed. “You look like you’re geared to go to some old lady convention.”  
  
“Or about to join the asparagus fan club,” Gloria frowned.  
  
“Or celery.”  
  
“No, not celery. Celery even has more class than what she’s wearing.”  
  
I looked down at my outfit again and then examined how they were dressed as zombies. Their makeup was rather extravagant due to Gerard’s talent in horror makeup, and compared to them I probably did look like the president of the asparagus fan club.  
  
“You should’ve let me take you shopping for a costume,” she sighed in frustration as she came over and started fussing with my hair as if trying to make something of it.  
  
“My parents are starting to wonder where I go so much,” I said randomly just so there was more talking instead of deafening silence.  
  
“So just tell them you’re hanging out with your best friend. Me!”  
  
“I do, but they don’t believe me.”  
  
“It’s too bad you don’t have parents like Gee and Mikey’s. They just don’t care. Huh, Gee?”  
  
Gerard looked back over nodded. “For the most part. They’re reluctant to follow whatever interests Mikey and I have. Which is probably for the best.”  
  
“No kidding. Anyway, Daph, you look ridiculous.”  
  
“Well I have no choice now,” I shrugged.  
  
“Ugh. Well I have my costume from last year!”  
  
“I can’t fit your clothes! You’re too tiny!”  
  
“At least let me fix your makeup then. What kind of turn-on are you for Frankie tonight?”  
  
I blushed red considering Gerard was in the room too, but he just smirked and went back to drawing. He probably knew everything. Gloria tends to blabber a lot and I’m sure she tells Gerard everything.  
  
“I’m not trying to be a ‘turn-on’,” I frowned.  
  
“I can tell. Asparagus fan.”  
  
“I hate asparagus!”  
  
“Well you could’ve fooled me in this stupid outfit!”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
It was sort of silly and utterly hopeless how much of a fight Gloria put up over my costume. In the end she announced that she’d done all she could, which really wasn’t much, and we left for the party.  
  
I’d heard that the whole building got in on the party on Halloween, but I didn’t actually believe it until we arrived and there were a bunch of drunk people wandering around the area already, having come out of the building.  
  
When we walked up to the front door I reached for the buzzer but Gloria just laughed and pulled me inside. The three of us walked up the stairs and as we did I began to recognize people despite their costumes.  
  
The door to Nikki and Frankie’s apartment was closed, but it was hardly empty inside when we opened it and walked in. People were everywhere and I felt bad for anyone who might be claustrophobic. Cases of beer were stacked against the wall and a bunch of different kinds of candy was set on the table. I could smell pot too, and assumed it was coming from the kitchen where the air seemed hazy.  
  
“Finally,” someone shouted to us. All I saw was the flash of a black cape before I realized it was Mikey. “What do you think?” he grinned at me through the very stereotypical vampire makeup.  
  
“You look good,” I laughed.  
  
“What are you?” he questioned while eyeing me up and down. “Wait, wait. I know! You’re a kettle cozy!”  
  
“That’s a good one, Mikey,” Gloria burst out laughing. “I’m proud of you. You actually came up with a decent joke.”  
  
“That’s not what she is?”  
  
“I doubt it, Chiclet,” I heard Nikki say from behind me. When I turned around I had to laugh at her costume. She was dressed as a nun. Mikey must have been highly disappointed. “You’re here now,” she smiled before reaching out to hug each one of us. “I’m not really sure where the birthday boy is right now. You’ll bump into him at some point though, I guess. Anyway, I hope you all have a good time! And I love your costume, Daphne! It’s very original.”  
  
“Thanks,” I smiled shyly.  
  
“You have no idea what you are, do you?” she continued with a laugh.  
  
“No idea, no.”  
  
“Whatever, I still like it!”  
  
Then she was off again with Mikey following close behind her. He’d be glued to her side all night, no doubt. I turned to talk to Gloria and Gerard, but found they had disappeared somewhere into the crowd now as well, leaving me alone. So I began searching for Frankie. I was always excited to see him. I loved going to school because of him. I was already dreading for the end of the year when high school would be done for the majority of us. How often would I still get to see everyone?  
  
I bumped into Bob at some point and almost fell over laughing. He wasn’t dressed up per se, but written across his forehead in what I guessed was eyeliner, was my locker number. “I told you,” he said before walking away.  
  
I turned to head in a different direction again, and was handed a cup of some kind of beverage along the way when I clumsily bumped into someone again, but this time had their arms clamp around me. It startled me simply because I didn’t know who it was, and looking up didn’t help because they were wearing a mask. Then I heard them laugh and smiled as Frankie took the mask off and grinned at me.  
  
“So you came,” he said.  
  
“Yeah,” I blushed. “The party’s pretty crazy!”  
  
“It’s the best party there is every year,” he giggled. He had obviously been drinking and I think he was a bit drunk already, not that it bothered me any.  
  
“So are you supposed to be a pincushion or something?” he questioned as he tugged at my cloak a bit. “What is this?”  
  
“I don’t know,” I admitted. “I’m not very good at dressing up.”  
  
He just smiled in response and then shrugged. “Whatever. It’s fine. You look good. I’m going to go check on stuff in the kitchen. I’ll talk to you later though?”  
  
I nodded quickly and then he made his way toward the kitchen as I became lost in the crowd again. It then occurred to me that I hadn’t even wished him a happy birthday. I would just have to remember the next time we talked.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
There wasn’t going to be another time that evening though it seemed as a few hours went by and I still hadn’t seen him again. I figured he had probably went outside somewhere for awhile. The whole building was a party zone after all. I had long since made myself comfortable up against the wall as I watched the scenes before me. The crowd was beginning to lessen slowly and I could actually spot certain people out now. Unfortunately that was how I found Frankie…and a girl. I didn’t know who she was. All I knew was that she was dressed like some slutty bunny and was sitting on his lap as they clearly flirted. Anyone could tell they were flirting. How couldn’t they be with her simply just sitting there on his fucking lap!? My hands clenched into fists without me really realizing at first and I swallowed hard.  
  
Maybe it wouldn’t have bothered me so much had he not said we’d talk again that evening. But it wouldn’t happen. First he was grinning at her, and then they were kissing. And I watched like a stalker. Like a fucking Mikey stalker I watched things get heated between the two of them until they were practically making-out on the fucking couch. That’s when I began to feel tears in my eyes. I wouldn’t cry, but I just felt like it. I thought it might’ve been true when Gloria had told me he liked me. Maybe I really had messed everything up when I ran that one day.  
  
“Hey, Daphne,” Ray said as he came and stood next to me. “I didn’t see you. How’s it going? Do you like the party?”  
  
I nodded to him and for a moment just smiled at his costume before glancing over to Frank again and became lost in awful thoughts once more.  
  
“So what are you dressed as?” he asked me casually.  
  
“Uhm,” I thought before freezing when Frank stopped kissing the girl and listened to something she was whispering to him. “I’m sorry, what?”  
  
“I asked what you were dressed as,” Ray questioned again.  
  
“Oh-I don’t know. I guess I’m supposed to be a-“ I stopped again because now Frank was grinning and I didn’t like that grin at all. Maybe on other occasions, but not now. “I’m sorry, what?”  
  
“What. Are. You?” he said slowly with a laugh.  
  
“A pumpkin?” I squeaked as the disgusting pair got up from the couch and then made their way down the hall toward his bedroom. The grin on his face told all and I sat down on the floor feeling sick. When he closed the door I almost threw up on the carpet, but refrained from that action and just let my tears escape.  
  
“Like the stem of a pumpkin then?” Ray asked as he sat down with me but then stopped talking because of my tears. “Oh no, what happened? Are you ok? Why are you crying?”  
  
“I-I, do you know where Gloria is?” I squeaked.  
  
”I think she’s in the hall with Gerard. Did you want me to get her for you?”  
  
“Please.”  
  
He nodded and then got up. He didn’t head toward the door right then though and a moment later Mikey was standing in front of me. “Stay with her,” Ray said. “I don’t think she’s feeling well.”  
  
Mikey got down and then used his cape to wipe away some of my tears. “You’re sick? That fucking sucks. Frankie’s gonna kill you for being sick on his birthday.”  
  
I started crying a bit harder at his name and Mikey pulled me into a hug. I hugged back. Sure, it was Mikey, and he was clearly high on something, but he was still a friend. He was someone I knew I could count on, despite his stupid ways.  
  
“I knew you wanted me,” he laughed.  
  
I just shook my head and held on until Gloria came over quickly with Gerard following her. “What the hell happened to you?” she squeaked as she pulled me away from Mikey. “You’re hugging Mikey! Something has to be fucked up here.”  
  
“Hey,” Mikey frowned before standing up and bouncing off somewhere, calling for me to feel better before disappearing into the kitchen.  
  
“Are you not feeling well?” Nikki questioned as she came over. “Did you want to go lie down in my room?”  
  
“Maybe we should just go,” Gloria slurred a bit. I knew she had been drinking as well. I don’t know how drunk she really was, but she was still functioning fine by the looks of it. “I drank though…”  
  
Gerard shrugged and nodded that he had too, so both were out for driving us home.  
  
“Well I can drive her home,” Ray spoke up. “I didn’t drink. I have to take Bob home now anyway. He’s practically passed out in the hall.”  
  
“Will you go with Ray?” Gloria asked me.  
  
“Can I talk to you first?” I sniffed.  
  
She nodded and tugged me into the hall. “Ok. Hallway. What?”  
  
“Frankie.”  
  
“Yeah…what about him?”  
  
“He went into his room…with a girl.”  
  
“…Oh. Oh no. Fuck. And you’re upset. And…oh no. This is bad. This is bad.”  
  
“How much did you drink?” I sniffled with a soft laugh considering she was becoming hysterical in a way that was unlike her.  
  
“Not _that_ much,” she answered. “Do you want me to kick his ass? Daphne, I will go in there. Right now. And I will kick his ass for doing this. Want me to?”  
  
“No,” I smiled weakly. “No. I’m being a baby about this. I don’t own him or anything.”  
  
“I’ll drag him out here, Daph,” she continued anyway. “I’ll make him apologize to you. Then you can go in there with him and _you_ can fuck with him.”  
  
“Gloria!”  
  
She giggled loudly and then Gerard came waltzing into the hall. “Gloria, Gloria, Gloria. There you went. Out here. Daphne, Ray said it’s time to go. We can’t find birthday boy though. So he can say bye tomorrow.”  
  
“Right,” I answered. “And you’ve been drinking lots too, have you?”  
  
“Not _that_ much,” he said just like Gloria had.  
  
“Hey, that’s what I said, hubby,” she laughed at him. “You’re copying me now!”  
  
“It’s like we’re married!”  
  
“We should get married.”  
  
“Now?”  
  
“Not now. I need a dress. I don’t want to get married as zombies. I need a dress. Then we’ll get married.”  
  
”Here?”  
  
“At Frankie’s apartment?!” she laughed hysterically before they stumbled back through the door together.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
“Daphne, call me after you get home,” Nikki said to me as I stood in the hall a couple minutes later with Ray who was trying desperately to get Bob to stand on his own properly. The numbers on his forehead as smudged together by now and it looked funny. Especially because of how he was completely incoherent.  
  
“Ok,” I agreed.  
  
“You look a bit better now. Are you sure you wouldn’t rather just stay and lie down in my room for a bit? Then Gloria and Gerard can take you home tomorrow like the original plan.”  
  
“I’d really rather leave.”  
  
“If you’re sure. I’m sorry we can’t find Frankie. He’d want to say goodbye. Especially to you…”  
  
I’m not stupid and picked up on the change in her voice at the end. The way she emphasized ‘you’. I was being thrown hints left and right that he liked me back just as much as I liked him, but I guess we were both being childish in actually admitting it to each other. And his way of handling it really didn’t impress me. I lost some respect for him that night.  
  
Suddenly there was a burst of laughter coming from inside the apartment and Mikey was heard cheering the next moment. “Yeah, Frankie, you the man!”  
  
“What the hell is going on, Chiclet?’ Nikki demanded as she walked in. “You’re being annoying.”  
  
“Frankie has to teach me how he gets girls so easy.”  
  
“Shut up, Mikey,” Gloria slurred. “Frankie’s a fucking creep.”  
  
“Where is he?” Nikki said.  
  
Mikey snickered again before answering slyly, “in the bedroom, baby, why don’t you show me yours now and I’ll take off my cape.”  
  
Arguing began to brew up again between the drunken idiots that were my friends and I rushed Ray along who was trying to follow exactly what was going on inside. I managed to drag him along to the stairs before he has had anymore time to figure it out and the last thing we heard before reaching outside was Nikki calling me.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
The car ride wasn’t all so pleasant, but how could it be when we were stopping every other block so Bob could throw up. It was absolutely disgusting and it made me never want to drink again, though I knew that would never happen. Though I had to admit that it was pretty funny every time Ray panicked and shouted, ‘don’t throw up in my mom’s car!’.  
  
Halfway home Ray glanced back at me and then looked forward again. “How are you doing, Daphne? Are you feeling any better?”  
  
“Sure,” I sighed.  
  
“Good. So I think I figured out what you are now.”  
  
“Yeah? What?”  
  
“A green apple.”  
  
I smiled faintly and surrendered. “You’re the first person to get it right.”  
  
“I’m right?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
”Sweet! Do I get something?”  
  
“I don’t know. I’ll figure something out.”  
  
“Nice.”  
  
I smiled again and then stared out the window for the remainder of the ride as thoughts of Frank and that girl filled my mind again. I wished I was her. Maybe I should’ve dressed up like more of a slut or something. Gloria said I looked ridiculous. Maybe if I had put more effort into my costume then I’d still be at the party with him.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Once home- as I said- I called Nikki to let her know I was at home and doing better.  
  
“I’m sorry about what he went and did,” she said quickly before I could hang up. “That was…so, so, rude and inappropriate, and…unlike him. And I’m sorry.”  
  
“Why are you apologizing?”  
  
“Because I realize you like him…and well, I think it’s pretty obvious he’s into you. So I don’t know what’s the matter with him. He’s…been going through a lot lately and I really don’t know what else to say. I hope you don’t stay completely mad at him. He needs help, and I was hoping you could be someone to help him.”  
  
“What do you mean?”  
  
“The drugs, the partying…it’s all accumulating. It’s all he’s been doing lately.” Her voice was growing to be more concerned and I felt my pulse picking up as she continued. “He comes home, and sometimes it’s not him. Sometimes it’s like I don’t even know him, and I don’t know what to do. I told him he should stop, you know? I told him he should quit this stuff, but he won’t. He claims he can’t, and maybe that’s true. I tried convincing him to go to rehab-“  
  
“Rehab?”  
  
“I’m scared that if he doesn’t get help now while we can still get him out of this mess, then we’re not going to get him back at all. His crashes… They’re so much worse than they used to. It’s more often-“  
  
“But he’s fine at school!”  
  
“He’s never fine at home.”  
  
I curled up on my bed and closed my eyes. He was falling apart and I felt so unaware. I suddenly wondered how much more Gloria knew that she wasn’t telling me.  
  
“Maybe…” she spoke up, trailing off once before picking up again. “What if you talked to him? Come over randomly.”  
  
“I-I don’t want to see him high.”  
  
“I’ll call you? I’ll make sure he hasn’t done anything.”  
  
“M-maybe? Ok. What would I even say to him though?”  
  
“I don’t know. I was hoping you could come up with something. He’ll listen to you. I know he will. But I’m scared, Daphne. He’s using more than he has before. I think this is addiction now. Seriously becoming an addiction. I don’t know what to do. I can’t get him to stay home. Gloria talked to him and he won’t listen either. I’m scared about Mikey too. He uses all kind of crap. What if this happens to him too?”  
  
She was on a panic attack, but there was no way I could blame her.  
  
“I’ll try,” I finally said after an extended pause. “I’ll try talking to him.”  
  
“Thank you,” she nearly choked. “Thank you.”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Pacing. I was actually pacing. I was waiting for a bus that would get me to Frankie and Nikki’s apartment, and I was pacing in front of the buss stop. I didn’t have to go. I really didn’t. It was solely up to me, but if I didn’t go and at least try to help him, then I’d feel guilty.  
  
It was Tuesday. Three days after the Halloween party. We didn’t really talk about the events on his birthday at school, but I made note to watch him more closely. I saw the depression and it scared me. I don’t know why I missed things like that before. I always knew there was something not right, but I never took the time to consider what it could be. Now that it was pointed out to me, I couldn’t even see anything else about him other than the bad that was happening.  
  
Mikey checked with me several times over Monday that I was feeling better. I think it was just his form of making me laugh by asking so much, but really it was just getting annoying after awhile. Especially while I was planning in my head how in the hell I was going to talk to Frank. Where do you start? I didn’t know how to handle the situation at all. I retreated to the computer, searching for how to talk to him, but what did they know about how I was feeling? I eventually gave up and decided to wing it.  
  
I told Gloria what I was planning on doing too, and she fully agreed to it. She almost started crying in the process of discussing the matter, and it was then I knew how much more she had been keeping away from me. “He stole money from me, Daphne,” she sniffled. “He stole money right out of my fucking purse. It was last week. He’s never done that before. I didn’t know what to do. I saw him. I fucking saw him take money. Like it was nothing at all to be stealing from me! Like I didn’t fucking matter anymore!”  
  
Her words haunted me now as I paced the bus stop and felt a little sick to my stomach when I saw the bus in the distance. If I believed in God like mom and dad told me to, then I’d be praying right then.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
“H-hi,” I said into the intercom when Nikki answered. “I…I’m here.”  
  
“Come on up,” she answered bubbly. Frank was probably nearby. I don’t think she would’ve sounded like that if she wasn’t acting.  
  
I climbed the familiar steps now, noticing all the garbage that was still leftover from the huge party. It would probably be lying around for at least a couple weeks before anyone decided to even think about doing anything about it. When I got to their apartment the door was slightly ajar. I guess it meant I was supposed to go in, but it felt like intruding still. Instead I stood outside the slightly opened door and reached out to knock on the doorframe. Frank swung the door all the way open before I could even do so and I jumped.  
  
“Christ, Daphne, we knew you were coming up. You can just walk in next time…”  
  
I shrugged shyly and then walked passed him into the apartment when he motioned me to do so. I scanned my eyes over the apartment and chewed on my bottom lip. It was- for the majority- cleaned up, with only a few seemingly empty cases of beer still in the corner.  
  
“So why are you here?” he mumbled before sitting on the couch and lighting up a cigarette.  
  
“I don’t know,” I answered quietly before really thinking of what I was saying. I saw Nikki walk out of the kitchen. She gave me a small wave before disappearing into her bedroom and I remembered why I was even there. “I mean, I know why.”  
  
He rolled his eyes at me and then took a drag while he waited for me to continue.  
  
“I guess I’m here because I’m worried about you.”  
  
“You too?” he scoffed in response. “Why? Why are you all so fucking freaked out? What’s different now than it was a couple months ago? Nothing. Nothing’s different.”  
  
“Everything’s different.”  
  
“How so?”  
  
“You stole from Gloria.”  
  
“I borrowed money,” he snapped. “I borrowed fucking money from her. I have every intention of getting it back to her. I didn’t even take much.”  
  
“You took enough.”  
  
“So what business is that of yours anyway, Daphne?”  
  
“Because she’s my best friend. She’s yours too and you took money without asking to borrow it. That’s stealing. That’s what I was taught it was in school so that’s what it must be. You’re stealing from your friends. You have a problem.”  
  
“I have a job,” he muttered before taking another drag.  
  
“It’s not a job,” I argued, feeling my bravery rising. I was pissed off at him for messing everything up. Everything in my life that was improving seemed to be caving in now and I was furious with him for ruining it. “You tell Nikki all the time that what she does isn’t a job. Yours isn’t either.”  
  
“What I do is different than what she does.”  
  
“But it doesn’t make it any better.”  
  
“I told you I can’t quit what I do. It’s impossible.”  
  
“Fine. Whatever. I don’t care about that right now. But why are you abusing the drugs more lately? It’s _you_ everyone’s worried about. Your health.”  
  
“My health,” he laughed. “What’s wrong with my health? I’m fine. Nothing’s wrong with me.”  
  
“You’re using drugs heavily lately. That’s a lot of damage.”  
  
“What do you even know on the subject? You’ve never done drugs.”  
  
“And I don’t want to because I know what they can do to you. I see what’s happening with you now. You’re…different.”  
  
“People change.”  
  
“Sure, but you’re changing negatively.”  
  
“So what do you want me to do? Want me to…what? Smile more?”  
  
“You can’t smile.”  
  
He flashed me a grin, but it was hardly natural. Nothing about his smile was natural lately and I shivered.  
  
“You can’t smile,” I repeated.  
  
He glared at me now as he put his cigarette out and then got up, snatching his car keys off the table. It was then that Nikki came out of her room and ran to the door before him to block it. “No fucking way are you going out again. You told me you’d stay home tonight, Frankie.”  
  
“Nikki, move your fucking ass,” he muttered. “You’re in the way.”  
  
“Exactly. Sit your ass back down. Daphne’s talking to you. You need help. We’ll help you.”  
  
“Move,” he said more forcefully.  
  
“You promised me you’d stay home today,” she squeaked, this time with tears forming in her eyes. “You haven’t been home a whole day in…so long. I can’t remember when. Please stay home.”  
  
“Nikki, move it,” he shouted at her.  
  
“No,” she yelled right back at him and I jumped.  
  
Then it was something I never thought I’d see Frank do. Never to Nikki. He literally shoved her away from the door and she stumbled to a fall.  
  
I froze and watched with wide eyes as he hesitated and reached down toward her to help her up, but stopped and stepped back again. He seemed torn over what to do as she sat crying on the floor and I just couldn’t move at all. I’d never been so scared in my life.  
  
“Nikki,” he finally said quietly. “I-“  
  
“Get the fuck out,” she sobbed into her hands. “Just…go.”  
  
And he left.


	14. Chapter 14

After Frank had left, I helped Nikki up and I stuck around the apartment with her for awhile, just to keep her company and let her tell me how she was feeling. It was hard to listen to. It made me dislike Frank so much more because he had so many people who loved him and he still acted like a fucking idiot. But it was addiction that was doing that to him. I kept telling myself the fact over and over. ‘It’s not him, it’s the addiction’.  
  
I didn’t know how aware the rest of the gang was. I just knew that Nikki, Gloria, and I were involved in this now. I think the rest knew too, but had no clue- like us- what to do. For the amount of time I knew them, I had never seem any of them except Mikey do anything beyond pot. I don’t think they did. They drank and they did marijuana, but that seemed to be as far as they would go, and I was glad for that. And I was glad that Mikey wasn’t overly addicted to coke…yet at least. He didn’t have access to it as often as Frank did, so I think the only time he did it was at major parties. Who knew though. If he was overly addicted, he was better at hiding it than Frank was.  
  
It didn’t surprise me that the next day- Wednesday- Frank didn’t come to school. It was sort of weird to look over at the ledge and not see him there, when all the rest of us were present. Something was lacking with him gone and I don’t think anyone liked it. It was a lot more quiet than usual, until Mikey went and sat where Frankie usually did.  
  
“Listen up, fuckers,” he announced loudly, so his voice bounced all the way down the hall. He was only talking to us, but he had managed to capture most peoples attention at the opposite side of the long hallway.  
  
“Mikey, shut up,” Gerard mumbled. “you’re embarrassing me again. It’s bad enough you can’t talk to a girl without making a total idiot of yourself.”  
  
“What is with all of you? Just because ‘God’ isn’t here…”  
  
“It’s not because of him not being here,” Ray spoke up. “It’s because of what’s happening to him.”  
  
“And it’s going to happen to you too, Wannabe-Skywalker,” Bob added, “if you don’t do something about your stupid ways now…soon…”  
  
“Tia fucked him over,” Mikey said a bit more loudly than Bob. “We all knew something bad was going to happen to him after the slut got what she wanted. So I don’t get why you’re all having a meltdown now. We all knew it was going to happen.”  
  
“What kind of fucking friend are you!?” Gloria shouted as she got up and slapped Mikey clear across the face.  
  
“Bitch-“  
  
“What kind of friend are you!? He always helped you when you needed help, and now you turn your back on him!? He didn’t go home last night.”  
  
“He stays out a couple days at a time sometimes! He always does that. What’s the difference!?”  
  
“The difference is that Nikki- the girl of your fucking dreams, by the way- is a complete wreck. She called me up at three in the goddamn morning asking if I had any idea where he might be. And I have every idea where he might be. I know where the fuck he is, but it’s not somewhere I can go to get him.  
  
Mikey swallowed and turned to stare out the window from where he was sitting. “Well what are we supposed to do? You all keep saying you don’t know what to do, so how are any of you better than me? I’m just stating the truth.”  
  
I sighed shakily and got up to walk away. Gloria was quick to follow like usual, however. “Where are you going?” she asked.  
  
“I don’t know,” I mumbled.  
  
“Look, I’m sure he’ll come back. He always does. Mikey’s right in that sense.”  
  
“He shoved Nikki,” I choked.  
  
“What?”  
  
“He shoved Nikki. After I talked to him… She tried to stop him from walking out and he shoved her. She fell…and…he just left…”  
  
“That fucking prick! I’m going to-“  
  
“Going to what?”  
  
She paused and then tried to think of something to say.  
  
“Going to what, Glore? He’s gone right now. Who knows when and if he’ll come back. Even if he does what are you going to do? Yell at him? It won’t change anything. It’s all my fault.”  
  
“It’s not your fault,” she squeaked. “Him being a douche is not your fault!”  
  
“Why didn’t I just tell him that morning after your party? Maybe something amazing would have happened. Maybe he would’ve been happy, like you said, and then everything would be fine. But I screwed up and suddenly things were getting worse. I…broke him.”  
  
“He’s been broken for years,” she said back quietly as we stopped in the hall and sat against the wall. “He’s been broken for years. You can’t say this was your fault. It’s been a work in progress since he cut a deal with those jerks he calls his ‘other friends’. His ‘other gang’.”  
  
“But still, maybe if I had-“  
  
“There is nothing you could’ve done.”  
  
I stopped talking and sighed. I hated that there was virtually nothing I could do. All we could do was drive around looking for him, but even then, what would that do? He obviously didn’t want to be found.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
That night I stayed home. My parents had been catching on that I was up to something, so I stayed home to try and prove them wrong. I did my homework- ironically enough- another English essay we had been assigned that day. It was difficult to write though. It always is when your mind is focussed on something other than what you are trying to accomplish.  
  
I eventually gave up and text Frank for about the sixth time that day, asking where he was and telling him to call me. Then I text Bob back about a question regarding our biology class.  
  
Despite what had happened during lunch that day, Mikey was right back to being his stupid self; talking about pickup lines and plotting his next scheme to woo Nikki. Everyone let the lunch argument go as well and had spent whatever time we had together that day joking around as always.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
The next day was the same. As was Friday, and Nikki was in panic mode, constantly texting all of us asking if we’d seen him or heard anything. On more than one occasion Gloria actually had to call her up and talk her out of calling the police to report his absence. I had to agree with Gloria. If he was reported then what could accumulate from that? He could be tracked down, and what if the gang found out? These were things I remembered Frank telling me about. These were huge scares of his and I didn’t want that. Nor did Nikki, which is why she never did call the cops, but spent most of her time walking around the area or taking busses to random places in search of him.  
  
Over the weekend we met at the park. It was cold out, but no one really cared. In fact, I think Gloria liked that it was cold because it gave her an excuse to cuddle with Gerard. Mikey tried getting me to cuddle, but no way in hell was that going to happen.  
  
“What’s so great about slides?” Bob asked at random as he nodded in the direction of the play structure where a bunch of kids were playing.  
  
“They’re supposedly fun,” Gerard answered rather bluntly. “I don’t know. They’re kids.”  
  
“What does that have anything to do with anything?” I asked with a slight laugh.  
  
“Well we’ve got nothing else going on right now,” Ray shrugged.  
  
“We could play a game?” Gloria suggested.  
  
“What game?” Ray questioned with a yawn.  
  
“Uhm, I don’t know.”  
  
“Tag?” Mikey asked with a grin.  
  
“That’s such a baby game.”  
  
“…Strip tag?”  
  
“Fuck off,” Bob laughed waving his hand in dismissal of the stupid suggestion.  
  
“Fine then,” Mikey said as he proceeded to think. “Spin the bottle.”  
  
“I’m not kissing your ugly face,” Ray retorted.  
  
“Nor would I,” Gerard agreed in disgust.  
  
“Ew, incest! Mikey you didn’t think this through at all.”  
  
“Does he ever?” Gloria sighed lazily before taking her phone out again and texting a reply.  
  
“Is that Nikki again?” Gerard murmured to her.  
  
“Mhm. I think I’ll go visit her today.”  
  
“I’ll come with you?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
They got up saying ‘bye’ to everyone and then left, leaving myself, Bob, Ray, and Mikey. We didn’t really come to a conclusion over our boredom. It was as if we had no knowledge to function without Frank there to tell us what we should do, or could do. So we sat around for another hour not doing anything. We just talked about random things that came to mind.  
  
“Do you think he’ll come back?” Ray asked as he scratched his arm.  
  
“Who knows,” Bob shrugged.  
  
It was quiet for a moment before I asked, “Did you guys like Tia?”  
  
“She’s hot,” Mikey jumped in right away. “She has these huge boobs and nice ass.”  
  
“Agreed,” Bob nodded in approval.  
  
“I know what she looks like,” I sighed in slight frustration. “That isn’t what I meant. I meant if you liked her personality and stuff.”  
  
“What’s in the category of ‘stuff’?” Mikey asked curiously.  
  
I smiled faintly. I remembered the conversation Frank and I had back at Gloria’s the morning after her party. ‘Stuff’ is too general a word. “Never mind,” I shook my head. “Just personality I guess.”  
  
“She’s funny,” Ray said first. “She has a weird laugh, but it’s all good.”  
  
I remembered Frank telling me how much he liked Tia’s laugh. I couldn’t remember Tia’s laugh, but I do remember it being weird, so I had to agree with Ray on that.  
  
“She was too touchy-feely for my liking,” Bob spoke up.  
  
“Yeah she is,” Mikey laughed. “Really touchy-feely.”  
  
“You liked it. She was the only girl willing to get near you.”  
  
“Hey, I didn’t complain! I bet Frankie loved her touchy-feely ways.”  
  
“Probably,” Bob grinned back.  
  
“Touchy-feely in certain areas.”  
  
If Frank was here, I’m pretty sure Mikey’s head would be bleeding by now. From what I remembered from our brief car ride the day of his concert, he’d been very defensive of any sort of ‘guy talk’ in the car while I was there. I guess it was just a gentleman-like gesture. Something Mikey didn’t have yet, and probably never really would by this point.  
  
“I want a touchy-feely girlfriend,” Mikey continued.  
  
I rolled my eyes and gave up on trying to get information from them. They weren’t any help at all. I wanted information because I didn’t want to be like Tia.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
He’d been gone six days by Monday. By this point Nikki was hardly even sleeping. I felt awful for her. At the back of my mind there were horrible thoughts of him never coming back. Nikki was probably feeling remorse over their fight before he left. Had she not told him to leave then maybe he would’ve apologized and maybe she could have convinced him to stay. But you can’t change the past so we had to deal with the little information we knew.  
  
It was two-thirty in the morning when my cell phone woke me up. I had never been in the habit of leaving it on at night until I started hanging out with the gang, and now I always made sure to have it on. Everyone always had their phone on. It was a comforting feeling knowing that no matter what, I always had someone I could turn to at any hour of the day, or night. So I was sure to have mine on too. It was rare for it to ring at night though. The first time it had, it was at one in the morning and it was Mikey asking me if I had ever played a certain level on a video game I had never heard of. He had been stuck in the level, but of course I couldn’t help him. Another time it had been Ray asking me if I could print off his assignment for one of his classes because his printer broke. That had been at three in the morning. Other than that though, I had no other calls until this one.  
  
I squinted at the caller ID in the dim light and then my eyes shot open wide as I fumbled to answer. “Hello?” I greeted, though my voice was a bit groggy from just having woke up.  
  
“I need you,” the best voice to hear at two-thirty in the morning answered.  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“Daph, I’m fucking serious,” he hissed, though I heard slight pain apparent in his tone.  
  
“What’s wrong? Where are you?”  
  
“Outside. Look out your window.”  
  
I did so and smiled down at the shadowed figure standing in front of my house. I waved slightly and then Frankie started talking again.  
  
“Alright, so you saw, now get down here. Please? I need your help.”  
  
“Wh-what’s going on?” I asked as I scrambled to put on a hoodie. It was a cold night out and I grabbed a blanket too, uncertain of what kind of condition he was in right at the moment.  
  
“I don’t know. I don’t fucking have a clue. I just…wound up here.”  
  
“Where’s your car?”  
  
“I don’t know! I don’t think it’s fucked up or anything. I’m pretty sure it’s somewhere fine, but I don’t know where somewhere fine is right now. I’m just confused.”  
  
I started moving faster and quietly made my way down the stairs as fast as I could without waking my family.  
  
Once outside I raced toward him and lunged myself against him for a hug. He staggered backward slightly and hissed in pain, so I quickly backed away from him as a result. “I’m sorry!”  
  
“N-no s’fine. My shoulder is just fucked.”  
  
“What did you do to it?” I asked as I reached forward and rest my hand gently on his injured shoulder.  
  
“I don’t know,” he mumbled. “Just like everything else. I know nothing. I just know I did drugs. Lots of drugs. With the gang, and we went places. Lots of places. Drugs, and drinking, and partying. Drag racing and…fuck… I don’t know.”  
  
“But you’re ok?” I asked gently.  
  
“I…guess so.”  
  
“Good,” I sighed as my vision became blurry with tears. Then I shoved him away from me hard. “Fuck you!”  
  
“What the hell, Daphne?” he frowned.  
  
“You’ve almost been gone a week! Everyone’s been worried! Nikki’s a hysterical mess because she doesn’t know what happened to you. You just left and no one knew what was going on. You didn’t answer anyone’s calls! You ran out after I talked to you!”  
  
“So now we’re even,” he slightly grinned, though it didn’t last long.  
  
“Fuck,” I choked. “I hate you.”  
  
“Really?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Can we sit? On the steps? I’m…kind of dizzy.”  
  
I nodded quickly and then gently tugged him toward the front steps. “So how did you wind up at my house?”  
  
“I didn’t. I think I passed out. I was a couple blocks over and I recognized the neighbourhood, so I walked here. I need a ride home or something. I didn’t know who to call. Nikki doesn’t have a car and I did call Glore, but she didn’t answer.”  
  
“I’ll call her again,” I said as I took my own phone and started searching her name. He put his hand over the screen though so I couldn’t see it and I looked up at him. “What?”  
  
“Don’t call her yet.”  
  
“…Ok…” I put the phone back down and sighed before looking up at the sky. “So you’re ok? Are you cold? It’s freezing out.”  
  
“Other than my shoulder and my head I think I’m fine,” he shrugged gently. “And I’m not too cold, thanks.”  
  
I nodded and then covered my face as I tried to place everything in order to make sense. “Are you on anything right now?”  
  
“Don’t thinks so. Doubt it. I feel fine. Well…normal… Shitty. So I guess that means I’m not under the influence of anything. You’re safe. No monsters tonight.”  
  
“You’re not a monster,” I said quietly.  
  
“You all seem to treat me like one,” he answered back just as quiet.  
  
“We don’t treat you like a monster! We’re trying to help you.”  
  
“Help me from what? You’re trying to stop me from being a monster. So I’d have to be one for you to want to stop me.”  
  
“Frankie, that’s not true.”  
  
“So you word it differently, but it all narrows down to the same thing.”  
  
“Yeah. Drugs. Drugs is the monster.”  
  
There was an extended pause and then he laughed a bit. It wasn’t a humours kind of laugh. It was a saddened laugh and I caught onto it fast. “What?” I asked with great concern.  
  
“Nothing works out anymore,” he laughed. “Nothing I do works out. When I thought you and me were heading somewhere, you ran, and then we never talked about that day again and I don’t know. I never brought it up. I didn’t think you’d want to talk about it anymore when you avoided any topic dealing with that party.”  
  
“What do you mean we were heading somewhere?”  
  
“I like you. Obviously. Isn’t it obvious? I feel like it’s written all over me.”  
  
I stared at him a moment and then broke down crying into my hands.  
  
“Hey, no, why are you crying?” he asked with a voice filled with sympathy. “That’s not how it’s supposed to work out. And don’t worry about it. I get that nothing’s going to happen with us.”  
  
“No,” I swallowed. “I mean, yeah, maybe. I like you too.” I laughed a bit and nodded. “I like you too.”  
  
For the first time ever I saw his face light up with excitement. It was an emotion I’d never seen on him before and I sort of wished I had a camera to capture it. He smiled fully at me. Really smiled. Nothing was fake about it at all. I didn’t want to say what I had to say next. It felt like I was ruining everything again, but it was something I had to tell him, or else nothing could change.  
  
“But I…can’t be with you,” I said quietly. I watched the expression on his face fall until he swallowed thickly and asked me ‘why’. “I can’t be with someone who does drugs. Don’t take it the wrong way. I want to be with you. So much, Frankie. I’ve liked you for so long and I’m so stupid for not having told you. I was being such a wuss about it all. I kept backing out because I thought you would laugh at me or something. But I can’t be with you now because I can’t be with someone I can’t trust.”  
  
“You can’t trust me?” he asked sadly. “Why? Why can’t you trust me? What did I do?”  
  
“You took off for a week! A week without any sort of explanation about where you might’ve gone. That ruined a lot. What you did to Nikki…ruined a lot…” I was going to say more but stopped when he looked away and sort of turned from me. I reached out and put my hand on his shoulder but he pulled away gently and I sniffled before continuing. “But it’s not you who did it. I know that. It’s drugs. So…it’s not you who is the monster. It’s the drugs. Like I told you. If you got rid of the drugs then everything would be so much better.”  
  
“I can’t,” he choked slightly. “I can’t just quit. It’s not so simple. It’s not easy to just stop something that’s the only thing keeping me sane. What would you suggest me to do? I’m not happy, Daph. I cant’ be happy. It’s like I’m not allowed to be happy! Every time I get just a little close to feeling what real happiness is, something goes wrong. A friend’s in some kind of trouble; my girlfriend cheats on me; Nikki brings some guy home! And all of it is a reminder of how fucked my life is! I can’t keep telling you this. I need you to just understand me. Read me, know me. Someone has to be able to help me, cause I can’t do this anymore.” He stopped and covered his face, turning away again just slightly.  
  
I wiped away my tears and put a hand on his non-hurt shoulder hesitantly. He turned toward me this time and pulled me into a hug. I felt awkward at first. This was Frankie. He shouldn’t be able to have a breakdown like this. I’m sure part of it was due to all the drug abuse, but something told me this was genuinely him. And for the moment I knew him. I _could_ read him and I _could_ predict his next move. I could help him. And I would.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
I talked with him for a full hour, just getting to know each other some more. He told me all that he could remember over the time he’d been gone and though some of the stuff he claimed to have done was horrific to me, I kept a straight face and simply nodded when appropriate. In return for the information he told me, I shared a few funny stories from when I was a freshman in high school, just to make him laugh. I told him about how nervous I really was to tell him I had a huge crush on him in the first place and that I had told him I liked Logan just to throw him off. I admitted everything to him and it felt good to have him know.  
  
“That’s harsh,” he chuckled after I told him about the Logan issue. “I was so bummed when you said you liked him. Glore kept trying to tell me how it was actually me you liked, and I wouldn’t believe it.”  
  
“Me too,” I laughed. “I guess we’re a bit dumb.”  
  
“Just a bit,” he grinned. “So I decided trying to move on from you would be the best idea.”  
  
“Hence the slutty bunny girl at the Halloween party,” I blushed.  
  
“Ah, fuck. That.”  
  
“That hurt.”  
  
“I bet it did,” he said quietly. “Guess you found out about my virgin status anyway.”  
  
“I never really thought you were,” I shrugged. “I was just jealous I guess.”  
  
To this he smirked at me. “Jealous? You?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
He laughed a little and then shrugged “I guess I’m flattered then. And maybe I was jealous when you kissed Logan…”  
  
“He stole my first real kiss,” I said sadly. “I think I’ll be mad about that my whole what’s left of my teenaged years.”  
  
“What’s considered a real first kiss then?”  
  
“Ugh, you know, when you get that tingly feeling and everything. Or one that lasts more than three seconds at least.”  
  
“So how many seconds was Logan?”  
  
“I don’t know. Five?”  
  
He tried not to laugh and I elbowed him lightly.  
  
“Stop laughing at me.”  
  
“I’m not laughing,” he said in all seriousness though broke out into a smile after.  
  
“So he seriously stole it.”  
  
“Naw, but Logan doesn’t count. He’s a prick. I was so pissed off when he started touching you without permission. I could’ve broke his neck. Unfortunately Gee was there with Ray to put an end to the fight. But I did get him in the jaw good. And a great bloody nose.”  
  
”I still wish that kiss didn’t happen.”  
  
“We’ll pretend it never did.”  
  
“Then I still haven’t had my first real kiss.”  
  
“So, can I be your first then?” he asked with a small grin. “I’ll try to make it worth more than just two seconds over your standards.”  
  
I lost my voice. It was gone. Just like that. Gone! Funny noises squeaked from my throat dryly and he grinned more before dipping his head down to catch my lips in a kiss. He was so experienced compared to me, but nothing about the kiss was awkward at all. After awhile he wrapped his arms around my waist and I was clumsy like always about what to do with mine until I finally just rest my hands on his shoulders; eventually wrapping my arms loosely around his neck. So much about the moment was perfect.  
  
After awhile he pulled back and looked directly into my eyes causing me to shiver slightly at the intensity. “If I try to get better, will you be mine?” he asked quietly.  
  
“If you try I’ll be with you one hundred percent.”  
  
He smiled again that night and then kissed me once more. My nightmares had never transformed to dreams so fast. He was mine.


	15. Chapter 15

Eventually Frank admitted to being rather cold in the night air and wrapped the blanket I’d brought out with me around himself as I scrolled through my list of contacts on my phone. Gloria must’ve been in a comatose state to not have answered her phone at least one of the several times I tried calling her. Eventually I gave up and called up Gerard instead, who picked up and yawned before speaking lazily.  
  
“Are you nuts? It’s, like, three-thirty in the fucking morning and you’re calling.”  
  
“Frank’s home,” I giggled happily, though quietly. I had to keep reminding myself about where I was. The front steps of my house wasn’t exactly the smartest place to be seated in this situation, but my parents were generally pretty deep sleepers and the only one I really had to worry about was my brother, who I’m pretty sure I could convince to keep his mouth shut if I had to.  
  
“Finally! That’s great! Well what’s going on? Why are you calling?”  
  
“Gloria wouldn’t answer. We don’t know where Frankie’s car’s at right now. He thinks it’s fine wherever it is, but we just don’t know where. Can you come get him and drive him home?”  
  
“I- Yeah. Yeah, alright. I’ll be there in a bit. I just gotta sneak outta here.”  
  
There were sounds of him moving about and I was wondering why I was still even on the phone with him, when there was a bit of a startled cry coming from the other end of the line and then Gerard sighing in frustration.  
  
“You little fucker, can’t you be normal for once?” he muttered.  
  
I smiled a bit because it was obviously Mikey who’d gotten into this somehow.  
  
“Why do you always have to get involved?” I heard Gerard argue with him, no doubt trying to cover the phone, but having very little success as Mikey still managed to grab hold of the receiver.  
  
“Hey, Daph?” he greeted. “Late night booty-call?”  
  
“No,” I couldn’t help but laugh in return. “Frankie’s here.”  
  
“Fucking hell, no way,” he exclaimed rather excitedly. “Put him on!”  
  
“Mikey, get lost,” Gerard’s voice came again. There was some ruckus and then Gerard was back on the phone. “Daphne, I’ll be there in, like, ten minutes.”  
  
I laughed again when the line went dead and looked to Frank who grinned in return. Was it a correct term to call him my boyfriend now? Regardless of the proper status, I scooted over to his side and still to my surprise he put his arm around me.  
  
We sat in silence for awhile until I interrupted it with worry of my parents waking up to find us. “I hope my parents don’t suddenly walk out here.”  
  
He didn’t respond right away. Instead it seemed he hadn’t heard me at all until a whole minute later when he smirked at me and leaned in to steal a kiss. “Isn’t that part of the thrill? The risk of being caught?”  
  
I was speechless, and numb, like so many other moments throughout this night. I’m pretty sure my brain melted into a puddle and I didn’t answer.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
When the car pulled up it was obvious to me that Mikey would be there as well. He rolled the window down and waved like the maniac he was. He even went as far as to get out of the car and came running over. _“And where have you been?”_ he questioned Frank enthusiastically. “Got any good stories?”  
  
“Mikey get your ass back in the car or I’m going to make you walk home,” Gerard called in annoyance. “I’m not bullshitting you.”  
  
Frank laughed a bit as Mikey rushed right back into the car and then he turned to me, removing the blanket still wrapped around him to put around me now instead. “Thanks,” he said softly. “I owe you one.”  
  
This time, I was the one to initiate the kiss. It was nothing big, because I let my nerves get to me. It was only a quick peck on the lips, but he smiled, so I guess it still met his expectations.  
  
“I’ll see you in a few hours at school?” he spoke quietly.  
  
“You mean you’re actually showing up?” I giggled a bit in surprise.  
  
“Are you going to be there?”  
  
“Well, yeah…”  
  
“I’ll see you in a few hours.”  
  
“Mhm,” is all I could manage after that before he turned to go to the car where Gerard waited patiently and Mikey was practically bouncing in his seat. The kid never calmed down.  
  
Once they drove away, I had my girly moment of hopping around excitedly and smiling so much you’d think it would be stuck like that permanently. Maybe it would’ve if it wasn’t for the front lights suddenly turning on. Holy shit, I was dead now. I hesitantly made my way up the steps, afraid of what would be waiting for me on the other side of the door.  
  
“You’re playing a bit of a dangerous game,” came Mitch’s voice through the tiny crack of the door he had opened.  
  
I sighed heavily in relief. I don’t know what I would’ve done had it been my parents on the other side of the door. “What’s the fun in anything if there’s not chance of getting caught?”  
  
He opened the door a bit more, looking over his shoulder quick before stepping outside with me. “I caught you though.”  
  
“Don’t say anything to mom and dad,” I glared, trying hard to make my voice sound as threatening as possible.  
  
“So who was that?”  
  
“Huh?”  
  
“You just spent over an hour out here with some guy. ‘Huh’ shouldn’t even be in your response.”  
  
“His name’s Frank,” I sighed in annoyance.  
  
“That’s it? That’s all you’re gonna tell me? All I gotta do is yell, Daphne. They’ll have you put on surveillance.”  
  
“Fuck you!”  
  
“No, fuck you! When did you become such a bitch?”  
  
“Since I finally stopped letting idiots walk all over me! And I’m not a bitch! None of this is your business!”  
  
“Are you sleeping with him?”  
  
“Mitch!”  
  
“I’m just trying to make sure you’re ok,” he frowned in determination.  
  
“Well, stop! It’s weird! And don’t tell mom and dad.”  
  
Mitch walked into the house, but not before giving me one last frown. Of course he was pissed off at me, but why should I have to tell him about something even I was unsure about? That, and I guess I was protecting him in one sense. Protecting him like Frank had been trying to protect me at the beginning. If Mitch got to know Frank, he might get to know the rest of the gang. I was most worried about him meeting Mikey. I didn’t want Mitch ever near drugs. I had seen now what they had the potential of doing and I didn’t want them to ruin his dreams.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Mitch didn’t end up telling our parents anything. I didn’t actually think he would, though he remained angry with me.  
  
I had barely made it to the top of the stairs at school when Gloria ran over to practically tackle hug me. “You found him!”  
  
“More along the lines of he found me,” I laughed in return while throwing a glance down the hall where Frank was back in his normal spot talking away with everyone, laughing a lot more, and constantly smiling.  
  
“He’s so happy,” she told me. “What happened? What did you do? Is this some new brand of drug you have him on?”  
  
“No drugs at all,” I answered happily. “Glore, he told me he’s going to get clean.”  
  
“What!? What the hell happened last night!?”  
  
“He told me he likes me,” I giggled and blushed as we paused in the hall.  
  
“Finally,” she practically shouted. “Then what happened!?’  
  
“I told him I couldn’t be with him if he was going to continue doing drugs. Disappearing like this and everything.”  
  
“And he told you he’d give up for you…” she filled in quickly while motioning for me to continue. “Then what? Where’s the good stuff?”  
  
“That’s not good enough?” I laughed.  
  
“Did you kiss!?”  
  
“Yeah,” I said a bit shyly.  
  
“That’s what I wanted to hear! What kind of kiss?”  
  
“Glore,” I laughed. Jeez, people always want detail.  
  
“Was there tongue?” she pressed on. “How far did you go?”  
  
At that point I was just walking away for her laughing. It gained me some more attention from the destination I was heading, but I didn’t care. I was only focussed on Frank who looked back with that grin of his.  
  
Once only a few feet away from him he welcomed me with open arms to which of course I walked right into, doing my very best to block out the sound of Mikey whistling and cheering to a maximum.  
  
I giggled and Frank only smiled back before pecking my lips and then pulled me down lightly to sit next to him. He kept his arm around me, as if to prove something to everyone.  
  
“So, uh, what’s this?” Bob nodded in our direction.  
  
“New romance,” Gloria sighed happily as she cuddled against Gerard who really wasn’t phased at all.  
  
“Well I don’t get it,” Mikey stated. “He’s gone for a week and when he gets back, he’s got a girl waiting for him. If I disappeared for a week, I’d only have Gee to come home to!”  
  
“Don’t count on it,” Gerard cut in. “I’m sure mom would be waiting for you though.”  
  
Frank started to laugh and then shook his head at the youngest in our group. “I’ll have to teach you.”  
  
“You keep saying that,’ Mikey responded, “but there ain’t no girl hanging onto me right now, so obviously you fucking suck at this teaching thing.”  
  
“It’s ok, Mikey,” Ray spoke up. “At this point I’m pretty sure there’s no hope for you anyway.”  
  
The younger Way brother frowned at this particular comment before holding up his middle finger along with a comeback. “Tell that to the blow-up doll in your basement.”  
  
“You have a blow-up doll?” Frankie questioned and cocked an eyebrow. “Damn, I’ve got a whole class of losers like you to teach, Mikey.”  
  
“Lets get back to the Frankie and Daphne situation,” Gloria said loudly over all the responses that bubbled from Frank’s last comment. As soon as she had everyone’s attention she smiled sweetly to me. “Are you both officially dating?”  
  
I hesitated, because it was the same question I had been asking myself since last night. With my hesitation I was met with Frankie’s gaze. He looked a bit unsure himself, and I wish we had discussed this in private instead of having to figure this out in front of all our friends now.  
  
“Awkward,” Bob finally cut in after the rather extended pause.  
  
“Yes,” I suddenly blurted out before shutting my eyes tightly. I always embarrass myself and this time wasn’t an exception. I couldn’t look at Frank now. What if he wasn’t in agreement?  
  
“Aw they’re boyfriend and girlfriend, Gee,” is the first thing I heard come from Gloria. “We can double date now!”  
  
“That’s a great idea,” Mikey agreed. “You guys can go see this movie that just hit the theatres. I’ve been wanting to go see it and this will be a great excuse.”  
  
“Are you under the impression that you are coming with us on a double date?” Gerard spoke up. “Because you’re totally not coming.”  
  
“Not again,” Gloria added. “I can’t believe you came with us on a date last time, Mikey.”  
  
“I was _under the impression_ that Nikki was going to show up as well,” the youngest argued back that cause me to open my eyes and laugh, because honestly, how couldn’t you? It was also that moment that Frank smiled back at me like he had been the entire morning.  
  
He got up and tugged me along with him to the stairs. “So, _girlfriend_ , do you want to come and be my _girlfriend_ outside? For a smoke?”  
  
I blushed red and chewed on my bottom lip before flashing him a grin and nodding. “Alright… _boyfriend_.”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
I have never witnessed time pass so quickly. Usually time drags by for me, but for the last few months I was with Frank, time flew, and now I understood the entirety of the phrase. Within that time, nothing really changed between us or anyone in the gang. The only difference was how much time Frank and I spent with each other, and all the frequent kisses. As for people like Gloria who like those details, we haven’t gone too far past first base, and I’m fine with it, though I don’t doubt he wants more… Sometimes I’m worried about it, but Gloria insists I shouldn’t rush since rushing is what really fucked up his other relationships anyway.  
  
I helped him through the withdrawal he did go through, although it was nowhere near the horror stories I had heard. We’d caught him fast enough and we helped him until he wasn’t doing anything he shouldn’t be, other than the dealing he kept up, because he virtually had no choice. I’ve never met a guy as strong as him, because he quit it just like that, and never thought about doing the drugs he had access to since then. When I had questioned how hard it was for him he simply called me his drug, and that so long as I was there, he was sane. Maybe I’m foolish, but I believed it.  
  
Nikki became like a sister to me, seeing as I was there more often than not. My parents seemed to come to some kind of acceptance of the change they found in me. I think they were more worried about me leaving home if they didn’t let me find the freedom I wanted and needed. Mitch still worries like my mother did at first though. It’s not unusual to find him lurking by the front door when I run out to meet Frank in his car, and it’s not too odd for him to interrogate me when I get home late. I don’t hate him for it because I know he does it out of love, but it really does get annoying sometimes.  
  
It’s spring now in Jersey. The snow’s gone and school’s a drag, though time moves fast. Frank’s already been accepted to college though he has no plans of actually going. I didn’t bother asking why he applied, because I know it was just for him wanting to know he succeeded. I too have been accepted to various places, and at this point in my life I don’t know what I’m going to do next. I don’t know if I want to go. All I know is that I want to be with Frank. I’d go wherever he did.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
It was April when things I had become so accustomed to began twisting into something I felt unsure of and kind of freaked out over.  
  
“A payback?” I repeated for about the fifth time as I sat on the couch at Frankie’s apartment, sipping on beer and watching him frantically draw out a really crappy sketch of the floor plan of our school.  
  
Everyone was at his apartment. Everyone being Gerard, Gloria, Mikey, Bob, and Ray, as well as Nikki who was staring at Frank like I was; like he was out of his fucking mind.  
  
He grinned like a maniac though, chain smoking and writing out other ideas for this big plan of his for a payback.  
  
“Why?” was the first sensible thing thrown into the conversation by Ray.  
  
‘Why?’ indeed. I tried to think of a reason for sabotaging our school, but came back blank. Despite some of the assholes that walked the hall, such as Jamie, I couldn’t think of a real reason for payback.  
  
“Why?” Frank scoffed as he finally stood up to apparently give us a speech of some kind. “Because it’d be wicked, wouldn’t it?”  
  
“Fuck yeah,” Mikey agreed loudly before reaching to grab Nikki’s boob. Needless to say all he got was a hard slap to the side of his face. “I’m sorry,” he piped up after a moment. “I got so excited there for a second!”  
  
Nikki rolled her eyes and then looked to Frank again who continued his speech.  
  
“Look, I go to classes… Well, majority of them. We all do. We’re all relatively good students, with the exception of some little fuckers in this room about to get brutally beaten for touching my sister…”  
  
Mikey winced and then smiled sheepishly back with a small innocent wave.  
  
Frank shook his head and continued again. “Regardless of the good grades we somehow do manage to rake in, what do we get for it? We get nothing in return. Fucking, nothing! It doesn’t matter how smart we are, because to them, we’re still worthless little shits who won’t amount to anything. I’m judged because I have tattoos. Glore’s judged because she wears more eyeliner than the average girl. Gee’s judged because he’s freakishly pale. Bob’s assumed to be an asshole; Ray’s assumed to be nothing but hair; and Daphne’s seen as the preppy little brat that went wrong.”  
  
I froze because now I was seeing a point. Suddenly the stares I remember getting when I walked the halls with Frankie for the first time revealed a different meaning. Maybe it wasn’t admiration as much as it was pity or fear. I was scared at one point. I never thought of my new friends as nothing though. I saw them as superior in one sense. Maybe I really was seen as the pretty little brat that went wrong. Maybe Frank was right.  
  
“I don’t know about you, but I hate it,” Frank said firmly. “I don’t want to graduate not having given them my feedback. Over the past couple weeks I’ve been contacting friends and I’ve talked to the rest of the group. They’re in. They’re all in, because they can see that this is important. Don’t you?”  
  
“I’m in,” Mikey shouted again this time flinging his entire body toward Nikki to latch onto her side for a tight hug.  
  
“Get the fuck off of me, Chiclet,” she squealed and shoved him off.  
  
“What kind of things are in the plan exactly?” Gerard asked rather hesitantly as he looked back at the badly drawn map of the school. “You make it sound very complex. I just want to know the extent of it all.”  
  
Frankie grinned this time as he sat back down and began pointing out areas of the two separate buildings to explain the pranks and vandalism he wanted done. It didn’t surprise me at all that everyone became intrigued like the blink of an eye. It didn’t surprise me at all either that I too became so enthralled with the plan. The thought of being bad felt so good.  
  
“Daph?” Frankie called after a minute and smiled as he waved his hand in front of my face a bit. “You’re all zoned out.”  
  
“Huh?” I sighed and stared back at him.  
  
“Are you ok?”  
  
“I’m good.”  
  
“So you’re in, right?”  
  
“The plan?”  
  
“Yeah. Take a risk with me?”  
  
“Always,” I smiled gently and moved to sit next to him.  
  
“I have only one question,” Mikey suddenly announced loudly.  
  
“What’s that Chiclet?” Nikki sighed from the doorway to the kitchen where she was whipping up some snacks.  
  
“Well, Frank listed what people thought about all of you at school. What the hell are they saying about me?”  
  
“We don’t have a decade to explain,” Gloria answered rather bluntly.


	16. Chapter 16

Two weeks later I was in the car with Frankie, driving around at random. He told me he’d take me to the mall, but that plan seemed to evaporate into thin air, because I had no idea where the hell we were.  
  
“You are aware that you missed the mall, right?” I teased.  
  
He only grinned, keeping his eyes fixed on the road ahead. The only motion he really made was when he moved to plug his ipod in so we could listen to decent music. He always had the tendency to play music too loud though, so I was quick to turn it down slightly.  
  
I started to chew on my nails after about five minutes of listening to music. It wasn’t that I was scared. It was that funny little tickle in my stomach that became every time I was with him anywhere. A tickle of nerves and excitement as we drove to a destination unknown to me. It was his infamous ‘take a risk with me’ quote that persuaded me to skip school completely that day.  
  
“So are you taking me to buy frilly dresses at all?” I joked as we took another random turn.  
  
He grinned slightly before answering me at all. “If that’s what you want.”  
  
“You know it’s not. I wouldn’t be caught dead in any kind of frilly dress.”  
  
“Not even a wedding dress?”  
  
“Minimum frills then.”  
  
He laughed a bit and nodded, “minimum frills. Good call. Anyway, I really don’t know where the fuck we’re going. I just wanted to kidnap you.”  
  
“I like getting lost with you.”  
  
“Likewise,” he smiled in return. “Though I’ll admit I’m not exactly lost.”  
  
“Well I am.”  
  
He leaned in to give me a kiss at a red light and smirked. “I’m easily lost in your eyes though. So we’re even.”  
  
I burst out laughing and he continued to smirk as he looked back at the road. “Are you trying to convert to Mikey-ism?” I inquired teasingly before pulling out my lip gloss from my purse to put a little on.  
  
“I figure if I try using some of his lame-ass pickup lines it’ll be easier to fix his many problems. Gotta get inside that kid’s head. Be honest now, have I seduced you?”  
  
I continued to laugh even more and then shook my head. “No, but nice effort.  
  
“I’ll get you one day, Daph.”  
  
“One day,” I agree and smiled.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
We drove for at least three hours, with some stops here and there, and one in which he bought us both a bunch of junk food to eat in the car. Whatever I wanted, I got. He was very much that kind of boyfriend. Whatever I wanted, he tried to get me, or give me. I never asked for much though. Having him was far better than anything else in the whole goddamn world.  
  
In the end we wound up at an abandoned apartment building in an area on Jersey I’d never been before.  
  
I just sat there watching as he smoked and looked back to the street where cars were driving by quickly. It felt like we were the only ones in the world, regardless of the traffic. It was obvious that no one had lived in this building for years. It was pretty rundown and felt sort of haunting. Of course that didn’t matter anything to me with Frankie with me. He’d never really understand how much of a hero he was to me. He sort of saved me in one sense, and just maybe I helped save part of him too.  
  
He finally caught onto me watching him and gave me a gentle smile as he finished his cigarette and then came to sit next to me. “You’re not cold are you?”  
  
“No,” I sighed and leaned into him, knowing full well his arms would be wrapped around me within seconds. I was right. “I love you,” I murmured after a bit of silence.  
  
He stared out in front of him for a moment. During that time it seemed everything in his life was displayed out in front of him- out by the moving traffic. Of all the times he’s been truthful and emotional with me, he’s never looked so vulnerable as he did that moment before he looked back to me, answering with, “I love you too.”  
  
I blushed before staring out at the road like he had been. “How do you find these places?”  
  
“When you’re lost, you find a lot of places.”  
  
“Only you could find something great about rundown buildings like this.”  
  
“I find potential.”  
  
“Like what?”  
  
“It can be fixed up. There’s no point in knocking it down. People just don’t like putting effort into anything. But if it was fixed up, it might be a really nice place.”  
  
“We should buy it.”  
  
He laughed a bit and stood up, pulling me along with him. “Alright. But what do you know about carpentry and design?”  
  
“Don’t all boys know about carpentry? You have to know something.”  
  
“Sure. I know _something_ about it, but definitely not enough to fix this up.”  
  
“So we’ll get some help. Now we just need to get some money.”  
  
“Easier said than done, unfortunately. The whole fucking world revolves around money. It’s such bullshit. If I find a way though, I’ll buy it for you, Daphy.”  
  
“And we can all live in it,” I said excitedly, completely losing myself in my own little dream world of how perfect that scene would be. We could make Mikey live in the basement, with Ray. They’d be perfectly content with their blow-up dolls. Bob would live on the first floor along with Nikki who would live across the hall from him. Then Gee and Glore on the floor below Frankie and I. No worries or cares. Pure fun everyday of the week.  
  
“Are you about to piss your pants?” Frankie teased me as his arms wrapped around my waist from behind to spin me around toward the car again. “Little Miss. Piss-pants. Please never stop dreaming like you do.”  
  
I giggled like mad for a moment before sighing softly as we held hands on the short walk back to the car. “What do you dream about?”  
  
“I think you’re the first person to ever ask me that one.”  
  
“Well what do you?”  
  
“Future. For the most part.”  
  
“Like, flying cars and stuff?”  
  
He started to laugh and then twirled me around like a ballerina once before grinning. “Sure. Flying fucking cars and time machines.”  
  
“Seriously though!”  
  
“Just the future, Daph.”  
  
“Can you make predictions?”  
  
“They’re never accurate.”  
  
“But you do make predictions?”  
  
“Doesn’t everyone?”  
  
“I guess so. Tell me a prediction!”  
  
“I predict you’re going to kiss me right now.”  
  
I smiled and hopped toward him to give him his predicted kiss and then hugged him tightly. “Guess you were accurate this time.”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
2:23 a.m. I don’t know how fast we were driving, but I know it was far beyond the speed limit. I could only see Frankie’s face when we drove under the streetlights, otherwise his figure was a silhouette under the night. Each gleam of light showed the determination etched into his expression with his eyebrows furrowed and his eyes slightly in a glare at the road ahead. Rage was throttling through his body and his hands re-gripped the steering wheel every little while, just to let some blood circulate back to them.  
  
2:24 a.m. Mikey was staring out his side window in the backseat. His hands fisted tightly. He was ready for this. He was excited for this, and I had to question my own judgement. I was doing this for Frankie. I wasn’t happy about it, but I’d do it for him. Anything to make him proud.  
  
2:25 a.m. Gloria sat snuggled into Gerard’s arms next to Mikey. They looked content enough. The supplies they would need sat on Gloria’s lap and her fingers would occasionally fiddle with the handle of the plastic bag they were in. Her makeup was dramatic for our gang’s plot of the night. Black eye shadow and her thick eyeliner outlining her eyes, making them look strangely evil and almost frightening in the dimly lit car.  
  
‘Wear all black’ Frankie had told me in the morning. It would be harder for people to identify us from each other in case the unwanted capture occurred. We had to blend with each other. Be one. Maybe we were one; the family of delinquents parents gave up on long ago.  
  
There was no talking until we stopped by our destination behind the school to keep out of sight. We all knew what had to be done and what we were each here to do. We didn’t need to talk about it anymore than we already had. Outside our car, others in the gang were waiting. They weren’t people I’d gotten to know well. I just knew they were in this together with us. They knew what they wanted. Then there was Bob and Ray standing outside Bob’s car, arms folded and eyes narrowed in on us. We were all in game mode. This was it.  
  
Frankie got out of the car and came over to my side as I opened my door. His hand reached out and I accepted. His grip was firmer than usual as he pulled me up gently to crash his lips against mine.  
  
It was Mikey who broke us apart with his war cry of, ‘lets do this, fuckers!’. It caused an outbreak of multiple shouts of agreement. This crowd of people all wanted some kind of revenge. Revenge against school’s regulations and against every fucking prep there was who bashed them for being the freaks of the school. The preps didn’t know who they were dealing with, clearly. They were too air-headed to realize they were messing with the major league. You couldn’t mess with these guys and walk away without a scar. Scarring was the goal tonight. Scars to haunt all those bastards.  
  
I smiled rather dumbly at the accumulation of people surrounding near us. They were waiting for Frank to give them consent and I felt sort of superior being the one his attention was on at the moment. His lips crashed against mine again and his hand traveled up the back of my shirt as he hummed in pure satisfaction. When his lips finally left mine he only had one more thing to say to me. Words I was expecting him to say to clumsy me.  
  
“Daph, be careful.”  
  
“You too,” I whispered in return.  
  
“No one told you ‘Danger’ is my middle name?” he grinned stupidly before shoving away from me lightly and hopped onto the hood of the car to stand above everyone. “Listen up, mothafuckas,” he began as the crowd hushed. “You’re here for a reason. I don’t give a fuck why or what your reason is, I just want you to know that you’re gonna be part of fucking history tonight. You know what you’re here for. You know the plan. Now get the fuck on it!”  
  
Noise erupted into my ears and feet scrambled away toward one building, as others headed in the other direction. Everyone had somewhere they needed to be, just like I did with Mikey, Gloria, and Gerard. I anxiously searched around once more to see Frankie, but I couldn’t find him anymore. He had his own route. He was dealing with the bigger part of the plan. The shit going on in the other building was dangerous. It was something he didn’t want me participating in. He made it clear to me when I tried to be persistent about staying with him. In the end, no surprise, I lost to his stubborn attitude.  
  
“Lets kill it,” Mikey shouted as he reached back through the window of the car and pulled out a baseball bat.  
  
I grinned. I sort of liked this being bad thing. I liked the potential trouble you could be in. I liked confronting authority through what the gang saw as a game.  
  
“Come on, Daphne,” Gloria said as she grabbed my hand and dragged me along after the two brothers. I had never seen Gerard so fixated and focussed like this before. His eyes held a daring gleam in them, like he was born to do this, and maybe he was. Maybe we all were.  
  
We came up to a window we’d be able to climb into and Mikey showed us his bat swinging skills as he took stance and swung with all his might. The glass shattered into hundreds of small pieces and he smirked before tapping away the shards left around the edges. He threw the bat in first before hoisting himself up. There were no alarms. It had already been taken care of by the people in charge of it. Throughout all of this I had come to realize how many people Frankie actually knew and socialized with. Some of which were in their late twenties already, but always willing to participate in the bullshit we did. They always called Frankie a loyal friend, but in reality I knew they liked him because he was their dealer. He wasn’t a friend, he was a business partner.  
  
Gerard helped Mikey out a bit until we heard a muffled thud and then Mikey’s head poked up again with a grin. His gangly arms appeared out the window, offering his help to get us up. Gloria quickly took hold and Gerard lifted her at the waist. In a blink of an eye she was in and standing next to Mikey, eyes resting on me. I was next.  
  
“Come on, Daphy, baby,” Mikey winked. “Reach for me.”  
  
I rolled my eyes and took his hands just as Gloria had done. Gerard’s hands held my hips and to my surprise he lifted me with ease. His arms were incredibly strong. Pale and strong. He was built in his arms. Maybe a quick glance didn’t show it, but if you looked closer, you could clearly see the muscle tone and I found myself wondering if he worked out at all.  
  
Mikey pulled and my arms almost ached from it, but I was in rather quickly and as Mikey turned back to help Gerard, Gloria and I giggled a bit from the excitement we were both feeling from being so awful. We wrote a few curse words on the board in perfectly neat and tidy print until Gerard coughed upon landing on the ground with a soft thud.  
  
“Oh, babe, are you ok?” Gloria asked as she made her way over to him quickly and helped him up.  
  
”Fine,” he smiled to her and they shared a quick kiss.  
  
“So do we go?” Mikey said as he hopped around a bit where he stood, baseball bat once again in hand and a spray can in his other.  
  
“You know your route?” Gerard asked him in all seriousness, making sure to give me a look as well.  
  
I nodded along with my ‘partner’ in crime and watched as the older Way brother nodded. “On it.”  
  
‘On it’ was the code name we’d given this event. ‘On it’ because we were ‘on their fucking case’.  
  
I was aware Mikey was blabbing to me at a quick pace, but I really couldn’t keep up or keep track when my attention was fixated on Gerard and Gloria’s clasped hands. It made me miss Frankie at the moment. I was wishing it was him I was with for this. Instead I was with…Mikey… Good god, who decided that?!  
  
“Got it?” Mikey asked me louder.  
  
“On it,” I responded, which completely satisfied him, despite me having no idea what he just told me. He could have told me that I was going to die if I screwed this up, but I didn’t care at the moment. I was living in the moment. Taking a risk, as Frankie so often told me to do.  
  
Gloria and Gerard took off in one direction once we were outside the classroom, flashlights in hand lighting down the two opposite ends of the hall. It was eerie to see the same spot we’d sit at everyday in the dark. I held the flashlight at the spot Frankie sat all the time and shivered before looking back once more at Gee and Glore who were halfway to their destination already with the bag in Gloria’s tight grasp.  
  
Mikey practically dragged me down the hall. I didn’t realize how fast he could move until this moment. He took long strides and we were at our destination when I saw a flash of light from around the corner. My heart jumped. I almost stopped breathing for a moment. The jig was up. We were caught.. “Woo,” Mikey cheered down the hall toward the light and we were met back with a hearty, ‘fuck yeah’. Gang. Just like us. There were multiples in this school, both upstairs and downstairs. Everyone was assigned a section. Nothing went unplanned. It had taken months of planning, and I had found myself wondering what I would think if I hadn’t been a part of this. Months ago I wasn’t with my perfect boyfriend. Months ago I was still Daphne Taylor, the loser prep girl who sat alone at lunch in the hall and dreamt about being bad. I had come a long way.  
  
“Daphy,” Mikey whined in annoyance once again as he poked me in the side with the baseball bat. “Jesus, why did I get stuck with you? You’re too slow, dude.”  
  
I was about to argue back, but really, what would that do? Now wasn’t the time nor place. Instead, I hopped past him into the boys washroom on the second floor. Frankie had really taken precaution with me being involved. The fucking boys washroom? Of course, the same precaution was taken with Mikey too. I’m sure he had different reasons for choosing Mikey for this part of the school though. I mean, it wasn’t exactly dangerous. Half the work was done. Graffiti was all over the place.  
  
Mikey still treated our assignment as if it was the most important chore of the entire scheme. He tossed me the can of spray paint and instructed me to write whatever I felt like it on the walls while he swung the bat at the bathroom mirrors and the one lone window in the corner.  
  
I rolled my eyes. The excitement of the entire plan was really dying for me now. Where was the adventure in writing swears all over the walls of a guys washroom? Not even a girls washroom! A _guys_ washroom.  
  
“Hey,” I heard him say. Or at least I think he was talking. “Hey,” he exclaimed a bit more forcefully that caught my attention. “Hold the bat for a second.”  
  
“Why?” I sighed as I took it from him and heard him unzip the fly on his jeans.  
  
“I gotta pee,” he replied and hopped on over to the urinal.  
  
Fantastic. I scoffed and carried on spraying obscure quotes on the wall. I needed something to pass the time before we’d go meet up with Gloria and Gee in a few minutes.  
  
“Gimme the bat back,” Mikey startled me as he tapped me on the shoulder. I had to admit it, he was rather sneaky.  
  
I practically threw the object at him and watched as he finished off the last mirror. Then, like the pro he was trying to be, he started grabbing paper towels to plug up the drains in the sinks. How daredevil. He was going to let the water run.  
  
“Mikey, this is so stupid,” I finally sighed. “These are just little things anyone could do any day of the week.”  
  
“Yeah, but it’s not just any day of the week,” he answered quickly. “It’s a mission!”  
  
“What’re they doing in the other building?” I wondered aloud as I gazed out the window to the shadowed building ahead.  
  
“I don’t know,” he shrugged and turned on the first tap. “Frank didn’t wanna say. He never tells me anything. I don’t get it.”  
  
“Big surprise,” I laughed and then walked over to help turn on the rest of the taps. Soon the whole washroom was filled with the sounds of rushing water. We were pretty much done, and still had time to kill. I pulled myself up onto the counter and watched as one of the sinks slowly filled with water. Mikey, on the other hand, dashed into one stall and then the next, flushing the toilets. Crazy kid. “What the hell are you doing?” I finally gave in and asked him.  
  
“Just for good measure,” he told me breathlessly as he dashed back into another stall.  
  
I opened my mouth to argue once more, but stopped. Again, there just really wasn’t any use.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
My heart didn’t begin pounding again until we were walking down the dark halls once more. We past a bunch of people, most of which I didn’t recognize as they decorated the walls with their anger and rebellious side. Mikey seemed to know a lot of them though, shouting a ‘hey’ and ‘sup’ every now and then as we briskly past right by them.  
  
“Daphne,” Gloria called a moment later. I set the flashlight on her and she smiled and waved as if in the spotlight onstage. Near her was Gerard who was focussed on what he was creating on the wall. Whatever it was, I knew it would be amazing. Gloria really wasn’t doing anything by the looks of it. She was just there because why wouldn’t she be?  
  
Happy to be with people besides Mikey, I hurried over to stand with her. Unfortunately, Mikey is quick with catching up, and was standing at my side again in only seconds.  
  
“Why do you run from me, Daphne?” he questioned eerily. Creepy as hell since it was dark and I couldn’t see him without flashing the light at him.  
  
“Mikey, shut up,” Gloria squealed.  
  
There was a smack and then a loud cry of ‘ow’ from the younger Way brother. I laughed and then concentrated on whatever it was Gerard was creating that took all his attention away from what we were chatting about.  
  
“Hey, Glore, what’s going on in the other building?” I tried again.  
  
“Something with matches,” she sighed rather happily. “Lucky bastards.”  
  
“What!?” I shouted. “Frankie said that we weren’t going to do anything we’d regret! I think burning down a fucking school is something to regret in the end! We’ll get caught for sure!”  
  
“No we won’t,” she sighed again, but this time in a way that she knew to expect this kind of reaction from me. “Besides, they’re not burning down the school. They’re just…burning some files or something. I don’t know. He didn’t tell me all the details. He just said he was going to have some fun with fire.”  
  
“Fun with fire!? He’s going to get hurt!”  
  
“This is probably why he didn’t want to tell Daphne,” Gerard chuckled at my panic. “Told you, Glore.”  
  
“Oh you’re like an old married wife,” Gloria laughed and put her arm around me. “And don’t worry about it. Everything’s going according to the months of planning for this. They won’t even leave a single fingerprint that shouldn’t be somewhere. Have you even heard an alarm yet? No. Exactly. Because there are none. Taken care of. Frankie knows people in high places. And look down the hall. See how organized they’re being? Someone breaks open a locker, and another grabs whatever is inside. It’s practically an _dis_ assembly line. All taken care of. No need to worry.”  
  
“Criminals,” I mumbled.  
  
Gerard looked up to me. This time with a look I wasn’t able to decipher. “What are you then, if they’re criminals? You’re breaking and entering too.”  
  
I chewed on my bottom lip and nodded. It was true. Why was I criticizing now? It was hypocritical. Especially when I loved what all this stood for. I was just scared of being caught. Being caught was another chance of losing my boyfriend. But taking risks is what he did everyday, so I should be getting used to it by now.


	17. Chapter 17

It was Mikey who broke the awkward silence after I stumbled repeatedly over Gerard’s question. ‘Criminal’ was a term I didn’t want to use in the record I kept in my memory. ‘Criminal’ wasn’t exactly a term I wanted said or stated in anything having to do with me, but yet I stood in the school with vandalism surrounding me; vandalism I helped create.  
  
“Daph,” Mikey whispered in a much too creepy way that almost made my skin crawl. “Are you scared of the dark? Cause I can hold you till the lights come back, baby. In fact, I’ll make you see lights in that pretty little head of yours.”  
  
“Mikey, shut up,” Gloria snapped. “She has a boyfriend, you idiot. And it’s Frankie at that, so you know he’d murder you.”  
  
“That means nothing to me,” he sighed in the same annoyance.  
  
“Mikey, quit being an asshole and hold up the goddamn flashlight properly,” Gerard cut in angrily. “I can’t see shit! If you make me fuck up this mural then Frank won’t be the one you’ll have to worry about.”  
  
“Such hostility toward me tonight,” Mikey sighed in fake dramatics. “Clearly you all don’t know how to have fun in these situations.”  
  
“Clearly you don’t either,” I finally responded after no one else made the effort to.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
“It wasn’t until approximately fifteen minutes later that we were startled all over again by a flashlight shining on us from down the hall. All the others in this plan had headed on out already, or were busy downstairs. There was no need for them to be up here anymore with us.  
  
“Who goes there, mothafucka?” Mikey announced as he held up his own flashlight to direct in on the figure at the other end of the hall. However, Mikey doesn’t have great aim and the person dodged the light easily. It was the giggle-like laughter that gave him away instantly and made me smile widely.  
  
“Damn, Gee, how long does it take you to paint up a masterpiece?” Frankie’s voice carried down the hall as he approached us.  
  
“You’re ok,” I squealed with joy and ran at him for a hug.  
  
“Why wouldn’t I be?”  
  
“Glore said you were playing with fire! What the hell did you guys do?”  
  
“Pissing off administration, that’s all.”  
  
“But what did you-“  
  
My questioning was quickly cut off by a kiss from him and by the time he backed up a bit I was almost unaware of what was even going on anymore. “Stop with the questions,” he mumbled against my cheek before leaving a small kiss there as well.  
  
“But-“  
  
“You’re supposed to trust me. So trust me, yeah?”  
  
“…Yeah. Ok. I do.”  
  
“I’ll tell you about it later.”  
  
“Fine.”  
  
“Gerard, it really does look awesome.”  
  
“Thanks, man,” our artist answered with a smile. “It’s turning out how I wanted, so I guess that’s a good sign.”  
  
“My boy can draw,” Gloria stated proudly, “what can yours do, Daph?”  
  
“Not much,” I teased Frank, “though I guess I should give him [ _some_ credit for us being here tonight.”  
  
“Daphne, ouch,” Frankie teased back and hugged me tight. “I thought you had a bit more faith than that in me. After all, I trust you one hundred percent in every way imaginable. You can do anything…except not get overexcited.”  
  
“If that was true, then I would have had more of a role tonight.”  
  
“I just want you to be safe,” he responded quietly this time. “I don’t ever want anything bad to happen to you. I’m pretty sure enough bad has happened to me to make up for the both of us.”  
  
“No more bad things,” I told him confidently and smiled despite him not being able to really see my smile at the moment. Mikey was having way too much fun flashing the light everywhere else. It was apparent a minute later that he was trying to throw Gerard off, because the next thing that happened was Mikey getting hit in the head with a can of spray paint.  
  
“Are you almost done, Gee?” Frank questioned after a couple minutes of watching the artist at work.  
  
“Almost,” Gerard responded and picked up a different colour for the finishing touches.  
  
“Hey, Frankie, ch-ch-check it out, yo,” Mikey sounded as he held his flashlight up to a bra he held in his hand. “Woohoo, double ‘D’!”  
  
“-the hell did you get that?” Frank frowned. “You crazy kid.”  
  
“I unno? From some chick’s locker. It was on the ground. The others must’ve dropped it.”  
  
“Well we’ll throw it out on the field with the rest of the stuff on our way out.”  
  
“Yeah! Man, I can’t wait to see their faces when they find some of their most prized possessions lying out on the field.”  
  
“Why again are we throwing their stuff out on the field?” I questioned feeling even more insecure about what exactly was happening. We were stealing classmates belongings, but was it really still stealing if we displayed everything back to them on the field? And what if it rained? Any electronics could be ruined, and it would be because of us.  
  
“Obviously because it’s funny,” Mikey answered almost before I could finish my question.  
  
“Everyone will get back what’s theirs in the end,” Frankie added with much more sincerity to his tone than the baby of the gang had. “It’s nothing more than a prank, and no one’s getting hurt. People have done a lot worse than we’re doing.”  
  
“Right,” I nodded after a moment of thought. “A lot worse has been done before.” Somehow that didn’t make me feel any better about what was going on though.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
A few minutes later and a good solid minute spent simply admiring the newly painted mural on the wall, and we were heading back into the same classroom we had come out of. The fragments of the once window lay scattered about on the ground as it had been and the immature words Gloria and I had wrote on the chalkboard were still there in bold.  
  
Mikey was the first out the window, and at first I thought he may dive out headfirst, but his conscious managed to play a role for once as he asked his big brother for some help. He was lowered down, and like before reached out to help Gloria, though I heard a great amount of slapping and leaned out the window to see what was going on. “You little creep,” Gloria snarled in whispers to a grinning Mikey. “If you ever try to catch a feel again I’ll-“  
  
“I was just trying to help you,” Mikey tried to defend. “Christ, a guy can never catch a break for being chivalrous around here.”  
  
“I’m surprised you know that word,” Gerard commented as he was next out the window, leaving Frankie and I alone in the room.  
  
He flashed me a smile and then held his hand out to me as an offering to help. Of course I accepted and was more grateful it was Gerard standing at the bottom of the window this time instead of Mikey who Gloria was still scolding and apparently saving me from his stupid ways.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Once we were all standing on the ground I took a good look around. Surely someone had noticed by now that something was going on. The school had just been broken into and there was no one in the neighbourhood peeping out the curtains of their homes wondering what was wrong? Unless they were all there and no one thought to do anything. These days no one seemed to care about anyone other than themselves, and I bet that if I was being raped, out in the public eye, no one would call for help. Instead I’d become the exhibit of the moment, unless of course Frank was there to tear the asshole rapist to shreds, and I knew he would and could.  
  
“To the car,” Mikey shouted in a whisper, thus beginning his best crime movie impressions as he threw himself at the ground or dodged around a tree. I guess they must be the lame crime movies he watched.  
  
“I like to think I was a good toddler,” Gerard said to the rest of us, “so what did I do to deserve that idiot as my brother?”  
  
“I don’t know,” Gloria sighed with her head tilted onto her boyfriend’s shoulder, “but sometimes I really wish you were an only child.”  
  
“Then again, what did any of us do to deserve getting stuck with Mikey?” Frankie joked.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Even after reaching the car and getting in, I was still concerned about being caught. Most of the others who had been present for the event were gone now as well, and as it probably should be it looked as if we were some of the last to leave. Everything about this seemed far too easy, and it panicked me, though I tried hard to hide my panic, because Frank looked far too happy and I didn’t want to be the one to change that.  
  
It was only when we were a few blocks away from the school that I began to calm down slightly. Frankie still had a small smile on his lips as he drove, and Gerard and Glore were in the back seemingly in the process of making out. I had to laugh slightly, because I was pretty sure they were unaware that Mikey was completely staring and checking Gloria out the entire time, but I wasn’t about to rat him out. That would be one awkward conversation.  
  
“Well, Daph, I guess I can call you my badass girlfriend now,” Frankie grinned.  
  
“We won’t get caught, right?” I blurted out by accident. “I can’t get caught. If I’m caught-“  
  
“You won’t, I promise. Alright? Everything went as smooth as we wanted and everyone stuck to the plan. Besides, it wasn’t that horrible. A few broken windows and locks, some junk scattered out on the field and some graffiti, so what? We didn’t steal anything and no one was hurt. It’s just something to annoy them.”  
  
“That’s still a lot of money in repairs though, and what did you do in the other building? What did you do with fire? And files? What did you do? What files?”  
  
“Just some school files,” he laughed. “It’ll just piss off administration like I said, because they’ll have to print a bunch of shit and dig into some records. It’s all on their computer I’m sure. We were just making a mess really; threw some stuff around, stacked chairs on desks… Why? What did you think went down?”  
  
“Murder,” Mikey whispered creepily over my seat, making shivers course through my body.  
  
“ I don’t know,” I finally answered. “I guess I thought they were something bad. Secrets or something. Stuff none of us should see. Or should have seen. I don’t know!”  
  
Frank laughed. Full out laughed and then held out his arm toward me as a gesture for me to come closer. I unbuckled myself and leaned against his side as his laughter faded and he just smiled. “You’re too funny, Daphy. But this isn’t a crime show. I hate to say it, but I’m not that cool.”  
  
“I’m the cool one,” Mikey cut in again, and I wondered how much he had even been paying attention to this conversation. “Daphne you have so much to learn still. Like, did you know that I can say ‘lets have sexy time’ in four different languages?”  
  
I rolled my eyes but couldn’t help but laugh a little again. What a dork.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Five more minutes later and we arrived at Frank’s apartment building where Ray and Bob were waiting outside having a smoke.  
  
“Hey, hey,” Frank said over his seat to Gerard and Gloria who were still all over each other. “If you’re about to have sex in my car then you better put some fucking sheets down or something. I don’t want you all naked on the seats. And hold off until the rest of us are out of here so we won’t have to gouge our eyes out.”  
  
“Well damn,” Gloria answered, “I could have given you the same speech when I caught you in my bedroom that one time on my goddamn bed!”  
  
I felt a pang of jealously come over me as she finished her sentence, and suddenly I sort of didn’t want to be near Frank right then as I was quick to get out of the car and wander over to Ray and Bob. I may have closed the door a bit too hard, because a couple seconds later Mikey was leaning out the door and calling to me, “aw, Daph, babe. Why run?”  
  
“Hey, Locker-chick,” Bob greeted as I neared them, “we did it, hey? And you didn’t back down!”  
  
“Yeah,” I answered without thinking too much over what he said. In fact, I barely heard him because all I could picture in my head right then was Frank sleeping with some girl who wasn’t me. It had never bothered me much before, but something in me snapped. I wanted to know everything now so I could hold it against him. How many girls had he even fucked? There could be a dozen. Or more, that I didn’t know about and that disturbed me as I slightly glared back at him. This time he seemed to catch my glance and started to walk toward me with a look of confusion plastered on his face.  
  
“What?” he asked me once he stood a couple feet away from me. “What’s that face for?”  
  
“I’m not making a face,” I answered quickly.  
  
“You know, Gloria is going to get mad at you, because if you keep frowning like you are then you’re going to get wrinkles. See? See what I learned from you gals? You keep me young.”  
  
I rolled my eyes at his corny joke and then shook my head. “What are we doing now?”  
  
“I think you were about to tell me what’s wrong so I can fix it for you. Go.”  
  
“I don’t want to talk about it right now.”  
  
“So that must mean it’s important. Therefore you’re going to tell me right now.”  
  
“Why can’t I keep my thoughts to myself? Why do you have to know everything? You always have to know everything.”  
  
“Hey, hey,” he said firmly and frowned. “I like knowing because I care about you. Why are you being such a grouch suddenly? What happened? Huh?”  
  
It was then I noticed everyone surrounding me with curious looks. If I announced what I was upset about now then everyone would know I think I may then want to shoot myself. To save myself from that embarrassment I took a breath and exhaled slowly. “Nothing. We’ll talk later.”  
  
“I don’t want to put this off if you’re going to give me attitude all night,” he replied.  
  
“I won’t. Lets just celebrate. What are we doing?”  
  
“What do we always do to celebrate?” Mikey smiled and grabbed a case of beer from the trunk of the car. “Party over here, bitches!”  
  
With that stated his scurried on right by us to the front door of the building, though it looked to be the weight of the case causing him to stumble into a scurry.  
  
“If you drop that case-“ Gerard warned from afar. “Watch out for the fucking wall!”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Nikki greeted us at the door to their place with a smile and was quick to take the case from Mikey whose arms seemed to rise up slightly without his control after. “And how did everything go?” she questioned as if we’d just come back from a game of soccer. Or so it sounded until she added the term ‘delinquents’ to the mix.  
  
“Come on,” Ray chuckled in return, “you would have joined in if you weren’t ‘oh so old’.”  
  
“My break-in heist days are over I’m afraid,” She shrugged jokingly and then gave Frankie a half hug. “I do love that you come home every night though, baby brother. I can sleep without worry.”  
  
Frank smiled weakly and slung an arm back around her. “Should’ve been there, Nikki.”  
  
“Yeah, sure,” she laughed. “But I’m sure it went great. Obviously it did or are the cops hot on your trail?”  
  
“Nope. No cops, no alarms, no panic.”  
  
“Impressive. Well, I mean you’re an idiot for all this. But an impressive idiot.”  
  
“I know smart people clearly.”  
  
“To make up for your stupidity?”  
  
“Pretty much,” he grinned and shoved her playfully. “Anyway, we’re gonna party here for awhile.”  
  
“I assumed that much when Chiclet began to dance in that corner over there.” Nikki pointed a finger to the far corner of the living room area where Mikey was in fact dancing- or what we all assumed was dancing, because with Mikey, dancing looked like a form of ‘I need to pee and hurl all at once’.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
By six in the morning everyone was crashed all over the apartment. I myself only woke up to the soft sounds of someone moving around and when I looked up Frank was motioning me to come with him down the hall toward his bedroom. Within that simple action I knew he still wanted to confront me on my freak out that night and I was beginning to really hate how persistent he could be.  
  
Getting off the couch was more a challenge than I was used to it being, what with my limbs all tangled up with Ray and Nikki’s as well. I don’t even know how that happened, but then again I was sure Bob and Mikey wouldn’t recall how Mikey fell asleep on Bryar’s lap either…  
  
I smiled at Gloria who was snuggled in Gerard’s arms in the corner and then realized my own boyfriend was still motioning for me to follow him. “What?” I whispered as I drew nearer.  
  
He reached out to grab hold of my hand and then lightly tugged me into his room, closing the door after me and yawned as he flicked on the light switch. “So what was your deal tonight?” he asked calmly and I rolled my eyes as my first reaction; something he obviously didn’t like as he pushed me down lightly to sit on his bed and then sat next to me. “Alright, what the fuck did I do?”  
  
“Nothing! I’m just being stupid! And jealous! All girls are allowed to be jealous sometimes!”  
  
“What for though?”  
  
I sighed and closed my eyes, letting myself fall backwards to lie on my back. “It’s dumb.”  
  
“I promise not to laugh,” he whispered in my ear, causing chills to run up my spine and I smiled slightly, despite not wanting to.  
  
“How many girls have you fucked?” I asked bitterly and turned my head away just as he was leaning down to kiss me.  
  
“What?” he laughed in return and I pulled away from him. So much for not laughing. “Daphne, you can’t be serious. What does that matter?”  
  
“It matters to me,” I glared and ground my teeth together.  
  
“For fuck sake. We just break into a school, have an awesome time sabotaging it, and now you’re concerned about my previous sex life? Why don’t you ever make sense? What started this?”  
  
“Your comments in the car to Gloria.” I stood awkward near his dresser and watched as he seemed to be racking his brain to remember anything remotely close to what I was freaking out over. Finally I blurted out what I meant. “Did you always just fool around with girls in Gloria’s bedroom?”  
  
He rubbed a hand over his face and sighed before shaking his head. “One time, Daphne. It wasn’t even full out ‘sex’ if that makes this any better.”  
  
“But how many girls have there been?”  
  
“Why don’t you throw a number at me first? We’ll make this really interesting, because I want to know how much you’re exaggerating this bullshit discussion. So go on, give me a number.”  
  
“Twelve.”  
  
“Four,” he snapped in return and I blushed. “And give me credit for remembering each time, because a lot of guys don’t.”  
  
I really was exaggerating, but then again, he was only eighteen… I could still argue this. “That’s nothing to be proud of,” I continued. “You’re only eighteen!”  
  
“So what? We’re not all fucking prudes like you.”  
  
His words hit hard and I felt my eyes tear up before I was frantically searching for the door, which was right in front of me but felt like a mile away at the moment. I started stumbling over my own two feet and felt all the nausea of my drunken night catching up to me.  
  
“Daphne,” he tried desperately to coax. Sure he was fucking sorry now. Weren’t they always? Boys need to think before they talk.  
  
“You know,” I finally choked back to him. “I’m pretty fuckin’ happy being me. Not all of us have to be whores either.” I didn’t exactly mean that either. I didn’t mean to say ‘whore’, but I had.  
  
“That’s not what I meant,” he sighed apologetically. “I’m sorry. I’m pretty fuckin’ happy you’re you too. I just don’t appreciate you bashing me. Why are you so quick to assume and accuse? Four different girls but not multiple times with all… You don’t even know when my first time was. It was three years ago if you’re wondering. Once with her; a friend of mine’s older sister.”  
  
I relaxed only slightly and wiped away an embarrassing tear.  
  
“Come sit,” he told me gently and pat the seat beside him where I had been sitting moments before. “We’ll talk through it. You girls and your dramatics. It drives me a bit nuts sometimes. Between you, Glore, and Nikki I might have a mental breakdown. Either that or surrender and grow ovaries.”  
  
I smiled a bit and sat down again, waiting for him to start.  
  
“Ok,” he paused and thought for a moment. “I know what was bothering you. You mentioned jealousy and now you told me you’re happy with who you are, as am I, so do you want fill me in on gaps or do you want me to make up my own theory which I’m sure is far from the truth?”  
  
“It was just the thought of you with other girls.”  
  
“Well why the hell would you be thinking of that? Stop.”  
  
“I tried to picture it being you and me.”  
  
He smiled at this and motioned for me to continue. “Want to give me details?”  
  
I rolled my eyes and leaned against him with a sigh. “Can’t. It’s hard to picture when it hasn’t happened, and all I can visualize is you and _other_ girls that obviously aren’t me.”  
  
“It _could_ be you and me,” he replied, “and it _will_ be, once you’re sure. When we’re _both_ sure…”  
  
“Like now?”  
  
He laughed and kissed the corner of my mouth. “ _I’m_ not ready yet.”  
  
I blushed and smiled at him. I don’t think you could ever find a more perfect guy. He always reminded me of how much and why I loved him.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
The break-in was reported on the news by the afternoon. Mikey sat so close to the television at first I thought his eyes might screw up. “Who the hell goes to school on a Sunday?” he demanded in disgust, causing the rest of us to sigh over his stupidity.  
  
“I’m sure someone must’ve seen all the crap you lot threw out on the field,” Nikki filled in when the rest of us didn’t bother to.  
  
“Shut up, shut up,” Frank cut in. “I want to know what the charges would be.”  
  
Actual charges weren’t talked about, however, but only that as of yet the ‘vandals’ had not been caught and there were no leads.  
  
“That’s all the time they’re going to spend on it,” Nikki cut in after it was finished. “They won’t waste too much time on it. They’ll patch up the school, and that’ll be that; you animals can go back to miserable lessons.”  
  
“What do you think the charges would be?” Frank questioned her curiously.  
  
“Nothing more than a load of community service is my guess,” she shrugged. “It’s not like you actually stole anything. Your goal was to piss off administration and upset some dumbass kids. I’d say you’ve succeeded.”  
  
“High-fives all around,” Mikey shouted as he jumped up and ran around slapping peoples hands whether they were up for the high-five or not. “Hey, Nikki, celebration in your room?”  
  
“Only if you plan on dreaming of me in there, Chiclet,” she answered slyly and kissed his cheek before wandering into the kitchen, leaving Mikey looking as if his life had just been made. He stood in a daze for awhile before nearly sitting on my lap by accident.  
  
“Oh jeez,” I laughed and scooted over.  
  
“I hope you didn’t just jizz in your pants,” Bob stated to the youngest in the room. “Because that would make you less of a man. And if you were any less a man, you’d be chick.”  
  
“But an attractive chick,” Mikey finally answered with a grin.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
There were rumors at school, but there were always rumors, and that’s all they stayed, fading over a couple weeks once the school was officially cleaned up and organized. I think the worst to see was Gerard’s mural painted over, though he wasn’t fizzed by that at all, and only watched with an amused look on his face as two kids who had gotten themselves into trouble had to paint over it for their detention.  
  
“I bet that’s double-D girl,” Mikey whispered to me about a girl with his hands held in front of his chest to indicate huge boobs. “Come on, right? She must have them trained to stay in her shirt.”  
  
I snorted in laughter, resulting in some of my drink coming out my nose. Bob of course was quick to take full advantage of teasing me about it and then moved on to laughing at Ray for slopping food all down his shirt.  
  
“What a great day,” Mikey rose and began to narrate dramatically as he walked around everyone. “The weather’s warm, the girls with huge knockers are wearing too small of shirts today… It must be my birthday.”  
  
“Only it’s not and mom purposefully didn’t put a snack-pack in your lunch today because she hates you,” Gerard smirked and put an arm around Gloria.  
  
I laughed again but trailed off as I caught sight of Frankie sitting at his usual spot, his gaze fixed outside the window. There was obviously something on his mind and I got up to go sit by him. “What’s the matter?” I asked as I looked up to the sky through the thin sheet of glass. His response was a nod toward where he was looking and I followed his lead down to the pavement.  
  
“What are they doing here?” I frowned and panicked all at once, my own heart rate picking up speed.  
  
“I don’t know, but I think we need to get the fuck out of here,” he answered seriously.  
  
“What’s going on?” Mikey questioned at my side after squeezing between the two of us to take a look. “Shit! Guys, the cops are here!”


	18. Chapter 18

“Why are they here, Frankie?” Gloria squeaked. “What the hell? What’re we going to do? Do you think they have a lead? We don’t have a plan for this! Nikki said-“  
  
“Nikki was fucking wrong then, alright?” he snapped.  
  
“What can happen to us?” I nearly sobbed. “I can’t get in trouble, Frank! My parents will disown me! What would I do? I can’t go to jail!”  
  
“I’m with her,” Mikey cut in next to me.  
  
“Look, you won’t go to jail,” Bob sighed in slight annoyance.  
  
“Yeah, but Frank could be in a serious amount of trouble,” Gerard explained. “What with the dealing and now being leader behind this…”  
  
“Thanks, Gee,” Frank laughed nervously. “I appreciate you stating the obvious.”  
  
“Hey, it’ll be ok,” I coaxed him gently in a whisper so no one else would hear. “They won’t catch you. We just need quick thinking.”  
  
“I think they’re leaving,” Mikey piped up. “Yup, there they go! Take that, fuckers. Cheap, no good authority assholes. Suck it!”  
  
‘Would Frank Iero, Gerard Way, Gloria Glassen, and Bob Bryar please report to the office if they are in the building?’ The secretary came over the intercom before repeating their names once more.  
  
“Hey, why am I not on that fucking list?” Mikey frowned. “Why couldn’t I be the one, huh? Cause I’m skinny!? That’s it isn’t it! I’m skinny and wear glasses! So I’m not capable of crime! I’m getting lasik dammit! That’s it!”  
  
“Shut the hell up,” I snapped at him as Frank and Gerard exchanged a glance and Bob simply rose, seemingly unaffected by having his name announced. They could be in serious trouble but nothing ever seemed to bother Bob. He always stayed cool and nonchalant.  
  
“What do we do?” Gloria squeaked. “What would they want?”  
  
“Ah no big deal,” Bob shrugged to her. “They probably just want to lecture who they think might have been behind it.”  
  
“Why would they think me!?”  
  
“Look who your boyfriend is, Gloria. The basket case of the entire school. And then your best friend is every teacher’s favourite, isn’t he? You’re connected to both of the most rumoured and they’ll probably pin most of the blame on Gee for his artwork.”  
  
“There no proof it was his art!”  
  
“Which is why nothing is going to happen,” he scoffed. “Man aren’t you all the brightest crayons in the box.”  
  
“Bob?” Ray spoke up. “Please don’t ever use that analogy again. You have a beard. It’s just all odd.”  
  
“Wait,” Gloria interrupted. “If that’s the reason I’m called, then why are you?”  
  
“Because I’m Bob Bryar. Let’s get a move on now.”  
  
I felt like everyone down the hall was watching as Frank, Gerard, and Gloria stood up to join Bob. Everyone probably _was_ watching as they walked down the hall to the stairs, keeping very calm and nonchalant as Bob.  
  
Once they turned the corner I sat where Frankie had been and Mikey sat next to me while Ray chatted to some of the others around us. All down the hall now people were watching us, as if to see what we would do next, and I almost wished I had a magic trick to show them, just so there would be something to make them question my insanity. If I was insane then maybe they would stop staring at me, in fear that I would come threaten to chew off their ears.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Class began, and they still weren’t back from the office, causing me even more worry. I picked up Frankie’s bag to take with me to class and walked with Ray down the hall until I reached my classroom. He clamped a hand on my shoulder and smiled to me briefly before leaving for his own class and I sighed shakily once more.  
  
The classroom was fairly quiet as they were already working on an assignment from last class, but that didn’t stop them from all taking a glance at me while I moved to my usual spot to sit.  
  
“Did he do it?” a guy asked randomly and I rolled my eyes. He wasn’t the first to ask me that question. The first day back after the break-in all eyes were on us in suspicion, and everywhere I turned someone was asking me a question. They knew. They all fucking knew, but they didn’t have the proof.  
  
“Daphne, why are you late?” my teacher sighed in annoyance. It had become routine for him to question my late entrance everyday now, because I always made sure to be a few minutes late; a habit I picked up from Frankie and had been lectured on by most of my teachers who had noticed.  
  
_‘He’s not a good influence on you, Daphne.’_  
  
‘Perhaps you should consider spending a little more time away from him.’  
  
‘I know you’re young and in love, but your studies are important and-‘  
  
I hadn’t stuck around to listen to the end of that last sentence. I instead had turned and walked out without an explanation, because they didn’t know one thing about what he meant to me.  
  
“Daphne Taylor, why are you late?” my stupid teacher repeated.  
  
“Don’t you know the answer by now?” I mumbled. “Why ask when you know?”  
  
“Daphne lose the attitude or I’m going to have to send you to the office.”  
  
“So send me! What does it matter?”  
  
He didn’t send me; he never did. Part of him seemed sympathetic of my new ways and I despised that, because now I was looked at as if I was sick or unstable to know what was right and what was wrong. No one is stable when in love! You _should_ be unstable- You should be a complete wreck to realize what love is- Because you should see someone at their worst to be in love, and I wanted the whole goddamn world to know that I was in love! I was a wreck for them all to see.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
By lunch Gloria was back with the details, having been let go after she broke down in crocodile tears. All of them had been taken into the principal’s office to be told they were suspects of the vandalism, but what they really wanted was the person who organized everything, and apparently a girl to them is too fragile, so they let her go. Utter bullshit!  
  
Our idiot principal explained that the police wanted to speak with them but hadn’t had the proper papers they would need for the permission to question them yet. They would be back in a couple days though.  
  
“Nikki said they wouldn’t care too much,” Gloria squeaked as she finally sat down beside me on the ground.  
  
“Apparently they do care,” I mumbled.  
  
“They were focussing a lot on Gee when I left. It’s the mural you know… His art teacher knows it’s him and they were trying to get him to confess, but you know how he is. He acted bored and sighed a lot, denying anything.”  
  
“What about Bob and Frankie?”  
  
“Bob’s really chill; exactly what you saw up here. He pretty much told them of which obviously didn’t do anything good. And Frankie’s in a panic. I was trying to calm him down in the office when they split us up for questioning. What if they find out about the drugs?”  
  
“They won’t,” I said firmly, despite doubting my own answer. “He just has to keep calm.”  
  
“Well he’s not doing a very good job of it downstairs.”  
  
“Is he being a very obvious nervous?”  
  
“No, I don’t think so- but I know him well.”  
  
“So long as administration can’t pick up on panic then. Are they all going to be questioned by the cops?”  
  
“I think they’re still trying to dismiss one of them,” she sighed and checked her cell phone. “But it looks like it might be that way. Ugh! We totally weren’t thinking when we got Gee to paint the wall, ya know? Of course his art teacher would notice!”  
  
I groaned and tilted my head back against the wall. Nightmare. It was all a nightmare.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
It wasn’t until English class that I finally got any kind of information from Frank himself, and even then it was a simple text message telling me to meet him by his car outside. I was up and walking in an instant without any kind of lecture or interference from my teacher. He’d probably given up on me.  
  
I walked out the back doors of the school to a very bright day and squinted as I rummaged around in my bag for my shades. Frankie had his shades on too from where he stood leaned back against his car smoking and staring off somewhere to the side.  
  
“How did it go?” I asked quickly as I rushed over to him. “What’s going on?”  
  
“I’ve got to get out of here, Daph,” he explained firmly. “I have to move or something. If I don’t then I’m completely fucked.”  
  
“Hold on,” I stopped him. “What’s going on first? What went down in the office?”  
  
“They’re going to question all three of us. They let Bob off the hook and now all the attention is on Gee, myself and Ray. I don’t know how they dragged Ray into it, but they did. Charges aren’t the worst thing in the world, but once accused they’re going to search me, I know it. What the fuck am I supposed to do about that? They’re going to find something! Something I forgot to hide- or, dammit! Daph, what the hell do I do? Huh? I could go to jail!”  
  
“No, you won’t, Frankie, stop panicking. They won’t discover anything.”  
  
“Yeah, well what about the gang? They’d panic too, and if they panic I could wind up hurt. Is that what you want, Daphne? Me dead? ‘Cause it could happen if they don’t get their money. Even if the cops find nothing about me, I can’t keep dealing because they’ll watch me like a hawk, and I told you I can’t get out of the dealing, so everything’s so messed up! I can’t be found out for this! And if I’m in trouble you’ll be in trouble! It’s so much more complicated! I didn’t plan for this! We weren’t supposed to be caught. They told me they have suspected evidence but what the hell evidence is there!? Are they lying to me? Do they really have something?”  
  
“I’d think not if they can’t even pin the mural on Gerard yet.”  
  
“Because they want to pin it on me. Even if they get Gee for the art, they want to blame the set up on me because the school doesn’t like me. And I don’t blame them, because I don’t like them either. They’ve tried to kick me out before.”  
  
I sighed heavily. What else could I say to him when there was obviously no sense in trying to calm him down? Maybe this really was time to panic. Like he said, if he was in danger, I was in potential danger too, and that put a huge deal of stress on him.  
  
“You should go home so you can try and relax,” I coaxed as he took a long drag of his cigarette and exhaled slowly. “We’ll wait and see what happens tomorrow before we plan anything.”  
  
He nodded after a moment and then flicked the cigarette to the ground. “Do you have to go home tonight?”  
  
“I probably should,” I winced. “My parents are getting on my case again, and my brother… I just hate freaking my brother out so much; I mean he really worries about me, you know? I never realized how much he actually cared, and now he does these little check-ins with me when I _am_ home.”  
  
“Isn’t it fucked how much someone has to do in order to find out if someone really gives a shit about them?”  
  
“I’ll stay with you tomorrow night,” I said instead of trying to answer.  
  
“When do you think you can move out, Daph?”  
  
“Move out?” I laughed nervously. “I can’t move out. I’m only just eighteen, and I mean, I can, but… I can’t. Move out? Go where?”  
  
“Where do you think?” he frowned. “Come stay with me. I take care of you, don’t I?”  
  
“Well yeah, but-“  
  
“Not good enough?”  
  
“Frankie!”  
  
“Look, so are you going to come home with me now or are you going back to class?”  
  
“I’ll come with you.”  
  
“Alright. I have to stop off at a friend’s house quick though. You can wait in the car. It won’t take long. Get in.”  
  
“Ok,” I answered rather nervously. I hated this side of him, but I knew it was only because he was feeling stressed out; this was hardly him at all and with that in mind I got into the car, letting him close the door with a slam.


	19. Chapter 19

The ride was awkward and almost scary because he was angry at seemingly both himself and me, which impaired his ability to drive. He sped and he swerved while my heart pounded and he glared at the road – but in a much more serious manner than he had been when we were going to break into the school.  
  
“Frankie,” I finally broke the silence, “where exactly are we going?”  
  
“An errand, I told you,” he muttered, “don’t worry about it, you’ll stay in the car and I won’t be long.”  
  
“Frankie are we going to the-“  
  
“To the what?” he grumbled. “Drugs? It won’t take long.”  
  
“I don’t want to go there,” I frowned. “I didn’t want to go anywhere near somewhere that had the potential to hurt him or me, or anyone at that.  
  
“It’s not like I’m asking you to come inside with me, Daph. You’ll stay in the car, I’ll go in and then I’ll come back out.”  
  
“Still-“  
  
He quickly pulled over to the side of the road and turned to face me. “So get out then! I’m not forcing you to stay. Leave if you don’t want to come.”  
  
“I want to be with you,” I argued. “You. Not your stupid ‘job’. I hate this! It’s stressful and scary.”  
  
“It’s my life,” he replied in a much softer tone. “So if you don’t want to stay… I’m not making you stay, Daphne, the door’s always open. You’re always free to leave.”  
  
“Are you trying to get rid of me?” I accused with a frown.  
  
“No! I’m just telling you that you don’t have to stay because-“  
  
“Just shut up and go,” I replied. “I’m not ditching you. I must be crazy. This has to be love if I’m crazy enough to stick around with you.”  
  
A slight grin formed across his mouth as he began driving again. “I’m crazy in love with you too. They should probably lock us up.”  
  
“Together?”  
  
“Is there any other way?”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
It wasn’t until he stopped the car that I realized I had no idea where we were, which didn’t surprise me considering he was always bringing me to places I didn’t recognize. I was beginning to really realize how little I knew about Jersey and how much Frank did know. I was beginning to realize that I knew very little about anything at all, actually. I knew academics – but I didn’t know life. Life, love, struggle – these were things Frank was teaching me.  
  
“So I just wait here?” I confirmed with him as I tried to be subtle about examining the area we were in. I wasn’t sure I wanted to wait in the car and it wasn’t because the streets were lined with sketch looking people. The streets were abandoned and that freaked me out more than if it were packed full of creeps. “Are you sure you don’t want me to come with you?”  
  
“That would be the most fucked idea you’ve had yet,” he frowned in all seriousness. “I don’t want those guys getting to know you. Got that? If they get to know you then I’m screwed.”  
  
“Wha-“  
  
“If I have to explain it to you then you never understood me in the first place. You obviously don’t understand how much I love you if you need me to tell you why you can’t come in there with me.”  
  
I quickly shut my mouth and instead gave him a hug before he got out of the car, leaning back in to grab that stupid notebook of his. “Be back in a bit.”  
  
“How long?” I asked in slight alarm. “Like five minutes? Ten?”  
  
“Just a bit, Daph.”  
  
“But if you’re in there longer than-“  
  
“Just a bit,” he emphasized and shut the door a bit harder than necessary. I watched him walk toward the house but I couldn’t bring myself to watch him go inside. The house looked fairly average which isn’t what I was expecting at all. I figured the house would be rundown, boarded up with the door falling off the hinges. This house looked nothing like that and in fact it was kind of cute. A cute house in a street full of creepy looking ones. I frowned at it. Part of me really did want to know about the guys Frank ‘worked’ for but he was very good at keeping that portion of his life locked up. I had no idea what these guys looked like or how old they might be. Whatever they were they had some wicked authority power because no one messed with them.  
  
First a minute passed and I made the effort to avoid looking at the clock – because time seems to stop when you stare at a clock too long. The seconds start to feel like minutes and so on. I wasn’t very good at avoiding the clock though and made excuses to look that way: empty the ashtray – check the time, adjust the volume on the radio – check the time, did a mouse just run across the dashboard!? – check the time. Fifteen minutes went by and finally Frank came walking across the lawn. Part of me waited for something bad to happen as he walked toward me, a gun fight or something. An explosion maybe, but nothing like that happened as he got into the car, lit a cigarette and started to drive.  
  
“That’s it?” I asked in partial disbelief once we were halfway down the street.  
  
“What were you expecting?” he laughed slightly, “a showdown? It doesn’t take any of that flashy junk, Daph. There can be violence, believe me, I’ve seen it, but even without violence… They’ll fuck you over with product. They make you buy your life away with what they sell.  
  
I nodded slowly and chewed on my bottom lip. I hated how abandoned this street was.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Nikki was home when we got to their apartment and she was her usual perky self despite the situation I know Gloria informed her of. She was quick to show me a new outfit she’d bought and we left Frank standing in the hallway stunned.  
  
“What’s your problem?” she finally asked him.  
  
“I’m having this huge life crisis and all you can talk about is your goddamn lingerie!?”  
  
“Well don’t get so melodramatic about it,” Nikki snapped right back. “I was trying to help you out by avoiding the drama for a bit. I know how you are and when you’re panicking you think crazy. You need to take a moment and calm down first of all, then all of us – not just you – are going to get through this together and figure out a plan. Alright? Now go get a beer, plunk your ass down on the couch and relax! I’m going to make something to eat and if I come in there and find you doing anything other than relaxing I’m going to beat you up.”  
  
Frank smiled weakly and Nikki returned it before slapping him on the back. “There you go! Cheer up, buttercup!”  
  
Frank obeyed Nikki’s orders and sat down on the couch with a bottle of beer. While he did Nikki grabbed hold of my hand and dragged me into her bedroom. “Ok, tell me what’s going on,” she said.  
  
“I thought you knew,” I replied in confusion.  
  
“For the most part. Is he alright? Is he flipping out?”  
  
“Just worried over getting caught,” I shrugged. “So I guess he’s flipping out a bit…”  
  
“Did they narrow anything else down at all? Gloria told me they still suspect Gerard and Ray.”  
  
“They do. They claim to have evidence.”  
  
“Bullshit. I told you all to be careful… Ok, well what’s the plan then?”  
  
It occurred to me then that she was actually asking _me_ for advice and instruction, but what the hell did I know? It was my boyfriend who came up with ideas not me. Why was she putting me on the spot now? I had no idea what to do in this situation. My initial plan was to curl up in a ball and cry if we were caught and Frankie taken away. By now I should have realized that’s not how things work in this gang, however. If we wanted something to happen or not happen, we had to make a plan to start it or avoid it. In this case, the goal was to make sure Frankie didn’t get caught. We all needed to get together.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
“And what were you two talking about?” my boyfriend inquired once Nikki and I finally rejoined him on the couch.  
  
“Does everything have to concern you?” Nikki teased.”  
  
Frank grinned and put an arm around me in a way that always made me feel safe despite any situation. I gave him a kiss in return and any tension between us before melted away.  
  
Nikki flashed us a smile and disappeared into the kitchen to put together something to eat I guess. While she did I stole a gulp of Frankie’s beer and then stared blankly at the television’s flashing screen of a pointless product. “What are you watching?” I finally asked.  
  
“Not really watching,” he shrugged. “Your guess is as good as mine.”  
  
“Frankie, if you get caught tomorrow… We _will_ figure something out you know.”  
  
“Thanks, Daph. I know we will but it’s just the thought, you know? You, Nikki, the gang… There’s really nothing else in my life. You guys are my life as cheesy and sappy as that sounds. If I’m caught it’s not only me that’s fucked because if it was then I would have confessed to it already.”  
  
“Frank if you’re caught you’ll be in so much trouble…”  
  
He laughed rather nervously, “Well that’s one way to put it. Sometimes, Daphy – the way you say things…”  
  
I giggled and then looked up at Nikki who came back out of the kitchen.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Frank drove me home later that evening and Mitch confronted me again, much to my annoyance. Mom pursed her lips into a firm line as I walked by and up to my room without a word. My parents and I rarely talked these days and even though it probably should, it didn’t bother me. Frank was more concerned between the relationship between my parents and I than I myself was.  
  
In my room I immediately typed out an e-mail to Gloria concerning the next day and then crawled into bed, welcoming sleep as soon as my head hit the pillow.  
  
Dreams, or even nightmares for that matter are funny in how they trick the mind into believing the events occurring in your reeling mind are factual, regardless of your unmoving body. Three in the morning and the sun is shining, your wishes come true, you’re living a luxurious life. Six o’clock rolls around and you’re falling deeper and deeper into your fears, clawing at anything and everything to save you. That’s how I woke up; clawing at my pillow. That’s how I rode the bus to school; clawing at my own legs. That’s how I sat down in my familiar surroundings at school; scratching desperately at the woodwork. I ceased the action when my fingers became sore, there was no use trying to wake myself up because I was already awake.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Gloria was the first to arrive that morning, nearly fifteen minutes after I had. She quietly sat next to me and together we stared down the empty hallway. Even my best friend – the bubblegum snapper with her witty remarks couldn’t think of the first words. Something was wrong with everything when Gloria had nothing to say.  
  
“Are they supposed to meet up here before going back for questioning?” I finally spoke up first.  
  
“No, Gee said that they’ll be going right to the office,” she answered quietly, though there was a struggle in her voice. “My parents heard about everything and they keep grilling me for details, because they know I know. They want me to march in here and rat out everyone because they know I’m best friends with Frankie, and they know so much more than I ever would’ve given them credit for.”  
  
I was confused. Gloria’s parents were always the most gullible, because Gloria was their little princess and could do no wrong. Wasn’t that why we always held the parties at her place? Wasn’t that why she got away with so damn much?  
  
“They want to send me to Chicago to live with my grandparents for awhile,” she explained through gritted teeth and mascara stained tears. “They called me a fuck up yesterday, just let me have it. Told me I have the most corrupt friends in high school and that if I associate with you guys anymore I’ll wind up in prison, or dead. So their solution is to send me away. What is that, Daphne?! What kind of parents just send their kids away like that? Why’d they let me get away with so much in the first place if they were so aware of everything? Were they purposefully setting me up to fail?”  
  
I desperately tried to hold back my tears as she sobbed to me over the events that occurred at home. Everything I had fallen in love with was going to hell and I was slowly being dragged down with it. Frankie could go to jail but even if he didn’t Gloria was still moving away.  
  
“It was a joke, Daphne,” she choked and shook my arm. “A stupid prank! What do we do now? What do _I_ do? I can’t leave Gerard, and I won’t be eighteen until the end of the year. Even then I have no fucking money to live on my own. Whatever happens in that office downstairs today could fuck up all our lives. I won’t ever be able to see you all again. There’s no way Gee would be allowed to come visit me in Chicago, I wouldn’t be allowed to see him. What am I supposed to do, Daphne?  
  
I opened my mouth to say something. Anything. But nothing. Everyone was looking to me for answers but I was as lost as they were. A silly lost little girl who had taken on one too many dares.  
  
We said nothing for what felt like hours and I stared straight on down the hall, unable to feel all the emotions I was going through at once. Nothing until Gloria sniffled and then squeaked her thoughts out into the open air. A thought that I had considered several times in my life before, so maybe that’s why it didn’t sound irrational to me coming out of her mouth.  
  
“We could run.”


	20. Chapter 20

All day I felt like I was in a haze and moving in slow motion. I had yet to hear anything about what was going on downstairs in the principal’s office and Gloria had skipped out on school to spend the day with Nikki at the apartment.  
  
When lunch finally came around I sat on the ledge and hugged my knees to my chest with a sigh. It was then that Mikey came tripping his way up the stairs in a charge. “Daphne! Hey, Daphne,” he called my name.  
  
“What is it, what’s going on?” I quickly looked up with wide eyes. “You have news?”  
  
“I’m your messenger! Like that dude… Herman or something.”  
  
“Hermes.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“Never mind,” I quickly shook my head in annoyance. “Tell me what’s going on, Mikey!”  
  
“They gave Gerard a whole lot of detentions, but other than that he’s in the all clear. They kept Ray and Frankie though.”  
  
I sat stunned over the news. I really thought they would narrow it down to Frankie and Gerard, not Ray. The guy was probably hyperventilating into a paper bag from anxiety. Ray liked to chill with the gang but he was certainly not a leader of the pack, there was no way he could have pulled something this extensive together. It showed me more and more how little the school knew about us, and that angered me. We were individuals, not an army of clones. It made no sense to me, what were they aiming to prove? Why hold Ray back?  
  
Mikey took a seat next to me on the ledge and pulled out a lunch. “Where’s everyone else?” he muttered around a mouthful of his sandwich.  
  
“I don’t know. All over. Gloria went to Nikki’s, I haven’t seen Bob today and the rest buggered off wherever. Where’s Gee?”  
  
No sooner were the words of my mouth when I spotted Gerard coming up the stairs, but not alone. Frankie and Ray were with him and I quickly jumped up to hug my boyfriend tightly. “Hey, they let you all off the hook?”  
  
“No, they’re going to talk to the two of us more tomorrow,” Ray mumbled miserably.  
  
“Look, Ray, man, they’re probably on your case because you’re a smart kid who could be a mastermind at shaping this thing together,” Frank explained. “They’re debating whether or not to blame the smart kid or the delinquent.”  
  
“I’m a delinquent too,” Ray narrowed his eyes. “I hang out with you guys day in and day out, what’s so different about me than you?”  
  
“Your appearance, you attendance, your personality, Ray. Have you ever flipped a teacher off? Huh? Have you ever smoked in the guys’ washroom or wrote on the hallway walls? No. You go to your classes; you rarely skip. You’re on time, you get your homework done and you obey the teachers. You’re a good kid with top grades. You’re not a delinquent to them but you hang out with delinquents. You’re smart so that’s what puts you at risk.”  
  
“You’re smart, Frank.”  
  
“Not to them.”  
  
“That scholar-“  
  
“It doesn’t matter.”  
  
There was an awkward pause that turned sullen, one I actually wished Mikey would interrupt to brighten the mood, but there was nothing to say because Frankie spoke the truth. The school didn’t care how smart he was because the school had given up on him. As much as he played if off like it didn’t bother him; that school was pointless anyway, Frankie really did care and being so neglected left him heartbroken.  
  
“I think we should all just go to Frank’s and figure out a plan,” Gerard spoke up rationally.  
  
I nodded my head quickly to agree and put my thumbs to work texting Bob where we would be meeting up. Mikey tugged my arm to keep up with everyone as we walked down the stairs, passing a few individuals who kept their gaze on us curiously. That was until Ray snapped. “What are you looking at?” he practically shouted. “Can’t a group of people walk from one point to another without having a bunch of freaks stare at them? Gosh!”  
  
I looked up in time to see two kids who I figured were freshmen pick up the pace after Ray’s sudden lash out and then set my gaze on the back of Ray’s head as we continued to walk like nothing had happened. That was until Mikey cut into the drama like he always tended to do.  
  
“If you left “gosh” out at the end, Ray, it would’ve sounded a lot more badass.”  
  
“What do you know about being a smooth talker?” Gerard quirked an eyebrow at his younger brother.  
  
“A lot. I know a lot. Look, today alone I almost scored with this one chick.”  
  
“Almost,” Frankie promptly pointed out, clearly happy to have a distraction from his otherwise nervous ticks.  
  
“I don’t know. One second I was all: ‘hey, I just met you, and I’m kind of crazy, so here’s my number, I’ll call you maybe’ and the next second she was walking away. I like a good chase, but I haven’t been to gym class in awhile.”  
  
“How am I related to you?” Gerard groaned.  
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………….  
At Frank’s apartment we found Nikki and Gloria seated on the couch talking, though not about the latest gossip judging by Gloria’s tear-stained face. Automatically Gerard was at her side and questioning what was wrong and I listened to her explain the entire situation again once Bob had shown up. It wasn’t any easier to hear a second time and it added to Frank’s stress level as he gave her a long hug and whispered something to her so quietly none of us could hear in the silent room.  
  
Gerard had sat oddly calm throughout her explanation and by the end I could tell he was contemplating something in his head, the way his gaze remained fixed on the coffee table in front of him.  
  
“This is bullshit,” Bob announced what everyone was thinking.  
  
“Bullshit, but it’s still messing with all of our lives in one way or another,” Ray muttered in his same miserable state. “My parents are going to kill me.”  
  
“I’ll do it,” Gerard suddenly spoke up and gripped Gloria’s hand in his. “Let’s do it.”  
  
“What?” she squeaked and sniffled.  
  
“We’ll run. I’ll run with you. What’s stopping us? We’ll get a car, we’ll sneak out at night and we’ll take off to wherever we want to go. No one’s going to rat us out here, right? We won’t say where we’re going, so they won’t have a clue anyway. Not even Mikey.”  
  
“You’re just going to pack up and leave?” Mikey asked with wide eyes, a sudden look of terror taking over his facial expression. I think that was the first time I’d ever seen Mikey look so worried over anything and I realized how much he really loved and admired his older brother. “What about mom?”  
  
Gerard chewed on his bottom lip nervously and then eyed Gloria again. “I’m not going to lose Gloria over some bullshit opinions her parents have.”  
  
“But Gee,” Gloria whimpered, “I can’t just ask you to leave-“  
  
“Look, I made up my mind! We need to make fast plans, we don’t have a lot of time to work with here. If we’re running then we need to run soon. Tomorrow night even. When are your parents making you leave?”  
  
“I don’t know, next week maybe?” she tried desperately to contain her tears. “We’re really going to do this, Gee? We don’t have money.”  
  
“I have some saved up.”  
  
“We don’t have a car.”  
  
“I’ll steal the family car. We’ll stick a bogus license plate on it.”  
  
“This is never going to work. We’ll get caught.”  
  
“You don’t know if you don’t try.”  
  
“God,” Nikki covered her face with a sniffled sigh. “And this is just the beginning of the problems. What exactly happened today at the school, Frankie?”  
  
“They narrowed it down to me and Ray,” Frank mumbled and wrapped his arms around me from behind where we stood. “They make a decision tomorrow and I guess that’s when they pull the cops in. Fuck they could already have the cops there tomorrow without telling us.”  
  
“How the hell do you get out of this shit then?” Mikey questioned, the frustration finally catching up to him like it already had for the rest of us. “How are we supposed to get the dealers off your case? Fuck, it’s like you have to fake your own goddamn death or something. This is some seriously messed up stuff.”  
  
Frank’s expression suddenly lifted and he smiled rather excitedly, now at my side and squeezing my arm. “It could work!”  
  
“What could, honey?” Nikki questioned tiredly, her eyes fixed mournfully upon Gerard and Gloria who were cuddled incredibly close together, watching but not entirely all there. You knew their minds were rushing with thoughts of their escape and unpredictable future beginning tomorrow night.  
  
“I could fake my own death! If I faked my own death then the dealers couldn’t do anything to me. They’d think I was six feet under! Then I’m off the hook!” He raced through his words, anxious and excited all at once. I thought for a second he might start jumping up and down in a cheer. Who was Miss Piss-Pants _now_?  
  
Everyone, including me, stared at Frank as if he had lost all sense of reality but it didn’t faze him in the slightest as he continued to smile and waited for someone to say something. It was Nikki to bluntly state what we were all thinking this time around.  
  
“Are you fucking nuts? Your plan is to fake your own death? You’re seriously suggesting this?”  
  
“This could work! For once in your life, Mikey, you’re genius! Daphne could leave with Gee and Glore. She can hightail it to California with you both. With that hectic mess I’ll lead on to the dealers how fucked up my love life is. I’ll tell them that my girlfriend dumped me and moved back to New York with her family. It’ll throw them off, I’ll act so genuine! Then I’ll pretend to fake my own suicide! With them thinking I’m dead I can meet up with you guys in California and we can figure shit out from there!”  
  
I didn’t have much time to process what this plan meant for my own future as Ray spoke up next, calmly and rationally while everyone else continued to stare at him in the same manner. “That’s great and all, but what about those of us who get left behind? They could start questioning all of us. Nikki. What will happen to Nikki? I’m sure they know you have a sister. And what about Daphne’s family? Even if Daphne left I’m sure her family is going to start making a fuss about her absence. What if your dealers there put one and one together? Haven’t they seen you with Daphne? There are a lot of loose ends in this plan, Frank.”  
  
“I’m not saying it’s going to be easy. We have to arrange a full-proof story in the next few hours and start setting it in motion tomorrow. But in the end it’s going to be so worth it! We’ll all be off the hook! We just have to sit down and put the story together so that everybody here gets a safe ending. First off, Ray, you have to take the wrap for this stupid prank tomorrow. They’d throw me in jail, but they’ll just throw detentions at you and maybe your mom will ground you for awhile, but otherwise you’ll be fine. It’s really just the scare factor of it all for you. Next…” Frank trailed off as he paused to actually take a look at everyone instead of rapidly speaking to the floor, picturing the entire scenario in front of him. His lightened expression slowly began to slide until he was once more looking just as lost and sad as the rest of us. “It could work…”  
  
“I want to believe it can,” Gloria squeaked tearfully, “but it’s a lot of planning, Frankie. One minor slip up and a lot of people could be in danger.”  
  
“No, listen,” he argued, though his voice was desperate and breaking. “Listen to me. If Ray takes the wrap tomorrow that buys me some more time to properly plan this out. It could work. It could.”  
  
There was silence for nearly two full minutes until Bob cleared his throat and spoke up. “Alright, I’ll help. I’m in.”  
  
“Whatever I can do while I’m still in town, man,” Gerard nodded with a grin toward Frank. “How are you dying?”  
  
Gloria watched Gerard speak and then nodded silently that she too was in. Quickly followed by Nikki who gave her brother a side hug and Mikey who squawked that it was going to be completely badass. I remained silent, but no one seemed to notice me. It was Ray everyone’s attention was fixed on. All the pressure was on him now, because if he didn’t agree to take the wrap all the timing would be off and the plan didn’t have a hope of success.  
  
My heart sunk into my stomach the longer I watched Ray and his mental struggle with the request put in place. My heart broke in two when he finally shook his head slowly and opened his mouth to speak.  
  
“I can’t,” was all he said at first and then paused. “I can’t have that put on my record and I can’t just lie about a friend’s death. Do you know how twisted and sick that sounds? It won’t work. It can’t work because it’s too outrageous. Am I the only one in here thinking clearly? I’m sorry this is all such a mess, Frank, you’re a great friend and all, but I just can’t.”  
  
“Why the fuck not?” Mikey flailed his arms and jumped up. “Grow a set, Toro! Come on, man! If you jumped into this then you could make sure we don’t make any mistakes in the plan. You could make sure the story is full-proof!”  
  
“Three teens take off on some road trip extravaganza a couple days after one of the said teen’s parents say she has to move. Then awhile later a friend of theirs kicks the bucket. And none of their friends at school know anything about it? We’d be screwed! Is it just me? Am I the only one here who thinks it won’t work? This is stupid. I’m sorry, Frank, but it won’t work, it won’t!”  
  
“So why don’t you just leave then?” Gerard’s voice was low and venomous. I had never heard him speak in that tone before and it made me nervous to hear. “Maybe it’s a crazy, fucked up plan, but I think it’s worth a shot. Frankie’s been wrapped up in this double life too long and if we as his friends can help in some way then I think we should. So if you’re not a friend, Toro, then get the fuck out.”  
  
“It’s not that I don’t want to help,” Ray snapped back and rose from the couch quickly, “but this is extreme! You’re talking about faking someone’s death and trying to lead off a bunch of fucked up drug dealers!”  
  
Frank was hurt by the allegations, I could tell by his facial expression and I squeezed his hand tightly while watching the argument build in front of us.  
  
“We’re talking about setting someone free. Drastic measures and all, yeah, but in the end, when this works, Frank won’t have to worry and the rest of us won’t either. If these were reversed roles and you were the one in trouble you know Frank would help you.”  
  
“Well things aren’t arranged like that and I for one am not ready to be tracked down and brutally murdered. I’ll never be ready for that. I knew this gang was heading for disaster. I should have bailed out when I had the chance before.”  
  
“Fuck off, Toro,” Frank muttered, his voice shaky and defeated as he turned and walked into the kitchen.  
  
I quickly followed after him and watched him lean over the sink, his palms flat against the surface of the counter and his eyes fixed downward. He spit and then sighed tiredly. All I could think was how young he was to look so exhausted. I watched with great sympathy as he tried to compose himself. It probably felt like hell to have a friend stab you in the back.  
  
I walked over and hugged snugly against his side. “Are you ok?”  
  
“Sure. Fine.”  
  
“It’ll work out, Frankie. We don’t need him, we have everyone else to help and we’ll figure something out. Don’t worry.”  
  
“…Yeah. I guess. I’m going to go…take a nap or something for awhile. Did you want to come with?”  
  
“Of course I do,” I smiled weakly and followed him to his bedroom. We avoided everyone’s gaze in the living room when they all fell silent once we had appeared out of the kitchen. As soon as we were down the hall the arguing picked up again and I was quick to close the bedroom door to drown them out. He didn’t need that. He deserved so much better.  
  
I crawled onto the bed next to him and we both lay staring up at the ceiling in silence. I still couldn’t fully process what was included in the plans. It didn’t feel real that tomorrow Gloria and Gerard would leave and Frank could potentially end up in jail if we didn’t come up with an alternative solution for his problem. Then it dawned on me that his original plan included me running off with Gerard and Gloria until he could meet up with us. There was no consulting with me on the issue, it was decided for me. Before I could be angry with him he spoke up first.  
  
“I don’t want anyone to get hurt,” he muttered up at the ceiling. “I really don’t want to lose you, Daph.”  
  
“You won’t,” I responded. I felt disconnected from the conversation. I kept repeating the same lines over and over to him lately and the words were hollow. They were just things I felt I was supposed to say in the moment, whether I believed them or not. _‘It’ll be fine, you won’t go to jail, we won’t get hurt, everything will work out in the end’_. I had no idea if any of this was true and he obviously didn’t either.  
  
We remained on the bed next to each other, unwilling to move and growing more tired by the second. I thought he had fallen asleep and was drifting off myself, but that’s when he spoke up again out of the blue.  
  
“Would you marry me?”  
  
“I plan on it,” I giggled stupidly at the ceiling and then paused when he didn’t respond. I tilted my head to find him looking right back at me and I almost forgot how to breathe. His expression was serious and his eyes hopeful. This wasn’t a joke and this wasn’t a question for the future. This was a question right now in the moment. This was Frank proposing to me. “…Oh.”


	21. Chapter 21

Marriage? I was eighteen years old! I couldn’t even fathom being married yet. For some people this was the perfect age, but I felt too immature and inexperienced for something as official as marriage. I would be a wife to someone before I had even attended college or university.  
  
I hesitated too long because suddenly he was rushing worried words my way. “I mean, I don’t have a ring yet, I’m sorry, but I’ll get one soon – a really beautiful one. It won’t compare to how beautiful you are or anything, but I’ll aim close. And once this all blows over we can get a place together, huh? Maybe we can find a way to move out into that abandoned building, remember? We can fix it up and the guys can all visit? And we’ll find a way to save up enough money for you to go to college like you want. We can take out loans and-“  
  
I cut off his rambling with a nervous laugh. “We’re eighteen, Frankie.”  
“We’re legally allowed to marry.”  
  
“That’s not what I mean. I mean, we’re eighteen. Don’t you think that’s a bit young to consider getting married yet?”  
  
Frank tilted his head back to its original position, staring up at the goddamn ceiling. “I understand.”  
“It’s not that I don’t want to! I’m just not ready yet. I love you and one day I do want to marry you, but…not now. Not when I’m eighteen. It doesn’t feel right.”  
  
“Fine. Forget it.” His voice sounded hollow and when I moved closer to him he turned away, muttering something about being tired.  
  
“I’m sorry,” I choked finally, letting the tears creep up on me until everything was blurry. “I’m sorry. I’m just not ready.” I sat where I was for another minute, swallowing back emotions until I felt composed enough to leave the room. “I’m going to go see what’s going on out there and then I’ll come back.”  
  
Without waiting for a response that probably wouldn’t occur I stumbled out into the hallway and quietly closed the door after me. I heard the arguing still blasting back and forth between the gang and Ray. That boy still hadn’t left yet, he sure was a fighter, who knew? Instead of joining them I shuffled into the small kitchen and sat down at the table. Not a moment later Nikki joined me.  
  
“Hey, what’s the matter? Why the tears? I know it’s a lot right now, but even if Ray is out we’ll plan something else, don’t be scared.”  
  
“He asked me,” I said so quietly against my hands I was sure she wouldn’t have even noticed I had managed words at all.  
  
“Asked you? Asked you what? Frankie asked you something?”  
  
“He proposed,” I looked up and realized how messy up my makeup must have looked. “He proposed and I had to say no. I can’t get married yet, Nikki! I’m eighteen.”  
  
“Of course not,” she agreed sympathetically and wrapped me up into a hug. “Ugh, I told him not to ask you. I told him you were both too young.”  
  
“You knew?” I accused her, and narrowed my eyes into a glare.  
  
“I didn’t think he would actually manage it yet. A few weeks ago he started asking me questions about marriage and what love really was. What the fuck do I know though, right? I’m only twenty-one myself. Love is wise, but maybe it doesn’t take age to understand it . Some people get married young and die old together.”  
  
“I broke his heart,” I blubbered into my hands again, shaken by the proposal and unsure of anything anymore. Life had become a merry-go-round of blurring images. I couldn’t make sense of it, I couldn’t see the complete picture.  
  
“No, no,” Nikki cooed in a motherly way, her arm wrapped around my shoulders protectively as she spoke. “He’s going through a lot right now, who knows what he’s actually thinking about. He’ll bounce back, Daphne, he always does.”  
  
“I wish we were older and then I could have said yes.”  
  
“You love him.”  
  
“Yeah. A lot.” She hadn’t necessarily asked a question, but I felt the need to respond regardless.  
  
Nikki smiled weakly and opened her mouth to say more when we heard confusion in the hallway and walked out to find Frank gearing up to leave.  
  
“Where are you going?” Gerard called from the couch.  
  
“Out,” he muttered with a frown.  
  
“Where?” I squeaked nervously. I hated how he avoided my gaze, finding the ground a lot more amusing than my face, apparently.  
  
“I don’t know. A drive.”  
  
“Frankie,” Nikki soothed and reached out to take hold of his arm. “Sweetheart, let’s talk.”  
“Don’t call me fucking pet names,” he glared at his sister sharply. “You know I fucking hate when you call me pet names.”  
  
“Cute pet names seem appropriate right now. Deal with it and let’s go have a chat in your room. I have something I want to say to you.”  
  
“Please?” I asked quietly.  
  
“Do you want me to announce what we need to talk about in front of everyone?” Nikki threatened her brother when he picked up his car keys. “Because I will and then you’ll be twice as embarrassed. Especially to be walking out now. You’re not handling this right.”  
  
“So what the fuck is the right way?” he asked and I swallowed because maybe it wasn’t too noticeable to everyone else, but I saw the glossiness of tears in his eyes. I had completely crushed him.  
  
“Aw, honey,” Nikki cooed and grabbed his hand, pulling him gently to his bedroom and shutting the door. Their absence meant that all the attention was set on me and I plastered a frown on my face.  
  
“It’s none of your business,” I told them sharply before sitting down on the crowded couch.  
  
Gerard nodded respectfully and picked up the conversation where it had originally left off. “Ray, I think you should just leave then. You don’t want to be involved in this gang anymore, so you can leave. You’re free. Go. We don’t give a shit about you.”  
  
“It’s not that I don’t want to help,” Ray started. He was just killing this.  
  
”We get it,” Bob roared. “You keep repeating yourself over and over again. Shut the fuck up!”  
  
“I’m just making sure you know it’s not because I don’t consider you friends,” Ray shouted back. “I’m just-”  
  
“You’re scared,” I told him loudly. “You’re scared! It’s not like we don’t know that! We’re all scared too! Frankie’s the most scared because if this goes wrong he’s going to blame himself forever! I’m scared because I look at you guys and see family, not just friends. And right now I’m losing some of you.”  
  
Ray grew silent and I sighed quietly. “Just go, Ray. We understand. You don’t have to keep explaining yourself, we don’t hate you.”  
  
“What do you mean we don’t hate him?” Mikey spoke up.  
  
“Shut up, Mikey. Don’t.”  
  
He stopped and it once again occurred to me that I had this power card I could play now. What I said went. Frank’s commanding personality had rubbed off on me and it seemed that I had some kind of authority over them now. I finally gained the attention I had always dreamed of having. Now that I had it, I didn’t really like it. It was too much responsibility, and there was too much faith placed on the words that spewed from my mouth in stressful situations.  
  
Just like that, Ray got up left and the rest of us sat around waiting for Nikki or Frank, or both of them to come back. It was me who was called down the hall awhile later though and I hesitantly followed Nikki’s voice.  
  
I looked into his dimly lit room and found them both sitting at the edge of his bed together. “Daphne, do you love my brother?” she asked, cutting right to the chase.  
  
“Yes,” I exclaimed easily as I took small hesitant steps forward and tried desperately to sneak a glance of Frank’s face, but every time I came too close he would tilt his head away and I couldn’t read his emotions. I backed away in defeat and tried desperately to think of the right words to say to convince him the love I felt for him was real.  
  
“Frankie, do you love Daphne?”  
  
“Yeah,” he answered with a bit of a raspy voice. “Obviously, Nikki, fuck, what do you think?”  
  
“So you love each other,” she said defensively and firmly to him, making a point. “What does marriage have to do with that? You’re both eighteen years old! You’re rushing things and there’s no need to rush. If you’re both as in love as you say then you’ll be together for a long time, so get married when you’re a bit older. Wait until you’re in your twenties. Plan to propose to her. Hell, even discuss what age you think it’s appropriate to get hitched. Don’t base this around only your wants. What does she want? Do you even know about children in your future? Do you want kids, Frankie? Does she want kids? Where do you want to live? What kind of career do you want? How are you going to afford a wedding? You can’t afford that stuff right now, because you’re young and you’re experienced in some ways, but you’re not at all in others.”  
  
There was a pause and Frank sighed quietly while I stood shakily near the door, considering he appeared uncomfortable with my presence at all right then.  
  
”Look,” Nikki began again as she gently placed a hand on his shoulder. “I know you’re in love, honey, I can tell that you really are. I just have to look at your eyes when you mention Daphne at all and they light up like nothing I’ve seen before. You’ll watch those stupid cartoons all the time because you like that there’s a Daffy Duck. It makes you laugh because you think of your girlfriend. I knew from the first time you mentioned your new crush that you’d been hit hard with love. Your reaction was nothing like it was with other girls when I asked you a bit about her. You went into great depths of detail about how she was different, how she wasn’t like the rest of you, how she was sad and you were too. You told me you could help each other.”  
  
I felt the tears flood my eyes and dared to shuffled closer to the bed. I never knew these things before and the last comment warmed my heart.  
  
Nikki paused and ducked her head down to meet her brother’s gaze, making sure her words weren’t falling on deaf ears. It was pure talent the way she strung together the perfect words. Carefully mending what I thought would permanently be broken. It made stuttering me look even more uncoordinated and immature than I already felt, which is why I blushed over her next words.  
  
“Daphne was the best thing to happen to you after Tia hurt you. I know how hurt you feel right now. I can tell because your reaction right now is a million times worse than when you came home to me telling me that Tia was cheating on you. You didn’t cry over Tia, but you’ve cried over Daphne, so I know this is love.”  
  
Frank sighed shakily and tearfully, giving away just how upset he was. “I broke your heart,” I whimpered to him and stumbled forward to hug him from the side, nearly pushing him over with my force. I held tightly to him and rest my chin on his shoulder as I spoke. “I want to marry you, Frankie. I really do but I feel too young for it still. I don’t know the rules of being a wife, and I don’t know what kind of responsibilities will come with it. The thought of _not_ being with you forever scares me, but I’m also worried that we wouldn’t be able to handle it yet. Maybe being married takes some kind of magic away from love. And I love you so, so much. I don’t want anything to be altered yet.”  
  
I saw the corner of his mouth twitch up into a small grin over my comments and he pulled me onto his lap. With a gentle kiss he pressed his forehead against mine and stared into my eyes. “When is it right for me to ask you?”  
  
I smiled to him and then over at Nikki who matched my expression and left the room to give us privacy.  
  
“I don’t know,” I admitted quietly. “I haven’t really thought much about it until today. I think maybe when I’m twenty-one. I think it’d be ok if you asked me then, maybe then I’ll feel more adult.”  
  
“Three years, huh?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“I just don’t understand why we can’t be engaged. We’ll be engaged for three years.”  
  
“Why are you so worked up over this stuff?” I asked him softly and gave him a hug, concentrating all my love for him into it. More than ever I wanted to show him I cared. “Tell me.”  
  
“My mom and dad never married…and their lives were so fucked up,” he explained to me, his voice slightly hitched. “They were never married and look what happened.”  
  
“So getting married means something else to you too. Superstition.”  
  
“Not so much superstition... I just don’t want to end my life being alone.”  
  
Then I understood him. It all clicked it my head and I hugged him tighter. “You’re not going to die, Frankie,” I squeaked in tears. “And you won’t be alone when you die because I’m already tied to you for life. I promise. Distance doesn’t matter.”  
  
He swallowed thickly and I knew I’d gotten in right. “Twenty-one?”  
  
“Yeah,” I smiled to him. “Twenty-one. Surprise me.”  
  
We wiped the last of each other’s tears away and I snuggled against him for what was probably a couple minutes, but I wished it was for eternity. It was in that moment that I came up with a compromise. “What about a promise ring?”  
  
“Hm?” he hummed against my shoulder.  
  
“Well we could get promise rings. You know…engagement before engagement? My cousin and her boyfriend did that before they got engaged. What do you think?”  
  
Frank lifted his head and flashed me a bright smile over the thought. “I like that idea. So… it’s like we’re engaged.”  
  
“A cheaper version I guess,” I giggled. “Screw expensive jewellery.”  
  
“So you promise to marry me, basically?”  
  
“Yeah.”  
  
“Sort of like emotionally engaged?”  
  
“One day I’ll be your fiancée.”  
  
His smile widened and I almost cried over his genuine expression before he hugged me so tightly I thought my ribs would snap. I couldn’t care less though, my comment pleased him to no end. To us we were engaged, and I felt it; I felt like I was a bride-to-be. He was still my boyfriend to anyone I talked to or introduced him to, but we were more than that to each other. One day he would ask me to be his wife again and I would say yes. ‘Alone’ was no longer something I needed to worry about. ‘Alone’ was something I never had to feel again. My days of sitting in an empty hall were over.  
  
We kissed, we hugged and we fell asleep in each other’s arms as a promised couple. For those sweet moments all our troubles melted away and I dreamt about dancing in the pouring rain with the gang, letting Frank twirl me in circles with each clap of thunder and kiss me with each flash of light.


	22. Chapter 22

I awoke with a start from being shaken firmly. Gloria stood leaning over me and I tried to piece together where I was and what the hell was going on. “What?” I finally slurred.  
  
“We need to form some kind of plan for tomorrow,” she explained. “Come into the living room with the rest of us. Gerard mapped out the fastest route to California from here, we leave the day after tomorrow…at night. Bob’s going to get us a fake license plate.”  
  
“What about tomorrow? Ray’s not going to take the blame.”  
  
“That’s what we need to figure out.”  
  
I followed Gloria back out into the living room where various ideas were being thrown around all at once. Bob was offering to trick Ray into taking the wrap; Mikey was trying to convince Gerard not to leave, or at least let him tag along; Gloria jumped back into constructing a list of items for the getaway with Nikki and Frank was hunched over a map with Gerard, tracking routes and discussing God knows what because you couldn't hear their conversation over the rest of the commotion.  
  
I stared dumbly for a moment trying to determine where I would be most useful and settled on conversing with Mikey whose pleas were reaching deaf ears it would seem. Gerard was too focused on the map, or skilfully ignoring his younger brother.  
  
As soon as I was close enough Mikey reached up and pulled me down sharply to sit next to him. “This is crazy, Daphne! Crazy!”  
  
“No kidding. I don’t know how this is going to work out. It’s scary.”  
  
“Look, you have to convince Gee and Glore to let me come with you guys!”  
  
It took me a second to comprehend what he had said and then when I did I nearly choked on my tongue. “With us?”  
  
“What am I supposed to around here if half the gang is gone? And what am I supposed to tell my parents about Gerard disappearing?”  
  
I was running away, that’s right. That was decided for me. I looked over to Frank whose expression was giddy compared to earlier that afternoon; he kept smiling and nodding, pointing to the map and using big hand gestures to get his point across to Gerard. Me on the other hand… I felt completely sick. I was feeling regret for the first time since knowing Frank.  
  
Mikey had given up talking to me by the time I was able to partially function like a decent human being. Instead he had hopped over to Nikki and Gloria and was muttering about particular items on the list that he would be able to get for them. I thought it was odd for him to be so against what was happening around him yet still willing to participate in it. Mikey lived for the excitement; he lived for the chase.  
  
“This won’t work out,” my ears tuned in to Nikki’s voice, regardless of how quiet she was speaking with Gloria once Mikey had bounced off to talk with Bob. The kid couldn't sit still.  
“You and Gee might get away but I can’t see Daphne making the getaway and this fake death plan…how are we supposed to pull that off? Have a fake funeral and everything? How are we going to plan all of this and have people actually believe it to be true? It’d be easier for all of us to run already.”  
  
“We can’t all up and leave,” Gloria agreed, “but what else is there to do? Either we carry out this fake death or we all run. Or-“  
  
“Or we let Frankie go and hope for the best.”  
  
“What about you, Nikki? What about Mikey?”  
  
“Pay the dealers off and call it quits.”  
  
“They won’t let Frankie quit! Isn’t that the whole fucking problem?”  
  
“He just has to leave. Just like Ray said, once Daphne’s family realizes she’s up and left they’re going to make a big fuss about it in the papers anyway. There’s no hiding from this and I want my brother to be happy. I’ll watch out for Mikey. Mikey, Bob, even Ray – we’ll just have to be on the lookout for each other. I’m not the toughest chick around, but I’ve got some pretty tough male clients who would be hot on the trail of any asshole making an attempt to wipe me out. And maybe we’re blowing this out of proportion. Maybe the dealers will have a little hissy fit and then forget it. We won’t know until you guys are gone.”  
  
Gloria nodded solemnly before speaking again, and when she did my heart nearly stopped. “You don’t think Daphne will make the getaway? What do you mean by that?”  
  
“She’s not like us, Glore. I love Daphne, she’s sweet and caring and she takes care of my brother, but she comes from a background very different from ours. She can act like she understands, but she’ll never really understand what it’s like to belong in this dysfunctional, mismatched family we have. Essentially she comes from a cookie cutter family and is a cookie cutter product. She took a detour by wanting to experience a bit of rebellion. So she’s had her rebellion and eventually she’s going to go back to living life in the easy lane. Ray comes from a similar situation and look what happened to him. He backed out.”  
  
“But you said she was good for Frankie,” Gloria’s voice piped up in defence. “You said she loves Frankie.”  
  
“She is and she does,” Nikki whimpered sadly and in frustration, “but what’s running away going to do for their relationship? Daphne is diving headfirst into the unknown, and that’s probably terrifying to her.”  
  
“And it isn’t for the rest of us?”  
  
“It’s different for you. What are you leaving behind if you go? Your estranged grandparents in Chicago who you’ve met a total of three times in your whole life? Your parents are shipping you off, Glore, so you’re leaving nothing behind. Frankie has no future here, if he stays he’ll wind up dealing and working at a gas station or something of equal hell. Gee’s parents don’t give a shit about him and Mikey, and they joke about it but we all know how it really is. If he stayed there’d be no money to go to art school and even so, his future is you, Glore. Leaving Mikey might be difficult, but he’ll do it for you.”  
  
“So you’re saying Daphne can’t leave her family?”  
  
“I’m saying that Daphne has a future if she stays here. Her parents will pay for her schooling and she can go off and be whatever the hells she wants to be in life. She has a younger brother that she loves, and parents that would do anything for her despite being a pain in the ass most of the time, and you know it.”  
  
“But Frank-“  
  
“Is one thing in her life she’d have to let go of if she doesn’t go. Look at everything she’d be giving up if she did leave; a stable future. There’s no stability with Frank.”  
  
I couldn’t listen anymore. How dare she make all those stupid accusations and doubt my actions. I’d prove Nikki wrong. I’d leave tomorrow night with Frank, regardless of how nervous I was over the prospect. I was just like them; I wasn’t leaving anything behind and I sure as hell wouldn’t be looking back.  
  
“Frank? Let me take the wrap tomorrow. I can do it.”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
My breath was shaky. I took several breaths, unsuccessfully trying to fill my lungs to their limit. Even chain smoking couldn’t calm my nerves and it didn’t help that it felt like Frank and I were the only ones in the entire school. Frank kept squeezing my hand but it didn’t help. If I didn’t pull this off right Frank was screwed. Whether Frank and I were there tonight or not Gerard and Gloria were leaving after 1 a.m. They couldn’t risk taking their time on their escape. Right this minute everyone was working together to gather what was needed. Gloria had to sneak in and out of her house at this rate – her mother staying home from work to make sure her daughter stayed put.  
  
“I can’t,” I broke down near the office and gripped onto my boyfriend’s arm. “I can’t lie- I’m a horrible liar! They won’t believe me.”  
  
“You can do it,” he encouraged and pulled me to a stop in order to give me a hug. “We’ve gone over it, you’ll be fine. I know you can do it, just stick to the plan.”  
  
“What if they don’t believe me?”  
  
“Worst case scenario you leave with Gee and Glore tonight. I’ll find a way to meet up with you, you just have to trust me, Daph.”  
  
“Why can’t we all just leave and just skip this?”  
  
“If I don’t show up they’ll come looking. Daphne, just go in there and recite the script. It’ll be fine, just sound convincing.”  
  
He pushed me away lightly and nodded toward the principal’s office. Ray we could already see seated in one of the plastic chairs waiting. His hands wrung together nervously and I had a moment of panic. Ray could flip out and blow our cover, he could easily say that my story was far-fetched, he could tell the truth.  
  
Ray said nothing to us and instead kept his gaze to the ground. Likewise we avoided him, choosing to sit in a couple chairs completely opposite from him across the room.  
  
When the bell for first period rang we stood for the anthem and listened to the principal drone the announcements. They hadn't been finished a minute when the door to his office opened and he eyed us as if we were the “World’s Most Wanted”. His frown seemed permanent and he motioned us forward silently but held a hand up to stop me.  
  
“Miss Taylor you were not called to the office. Why are you here?”  
  
“I have something I need to talk about…” I tried to keep my voice levelled. “It’s in regards to the break-in.”  
  
He eyed me suspiciously and I tilted my head to the side slightly, giving what I hoped looked like a daring glare, rather than bedroom eyes, or this could turn into something even more awkward than it already was.  
  
“Ok, Daphne,” Mr. Dalton agreed. “I might as well hear what you have to say first. Mr. Iero, Mr. Toro, you wait here a few minutes while I converse with Miss Taylor.”  
  
“Yes, sir,” Ray piped up quickly and sat back down in the plastic chair as if it had been a direct order. Frank leisurely strolled back to his own seat and I flashed him one more look of worry behind Mr. Dalton’s back before following him into the office.  
  
When the door was shut everything felt claustrophobic and all I wanted was to walk right back out. The small space didn’t have any windows and his desk and filing cabinets took up most of the room. Our principal wasn’t a mean looking man, but that didn’t stop him from intimidating me in the moment as he sat down in his seat and took long gulp of coffee before settling his gaze on me expectantly.  
  
“Well, Daphne? What is this about? You have information regarding the break-in?”  
  
“Yes,” I answered smoothly.  
  
“…Well what is it?” he snapped. “Daphne I don’t have time for charades right now, this is a serious matter that needs to be solved.”  
  
“Then you should be happy I’m here,” I narrowed my eyes threateningly. “Or do you want to know what the fuck actually happened?”  
  
“Miss-“  
  
“Mr. Dalton, this school is a shithole and you really should have better security installed, because it was far too easy to break into this place.”  
  
“Are you implying that you are one of the delinquents to have participated in the break-in, Daphne?”  
  
“You’re looking for the organizer of the whole thing aren’t you? You’re not _that_ stupid, Mr. Dalton, you don’t think it was just one person to trash this whole place? You want the person in charge of it and you’re looking at her. Here I am. Cuff me.” I held my wrists out with a smirk. I hoped to God he didn’t notice the quiver in my voice.  
  
“You expect me to believe that you were the sole person in arranging this act of crime?”  
  
“Why else would I have this junk?” I began pulling some student files out of my backpack. Frank and snatched some from the office the night of the break-in for laughs. We had serious dirt on some of the people in this school and if we wanted we could hold it above their heads and laugh. Payback was sweet.  
  
Mr. Dalton swiped the files from my hands and stared at me hard, as if he couldn’t come up with quite the words to say. “You are currently dating Mr. Iero, aren’t you, Miss Taylor? Your teachers have informed me of your growing attitude lately in classes, when you happen to be there. You have been a keen student up until this year, Daphne.”  
  
“We broke up,” I reacted quickly. Probably too quickly, but he didn’t seem to notice.  
  
“Even so, I don’t think you yourself could have pulled something like this together, Miss Taylor. I don’t think you are the ringleader. Who are you covering for? …Frank?”  
  
“I’m admitting to the crimes and you’re pushing it aside? I did it! You just said I’m a keen student, why couldn’t I have planned this?”  
  
“Who else was involved then, Daphne?”  
  
“Yeah, like I’d tell you. So what’s the deal then, Mr. Dalton? You just going to let me walk out of your office after I admitted to everything? You wanted the leader, you got her. What now?”  
He stared at me hard again and then looked to the files in his hands. I wrung my sweaty hands together in my lap, not unlike Ray had been doing in the office. I looked everywhere but at him until I saw him rise from his desk and walk to the door.  
  
“Mr. Iero and Mr. Toro, you may head on to class now, you’re dismissed,” he spoke calmly.  
My heart raced and I hid a smile as he returned to his seat and folded his hands on the desk.  
“Miss Taylor, your actions are criminal, sad and will have a permanent mark on your record for the rest of your life. I am unable to track down every single person involved in this situation and so I have been in contact with the police.”  
  
I swallowed thickly, but didn’t break.  
  
“You’re eighteen, Daphne. Do you realize what that means?” He shook his head sadly and rubbed a hand over his face in exhaustion. “I’m not going to press charges, Miss Taylor. For someone who was once such a promising student I want to see you recover from this. Instead I am going to give you detention for every day of the remaining school year. You will be helping to clean up, paint and make sure this facility is restored to what it was. I hope it helps you mature and grow as a person and helps you back onto the right track. I will also be contacting your parents.”  
  
“You can’t contact my parents,” I frowned. “I’m eighteen.”  
  
“I think, under the circumstances, you should shut your mouth and let it slide, Daphne. You broke the rules and now so am I.”  
  
I slumped back in the chair, relieved but terrified. Tonight I was running away.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
I wasn’t permitted to leave the office until my parents were contacted successfully, and that was a conversation I could have done without. A meeting was scheduled with them for tomorrow morning, but of course I wouldn’t be there, so I couldn’t care less. At least that’s what I kept telling myself. _‘I don’t care’_.  
  
It was nearing the end of lunch hour when I was finally allowed to leave the office and carry on with the remainder of the day. Mr. Dalton had reassured my parents numerous times over the phone that he would make sure I attended my classes and didn’t leave the campus with anyone but one of them when they came to pick me up.  
  
I could feel Mr. Dalton’s eyes on me from the hallway as I climbed the stairs and looked over my shoulder to flash him what I hoped looked like a menacing look. He maintained his calm demeanor, however, and I turned the corner which put him out of sight.  
  
Bob and Frank were the only ones from our gang waiting at the top of the stairs and greeted me with grins as I approached them. Frank stood up to give me a kiss and Bob clomped a hand on my shoulder as a job well done.  
  
“And you said you were a terrible liar,” Frank teased. “I wish you could have seen the look on Dalton’s face when he had to come out of his office and dismiss Ray and I. Utter inner turmoil. He hated having to let us off the hook.”  
  
“So what did they slap on you, Daph?” Bob questioned.  
  
“Nothing,” I explained quietly, unable to find my voice. “Not really. Just a bunch of detention and helping to restore the school.”  
  
“Get the hell outta here, that’s it? Scrub the floors and paint a few walls? What’d you do to get such a light sentence? Offer him your firstborn? Your parents royalty and paying the school bills?”  
  
“I just told him that I was responsible for it all and he basically let me off the hook… Said I had a lot of potential and he didn’t want to see me throw it away…”  
  
“You did great,” Frank hugged me tightly and began leading me in the direction of our English class. “So now we just have to get through the rest of the school day and then we’re out of here. Gee and Mikey have gathered pretty much everything we’ll need and Glore is all packed up. You’re packed too, right?”  
  
“Uhm, yeah. Yeah, I’ve got my suitcase packed up.”  
  
Frank held tightly to my hand and pulled me to the side of the hallway, letting Bob know we’d talk with him again before school was over. “You ok, Daph?”  
  
“I’m ok.”  
  
“Are you sure, because you look kind of pale.”  
  
“Nervous I guess,” I admitted finally. “Just want to go is all.”  
  
Frank nodded along in understanding and then flashed me a small grin. “Well, hey, I’ve got something that might cheer you up. While you were in there talking with Dalton I did a little bit of shopping. Now it’s nothing fancy, but I found these.”  
  
He dug into his pocket and then revealed in the palm of his hand, two plain silver bands that if you didn’t know any better might mistake for wedding rings. Before I could get a word out he was talking again excitedly.  
  
“So I figured we could make it official before we hit the road, you know? I know this isn’t very romantic or anything, but at least Mikey isn’t here to crash in on the moment.”  
  
I giggled, but my voice was choked and I don’t even know if it even sounded human. “Wow,” was all I could manage, and even though it must’ve been the lamest comment to make in the moment ever, Frank smiled.  
  
“I don’t really know what you’re supposed to say for this. I guess it’s not the same as a proposal.”  
  
“I don’t really know either,” I whispered and eyed the rings again.  
  
“How about…” he paused to think briefly and then slid the ring onto my left ring finger smoothly. “I’m yours.”  
  
I swallowed and nodded before taking the other ring to put on him. I blinked back tears rapidly and sniffled. This was never how I had imagined my life going – not in my realistic plans at least. I guess I saw my future as heading in the same direction my parents did: marry a good boy who came from a good family and had a stable job. Snatch up my dream job, move into a big house with a white picket fence and have a couple kids.  
  
I fiddled with the ring in my hand and then met Frank’s gaze. He smiled at me expectantly and I returned it with another choked laugh. So my life didn’t follow the path I had anticipated, but that was alright and Frank was amazing. We would run away together and…  
  
“Are you sure you’re ok?” Frankie spoke softly and reached out to caress the side of my face gently. “You can trust me, Daphne. What’s the matter?”  
  
“I do trust you.”  
  
He blinked in return and waited for me to say more. Why shouldn’t he? I probably sounded like an incoherent idiot. Without another moment to think I slid the ring onto his finger and buried my face into his shoulder. “I’m yours.”  
  
Frank giggled happily and wrapped his arms around my waist tightly to spin me around in a hug and set me down again. “One day, Daph.”


	23. Chapter 23

Sitting in English class was the weirdest experience. I couldn’t help but continuously dance my gaze around the room, taking in the appearance of the drab walls and utterly bored expressions of my fellow peers. Jamie sat on the other side of the room with her eyes cast down to her open notebook. It didn’t look like she was paying all that much attention to the teacher. Evidently her mind was wandering other topics, just as mine was.  
  
I hadn’t talked to Jamie for months and while that hadn’t bothered me in the past, it was nipping at me now. I felt like I was supposed to give her some kind of closure – that I was happy with my boyfriend; that Frank had been the right decision. Yet there we were, seated at tables on opposite sides of the classroom. I had friends in my life that I hadn’t talked to in years – old friends of mine that remained in New York. Yet I knew that if I called them up it would be like old times and we could reminisce memories like a warm hug. It wasn’t like that with Jamie though. If I called her up I would be met with dead silence or menacing words. There wouldn’t be a point in reasoning with her because I would forever be seen as the fuck-up who didn’t take her advice seriously enough.  
  
Frank was seated beside me today and was continuously drawing me silly little doodles on a piece of scrap paper: a goofy looking dog, a smiling pear, a terrible rendition of Mikey begging Angelina Jolie to adopt him, etcetera. I smiled weakly over each, mostly just to please Frank who continued his ecstatic streak.  
  
After a couple more drawings he seemed to give up and left his pen abandoned on the desk for a solid five minutes before picking it back up. I gave him a side glance in attempt to figure out what he was doing, but his arm blocked my view and a couple seconds later he was sliding a piece of paper over to me. I almost knew what the paper would say based on his concerned expression.  
  
_‘You’re making it difficult to cheer you up. What else can I do?’_  
  
I picked up my own pen carefully and began to answer while our English teacher continued to drone on about Rosencrantz and Guildenstern from “Hamlet”.  
  
_‘Just nervous. There’s really nothing you can do.’_  
  
I slid the paper back to him quickly and rest my chin in the palm of my hand. Rosencrantz and Guildenstern were so unaware of their own demise.  
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
“Alright, Locker Girl, I guess this is it,” Bob playfully punched my arm at the end of the day. The halls were crowded with students opening and slamming lockers shut, grabbing their belongings and heading to the nearest exits. My name had been called over the PA a minute ago to report to the office but instead I stood in front of Bob, shaking slightly with bottled up emotion.  
  
“Yeah,” I squeaked, remembering the first day Bob had ever spoken to me. I would forever be dubbed _Locker Girl_ to him, and I was more than fine with that.  
  
“You ever figure out that stupid combo?”  
  
“Yeah,” I squeaked again and lunged myself at him for a hug. “I’ll miss you.”  
  
My name was called over the PA again and Bob pat my back lightly, “You have to go or this whole plan is going to be messed up.”  
  
“Kay,” I whispered with a nod and glanced over to Frank, knowing he was going to give me last minute instructions, which he did.  
  
“2:17, Daphne,” he spoke seriously and held my hands in his. “2:17. You are going to be our last stop. Gerard will be driving the family car. Sneak out of the house with your things, but leave your cell phone behind, it can be tracked. Wear something comfy, because we’ll probably be driving non-stop for a while.”  
  
I couldn’t make my voice work so only nodded briefly.  
  
“What time are we going to be there?” he tested me.  
  
“2:17.”  
  
“That’s my girl. I’ll see you tonight.”  
  
I continued to nod along until a thought dawned on me and I rushed out: “Wh-what about Mikey? I didn’t say bye to Mikey. Oh my God, I didn’t-“  
  
“Are you looking for me?” a voice piped up from behind me. “See, I knew it! I knew it, I knew it! You have the hots for me, Daphne Taylor.”  
  
I stumbled to Mikey and threw my arms around him in a tight hug. His lanky arms returned the embrace and I let a couple tears escape as I found myself wishing for time to freeze, with Mikey of all people! “Stay safe, Mikey, ok? Be careful.”  
  
“I always play it safe, that’s-“  
  
“Don’t,” Bob cut the younger Way brother off.  
  
“What?” Mikey squawked in return.  
  
“You were going to make a condom joke.”  
  
“…I was _not_! How dare you, Bryar! “  
  
I rolled my eyes with a smile and pecked Mikey right on the cheek. “We’ll meet up again soon, right?”  
  
“You can’t keep me away. And, hey, Nikki sends her love. Not the kinky kind, the other kind.”  
  
“Yeah, I gathered that,” I laughed briefly and backed away from him. “Ok. I’m going to go now. 2:17,” I repeated to Frank just to ease his mind. “I’ll be ready.”  
  
He nodded in approval and gave me a small smile while Bob and Mikey waved goodbye and I managed to put one foot in front of the other all the way down the stairs without falter.  
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Principal Dalton waited with me at the front doors for what felt like hours until my parents showed up to drive me home. It was a ride I could have lived without as my mother quietly sobbed to herself and my father grit his teeth the entire way home in silence.  
  
In all my life I had never seen them so upset with me but I was filled with so many nerves for that night that I could barely process them even being in the same car as me. Whenever I tried to focus my attention on how they must be feeling my mind would drift back to Frank’s instructions. 2:17. No cell phone. Comfy clothes. 2:17.  
  
“Daphne,” my father’s raised voice seared through my thoughts. “Out of the car! You are grounded for the next six months!”  
  
“…Ok,” I muttered blankly and followed them into the house.  
  
“To your room,” my father continued to yell. “I don’t want to see you for the rest of the day! Tomorrow morning we are going to meet with your principal and decide what to do with you!”  
  
“Ok,” I replied robotically again, which evidently upset my mother even more as she disappeared into the kitchen in a new batch of tears. It would probably be easier if I didn’t see them for the rest of the day in the long run. The problem was that on the way to my room I ran into Mitch in the hallway.  
  
“There’s no way you did it,” was the first thing he said and blocked the doorway to my bedroom. “Who did it? Who planned it? It was him wasn’t it?”  
  
“Mitch, move.”  
  
“No. No! I’m so sick of you acting all bitchy! This isn’t like you, Daphne and everyone in this family is getting so tired of your shit. What’s going on? Why are you covering for him?”  
  
“You wouldn’t understand. Now move. Seriously, Mitch, I’m getting pissed off. Move!”  
  
“I’m not going anywhere,” he narrowed his eyes threateningly. “Not until you talk to me.”  
  
“Mitch, move,” my voice grew louder, but my eyes stung with tears. “Fuck! Just get lost! This isn’t your goddamn life so stay out of it.”  
  
“You never tell me anything anymore,” he explained to me, his voice choked as if he might actually burst into tears. “You’re always sneaking around and you’re getting into trouble. Now you’re the one responsible for the whole break in at your school? Why don’t you just tell me who you’re covering for, because I know it’s Frank.”  
  
“So then why ask if you know?” I narrowed my eyes.  
  
“Are you dating him?”  
  
“Yes. I am. So what?”  
  
“For how long?”  
  
“Months.”  
  
“So why couldn’t you tell me that? Why haven’t you even introduced me to him yet? He’s never even been here to meet mom and dad. What kind of boyfriend is that?”  
  
“One I want to keep separate from this plastic family.”  
  
“I don’t get you anymore, Daphne,” Mitch finally gave in and moved to the side. “Fine. Fuck up your whole life. I’ve tried talking to you so many times and you don’t tell me anything. Just… I mean, just stay safe. Please?”  
  
My heart nearly broke over the expression on my little brother’s face in that moment. He was beating himself up over _my_ behaviour; wearing himself out worrying about _me_. I owed Mitch a lot, but I couldn’t very well tell him everything now, not when I was leaving home that same night. Instead I heaved a sigh and pulled him into a hug. “I’m sorry, Mitch. You’re an awesome brother and I take advantage of that a lot. I’m safe, I promise, so you don’t have to worry. Don’t worry about me.”  
  
“At least let me meet Frank.”  
  
“You have met him. He dropped off that goofy “love letter” that one time, remember?”  
  
“Was he your boyfriend at that point?”  
  
“No.”  
  
“So then I need to meet him now, while he’s your boyfriend. He has to pass my test.”  
  
“Yeah, ok,” I lied in a whisper with a weak smile over Mitch’s protective brother attitude. “We’ll arrange something and you can interrogate him.”  
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Dad hadn’t been kidding when he said they didn’t want to see me for the rest of the day. I wasn’t invited down for dinner, and in the end Mitch had to sneak me up some food. I stayed in my bedroom doing absolutely nothing but watching the minutes tick by on the clock. The couple duffle bags I was taking with me were packed and ready at the back of my closet, waiting for 2:17 to come around.  
  
It was weird not texting on my phone and I realized how accustomed I had become to the little piece of technology over the months. Usually when I was at home I was texting at least one person throughout the evening, if not several people from the gang. I was itching to pick up my phone and text something, but Gloria had told me to keep my paws off of it the day of our run. We didn’t want to risk saying too much.  
  
I contemplated writing a letter for my parents, but I was at a loss for words. I couldn’t tell them where I was going and I couldn’t exactly explain why I was. I was running away so I could stay with a guy I was now calling my future fiancé. It sounded like something out of a stupid romance novel or soap opera. Even if I told them why I wondered if they would even take it seriously.  
  
By eleven that evening my eyes began to feel heavy and I crawled under the covers of my bed. My bed. When would be the next time that I slept in my own bed? I set my watch to go off at 1:30 and gently cast off into a brief slumber.  
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
I struggled hard with awaking at 1:30 and fumbled with my lamp to click the switch properly. A soft glow emitted around my room and I changed into some pyjama pants and one of my favourite t-shirts before sneaking out into the hallway and downstairs to the kitchen. I could hear my father snoring, indicating that he was most definitely asleep, and if he was asleep then there was a strong chance my mother was as well. They were never night owls anyway. The latest I had ever seen them stay up until was 2 in the morning once, and that was on New Year’s Eve at a party.  
  
Mitch was harder to gage. Sometimes he snored, but other times he was completely silent, and I couldn’t be absolutely sure if he was asleep or not. There wasn’t any snoring coming from his room but that didn’t mean he wasn’t out like a light.  
  
Either way I snuck downstairs to the kitchen to grab whatever food I could for our extended trip. There was so little I had to do for this plan that I felt I should give back in some form. If that meant stashing away an extra jar of peanut butter then dammit, I would!  
  
In the end I had scrounged up some fruit, bread, granola bars, a pack of chocolate chip cookies and several bottles of water, along with a few cans of soda. Not bad.  
  
I tip-toed my way back up the stairs with the loot I had acquired and sighed in relief when I realized my dad’s slumber hadn’t been disrupted. I still couldn’t be sure about Mitch, but he hadn’t come out of his room so I was still in the all clear as I began organizing things on my bed. It was only 1:45 but I sat in the dark ready to go and waiting for the dreaded clock to hit 2:17. Frank had been very adamant on a time. In the end he insisted 2:17 was perfect because most people will forget 2:15 or 2:30. It becomes a flexible time frame, but 2:17 was a weird time to stick to and that was why no one would forget it.  
  
After a few minutes I became restless sitting in one spot and moved to my window to gaze out at the street. I opened the window a bit and was met with a gentle breeze against my face. It was a cool breeze, but nothing unmanageable. The sky caused me more shivers than the weather. Vast and littered with stars, it felt oddly uninviting and I contemplated having to vomit over the thought of racing under it with the darkness as our guide.  
  
I left the window slightly ajar and attempted again to write at least Mitch a letter, but when I couldn’t even press the pen to the paper without shaking I broke down into tears.  
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
It was 2:15 when I heard a door in the hallway creak open and had to will my heart to calm its pace. I heard footsteps pass by my room and guessed it was Mitch. Two minutes away from being picked up and Mitch was going to put our whole plan in jeopardy!  
  
I gripped my hair and stared out the window. 2:17 and I saw the familiar car come driving down the street. I pushed my window open completely to wave like a maniac in order to capture their attention. The car came to a halt in front of my house and Frank came running over. “What’s going on?” he questioned in a hushed tone.  
  
“Mitch is downstairs,” I explained and motioned that I had no idea what to do.  
  
“Ok,” Frank looked around, obviously taking in the scenario. “You have a backdoor to your house?”  
  
I nodded quickly and swallowed thickly. “Y-yeah. Sure.”  
  
“Kay, here’s what’s going to happen. First I’m going to go get Gerard and you’re going to throw down your luggage to us. Then one of us is going to go and get your brother’s attention out back. While that’s happening you need to sneak out the front door and book it to the car. Got it?”  
  
“Got it,” I confirmed and watched Frank run back to the car before I picked up the duffle bags from my bed and moved back to the window. Two shadowed figures moved across the lawn and while one paused under my window, the other continued around the side of the house.  
  
“Hey, Daphne,” Gerard looked up at me, his jet black hair catching the moonlight. “Let down your hair… Or luggage, whatever,” he grinned jokingly.  
  
I leaned out my window as far as I dared to without falling in order to drop each bag to him and then exited out my bedroom door. I paused halfway down the stairs to listen for any signs of Mitch and that’s when I heard the light tap against the backdoor to the house through the otherwise silent surroundings.  
  
I could hear Mitch’s footsteps cautiously making their way down the hallway and that’s when I took in a breath to calm myself and snuck to the front door.  
  
“Hey,” Mitch’s voice startled me as he cried out in both surprise and anger. I heard his fast approaching footsteps making their way toward me and that’s when I swung the front door open and ran. “Daphne! Daphne where are you going?! What’s going on?! Mom! Dad!”  
  
I didn’t respond, I just kept running. The only sound to escape my lips was a yelp when a hand suddenly gripped my shoulder. “Go, go, go,” Frank shouted and pushed me forward. I realized why when I dared to sneak a glance over my shoulder and saw the lights in the house flickering on and Mitch running down the front steps after me.  
  
Everything was happening at once in a big blur. Gerard quickly slammed the car trunk closed and got into the passenger seat; Gloria revved the engine; Mitch was calling me and Frank was gripping so tightly to my shoulder that I was sure there would be bruising.  
  
I sort of stumbled into the car, crawling forward so that Frank could get in after me and Gloria glanced over her shoulder to see me. As soon as the car door was shut I was flung back against my seat when she hit the gas pedal. The tires screeched against the road and she steered the car into a sharp U-turn before we took off.  
  
Frank, Gerard and Gloria cheered out their open windows, hands in the air, curses of success breaking the silence of the night and surely startling my neighbours awake.  
  
I couldn’t find one reasons to be happy though. Not when I could still look out the back window to see Mitch standing in the middle of the road, defeated, and my parents rushing across the front lawn in confusion. It was only then that I became blatantly aware of the tears streaming down my face and I frantically wiped them away.  
  
The sky was vast and littered with stars. The darkness was our guide.  
  
I felt sick.  
  



	24. Chapter 24

As we sped along through neighbourhoods things in the car began to calm down until it was relatively quiet, save for the odd excited giggle from Gloria. Streetlight after streetlight I fixated my attention on them rather than the new adventure at hand. The orange glow was eerie, but what wasn’t about this night? Every single thing about it was eerie. Even the adrenaline pumping through everyone’s veins was eerie because it wasn’t an excitement deemed happy.  
  
“We did it, guys, why are you all so quiet?” Frank laughed so suddenly that I flinched from startle.  
  
“I’m not,” Gloria protested with another one of her giggles. “But I have to focus on driving. Not to mention that it’s pretty complicated to tap dance in a car. Probably not impossible, but still a difficult feat.”  
  
“And you?” Frank leaned forward to shake Gerard’s arm.  
  
“Mm, yeah, great,” Gerard gave a forced grin and blew smoke from his cigarette out the open window. “Fan-fucking-tastic. We’re not exactly free yet though, we’re still in the suburbs. Wait until we’ve at least hit the highway before you cue in the tap dancing and celebratory jazz hands.”  
  
I felt Frank’s gaze on me though he didn’t say anything for what felt like eternity. Regardless of his mouth being closed I felt as if I could hear his thoughts. I knew at once he was debating saying anything at all to me. He had a tendency to panic when I wasn’t smiling constantly, and while it was sweet that he cared so much it was also annoying.  
  
Finally the inevitable occurred and his hand gently clasped around my arm to squeeze. “Hey, Daphy… I’m sorry about how that went down back there. I know you care about your brother and I’m sorry he found out like he did tonight. I know I really freaked him out and I’m sorry I did.”  
  
I winced over his words. Not because I was worried that he had scared my little brother, but because I knew Mitch had been awake because he suspected something was up. He could tell I was planning something and stayed awake in all attempt to stop _me_ ; in all attempt to protect _me_. He was convinced that Frank was the villain.  
  
When I didn’t respond after a minute Frank seemed to get the point that I wasn’t in the mood to talk and instead of continuously trying to force me into conversation let me be.  
  
Soon enough, or maybe quicker than I was ready for it the streetlights became fewer and Gloria flicked the high beams on. Gerard was on what was probably his millionth cigarette it seemed the way he was chain smoking and Frank still sat next to me looking unsure of my response to his words earlier.  
  
It was a small shiver that traveled up my spine that had my boyfriend jumping back into action – obviously waiting for the first moment that I might express needing his presence.  
  
“Are you cold?” he rushed out and began removing his hoodie before I could even respond. “We’ll stop in a bit to grab some things from the trunk and then you can sleep if you’re tired.”  
  
I wanted to protest or throw a fit but his hoodie was warm and his arms wrapped around me snugly; reassuringly, making it very easy to calm back down, or maybe just fall victim to his charm.  
  
I eventually leaned into his embrace and allowed him to play with the fingers on my left hand – his focus mainly set on the finger adorning my promise ring. I didn’t need to look at him to know that he was smiling. He pressed a kiss to my hand before saying: “I’m so happy you came for this ride with me, Daph. It’s going to be great. It’s the start of our life.”  
  
What did that even mean? _Our_ life? Did our families no longer exist? Was I just supposed to forget my little brother in tears in the middle of the street?  
  
“What about Mikey?” I brought up instead. “Mikey, Bob, Nikki, Ray? Aren’t they still a part of _our_ family?”  
  
“Of course they are,” Frank coaxed softly, “that’s not what I meant. I mean that we’re just – you know- getting a new start.”  
  
“That makes it sound like we’re supposed to ditch everyone else back home.”  
  
“Well no, not forget them,” Frank hesitated. He obviously didn’t have the right words to say.  
  
“Jeez, Daph, cool it, huh?” Gloria’s voice interrupted the tension in the car. “What’s the problem?”  
  
“Maybe we should have rethought bringing her,” Gerard added. The comment sounded as if it should be snarky or teasing, but his voice held sympathy to it. No. Not sympathy. Empathy. Gerard was feeling empathetic. After all, he had left his brother behind, just as I had mine. The thought should console or comfort me, but it didn’t. It made me want to lash out.  
  
“You left your brother behind,” I snapped. “And you left your sister,” I pointed at my boyfriend. “Don’t you feel any kind of remorse for that? Am I the only one feeling like this?”  
  
“How are you feeling?” Gerard waved his hand in the air suavely, as if holding a cigarette that he miraculously wasn’t for once. He sounded like a therapist or philosopher the way he spoke so calmly and slowly. “Scared?” he continued before I could respond. “Lost? Angry, sad, funny, rebellious, daring? We’re all feeling the same way.”  
  
I probably should have said something but nothing came to mind. Instead I sat in silence again, next to Frank who was equally as quiet. It seemed that no one had anything further to say until Frank grabbed my hand to hold firmly.  
  
“You don’t think I feel bad or guilty for leaving Nikki behind like that? You think this is exactly how I want things to be? That I’m happy you left your family and I’m glad Mikey’s not with us? I thought you knew me better than that, Daphne.”  
  
I exhaled shakily and stared out the window, but all there was to see were the stars. It was too dark to see the area we were passing on the highway and so I rest my head back against the seat, pretending I was tired so they would simply leave me alone.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
When I awoke it was dawn out and sun was casting a light orange and pink glow across the sky. My car window was cracked open a bit to let some air in, and squinting around I realized each window was. That, and I was very much alone in the vehicle, bundled up in a nest of blankets that I couldn’t recall having wrapped myself in last night.  
  
Sitting up more I surveyed the surroundings and quickly realized the car was parked at a gas station which appeared to be in the middle of nowhere.  
  
“Is she awake yet?” I heard Frank’s voice call in the distance and noticed a figure clad in black skinny jeans and a leather jacket walking toward the car. Gerard.  
  
“I don’t know, I’m not there yet,” he responded, though it wasn’t nearly loud enough for Frank to possibly hear. Gerard was doing as he always was; lighting up a cigarette. He flicked the lighter shut to put back into his pocket and ducked down to look into the car. “Morning. ‘Bout fuckin’ time.”  
  
I sucked in a breath and swallowed, realizing how dry my throat felt, and sounded when I spoke next. “Where are we? What time is it?”  
  
Gerard pulled the door open and leaned in to talk, “Geographically speaking I don’t know, but I do know it’s just after 6:00 AM and I do know we’re at a grungy gas station.”  
  
“I don’t remember falling asleep.”  
  
“Good thing you weren’t driving then. You want a washroom break?”  
  
I nodded my head and crawled forward across the seats to get out of the car. Along the way I pulled my shoes on and became aware I was still clad in my pyjama pants. “I should change.”  
  
“Your call. It’s not like pyjama pants haven’t been a fashion statement before. Even crocs had their time to shine. And if crocs had a moment in the limelight then pyjama pants should be seen as high fashion. Mixing the two sounds abominable though. I wouldn’t recommend it.”  
  
I managed a tiny chuckle and stood next to Gerard on the pavement. “My stuff’s in the trunk.”  
  
Gerard fished the keys out of his pocket and held them up while exhaling smoke from his cigarette off to the side. “You’ll probably be needing these then.”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
I gathered a change of clothes and my bag of toiletry items from the trunk of the car before following Gerard into the building where Frank was talking with the guy behind the counter as if they were old chums. Frank had a way of winning people over – I should know. From the bit of the conversation I heard it sounded like they were discussing guitars.  
  
“She’s awake,” Gerard stated the obvious as he walked right by Frank and disappeared down an aisle.  
  
Frank excused himself briefly from the conversation he was having with the man and walked over to me. “Hey, good morning,” he gave me an uneasy smile. “How’re you feeling?”  
  
“Was I sick?”  
  
“No, but you were really upset last night. You feeling a bit better?”  
  
“I don’t know, I just want to get washed up and changed right now.”  
  
He pressed a hand to my arm affectionately and let it slide down to my hand. “Sure. It’s just back there,” he nodded. “Gloria should be just about done by now.”  
  
“Ok.”  
  
I started to move away but he lightly tugged me back in order to give me a kiss. He tasted like mint, probably having just brushed his teeth. I gave him a weak smile in response and continued making my way toward the washrooms.  
  
Gloria was just walking out when I got there. She was done up as always; a bit too much eyeliner and not a hair out of place. She flashed me a bright smile and gave me a half hug. “Good morning, besty. We were thinking of a pack of chocolate chip cookies for breakfast. You in? They have chocolate milk here! Gee’s driving, so you and I can have a dance party in the backseat! I brought a shitload of magazines to keep our brains loaded with gossip!”  
  
“Yeah, sure,” I answered wearily and recycled the same smile I had given Frank not a minute ago.  
  
“Good! See you in a bit.”  
  
She hopped away and I stared after her in confusion. How the hell did she have any energy left at all after driving through the night? But I guess that was just one of the many mysteries surrounding Gloria. For all I knew she was only wound up because she _was_ so tired. In five more minutes she could be sleeping on the sticky gas station floor with a chocolate chip cookie in her hand.  
  
The restroom was just that – a restroom. There was nothing special about it, but at least I could say I’d seen worse. This one seemed clean enough and it was left with the scent of Gloria’s perfume, and the lasting hint of aftershave – either from Frank or Gerard. We’d obviously been parked at this gas station for a while before I woke up.  
  
I squinted at my reflection in the mirror and gave an exhausted sigh. I looked like shit. My hair was a mess, my eyes were red and puffy and my mouth still felt dry - in dire need of toothpaste and mouthwash. Frank was probably filled with regret the second his lips touched mine that morning.  
  
I hunted through my bag for my toothbrush and soap to get started.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Changed and washed I felt a bit better than I had when I woke up in the car. Frank was still leaned over the counter talking to that guy and Gloria was in the corner of the store flirting with Gerard. Everyone was waiting for me it seemed, because when I showed up Frank once again let all his attention fall on me and held up two bags of candy with a grin. “Skittles or M &M's? Or do you want to get real crazy, buy both and mix them together?”  
  
“I think I’ll just be boring and stick with some cereal,” I replied and picked up an individual box of Frosted Flakes along the way to the counter.  
  
“What happened to our cookie deal?” Gloria called.  
  
“Daphne doesn’t seem too keen on tooth decay,” Gerard grinned to his girlfriend.  
  
“How is Frosted Flakes any better? Each one of those things is coated with sugar! Granted it’s probably better than Franken Berry.”  
  
“Hey now, Franken Berry is the shit. This relationship won’t last if you can’t at least accept the beauty of Franken Berry.”  
  
“Beauty of what now?” Frank called with a smirk. “ _Frank_ en Berry? Thanks, man. Noted and appreciated.”  
  
I rolled my eyes and went to pay for my purchase, but was stopped by Frank who snatched it out of my hands. “I’m paying. What else do you want?”  
  
“Nothing. This is fine.”  
  
“Dry cereal?”  
  
“All I want right now, thanks.”  
  
Frank gave a sigh but nodded. “Yeah, alright.”  
  
I made my way out of the store while Gloria hopped over to the counter with her pack of cookies and chocolate milk. Evidently Frank was paying for everyone’s “food” that morning.  
  
I was halfway to the car when I heard someone approaching from behind. A second later an arm was around my shoulders and I was surprised to find it was Gerard.  
  
“You’re not ok.”  
  
“You’re observant,” I muttered and kicked at a pile of dirt so clumsily that I nearly tripped over my own two feet. “I guess I thought it’d all turn out fine once we were on the road. All it’s doing is making me feel like more of a creep for leaving.”  
  
“You wouldn’t belong in this group if you didn’t feel just the least bit like a creep. Isn’t that why we’re all friends anyway? We’re all creeps, that’s what we have in common. I know it sucks leaving the others behind, but you should just try to look at this picture from a different angle right now. Instead of beating yourself up for leaving, you should enjoy the fact that for the first time in your life, you’re free. We can do whatever the fuck we want right now.”  
  
I let my gaze meet his after a moment and gave a small smile, but unlike the others I had been giving out that morning, this one was genuine. Gerard had a point. I had two options: either I continued on with them or I ran back home. What would be at home for me if I returned? I’d be grounded, that much was guaranteed. They might even send me to therapy for all the crazy shit I’d gotten myself into the past few months. The thought made me feel hallow, whereas staying on the road, unsure of what was to come, stirred up some excitement in my bones and made my heart skip a beat in anticipation.  
  
“And everyone else back home?”  
  
“They worked hard for us to be able to do this. I’m sorry about Mitch, but I think if he knew how miserable you were feeling before he’d be supportive now. Like Mikey - that little twerp - he seems like a good enough little brother. He means well, right?”  
  
“You’re right.”  
  
“We’ll see them again, Daph, but right now it’s about us four getting away and having some fun.”  
  
Stopped by the car I gave Gerard a hug of thanks and took in our surroundings a bit differently. Frank and I had driven outside of the city numerous times to visit the old abandoned building we liked to pretend would be our gang’s shared home one day. Being out in the middle of nowhere now was reminiscent of that feeling and I let the morning air into my lungs with a greater sense of satisfaction.  
  
“Better?” Gerard grinned knowingly.  
  
“Better.”  
  
“Good. Now eat some fucking chocolate chip cookies.”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
A few minutes later all of us were gathered around the car, having just filled the tank with gas. Frank appeared to be relieved to see me smiling again and Gloria was giddy with happiness when I suggested we snap a group picture at our first grungy gas station, which Frank’s newfound “fellow guitarist buddy” working the counter took for us.  
  
We bid farewell to the gas station employee and I crawled into the backseat next to Gloria wondering where the hell he possibly lived out here in the middle of nowhere. I couldn’t visualize any houses being in a nearby radius. Maybe he lived in the gas station. I explained my theory to the very hyped of Gloria who burst into a fit of giggles.  
  
“Someone’s tired,” Frank laughed to Gerard who was our current driver.  
  
Gerard let his eyes flicker to the rear-view mirror and grinned over his girlfriend’s sleep deprived state. “Glore, take a nap, babe.”  
  
“Not when there’s cookies to be had,” she argued and tossed one forward, where it landed on the dashboard. “Don’t forget the chocolate milk,” she added and I grabbed her wrist quickly before she could attempt chucking the bottled beverage forward as well.  
  
“Hey, what’s this on your finger?” Gloria suddenly grabbed my left hand to examine my new ring. “And you too,” she accused Frank and leaned forward in the car to grab hold of his hand as well. “Matching rings? What did you go and do without telling me?”  
  
“We sort of got engaged,” I replied without thinking much about it. I felt thoroughly happy to tell someone about our promise rings, and I was glad those first couple people were Gloria and Gerard.  
  
“Engaged?” Gerard quirked an eyebrow in the rear-view mirror before glancing over to Frank.  
  
“Sort of,” Frank giggled with a shrug.  
  
“What does that mean and why wouldn’t you tell me?” Gloria frowned and slapped Frank upside the head before doing the same to me. “What kind of best friends are you? You don’t ever get engaged without telling me first!”  
  
“Ow,” I hissed and glared at the girl who was supposedly by best friend. “ _Sort of_ engaged, not engaged. They’re promise rings. Frankie asked me after I talked with Dalton yesterday. There wasn’t really a good moment to notify you.”  
  
“Still,” she snapped at Frank this time, “you would have been thinking about it. You could have text me!”  
  
“Eat a cookie, Gloria,” Frank laughed and shoved one into her mouth.  
  
“Jesus Christ,” Gerard muttered and turned the radio up.


	25. Chapter 25

Gloria couldn’t battle her sleep-deprived state much longer after the cookie incident and fell asleep across my lap in the backseat of the car. As a result Gerard had turned the volume down on the blaring radio and if I wanted to hear what was playing I really had to strain my hearing.  
  
Frank was starting to drift off to sleep too, and I assumed it was because he was going to be driving that night. Otherwise I was almost positive he and Gerard would still be debating horror flicks as they usually were. “You did sleep last night, didn’t you?” I asked quietly.  
  
“I sure hope so,” he replied. “Why, are you offering to take over?”  
  
“I would if I drove.”  
  
“You don’t have your license?”  
  
“No, I do, but I’m a terrible driver. I don’t know how I managed to pass the test. That was basically the last time I drove, and that was a couple years ago now.”  
  
“I’m not an enthusiastic driver myself, but sometimes it’s nice to take the car for a spin. Especially when you have something on your mind that won’t go away.”  
  
I watched Gerard driving in silence for the next couple minutes, realizing that as much as Gloria talked about him, and despite seeing him every day at school I knew very little about him. I knew he loved art, horror movies, video games and anything rock or metal when it came to music, but other than that I didn’t really know Gerard and what made him tick. In all honestly I probably understood Mikey better than I did Gerard, and now that sort of made my heart sink. Here I was on this lifetime adventure with the guy and I knew nothing about him.  
  
“Hey, Gee, what do you want to do when you grow up?” was the stupid random question that came out of my mouth next. Life would be so wonderful if I could blurt out the perfect words at the perfect moment, but no.  
  
Gerard gave a giggled snort and smiled at the road ahead. “What does that even mean, anyway? Grown up?”  
  
“You know what I mean.”  
  
“I do, but that doesn’t mean I understand what it means to be grown up. I don’t think anyone does. I don’t intend to ever “grow up” unless I understand the definition so what you should ask me is what I’d like my career to be. And then I’d answer: a comic writer and artist.”  
  
“Alright, that’s fair I guess. My mom always told me you were a grown up once you started making your own decisions.”  
  
“Then I’ve been a grown up since I was eight.”  
  
“What decision did you make in your young adult life?”  
  
“I picked up a paint brush instead of a football.”  
  
“How does anyone sleep in a goddamn car?” Frank squirmed in his seat uncomfortably and interrupted the conversation. “Is the plan to sleep in the car all the time?”  
  
“We can’t stay at a hotel,” Gerard explained rationally, “they’ll be able to track us.”  
  
“How about camping out then? We have sleeping bags. And a tent, courtesy of Bob.”  
  
Like my random bursts of questions I couldn’t help, laughter came out of my mouth over the disgusted face Gerard cast toward Frank. Then again, the idea of sleeping out in the wilderness at the side of a highway wasn’t all that appealing to me either. All I could imagine were bug bites and rocks under the sleeping bag jabbing into my shoulder blades. Then there was always the possibility of rain and we’d all get soaked and sick. There’d be inky mascara running everywhere, muddy shoes and frizzy hair. If Ray were present his hair would be mad in the humidity.  
  
I paused over the thought of Ray and smiled weakly. Yeah, he’d abandoned the gang when he was needed most, but I still couldn’t help remembering the time he drove me home after Frank’s Halloween party. The way he was determined to guess my costume and make sure I was taken care of. I missed Ray. I missed the entire gang. It was difficult not to imagine all their responses to Frank’s suggestion of camping out.  
  
“Gerard, come on, we’ll build a fire, roast marshmallows, watch the stars…” Frank argued in favour of camping out for a night.  
  
“Are you coming on to me?” Gerard quirked an eyebrow. “If so you clearly don’t know what’ll gain you access to inside my pants, bro. ‘Cause it sure ain’t livin’ like a troglodyte.”  
  
“But I know just the right words to say, don’t I, baby?” Gloria yawned happily and leaned around Gerard’s car seat to kiss the corner of his mouth. “I get an all access pass any hour of the day, week and year.”  
  
Gerard grinned in return – no words needed to be said. If we camped out it was pretty obvious what’d be going on inside _their_ tent.  
  
I watched as Frank rolled his eyes and then looked over his seat at me with a smile. “So what do you think, Daphy? Would you be into sleeping under the stars? Sleeping bags? Campfire?”  
  
“Only if it’s not raining, and can those two sleeping bags be one?”  
  
“Well obviously, with a little cuddle monster like you on the loose? I think we can swing it.”  
  
“Good,” I gave him what I hope looked like a playful smile. Judging from the grin he flashed me in return it did and I leaned back in my seat with a positive outlook on our upcoming camping adventure.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
“This is a stupid idea,” Gerard grumbled several hours later as we began our trek into the woodsy area off the side of the highway. The idea was to travel far enough in so not to be seen or caught, but stay close enough to the road so we wouldn’t become lost.  
  
“Quit being such a pussy,” Frank exclaimed, “you haven’t even walked ten feet yet.”  
  
“Yeah, well these shoes weren’t made for walking,” Gloria snapped in response. She and Gerard were clearly meant for each other.  
  
“What the fuck did you buy them for then?” Frank laughed.  
  
“They are classy and sexy. They also hurt like a motherfucker and aren’t meant to walk in.”  
  
“So, what? You just stare at them?”  
  
“Sometimes if the mood strikes me. You got a problem with that?”  
  
Frank scoffed and looked behind him to me and then down at my feet. “And what are you wearing, Miss Piss-pants?”  
  
“Just my Vans,” I shrugged over my unglamorous choice of footwear for the trek.  
  
“Now those are some sexy shoes,” he pointed out and made a point to stare at Gloria. “You see that? Shoes you _can_ walk in.”  
  
“I was under the impression we were going on a _road trip_ not a hike through the setting of _The Blair Witch Project_! Christ, my feet are killing me! Geeeee?”  
  
Gerard gave a loud sigh and then crouched down slightly. “Alright, fine, hop on already.”  
  
I swore I saw Gloria do a little hop and skip before jumping onto her boyfriend’s back, along with her backpack for a piggy-back ride to our campsite. She was just being her dramatic self.  
  
“At least my girl ain’t a pussy,” Frank spoke aloud to no one in particular.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Despite the complaints and whining from both Gerard and Gloria on our trek, they were pretty content once we’d actually set up camp and cozied up next to the fire. Surprising us all was Gloria’s talent of setting up a tent. She had that sucker up before the rest of us could even process the instructions.  
  
We put blankets down to sit on, found long branches to roast marshmallows on and Frank did his very best to freak us all out with a terrible scary story. It was an epic fail in the end and Gloria and I were practically rolling around on the ground in fits of laughter.  
  
“What the hell, it’s not a comedy,” Frank threw his hands up in surrender.  
  
“With all those loose ends in the plot is sure sounds like one,” Gerard’s nasally voice pointed out as he tossed another couple branches into the fire to keep it going. “Like, where’d the guy even pull the gun from? He was naked.”  
  
“There are places,” Frank’s voice rose in pitch defensively.  
  
“Nooo,” Gloria and I moaned in laughter.  
  
“Enough, enough,” I slapped Frank’s leg playfully. “I can’t breathe. I love you, but your campfire stories are terrible. It’s like listening to Mikey trying to get lucky at a strip bar.”  
  
“Watch it Miss Piss-pants or there will be _no_ cuddling tonight!”  
  
“Speaking of cuddling,” Gloria hinted to Gerard and nodded in the direction of the tent. “You ready for bed, hubby?”  
  
Gerard got up first and then reached down for his girlfriend to help her up as well. “Night, guys,” he gave a small wave for the both of them and disappeared inside the tent, zipping it completely shut.  
  
I had agreed to sleep out under the stars with Frank, who had been very adamant about it and let me in on why once we were cuddled close together on the blanket, laying on our backs to admire the stars. Our sleeping bags were left to the side for the time being – the weather calm and oddly warm for May.  
  
I sighed contentedly and readjusted my head against his shoulder. “So what’s so special about this for you?”  
  
“Sleeping out under the stars is something Nikki and I would do as kids in the backyard. We had this tent my parents had bought us one year and we pretty much lived outside during the summer months. Nikki, you know, she’d wish on stars all the time. I’m sure she still does. She’s always wanted to be an actress and model since she was a little kid. She’d wish on stars for it every night.”  
  
“What’d you wish for?” I smiled.  
  
“She made me wish for her to become an actress and model too,” he chuckled. “I didn’t have a choice, she’d beat me up.”  
  
I giggled into his shoulder and watched his smile fade. “What’s the matter?”  
  
“Nikki deserves so much better in life. She should get her wish.”  
  
“She will, Frankie, one day. All the good actors and models have to work their way up to the top, don’t they? They all have a struggling point in their lives, but then when they make it they’re the ones that last. This is just her struggling point before she makes it big.”  
  
“You think so?”  
  
“Nikki’s got the whole package going for her. She’s talented, gorgeous and tough. She’ll make it to the top for sure. Then she’s going to drag you along with her to some of those film premieres and you get to stand around feeling all awkward in a suit.”  
  
“Great,” he snorted and hugged me against his side. “Thanks for camping out with me.”  
  
“I’m sorry I made it sound like you didn’t care about leaving everyone behind. I know you miss Nikki.”  
  
“She’s my family, Daph, of course I’ll miss her. I miss her already. I don’t know when I’m going to see her again and that’s a scary thing.”  
  
“You’ll see her again soon,” I nodded confidently. I had to stay optimistic. Lately he’d been the one to keep optimistic in our relationship, but now it was my turn to reassure him. “Besides, Mikey’s there to take care of her for you.”  
  
“Christ,” he full out laughed this time. “Mikey.”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
It was only a couple minutes later when Gloria’s giggles carried out into the night air from the tent. “What do you think they’re doing in there?” I asked.  
  
“What do _you_ think they’re doing in there?” Frank grinned and rubbed a hand up and down my arm.  
  
“They could be…making jokes…”  
  
“They’re making _something_ alright, but I doubt it’s jokes,” he laughed and kissed my cheek. “I love your naivety.”  
  
I was barely listening though. My gaze was stuck on the moving shadows the light was casting against the tent. Of course I knew what was going on, and the more I watched like a creepy little stalker the more I wanted what Gloria and Gerard had together. I wanted that same intimacy they had with my boyfriend whose body, though cuddle against mine, wasn’t close enough. I chewed on my lip, from both nerves and excitement over the prospect of love and what making love meant.  
  
“You getting cold yet?” Frank asked as he leaned over me to grab the other blanket.  
  
Without another second to contemplate it I grabbed him by the front of his shirt and pulled him down on top of me in a kiss. “Remember after the break-in?” I breathed and locked eyes with him, his face only a couple inches from mine. “I wanted to sleep with you and you said you weren’t ready? Well are you ready yet?”  
  
Frank stared back in surprise for what felt like a full minute before he grinned, and it was _that_ grin. I knew it well and it was mischievous and unpredictable. The one that made my heart speed up and my stomach flutter in excited thrills. I shivered in anticipation for his next and first move and it started with more kisses, venturing down to my neck while his hand travelled up the front of my shirt.  
  
I let me gaze scan the stars in the sky as the sensation of him nipping my neck sent tingles throughout my body, warming me up and urging me on. I knew I should be doing something in return, but I was clumsy and inexperienced where as he knew exactly what he was doing. In a swift motion he had unhooked my bra better than I myself probably could.  
  
My hands hovered above his back nervously and he seemed to catch on to my hesitation, because the next thing I knew he was smiling into the kiss we were sharing and I was sure he was going to start laughing at me. He pulled back briefly but only to gently grab hold of my hands and bring them down to the belt on his jeans. “Don’t think so much,” he advised and pulled his t-shirt off over his head, tossing it carelessly to the side before resuming his previous position. “Lose the nerves and trust me.”  
  
“I do trust you,” I frowned and let instinct take over, fumbling with his belt and the button on his jeans until both were undone. Around the same time he pulled my shirt off and I slid my bra down my arms leaving me naked from the waist up. It was first time I’d ever been topless in front of him and I blushed, wondering what was going through his mind as he looked me over.  
  
“You’re beautiful, Daph, you know that?” he murmured softly and leaned back down to kiss my lips gently at first, though it quickly heated up again. I found myself letting my hands wander up his arms, over his chest and down his back, feeling him tense and then relax under my touch, evidently enjoying what I was doing.  
  
A gasp escaped my lips only a couple minutes later when he began leaving a trail of kisses down my chest and stomach, stopping when he came to the waistline of my jeans. He spent no time unbuttoning and pulling them down and off of me, seemingly annoyed that they were getting in his way. In return I quickly yanked his jeans down as he kneeled above me, one leg on either side of my body.  
  
“D-do you have-“ I stuttered helplessly up at him.  
  
“One of these?” he quirked an eyebrow and held up a condom between his middle and index finger. I had no idea when he had grabbed one, but I also felt like I was unaware of a lot of what had already happened. “Are you sure, Daphne? I don’t want you to feel pressured. We don’t have to if you’re not ready.”  
  
“I want to,” I confirmed and eyed him up and down. “I’m ready.”  
  
He flashed me a smile and slowly pulled my underwear down before ripping the condom package open with his teeth. I shut my eyes tightly, bracing myself for what was next, but instead was met with laughter. Peeking an eye open I stared up at my laughing boyfriend who was hovering over me, holding himself up on his arms. “What?” I squeaked.  
  
“Hey, I appreciate it and all, but contrary to what you appear to be thinking it’s not a sword and I’m not going to stab you with it. Relax.”  
  
I gave a small, nervous giggle and pulled him down gently for another kiss.  
  
The rest is history.


	26. Chapter 26

The sun was shining when I awoke in the morning. Frank and I fell asleep wrapped up in each other’s arms last night, naked under the blankets and muttering sweet nonsense to each other. I couldn’t recall another memorable moment in my life to top our experience last night and I smiled down at his sleeping form next to me now.  
  
I was glancing around for my shirt and underwear when all of a sudden Gloria came crawling out of the tent. Quickly I pulled the blanket up to cover my chest and stared in surprise. She didn’t appear to be fully awake yet – dishevelled and unbalanced as she stumbled to her feet. I wasn’t sure if she’d even seen me until she held a hand up, “Don’t even look at me until I brush my hair.”  
  
“S-sure,” I muttered quietly and reached over for Frank’s abandoned t-shirt from last night to wear until I located mine. Unfortunately it caught Gloria’s attention and her eyes, smudged with eyeliner and eye shadow, lit up in the way they always did when she had something new and exciting to gossip about.  
  
“You,” she pointed and stumbled over a bit closer. “ _You_ are naked, Daphne Taylor.”  
  
I blushed and turned my upper half away to pull the t-shirt over my head.  
  
“Did you…?” she whispered and studied my expression closely.  
  
I turned my head away, but that was a bad decision to make around Gloria when curiosity got the better of her.  
  
“You get up, we’re going to go for a girl talk,” she tugged at my arm firmly. “Come on, let’s go.”  
  
“I need my pants first,” I wriggled out of her grasp. “I can’t find them.”  
  
“How wild did you get last night?” she sighed in annoyance and began scouting out the surrounding area, which included narrowing her eyes up at the trees.  
  
“Oh please,” I rolled my eyes and realized I was lying on top of my jeans. Quickly I pulled them on under the blanket and carefully crawled out so not to disturb Frank who was still sound asleep. Gloria hopped around on the spot sporting the same outfit she had on yesterday. None of us had brought a change of clothes with us for the campout, deciding it was pointless and would just add to the list of stuff we had to carry with us.  
  
By the time I found my shoes Gloria was already walking away and I had to run barefoot to catch up with her. She wore the same painful shoes she’d worn yesterday but no surprise to me they didn’t appear to be hurting her today. Gloria wouldn’t be Gloria without her dramatic outbursts.  
  
“Hold on a second,” I paused to pull my Vans on before we continued in the direction of the car.  
  
“So?” she squealed once we were far enough from our little campsite so not to be heard by the guys if they happened to wake up. “What happened last night?!”  
  
“You _know_ what happened last night,” I blushed red again and accepted the cigarette she offered to me.  
  
“Details, child! Who initiated it? What was your first time like? Oh God, please tell me you used protection. The last thing we need on this getaway is a baby. But your babies would be so cute! Aw, little miniature Frankies and Daphnes running around. Gee and I will be the godparents! I changed my mind, we’ll make it work. Go back there and make babies!”  
  
“Gloria! Jeez! It’s not like you ever talk about you and Gerard. Where are those details that you so conveniently leave out?”  
  
“Gerard and I are old news,” she waved her hand in a dismissive manner. “We’ve been sleeping together for months. …Daphne! This is major news! Especially for you! And as your very best friend I want details. Talk.”  
  
I sighed and caved. I had to. If I didn’t she’d never shut up and then the whole world would know that I’d lost my virginity last night.  
  
“It was my idea,” I mumbled and kicked at a stick on the ground. “He was really sweet about it all and it was…good? I don’t know. Gloria, this is weird to talk about.”  
  
“Did he go down on you?”  
  
“Gloria!”  
  
“Did you give him a bj?”  
  
“ _Gloria_!”  
  
“Fine, fine! You did use protection though.”  
  
“Yes.”  
  
“That’s all I want to know.”  
  
“Yeah, I’m sure,” I stared at her as if she’d gone mad. “Not like you were just running your mouth off asking for details or anything. Where are we going?”  
  
“To get some breakfast. Boys are always hungry in the morning,” she winked. “Ah, you lost your virgin card! Look at you! I think you’re glowing. I knew it. I knew it was going to happen on this trip. You both were always eye-fucking each other, it was getting so boring. Nikki owes me ten bucks the next time I see her.”  
  
“You _bet_ on my virginity?!”  
  
“Only ten bucks, don’t get so uptight about it. She didn’t think you’d go through with it but I knew you would. You love Frankie. Plus you’re engaged to him now.”  
  
“Not exactly engaged yet. Promised to.”  
  
“That’s the same thing, Daphne. You’re engaged, you just don’t have the bling to flaunt around yet. Does Nikki know you’re engaged?”  
  
“Promised to each other,” I corrected, though I knew it was reaching deaf ears. “And no, not to my understanding… Unless he told her before we left. Do you think he would have told her before we left? She knows he wanted to propose to me. He…did…propose to me.”  
  
“What?! What the fuck, Daphne?! Why are you holding so many secrets from me? And why did you turn him down?”  
  
“I’m too young to be engaged,” I exhaled smoke toward the sky. It was going to be a beautiful day out; the clouds were wispy and few across the blue sky. “That’s why we’re promised to each other.”  
  
“I will never understand promise rings,” Gloria sighed and began trying to untangle a knot in her hair. “It’s a promise to get engaged, so why not just get engaged?”  
  
“I don’t want to rush into anything as serious as that yet.”  
  
Gloria gave a dry laugh and eyed me incredulously. “Daph, you kind have already rushed into something really serious with him. If you haven’t noticed we’re in the middle of fucking nowhere right now, in a forest. You just lost your virginity to him and we’re running away to California. The difference between promised and engaged doesn’t seem very serious anymore does it?”  
  
“No,” I groaned and rubbed a hand over my face, “not when you put it that way. What am I doing, Gloria? I ran away from _home_. I can’t even make a decision over wearing my hair up or down most days and yet it didn’t take me long to decide to run away.”  
  
“Because you love Frankie,” Gloria cocked her head to the side. “You left because you want to be with him. The same reason Gerard left home for me. And if that’s not romantic I don’t know what is.”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
After gathering some food from the car we made our way back toward our little campsite and found both guys awake. They looked to be in the middle of a conversation but fell silent as we approached them. Frank gave me one of his famous smiles and Gerard had a tell all smirk on his face suggesting that he and Frank had been discussing much the same thing Gloria and I had been; only in guy talk.  
  
“There’s my t-shirt,” Frank commented when he noticed what I was wearing. “And my girl. You wanna trade?” he held up my shirt for me to see and giggled. “Not exactly my size.”  
  
I smiled in return and snatched my t-shirt from him.  
  
“You want your bra too?” Frank grinned and held it up against his chest. “Makes me feel a bit like Cher, or Gaga. What do you think?”  
  
I grabbed my undergarment from him as well with a laugh before disappearing into the tent in order to change. While I did I listened in on the discussion that went down outside.  
  
“So you sealed the deal, huh?” Gerard began quietly. “That must’ve been a record breaking amount of time for you. Don’t girls normally jump into the sack with you after a couple dates?”  
  
“Daph’s different,” Frank answered firmly but just as softly. “I would have waited as long as it took for her to be ready.”  
  
“Awe, Mr. Romantic,” Gloria gushed. “How happy are you to practically be engaged to the girl of your dreams, lover-boy?”  
  
“Pretty sure this is the happiest I’ve ever been, Glore.”  
  
I smiled to myself and finished changing before walking back out to give Frank his t-shirt back, which he pulled on and quickly yanked me down onto his lap for a hug and kiss. “Guess what you get the chance to do today, Daphy?”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
“I hope you all realize that you’re putting your own lives in jeopardy by letting me do this,” I exclaimed loudly an hour and a half later. I was sat behind the steering wheel of the car and shouting to be heard over the blaring music.  
  
“That’s why we’re strapped in,” Gerard shouted back from his seat next to Gloria. “Hit it!”  
  
I glanced over to my boyfriend next to me and narrowed my eyes when I found him in a fit of laughter. “What are _you_ laughing at?”  
  
“The expression on your face is priceless, Daph. You’d think we just sentenced you to life in prison or something. Just put the car into drive and go. It’ll be fine. When’s the last time you saw another car on the road? We’re virtually alone, so you’re not going to hit anyone else.”  
  
“I don’t want to,” I froze up again and made to unbuckle my seatbelt.  
  
Before I knew what was even happening Frank had shifted the gear.  
  
“Drive!” they all shouted in unison at me and my foot floored the pedal, causing all of our backs to hit the seats with the sudden jerk forwards.  
  
“Holy shit,” I cried and slammed on the brakes. This time we were sent forward and Gloria started to cough.  
  
“I think I swallowed my gum,” she gasped.  
  
Frank started laughing harder at me and Gerard maintained his calm demeanour by explaining that what I had just exhibited was not proper driving etiquette. “You have to ease into it,” he chomped on his gum loudly, obviously not having accidentally swallowed his as Gloria had. “Flooring it causes heart attacks.”  
  
“Maybe you just need some better driving music,” Gloria tried to be helpful by leaning over the seats to get to the radio.  
  
“Don’t,” I exclaimed and pointed a finger at her, “be like Mikey. Sit your butt back down in that seat.”  
  
Gloria held her hands up in surrender before doing as told. “Alright, snappy. For someone who just got laid you sure are wound-up, aren’t ya?”  
  
“Gloria!”  
  
“Just stating a fact!”  
  
“You’re all a bunch of jerks,” I muttered in determination and signalled my way onto the road where I began driving slowly but steadily. I knew they were just teasing, but a girl could only take so much.  
  
“Look, she’s doing it,” Frank exclaimed next to me. “Watch that fucking tree!”  
  
“Oh my God, what?!” I startled.  
  
Frank pointed into the distance at what appeared to be a small tree off to the side of the road before cracking up and I rolled my eyes as Gerard began laughing along with him. Gloria had taken to filing her nails, already bored by the boys’ crazy antics and my terrible driving.  
  
“Daphne, I’ve seen rocks erode faster than this,” Gerard’s voice droned. “You drive like Miss Daisy in rush hour traffic.”  
  
“Better safe than sorry,” I lectured and cringed over how lame it actually sounded coming out of my mouth. Maybe I _was_ the next candidate to fill Miss Daisy’s shoes.  
  
“If you start quoting _The Tortoise and the Hare_ I’m ending our relationship,” Frank commented. “Now give it a bit more juice, Daph. Come on, I want to get to California before I’m eighty.”  
  
“Ew, you’re going to be all wrinkly when you’re eighty,” Gloria made a face. “I told you not to frown!”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
They let me drive for another half hour before Frank let me off the hook and took over. I made myself comfortable in the passenger seat, ready to control the music instead, and watch out for any oncoming trees that Frank could possibly have a run-in with.  
  
“Are you sure we’re even going the right way?” The question came to mind so suddenly I startled myself. “It’s not like we have a GPS to follow or anything.”  
  
Gerard stuck his arm forward and held a paper in front of my face, “It’s called a map, and we’re right on track. Mikey wanted to help track the route but we distracted him with a new pack of crayons and a colouring book, so you have nothing to worry about.”  
  
“All of you will have something to worry about if we don’t pull over right now,” Gloria announced. “I have to pee.”  
  
“-Fuck sake, Glore,” Frank complained. “You had all that time to go before we left.”  
  
“I didn’t have to go then! I’ll be quick, I swear! Daphne, you have to go too, don’t you?”  
  
“I might as well if we’re stopping,” I shrugged and grimaced over the expression Frank shot me. “Sorry! It’s not like I just claimed Justin Bieber was better than your beloved _Misfits_.”  
  
“Fine,” Frank sighed loudly and slowed the vehicle down to pull over at the side of the road. “Fine, we’ll stop. All of us are taking a bathroom break though, because I’m not stopping this car again until dusk!”  
  
“I don’t have to go,” Gerard dismissed and pinned himself back against his seat as Gloria crawled over him to get out of the car. You’d think she was a disease the way he scrunched up his nose in distaste.  
  
“You have to go,” Frank stated. “There is no option. You’re going to go pee.”  
  
“I don’t have to pee.”  
  
“I’ll _make you pee_ ,” Frank narrowed his eyes threateningly. While I’m sure he meant it as a joke he still came across as being half serious and I blinked slowly at him, wondering if he actually thought he held authority over his friends.  
  
“Whoa, I’m shaking in my boots,” Gerard rolled his eyes, having none of Frank’s bullshit this time around. “Don’t frown, Frank, _you’ll get wrinkles_.”  
  
The mood instantly lightened and both boys left the car cracking jokes as I wandered in the direction Gloria had taken off to.  
  
It was sort of nice being out in the middle of nowhere, where the only sounds heard were the chirping birds, rustling trees and occasional hum of insects that inhabited the surrounding area. I smiled as a squirrel chattered its way up a tree and took in a nice deep breath of air. I was finally beginning to feel alright about our getaway. I hated leaving friends and Mitch behind, but I’d see them again when everything had blown over. Maybe we could even go back to Jersey, and then Frank and I could find a way to go to college together. I still hadn’t the slightest clue what I wanted to do in life, but there was still time to figure it out. If Gloria could get a shop up and going maybe I could help her run it. Gerard could work his way into becoming a famous comic artist like he wanted and Frank could be a musician – and maybe even run his own recording studio some day!  
  
All the clean, rejuvenating air was forced out of my lungs as I was suddenly yanked down by my boyfriend. Before I could question what the hell was going on he’d slapped a hand over my mouth. “Sssh.”  
  
Life has this pathetic way of dragging you down just when you’re beginning to feel ok with where you are and who you are. You’re allowed happiness, but for me it felt like fireworks. All bright and dazzling, but not long lasting.  
  
It took me a moment to realize that Gerard and Gloria were next to him, just as silent and with the same worried expressions cast upon their faces. My eyes darted around to find the cause of their freak out and that’s when I saw the cop car pulled over to the side of the road behind ours.  
  
“Why are there cops all the way out here?” Gloria whispered.  
  
“Looking for us,” Gerard muttered. “Though I don’t know how they would have found us… How would they know which route to take?”  
  
I felt Frank’s body tense up against mine over Gerard’s words. He had since taken his hand off of my mouth, but still kept his arms wrapped securely around me. I turned my head to look up at him and he gave me a guilty look that told all. “That guy at the gas station,” I whispered. “You told him, didn’t you?”  
  
“I wasn’t fucking thinking,” he mumbled. “We were just talking and I guess I probably mentioned where we were headed.”  
  
“That’s wonderful,” Gerard glared. “Out of all of us here, you’d think you’d be the most tight-lipped about things. Now what do we do? They obviously know we’re around here somewhere. They’ll wait until we go back to the car and then we’ll be on our way back to Jersey. Glore will be shipped off to Chicago and the rest of us are going to be right back to where we started.”  
  
“I’m not leaving you,” Gloria’s lip quivered and hugged tightly to her boyfriend. “Frank, do something!”  
  
I watched the highway patrols who had ceased writing on their clipboards and were now surveying the surrounding area. They didn’t exactly seem in a rush, but Frank did as he scanned the ground around us and settled for one of Gloria’s fancy, painful shoes. He yanked it off her foot and threw it a distance away from us, causing leaves to rustle, twigs to snap and birds to take off in surprise. Thank God these cops were gullible and took off running in the direction of the sudden abruption in an otherwise peaceful setting.  
  
“Go,” Frank shoved all of us forward. “Fast!”  
  
Save for my runaway escape from Mitch I don’t think I’d run so fast in my life. I was much less clumsy than I had been on that night and even Gloria, who had since taken off her other shoe to gain better balance, made it to the car quickly. All of us managed to close the car doors before Frank went sailing down the highway.  
  
I fumbled with my seatbelt quickly and in all my panic stupidly reached over to buckled Frank in as well. If he wasn’t so focused he probably would have made a smartass remark to me.  
  
Gerard was watching out the back window, waiting to alert us when the highway patrol had caught on to our amateur escape and I held my breath and shut my eyes waiting for the sirens to sound.  
  
“They noticed,” Gloria squeaked and began tapping Frank on the shoulder. “Drive faster!”  
  
I peeked an eye open to watch and noticed Frank break out into a grin I _didn’t_ like, because it expressed what he was feeling in the moment and it wasn’t what the rest of us were feeling. Frank was loving this. Frank liked the chase and threat of being caught. For someone so desperate to get out of Jersey; out of danger in order to “start over”, the fact that he was grinning made me furious and sickened.  
  
I didn’t want to see any of it. Instead I ducked down in my seat and covered my head with my arms. I felt the car going faster and heard blurs of laughter from Frank, shouting from Gerard and Gloria and finally cheering from everyone, letting me know we were in the clear.  
  
“Did you see that?” Frank cried out, pumped up with adrenaline. I refused to look at him, but I knew he was smiling. “Did you fucking see that?!”  
  
“I think they were just too far behind us to catch up,” Gerard spoke next, his voice not at all its normal nonchalant tone, but racked with nerves. “Maybe their cars are just as shitty as my mom’s car.”  
  
“I just want to get to California and not worry about anything anymore,” Gloria whined. “I’m so sick and tired of being stressed out. No more stops unless we absolutely have to. Just take turns driving and sleep in the back. Fuck your stupid little boy scout campfires.”  
  
Frank giggled and I felt a hand on my shoulder. “Hey, Daphy, what’s the matter, huh? They gave up.”  
  
“I want to go home,” I bubbled into tears. “I hate this!”  
  
“It’s-“  
  
“No! No, it’s not fucking fine, Frank! We were just involved in a car chase with the police! This car is stolen and one of us is still underage! This is illegal and this is stupid! Don’t talk to me! Don’t tell me it’s all fine or that they gave up or that we’re going to have some awesome new start in California. Don’t talk to me!”  
  
“Hey, Daphne,” Gloria coaxed gently. “Remember what we talked about in the morning. Why are you here right now?”  
  
“I don’t care, I want to go home. I’m done with this.”  
  
Gloria looked saddened by my comment and it was Gerard to speak next, just as carefully as she had. No one seemed to want to trigger an outburst from me again. “We can’t turn around, Daphne. We can try to figure something out when we get to California, or maybe something along the way, but we can’t just turn around right now. I’m sorry you’re so upset, but you’re not the only one in on this.”  
  
I glanced to Frank, expecting him to say something next, but he remained silent, like I’d told him to. Somehow that bothered me more than if he attempted to talk with me.


	27. Chapter 27

We drove in an awkward silence for what felt like a full hour before Gerard and Gloria began talking to one another quietly in the backseat again. Yet Frank remained a mute and fixated on the road. At some point our hands touched when we reached for the radio at the same time, but he quickly retracted his, no argument over the fact that I chose a station that was strictly playing what many would term “bubble gum” tunes.  
  
A few times I caught him glancing at his promise ring and each time he did I felt a pang of panic. What was he thinking in that moment?  
  
I looked down at my own ring and sighed through my nose nervously. What was going to happen to our relationship if I went back home? Or was there even a relationship to be tapping out on anymore?  
  
I couldn’t recall falling asleep, but I must have, because when I woke up the sky was already starting to dim and Gerard was the one in the driver’s seat next to me. I looked over my shoulder to find Gloria and Frank cuddled up with one another and fast asleep by the looks of it. Gerard must have caught a nap around the same time I had.  
  
I was used to Gerard begin his calm, wise self in most situations, and as it had been turning out one of the best for playing a conscious in my life. I expected him to chime in with his words of wisdom to fix my thinking, but he only gave me a glance when I awoke and that was that. No freedom reminders or relationship advice. I tried to think of something to say instead, but like with Frank there was a barrier in my mind preventing me form using my voice.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
It appeared no one wanted to tell me anything, because I wasn’t even asked to move to the backseat at the next switch when Gloria traded with Gerard. It left both boys snoozing in the back while Gloria continuously shot me dirty looks throughout the hours that dragged by. A couple times I returned her angry looks and she simply scoffed. It was the last frown I gave her that had Gloria pull over to the side of the road.  
  
She got out of the car and slammed the door shut, which startled both boys to a wake.  
  
“Get out here, Daphne Taylor,” Gloria demanded loudly through the darkness. “Giving me those nasty looks – I’ll give you a nasty beating. Let’s go!”  
  
“What the fuck?” I muttered in pure confusion. Had she been drinking?!  
  
“- The hell are you doing, Gloria?” Frank rolled the window down to ask – in what I considered – a pretty calm tone for the bizarre behaviour she was exhibiting. “Get back in the car.”  
  
“Nope, nope,” she argued and turned her attention back to me. “Come on, Daphne! Get your fat ass out here and quit being such a big whiny baby. You think you have big problems? I’ll give you a big fucking problem. Mummy and daddy won’t be able to fix it for you this time. Come on!”  
  
I got out of the car and walked right up to her. I didn’t expect her to actually hit me, but shit was I wrong. One huge swing to the side of my face and I staggered back from the force. “What the fuck?!” I yelled. “What the hell is wrong with you?!” I grit my teeth and lunged myself at her, tackling her right to the ground. “Bitch!”  
  
“You are not, you are not,” she kept shouting up at me and grabbing for my hair. “You are not going to mess up my life because of your bratty princess insecurity! You are not ripping my family apart with your coward-ness!”  
  
I felt my body being pulled away from her and had my arms pinned to my sides by Gerard as Frank did the same to Gloria.  
  
“What’s the matter with you?” I felt the emotion bubble to the surface. My eyes stung with tears and I tried desperately to blink them back. “What did I do to _you_?”  
  
“It’s what you’re _not_ doing,” she spat back. “It’s about what you’re walking away from. Let go of me, Frank!”  
  
Gerard had already let go of me, confident I wasn’t about to attack his girlfriend again, but Frank still held Gloria tightly.  
  
“You need to calm the fuck down first,” he lowered his voice. “You just tried to smash her face off. That’s not what best friends do to one another.”  
  
“What best friend?” she surprised me with the tears swimming in her eyes. “She’s ratting us all out by leaving!”  
  
“That’s not what’s happening, Glore,” Frank spoke carefully. “We talked about it. Daphne gets to go home and we’ll keep on track to California.”  
  
“But Frankie,” she whimpered and turned into him for a hug.  
  
They spoke quietly enough that I couldn’t make out what was being said anymore, but when Gloria did finally let go of Frank she trudged her way back to the car and got into the front passenger seat with a miserable looking pout. Gerard followed suit, shutting her door before getting into the back.  
  
Frank’s gaze met mine but didn’t linger as he too proceeded back to the car, without even the slightest glance back to see if I followed.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
I sat next to Gerard in the back now, still shaken over Gloria’s outburst and becoming increasingly aware of the throbbing pain in my jaw. Gerard took pity on me it seemed because he pulled a drink from the cooler and instructed me to hold it against the side of my face. The drink wasn’t necessarily _cold_ anymore, but it was still much cooler than the air surrounding us all.  
  
I hissed at the cool contact and earned Frank’s attention as he glanced at me through the rear-view mirror. “Are you ok, Daphne?”  
  
“Fine,” I mumbled with my eyes locked on Gloria. “Fantastic.”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
We pulled into a gas station mid-morning the next day and Gloria and Gerard were pretty quick to exit the car, probably in search of a washroom after such a long drive without stops. Frank seemed reluctant to move at all from where he still sat in the driver’s seat looking as exhausted as I felt. I was about to say something when he began talking first.  
  
“There’s a payphone here. You can call home. We’ll wait until you know someone is coming for you and then the rest of us will leave.”  
  
“What about _us_?” I gathered enough courage to ask.  
  
“How is there an _us_ if you go back?” he spoke miserably and played with the ring on his finger. “Jersey isn’t my home anymore, Daphne. There’s a reason I had to up and leave. I can’t follow you back there as much as I do love you. I would if I could, but I can’t.”  
  
“So that’s just it?” I let the tears fall down my face. “We’re just breaking off the engagement?”  
  
“We were never engaged, Daphne,” he mumbled and gave a tired sigh before leaving me in the car.  
  
For a full minute it felt as if I couldn’t breathe – as if I had forgotten how to breathe or what it meant to breathe. All in that moment I knew heartbreak and I kicked the back of the car seat hard with full full-fledged anger. Not anger for Frank, Gloria or Gerard, but anger for myself. What had I expected to happen between Frank and I if I went back? That he had the option of following? That he’d wait for me in California until I was ready? If I was _ever_ ready? That was selfish thinking and I curled into myself to collect my thoughts.  
  
I stayed there for all of four minutes until Gloria began to make her way toward the car looking none too happy. “Are you making your phone call or what? Get a move on, not all of us are blessed with luxurious time on our hands.”  
  
I got out of the car and made my way over to the payphone with a few quarters in hand and my little phone book. Thank God I had sense enough to have written out all of contact on my phone. It was something I had become all too familiar with over the past couple years and three phones dropped in public toilets later.  
  
I noticed Gerard watching me from afar where he was leaned back against the car having a cigarette. Even when I noticed him looking he didn’t avert his gaze. Instead I think he even hardened his stare. Gloria was still in her pissed off state seated inside the car and staring straight ahead. Frank I didn’t see anywhere and assumed he was probably still inside the store.  
  
Without wasting another second I dialled home and waited for someone to pick up. As much as I loved Frank, Gloria and Gerard I couldn’t hack the chase. Not anymore. Not after we were chased like criminals…like the criminals we were being.  
  
The answering machine kicked in and I slammed the receiver down. “Shit.” I felt Gerard’s gaze on me still and glanced over quickly to find him grinning rather smugly. It made my stomach twist up in knots and my hands fumble with my telephone book. Why was he staring like that?  
  
Finding the number I wanted I dialled and waited with my back to Gerard.  
  
“Hello?” Mikey’s voice came over the receiver two rings later and I stared at the number in my book, perplexed.  
  
“Mikey? Where’s Nikki?”  
  
“Daphne?! Is that you? Holy shit, how’s it going? Any hot chicks on the road? Probably not, hey? All hitchhikers seem to be burly bearded men who haven’t bathed in a couple months. What are you calling for? _Where_ are you calling from?”  
  
“I- I don’t know,” I admitted. “I don’t know where we are right now. Some grimy gas station and I’m on a payphone. Where’s Nikki? Why are you there?”  
  
“Been a crazy couple days living at home,” he explained. “The folks are going mental on me, ‘cause I obviously know where Gee went but I’m not telling. So I’m crashing at Nikki’s for a few days. Man _your_ folks have your face all over the local news though. They _really_ want to find you. Dalton was drilling some selected students at school over your whereabouts – including yours truly might I add. He grilled Ray too. Man, you should have seen Ray’s face in the office. I swear to God he probably shit his pants. So you’re Miss Piss-pants and he can be Mr. Shit-pants.”  
  
“Mikey!” I shouted in frustration. “Please! Just shut up for a second and listen!”  
  
“Yeah, why are you calling again?”  
  
“I don’t have a lot of time. I – I need someone to-“  
  
“Hey, congratulations on the fucking engagement! Nikki told me that Frank broke the news to her before leaving.”  
  
“Promise rings, not engaged,” I closed my eyes and winced. So Frank _had_ told Nikki the news.  
  
“Whatever, tell that bastard I’m his best man, and you can pick a hot bridesmaid to hook me up with. I’m not being picky but make sure it’s Nikki.”  
  
“Was- Is Nikki happy about it?”  
  
“That you two are tying the knot? I’d say so. She’s already calling you her little sister and how you’re so perfect for Frankie. How you guys are going to make it all work out in California and everything. She wants to move out there with you all once she has enough money saved up. Hollywood and stuff. She wants to be a movie star you know.”  
  
“Right,” I bit back tears. “I guess dreaming doesn’t always do the trick. You have to fight for what you really want.”  
  
“Sure… Listen, Daph, Frankie’s a really happy guy with you. Mucho respect to you for sticking with him. I said this to Gerard about Gloria, but I never said it to you.”  
  
“Thanks, Mikey,” I whispered and noted Frank walking out of the gas station with a couple bags of what I guess was more junk food. He gave me a brief look and continued toward the car. I stared at the ring on my finger and sniffled – more confused and unsure of what it was I really _wanted_ in life. But I did know what I _needed_ and he was approaching me now with something in his hand.  
  
“Daphne, you alright?” Mikey asked over the phone. “Are you crying? What’s going on? What’d you call for? Are you in trouble? Nikki’s at work.”  
  
“N-no, we’re ok here,” I cleared my throat and let Frank step into the phone booth with me. “Is everyone ok there?”  
  
“Who’s that?” Frank asked quietly in confusion and carefully pressed a clear plastic baggie filled with ice to the side of my face.  
  
“Frankie?!” Mikey shouted and nearly burst my eardrum. “Congratulations!”  
  
Frank looked at me in even more confusion and I reached up with my free hand to wipe away a stray tear making its way down my cheek. “He found out about our engagement,” I squeaked. “He wants to be your best man.”  
  
Frank eyed me with uncertainty and I cuddled against him to get my point across. “And once we’re in California we can figure out who’s going to be my maid of honour,” I whispered. “Gloria’s a pretty solid candidate with a punch like that though. Maybe she can get me a discount on a dress?”  
  
I giggled a choked sob as Frank broke out into a smile and pick up the phone. “Yeah, thanks, Mikey,” he muttered before dropping the receiver in order to pull me into a kiss.  
  
“Frankie?” I could hear Mikey still calling until the time ran out. At the corner of my eye I saw Gerard give a nod and then get into the front seat of the car with Gloria. Somehow I think he could predict the future. He knew I wasn’t going anywhere.  
  
“Ask me again, Frank,” I whispered. “Ask me the big question.”  
  
“Will you marry me?” he pressed his forehead to mine with a smile.  
  
“Yes! Now let’s get to California, fiancé!”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Gerard began driving as soon as Frank and I were in the backseat, which surprised Gloria completely.  
  
“What are you doing? Daphne has to wait here, she’s not coming with us.”  
  
“She is, actually,” Gerard responded nonchalantly. “Or did you not notice their steamy little make out session in the phone booth?”  
  
“I’m sorry for how I acted yesterday,” I explained. “I was scared. I don’t want to leave you guys and I don’t want you to be caught on my account. And besides, a wedding on the beach sounds kind of appealing,” I smiled to Frank.  
  
Gloria whipped around in her seat to look at me. “Whose wedding? Your wedding?”  
  
I shrugged uneasily. I still didn’t know where Gloria and I stood with one another.  
  
“Got myself a fiancée,” Frank confirmed and then before I knew it Gloria was clambering over the seats into the back with squeals of delight, ending up in Frank’s lap.  
  
“Frankie,” she shrieked happily and hugged him so tightly I could actually see him struggling to breathe. “You’re engaged. Like, officially! None of this promise ring crap. You get her a fucking rock in Cali! I’m coming with you! You are going to find the perfect ring and make her faint!”  
  
I smiled over the sight of them, wishing that I had grown up with such a close best friend. They had a long history together as best friends that began with Gloria smacking Frank upside the head for snatching the lipstick she’d stolen from her mom’s purse. He had used it to write on the walls with in his second shot at grade 1, but put some on to cheer Gloria up when she began to cry. Gloria claimed that was when she knew he was her best friend and Frank denied ever having worn lipstick.  
  
“And _you_ ,” I was startled back to the present when Gloria shoved me over and sat in between us. “Why did you let me hit you like that?! Oh my God look at your pretty face, what did I do?!”  
  
“Yeah, why did you?” I narrowed my eyes. I still wasn’t very happy with her over what had occurred. I knew she had done it out of her love for her adopted family and because she was trying to protect Frank, but even so, that didn’t cure my aching face.  
  
“You were scared…so was I,” she winced. “I guess we react very differently under stress. I’m sorry. Does it hurt?”  
  
“You think?” I frowned.  
  
“And you sacrificed my shoe,” Gloria smacked Frank’s arm. “You are buying me a new one!”  
  
“One shoe?” he quirked an eyebrow. “Do they even allow that?”  
  
“Well you better hope they do, Prince Charming, or you’re traveling back through the woods to find it.”  
  
“Uh, hey back there,” Gerard waved his hand lazily in the air to get our attention. “About this beach wedding… Are umbrellas allowed? ‘Cause I don’t want a tan.”


	28. Chapter 28

I didn’t even need to see the welcome sign when we reached California. As soon as we were there Gloria was half hanging out her window and cheering embarrassingly loud, which didn’t really matter in the moment considering we were driving through the desert. And being the driver didn’t stop Frank from joining in on the celebration either.  
  
I laughed excitedly over their enthusiasm and with quick reflexes snapped a photograph of Gerard next to me in the back, his head out the window too. The action quickly reminded me that he and Mikey were in fact related.  
  
“California,” Gloria shouted into the vast landscape. “Daphne, get in on this! Now!”  
  
“Freedom, Daphne,” Gerard looked back at me through his shades. “Enjoy it.”  
  
“We’re really here,” I breathed to myself and then locked eyes with Frank as he watched me in the rear-view mirror. I smiled widely and pounced forward to kiss his cheek before joining Gloria in the celebration. “We’re here,” I called out to the sky and enjoyed the sensation of the wind blowing through my hair. Right then that’s exactly what freedom felt like; like the wind through your hair and your heart pounding in your chest from adrenaline.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
It took a few more hours to arrive in Los Angeles and was another reason to celebrate as we blared music and Gloria fan-girled over a palm tree. My eyes darted everywhere, trying to take in as much as I could over finally arriving at our destination. This was the beginning of the new start Frank had promised and we’d made it. Part of me felt invincible in the moment and I leaned over to shake Gerard’s arm excitedly.  
  
In return he eyed me oddly but smiled and snorted laughter. “Your fiancée’s losing her mind a bit back here, Frank.”  
  
“Good,” he grinned, “that’s how I liked her. A bit out of her mind.”  
  
“Frankie, let’s go to the beach,” Gloria finally settled down enough to string together a sentence. “I want to see the Pacific Ocean. We can’t get to Los Angeles and not spend some time at the beach on our first day here.”  
  
“Get the map out, Gerard,” Frank instructed with a smile. “We’re hittin’ up the beach.”  
  
“As long as we have sunblock,” Gerard bargained and pulled the map out of his back pocket. “I’m not getting a stupid tan.”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
“There it is,” Gloria squealed as soon as the ocean was in view. “Let’s go swimming!”  
  
“It’s not _that_ warm,” Frank laughed.  
  
I rolled my eyes but smiled none the less and gazed out my open window. I felt foolish now to think that I had ever thought of going back home and forgetting all of this. Some kids dreamed of running off on a grand adventure with their friends and I was living it.  
  
It took us awhile to get there but when we did it was absolutely worth it, if only for the expression on Gloria’s face and walking along a beach hand-in-hand with my fiancé. Gerard of course refused to take off his hoodie, but we did talk him into taking his boots off after reminding him they’d probably get ruined by the ocean water if he got them wet. Frank, on the other hand, surprised me with his eager attitude to start up a miniature water fight and was the first of us to kick off his shoes and go hopping into the water. Within seconds the bottom of his jeans were soaked but he didn’t seem to care.  
  
The water was cool and my feet were beginning to feel numb standing in it, but I didn’t even want to think about getting out. It’s when I was searching for a seashell that Frank suddenly snatched me up in his arms bridal style and held me over the water threateningly as hostage.  
  
“Step into the water, Way, or the lady gets it!”  
  
“Frankie,” I squealed and gripped around his neck tighter. “Don’t you dare!”  
  
“Dare, huh?” he grinned and faked letting go so that I emitted a small scream, which only seemed to amuse him more as he laughed and kissed me on the cheek. “Daffy Daphne.”  
  
“For God’s sake, Gerard it’s just water,” Gloria scoffed and grabbed her boyfriend’s hands to tug him forward.  
  
“Ugh, but it’s all wet, and then the sand gets all stuck to your feet and it feels all weird,” he whined.  
  
“Please,” she dragged out immaturely, which proved to be Gerard’s breaking point as he surrendered and followed her into the water. However he stood with his arms folded to emphasize how little he was enjoying the moment.  
  
“Gerard,” Frank laughed and carefully set me down, “how are you supposed to be my best man if you can’t even hack walking on sand?”  
  
“We’ll seriously get married on the beach?” I interrupted their conversation to ask.  
  
“If that’s what you want that’s what you’ll get.”  
  
“We’re getting married on a beach one day too, Gee,” Gloria teased.  
  
“ _We_ are getting married in a dark basement,” he muttered.  
  
“You sure bright and sunny California was the place to bring your boyfriend, Glore?” Frank grinned. “He’s going to start staying in during the day and only come out at night.”  
  
“He’ll adjust,” she giggled and danced around in the water while Gerard tried his hardest to maintain an unamused frown, though it was pretty easy to catch the fond smile breaking through while watching his girlfriend’s excitement.  
  
I smiled to myself over the moment we were all spending together and picked up a particularly smooth rock from the sand. With the best imitation of a baseball player I could muster I wound up and whipped the rock as far as I could into the Pacific Ocean. I filled my lungs with fresh air and smiled up at the late afternoon sun. The only thing that could drag me out of my state of euphoria was Frank’s voice.  
  
“Are you happy you stayed, Daph?” he asked at my side.  
  
I met his gaze and saw, that despite how giggly and smiley I had been acting, he was nervous over what my answer might be. It panicked me, because it meant maybe I didn’t look as ecstatic as I should. Or maybe there was something about me he thought was off.  
  
“Yeah. Yeah, I’m happy.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
The four of us sat in the sand for about half an hour talking about what it was we wanted to do and see in California when it dawned on me how little I knew about the next plans.  
  
“What happens now?” I voiced my concern so suddenly I made them jump. “Do we even know where we go from here? Do we even have anywhere to stay? What about money?”  
  
“Alright, well the first thing you have to do is calm down,” Frank reminded and rubbed a hand over my back. “I do have one contact out here. Well, a contact of Nikki’s, but he said he’d help us out when we got here.”  
  
“And is he reliable?”  
  
“I guess we’ll have to wait and see,” Gloria shrugged this time. “Hopefully!”  
  
“We don’t even have a plan ‘B’?” I hissed. “There’s always a plan ‘B’! Why don’t we have one?!”  
  
“We were kind of pressed for time,” Gerard answered with a frown. “Or maybe you don’t recall the panic of coming up with a plan ‘A’.”  
  
“You’re right, I’m sorry,” I calmed myself and nodded. I was still shaken up over the fact that if our first plan fell through we’d virtually be stranded with very little money and no place else to go, but freaking out on my friends wasn’t going to help our situation. If things were going to pan out in California we needed to work with and trust one another. “Ok. So Nikki’s contact. Where does he live?”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
East LA. I’d heard about East LA before, and none of those stories were particularly pleasant. Gangs, murders, rape, shootings, the list was an endless list of horror, but it couldn’t be any worse than living in Jersey. The closer we got to this guy’s place – whose name was Kevin – the grungier the area became, and I didn’t feel any safer being parked in front of the apartment building we arrived at. The gray exterior looked damaged and as if it had seen too many drunken nights and crime related incidents.  
  
“Are you sure this is it, Frankie?” Gloria piped up after we’d all sat in the car staring at the building for a couple minutes at least. Her voice gave her away instantly. Gloria Glassen was scared. Her big eyes surveyed the surrounding area nervously before settling on Frank. “Frankie? Are you sure this is it?”  
  
Shouting from down the street caused all of us to cringe and Frank studied the paper in his hand again carefully. “That’s what Nikki wrote here,” he explained quietly. “Second floor.”  
  
I peered at the second row of windows up, looking for any kind of movement in any of them and trying to imagine what the inside of those apartments could possibly look like. As if reading my mind Gerard spoke next.  
  
“Maybe it’s just really ugly on the outside? The inside could be alright.”  
  
Frank sighed and looked out his side window before turning in his seat to look out the back. “I don’t know how I feel about leaving the car here. Those people down the block don’t exactly look trustworthy.”  
  
“How does Nikki know Kevin again?” Gloria inquired, averting her gaze when a man walking by eyed her creepily and grinned. I saw Gerard narrow his gaze threateningly – just daring him to try. Gerard, while normally an advocate for anti-violence had a pretty nasty temper when needed. As did Frank, who, while on the shorter side, could probably cause a few broken ribs and noses if need be.  
  
“They knew each other in high school, and he moved out here to pursue film or photography or something,” Frank explained.  
  
“Oh, well that’s nice I guess,” Gloria tried desperately to find the bright side of the drab situation we were facing.  
  
“She probably fucked him too,” Frank added as an afterthought.  
  
Gloria’s glimmer of optimism faded with his words and the four of us exited the vehicle cautiously – triple checking out doors to ensure they were locked before heading toward the building. Gloria stayed behind Gerard, eyeing the building with uncertainty. “When I thought of California I never took into consideration this side of it before. Every city probably has a little ghetto to it, but I thought California was the exception.”  
  
No one responded to her comment. Instead Frank checked the note again and buzzed the apartment number. I used to think Frank and Nikki’s place was scary, but this place gave theirs a run for its money. A group of four guys walked by and instantly began making cat calls at Gloria and I. Quickly I squeezed Frank’s hand and shook my head as a sign not to start a fight with them. He didn’t seem happy about it but agreed to my silent plea.  
  
“What?” a voice startled us over the intercom, sounding none too pleased to have been bothered.  
  
Frank frowned in determination at the contraption and narrowed his eyes. “Is this Kevin?”  
  
“Who wants to know? Who the fuck are you?”  
  
I could see Frank’s body tense, not at all happy to be spoken to so rudely. I was about to tug him back to hopefully distract him from making a scene when Gerard nudged both of us out of the way to take over.  
  
“Yeah, hi?” Gerard called. “Kevin? I’m Gerard and I’m here with my girlfriend, Gloria, and two of our friends – one of whom is the brother of your friend Nikki? From high school? I think she might have told you about us.”  
  
“Nikki?” Kevin repeated. “Nikki… Nikki… Oh, yeah! That broad. Yeah, she did say something about her kid brother needing a place to crash. Yeah… Hey, come up.”  
  
Frank pulled the door open and muttered something to Gerard about being able to handle the situation without him cutting in. I didn’t pay attention long enough to see if Gerard would respond. Instead I took in the sight of the dingy stairwell in front of us, and the smell that hit me like a smack to the face. Alcohol, marijuana and urine, nice. Real classy.  
  
“Someone must have had a pretty wicked party lately,” Frank joked half-heartedly. He was trying to lighten the mood, but it wasn’t working and Gloria gripped onto my arm tightly when Gerard took the lead up the stairs.  
  
I could hear shouting from behind one of the closed doors and someone’s television was on too loud, competing with someone else who was blaring music. I realized then just how welcoming Frank’s apartment building was compared to this place. Over the months I’d been going to Frank’s I’d actually made friends with some of the people I originally labelled as creeps that hung around outside the building. They turned out to be kind people with stories to tell – reasons they were lying passed out on the pavement. Their lives had taken unexpected twists and led them down dark paths, but that didn’t make them bad people. Just people that couldn’t make decent judgment calls. I had the sickening feeling that some of the people inhabiting _this_ neighbourhood, and the very building we were in weren’t as likeable. I had the feeling that some of these people were genuinely _bad_ people.  
  
“This one?” Gerard pointed to a closed door once we’d reached the 2nd floor.  
  
“Apartment 7, yeah,” Frank confirmed and stuffed Nikki’s note into his pocket.  
  
“Ew, don’t touch it with your hand,” Gloria squeaked and grabbed Gerard’s hand before he could knock. Instead she kicked the door a couple times and waited. Frank was constantly on the lookout, glancing up and down the hallway and keeping a protective arm around me. Try as he might with his little illusion that everything was alright, I knew better. Yet I gave him a smile and received a quick kiss in return.  
  
“Yeah?” the voice we now knew as belonging to Kevin barked. “What do you want? Who is it?”  
  
Frank grit his teeth and shook his head. “Jesus Christ, Nikki.”  
  
“It’s Gerard again,” Gerard snipped, also losing his patience. “We talked, like, two minutes ago over the intercom.”  
  
“Oh, yeah! Yeah, I remember,” the accusing voice eased up and we heard the lock on the door being unlatched. Then there was Kevin, clad in a t-shirt and shorts. His dark hair was a greasy mess and he needed to shave. His eyes were bloodshot and his teeth stained when he flashed a lazy smile. I knew he must be around Nikki’s age but he looked so much older and while I didn’t know the man I felt sorry for him. He must have been someone completely different when Nikki knew him. Jumping out of my subconscious I realized I was gripping Frank’s hand and let my eyes flicker up to study the expression on his face. He, like me, looked sort of sad and I wondered if he was thinking the same thing I was.  
  
“Gerard,” Kevin laughed and pointed. “We talked on the intercom, man! I thought you’d be taller. Come in, come in! You and your friends!”  
  
We followed Gerard in and I examined the living room area quickly. A couch, a table, a TV and a lamp. So Kevin led the simple life.  
  
“Wow, nice place you’ve got here,” Gerard rolled his eyes in obvious sarcasm, but of course Kevin didn’t catch on. He was drugged out of his mind. Instead he smiled and slapped Gerard appreciatively on the arm.  
  
“Fuck this,” Frank moved forward to confront Kevin face to face. “Listen, my sister said you’d let my friends and I crash here for a while. Is that still an open invite?”  
  
“Whoa, man, calm down,” Kevin smiled. “Yeah. Mi casa es su casa… Don’t got a bed though.”  
  
“We have sleeping bags,” Gloria piped up.  
  
“Fantastic! Crash where you want then. Here, there, anywhere. Ha!”  
  
“Great,” Frank lowered his voice venomously and lightly shoved Kevin’s arm in mock friendliness. “You’re a pal aren’t you?”  
  
Kevin held his arms open with a grin. “I’m a nice guy.”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
“Was it really necessary to snap at him like that?” Gerard questioned Frank as we exited the building in order to retrieve our belongings from the car. “I understand he’s not exactly functioning properly right now, but what’s the point in trying to piss him off? He _is_ letting us crash here after all.”  
  
“Never mind,” Frank shrugged Gerard off. Instead he focused on getting our belongings out of the car, handing off our luggage to the proper owner before slinging his own backpack over his shoulder and slamming the trunk closed. “Let’s go.”  
  
My stomach flipped and I felt ready to vomit as nerves began eating away at me full throttle. I was not at all ok with the circumstances. I did _not_ want to stay in this location for even just a day. I did _not_ want to sleep on Kevin’s apartment floor. And I did _not_ like how unplanned things appeared to be. Winging it had never been my strong suit and now my life had become one big surprise factor.  
  
We all walked back toward the building with matching looks of dread on our faces and Frank remained tense. I knew something was bothering him, beyond having to sleep on a filthy floor.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Surprisingly Kevin remembered who we were when we returned to the intercom and immediately let us up. He even had the door wide open and I wondered if it was because he had opened it for us or if he’d forgotten to shut it after we had left.  
  
“Welcome back, roomies,” he smiled from the couch with a small wave. With a cigarette and bottle of beer in hand he appeared to be watching Nickelodeon. Gloria and I stood stunned in the doorway, bags in hand and unsure of where to put our things, or maybe even just unsure of how to move at all. Frank was the first to drop his bag onto the floor near the couch and Gerard followed suit. The action snapped me back to reality and I carefully leaned over to place my belongings next to Frank’s. Gloria, however, remained frozen on the spot.  
  
Maybe it was culture shock. Gloria’s family wasn’t exactly poor. Her parents both had good paying jobs and being an only child all the attention was focused on their daughter, earning her a spoiled reputation. It’s why she never thought twice about the amount of money she spent at the mall or had trouble understand why some of us couldn’t afford to spend money at the movies every week. Gloria slept in a queen-sized bed, had the latest in technology and had an expensive taste in fashion. Sleeping on the floor of some drugged up stranger’s place was probably more than unsettling. It was probably mortifying.  
  
“Here, Glore,” Gerard carefully took the luggage gripped in her hand, “let’s put this down.”  
  
An awkward silence came over the room and I shifted uncomfortably on the spot. “So you know Nikki?” I piped up, wanting there to be some form of conversation. Frank still seemed lost in his own mind and Gerard either had nothing to say or was unwilling to talk.  
  
“Yeah, Nikki, man,” Kevin slurred. “What a babe. A wicked ride.”  
  
Frank took a threatening step forward but I quickly grabbed his arm. “Frankie, he doesn’t even know what he’s saying. Please just leave it?”  
  
Instead of saying anything he gave a brief nod and picked up his backpack. “Anyone care if I grab a shower?”  
  
We all gave our consent and I sighed tiredly. “Maybe I’ll grab a shower too, once you’re done.”  
  
Those seemed like the only words I needed to say. Frank grabbed hold of my hand and tugged lightly with a nod toward the washroom. “Grab what you need from your bag.”  
  
“What?”  
  
“This place probably doesn’t have much hot water… Just a wild guess. We’ll shower at the same time.”  
  
“Together?” my eyes grew wide in surprise.  
  
Frank broke out into a weak smile and simply tugged on my hand again. “C’mon.”  
  
I quickly dug around in my bag for what I’d need for a shower and then we locked ourselves into the washroom.  
  
“’Together’,” Frank mocked me teasingly. “What are you so freaked out over? Maybe you forgot, but we have _slept together_ before. Remember that? In the forest of all places?”  
  
I smiled and blushed. “Yeah, I think I can recall something about that.” I gave a yawn and hid my face against his shoulder. “That feels like it was weeks ago.”  
  
“I know things seem really shitty right now, Daph, but they’ll get better. We won’t always be sleeping on Kevin’s floor, you know? I have big plans. Look, we have a wedding plan! That’s exciting, right? Things are going to improve.”  
  
“I know,” I closed my eyes and savoured the warm feeling of being wrapped up in his arms. “And at least the washroom isn’t a complete mess.”  
  
“Probably ‘cause he’s never bathed in here before,” Frank pulled a disgusted face, making me laugh and hug tighter against him. “So how about that shower, Daphne Taylor? Don’t be shy now,” he tickled my sides with a smile.  
  
“You first,” I blushed red. It was one thing to have slept with him, but another thing entirely to simply be naked in front of him. When we’d been together it had been night, and the only light was that provided from the campfire. This was a well-lit bathroom and any insecurities I had managed to hide that night couldn’t be concealed in our current setting.  
  
Frank, on the other hand, didn’t seem to have any insecurities or maybe he was just that comfortable to be naked around me, because before I could even begin to take my shirt off he was stripped down to his underwear and digging around in his backpack for his shower gel. When he noticed my hesitance he paused and gave me his full attention. “What’s wrong?”  
  
I squirmed and giggled uneasily. “It’s just…I don’t know. It’s weird just…being naked…in front of you. It’s different than that night. This is just being naked. And what if there’s something about me you don’t like?”  
  
Frank looked dumbfounded for a moment and then appeared to be searching for the right words to say next in his head. “See, that makes me feel like a sleazebag. You’re gorgeous, Daph. You could have a tail, green teeth and talons and I’d still think you were gorgeous.”  
  
I continued to hesitate even after his words and stared at my own reflection in the mirror.  
  
“So what can I do to make you feel more comfortable with this situation?” he asked. “Here, look,” he quickly pushed his boxer shorts down and stood at my side completely nude. “Guys have things they don’t like about themselves too you know. At first I worried about what you thought about my height. And I’m not exactly a heavyweight champion. Some girls have even freaked out over my tattoos.”  
  
“I don’t care about that, Frankie,” I eyed him in surprise. “And I love your tattoos!”  
  
“Yeah, so why do you think I’d care about any little imperfections you might have? Did you ever think that imperfections are what draw us to one another in the first place?”  
  
I smiled weakly and shrugged. “I guess you’re right.”  
  
“I am right. Now quit being so shy, we’ve been through too much together for you to be this nervous around me now. Meet me in the shower,” he grinned and pulled the curtain back to step into the tub.  
  
I listened as he started the shower and then heaved a sigh. Slowly I began undressing myself, still unsure if I wanted this to happen or not. He was my fiancé, I shouldn’t feel this uncomfortable around him and yet I still shook lightly when my clothes were lying on the floor.  
  
“The water’s nice, Daph,” Frank’s voice interrupted my thoughts.  
  
With one more deep breath I pulled the shower curtain back and stepped in. Immediately I was met with a smile. “There,” I blushed with my arms hiding as much of myself as I could. “Naked.”  
  
Frank rolled his eyes at me, obviously still unimpressed by my shy nature. Gently he pulled me forward under the water with him and even though I’d just seen him nude a moment ago, it was like a new realization that he too, like me, was naked. “It’s not so bad is it?” he asked. “Like I said, Daph, you’re gorgeous.”  
  
“Even though my elbows are kind of pointy, my legs are kind of stubby and I have little to no curves?”  
  
Frank eyed me incredulously, as if he didn’t see any of the things I did. “What? What are you even talking about, Daphne? Look, just shut up and wash my back.”  
  
I burst into laughter and he grinned proudly over his success. “Ok. Hand me a cloth.”


	29. Chapter 29

Kevin didn’t exactly have a bedroom, but he had a divider that he pulled open in order to separate the kitchen area from the living area. He had since explained that he usually slept on his couch but didn’t want to sleep in the same area as us. He slurred something about us being strangers but I think it was because Frank made him uncomfortable. I didn’t blame him, Frank did have a pretty angry look on his face any time Kevin spoke.  
  
The four of us were lying in our sleeping bags on the floor. I, of course, was right next to Frank who had his hands tucked behind his head and was staring up at the ceiling. The moon cast an odd light over him and I let my ears tune in to all the sounds I was hearing around me. There was the sound of distant shouting coming from outside, Kevin’s snores and the occasional whimper from Gloria. All evening Gerard had been trying to console Gloria whose entire outlook on life seemed to have been thrown to the gutter the way she eyed our surroundings.  
  
“Glore, shhh,” Gerard coaxed yet again.  
  
“Was I ever that bad?” Frank grabbed my attention when he began to speak next to me.  
  
“What, Frankie?” Gloria mumbled quietly and got up from her spot next to Gerard to sleep on the other side of Frank. Along with her she must have motioned for Gerard to follow because he moved his sleeping bag next to her free side. It made a row of us, each touching arm to arm and I smiled over the comfort and reassurance it brought. I snuggled closer to my boyfriend as he began to explain himself.  
  
“Like Kevin. Fucking drugged up Kevin, was I as bad as him?”  
  
“No,” Gloria squeaked and I traced patterns on Frank’s chest with my finger before contributing to the conversation.  
  
“I think you could have been a Kevin if you didn’t get out of it like you did,” I whispered. “I remember this one time you dropped me off at the mall and went to one of your parties.”  
  
“Our first fight,” Frank filled in, and despite how dark the subject was I could still hear the smile in his voice.  
  
“…Yeah. And when I called you, you had no idea who I even was. It was terrifying and I was furious with you.”  
  
“I remember.”  
  
“But you got out of it, man,” Gerard gave his input. “You quit that life and so you don’t have to worry about turning into a fucking drugged up Kevin anymore.”  
  
Frank said nothing more after that. Instead he wrapped his arm around me and I reluctantly fell asleep to the sound of Kevin’s snoring.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
I woke up with a stiff neck the next morning and momentarily forgot where I was. The sky outside was only just beginning to lighten and so it had to be early. I sat up where I was and examined the room. Frank, Gloria and Gerard were all still asleep next to me and it was startling to see Gloria’s inky tear-stained face. Gloria was usually so tough, and for her to be this upset shook me up inside, because it meant she was losing hope.  
  
Frank’s arm was wrapped securely around my waist and when I tried to move away his grip only tightened . “Don’t,” he groaned and I smiled, realizing he was halfway between asleep and awake.  
  
“There’s a lot we have to discuss and do today,” I reasoned and rubbed a hand over his back. “Wake up.”  
  
“No.”  
  
“Big baby,” I teased and wiggled my way out of his grip to stand up. My balance was completely off and I stumbled a couple times clumsily trying to locate my duffle bag. I found it under Gloria’s and dug around for my hairbrush and toiletry items, which were thankfully near the top, having used them last night.  
  
The washroom light was bright and I squinted for the first minute, trying to adjust. It was like being inside a cheap motel washroom when they tried to overcompensate for its lack of décor with mega-watt lighting.  
  
I felt much more alert after brushing my teeth and washing my face and ventured out of the washroom to maybe start a pot of coffee for everyone when I realized that the kitchen was currently being occupied as Kevin’s bedroom. Very quietly I knocked against the divider.  
  
“Uh, Kevin? Kevin, do you have any coffee?”  
  
There was no response so I carefully pulled the divider back, just a bit, to look in. I wasn’t expecting the sudden reaction of panic and shouting. In mere seconds Kevin had pulled the divider back and was holding a handgun, aimed at my head.  
  
I didn’t scream, but I couldn’t breathe.  
  
“What do you want?!” he shouted. “What do you want?!  
  
“I-“ I squeaked, but couldn’t form words, and thankfully didn’t have to beg for my life as I was pushed out of the way and hugged tightly to the nearest body, which was Gerard.  
  
Frank stood where I had, his body tense and ready to fight if he had to, despite having just woke up. “What the fuck are you doing?” he snarled.  
  
“Why does he have a gun?” Gloria squeaked from behind Gerard. “Oh my God, what’s happening?”  
  
“What?” Kevin finally began to focus and lowered the gun. “Shit. Man, I forgot. You can’t- You can’t just go sneaking up on me like that, guys. I could’ve blown your head off!”  
  
Frank moved forward and forced the handgun out of Kevin’s hand to aim at him in the same manner I’d been taken by surprise. “You point this thing at my fiancée or my friends again and I’ll fucking lodge a bullet right between your eyes. You got that, Kevin? I will kill you.”  
  
“Yeah man, yeah man, ok, cool,” Kevin stuttered and reached for his weapon. “I’ll just put this away now. Out of sight, out of mind, right?”  
  
“Why does he have a gun?” Gloria continue to whimper and I felt myself being gently pulled away from Gerard and into my fiancé’s arms for a hug.  
  
“Are you alright?”  
  
“Y-yeah, I think so,” my voice shook. “He just startled me.”  
  
“I want to get out of here,” Gloria spoke the words all of us were probably thinking, and without further more it was a mutual agreement to do so for the afternoon. We all needed to get out of the apartment.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
We ended up at a Starbucks a few blocks over and Gerard ordered us all coffee before we took up a table near the back and sat in silence for the first couple minutes, simply savouring our drinks. I sat next to Gloria who was still a bit shaky, but she’d tidied up her appearance and looked better than she had earlier. Still, I wished she’d go back to her usual upbeat self, rambling about how incredible living in California was going to be and listing off wedding dress designers with names I couldn’t even pronounce, let alone visualize when she attempted to describe their style.  
  
“We need to start looking for jobs,” Gerard broke the silence first. He was careful about doing so and took a long sip of his coffee after speaking. “We don’t know how long we’ll be welcome in the apartment so we need to start thinking about some sort of income. I for one don’t have enough to splurge on hotels.”  
  
“Yeah, you’re right,” Frank agreed quietly and leaned back in his chair, peering over his shoulder. “I’ll go see if I can grab us a newspaper or something and then we can look in the ads for jobs.”  
  
We each watched him leave before Gerard turned his attention back to Gloria and held her hand across the table. He flashed her a gentle smile and she struggled to return it, giving him what looked more like a grimace than anything else.  
  
“Alright, here,” Frank returned and got us to hold our coffees – myself holding both his and mine – so he could spread the newspaper open across the table.  
  
Right away Gerard’s eyes were darting across the page until he tapped a finger against one that seemed doable and we all searched for a pen. “Wait,” Gloria held a finger up and dug around in her purse to pull out a shade of red lipstick. She shrugged with a small giggle, that restored my faith in her being able to pull through, and circled the job as a cashier at a local supermarket.  
  
By the time we were finished looking we had several jobs circled in Gloria’s lipstick and divided them up in a way that suited us. All four of us decided to apply for the supermarket job, because all of us had the same experience being a cashier – and that was none. So the odds were better if we all aimed for it. Most of the other jobs were a fail from the start, because they each had requirements we didn’t yet meet, but by not giving it a shot we were guaranteed not to be hired. At least if we tried, we still had a slim chance of charming someone into letting us work for them.  
  
I was going to apply at a daycare in the area that was looking for someone to help out part-time. I didn’t have any real experience working with small children, but I figured it couldn’t be that difficult to help out by wiping mouths, tying shoes and stopping little kids from pulling at each other’s hair.  
  
Gloria was aiming way too high by her insistency to inquire about an apprentice opportunity working alongside a cosmetician at a mall. Gerard gently tried to explain to her that she needed to be of age and enrolled in beauty school for it, but in the end she waved him off and stated she would blow their minds out of the water.  
  
The boys were given jobs to pounce on too – Gerard headed over to a carnival near the beach that was in need of part-time employees to run the rides and probably double as a clean-up squad for puke. Frank’s goal wasn’t much different, as Los Angeles expressed a need for people to cover garbage duty.  
  
“So what’s the first step?” Gloria questioned. “Do we just show up at the places and ask for interviews?”  
  
“You’ll probably need to fill out an application first,” Gerard explained patiently. “We’ll all need to pick up applications, considering none of us here have a computer and our current host doesn’t even own a set of cutlery.”  
  
“So we need to run around to all these places then? That’s our whole day? Driving around for paper?”  
  
“Sounds like it,” Frank muttered and got up from his seat. “So let’s get to it, right?  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
We drove around East LA nearly half of the afternoon collecting application forms and ended up at a McDonald’s in order to fill them out and grab something to eat. We’d since picked up a pack of pens to use during our process of filling out applications and things were going pretty smoothly until I noticed something on the application.  
  
“Frankie?” I pulled everyone out of their concentration when I spoke up. “What about a telephone number for the employers to call? We don’t have phones.”  
  
“No, but Kevin has a cell phone that I plan on hijacking once we’re back. Leave that part blank for now. We’ll have to finish these at the apartment before dropping them off again.” He picked up his drink and set his eyes on Gerard who had was crinkling up his nose in distaste at a fry.  
  
“Just throwing this out there, but I kind of miss real food. Eating healthy is expensive, but fuck, can’t we pick up some oranges at least? Or bananas?”  
  
Gloria quickly nodded along to support his idea and my mouth watered over the prospect of eating a proper salad, with grated carrot, cherry tomatoes, cucumber and onion with feta cheese and topped with Italian dressing. I hadn’t thought much about what we were eating on the road, because my mind was jam-packed with subjects taking a priority over my nutritional habits, but now that it was brought up I was in the exact same boat as Gerard and Gloria.  
  
All three of us looked at Frank to make the final decision, as he usually did, and each gave a small accomplished cheer when he caved in and nodded.  
  
“Ok. We’ll do some grocery shopping before going back to Kevin’s. The lucky asshole can keep his teeth for a couple more hours.”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Normally when I went grocery shopping with my mom, it felt like a chore, and that’s how it seemed to be perceived by the general public. Grocery shopping with my fiancé and best friends, however, was a totally different scenario and had me in fits of giggles more often than I’d like to admit. Especially when Frank set a spending limit and sighed like parent who had given up as the rest of us demolished said limit within the first three aisles.  
  
“I’m sorry,” I smiled semi-apologetically and kissed his cheek as he slumped over the shopping cart. “Just this one time. We’ll be extra frugal next time.”  
  
He ran a hand through his hair and gave me what looked like a forced smile. “Yeah, alright, I guess we can manage it.”  
  
I knew by the response we couldn’t, but Frank was letting us win this one and my stomach was growling with anticipation of fresh produce. “How about I make you dinner tonight?” I compensated. “I’ll make us all dinner tonight. I’m not the best cook in the world, but I can probably manage some pretty awesome veggie-wraps with what we buy today… Not that we really have a choice with the extravagant kitchen utensils at Kevin’s. I’ll need a knife and some paper plates though.”  
  
Frank gave me a more genuine smile over my words and agreed to it just as Gerard and Gloria came back around the corner and I explained my plan to them.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Kevin was passed out on the couch when we got back to the apartment. Gloria, Frank and I put groceries away while Gerard snuck Kevin’s cell phone out of his pocket like a professional thief.  
  
“Got it,” he whispered to us and held up the gadget with a grin. “Have to figure out what its number is though,” he muttered more to himself than any of us as his eyebrows furrowed in concentration. “Give me a minute, I’ll find it.”  
  
I finished putting the last of the groceries in the fridge, next to the bottles of beer and jar of pickles Kevin had in there already. It made me wonder what he actually ate, because I had yet to actually see the man eat.  
  
Frank was leaned back against the counter watching me with tired eyes that made me feel guilty because maybe I hadn’t been paying as much attention to him as I should have been. “Are you ok?” I asked gently and wrapped my arms around his waist to snuggle up against his side.  
  
“Yeah,” he breathed softly. “Tired.”  
  
“You didn’t sleep well.”  
  
“Not really.”  
  
“Did you sleep _at all_?”  
  
“…Not really,” he hesitated before admitting the truth to me. “Barely.”  
  
“Bed,” I lightly jabbed a finger against his chest, “earlier tonight.”  
  
“Yes, ma’am,” he chuckled lightly and then rest his head against my shoulder. “Love you, Daphy.”  
  
“Yeah,” I whispered and grimaced at the wall. Something still didn’t feel right and I didn’t know the right words to say to make him feel better. I felt like a broken record, but all I could return was: “Love you too.”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
We each wrote Kevin’s cell phone number on our application forms before Gerard simply tossed the phone onto Kevin’s chest, disturbing the man in his slumber, but not enough to wake up.  
  
“Glore, come on, what’s taking you so long with your form?” Frank questioned irritably from the apartment door. The three of us were waiting for her to make the ‘finishing touches’ on her application for the cosmetician apprenticeship, and she’d been doing so for the last five minutes.  
  
Finally I walked over and peered over her shoulder to read the writing. “Gloria! You can’t say you went to beauty school if you never _went_ to beauty school! You’re not nineteen, you didn’t graduate high school, you didn’t go to school on a scholarship and you don’t have any kind of background doing special effects makeup!”  
  
“Well I’m not even going to get an interview if I don’t spice this stupid form up!”  
  
“Glore,” Frank sighed and tilted his head against the doorframe, “you’re driving me nuts, girl. Look, whatever, let’s just go. We’ll deal with whatever happens if it happens, but I just want to get this over with.”  
  
Gloria narrowed her eyes at him but snatched up her paper anyway and marched right by him out the door where Gerard was waiting in the hall. “Fine, Mr. Know-it-all, let’s go. You know- Who even put you in charge? Who crowned you king of everyone? I’m so sick of you calling the shots.”  
  
“I don’t see anyone else here calling the shots,” Frank snapped back. “I don’t see any of you stepping up to the goddamn plate to take charge! You don’t think I’m tired? I’m tried, Gloria! Don’t mess with me!”  
  
“Grouch,” she glared right back and continued down the hallway. Frank was pretty quick to leave after her and Gerard and I exchanged a look before following.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Driving to each of the locations was rather quiet, save for the radio playing. I sat up front with Frank while Gerard sat in the back with Gloria. This wasn’t the first time I’d seen Frank and Gloria argue with each other, and with everyone on edge it was only a matter of time before it happened. Usually when the two of them got into an argument they childishly played the silent game until one of them broke down and began muttering a conversation to the other again. It was usually Gloria to break first and the longest I’d seen them fighting was only two days.  
  
The silent game carried on during our errands and even after we’d returned to the apartment.  
  
I was in the kitchen area chopping up vegetables for the wraps when Gloria approached me. Frank and Gerard were seated on the grungy couch next to Kevin watching a program on television like a little dysfunctional family. They’d since filled our host in on the day, letting him know that his phone was just as much ours now. He didn’t really try to put up an argument with it – slurring a bunch of gibberish before slumping back down on the couch in defeat.  
  
“Hey, Daphne, did you need help with anything in here?” Gloria asked me quietly and eyed the food.  
  
“Do you even know how to slice a cucumber?” I joked with a smile, but regretted it almost instantly when I saw she was on the verge of tears.  
  
“Probably not.”  
  
“I was just teasing you, Glore,” I spoke quickly and put the knife down on the cutting board. “Sure I could use your help.”  
  
“Never mind,” she waved me off with struggle and disappeared into the washroom.  
  
I watched after her for the longest time in shock. I hadn’t meant to upset her, and should have known better than to have teased her after the small issue with her and Frank earlier. Gloria was not in a very good place mentally right now and saying something like I just had was probably the equivalent of kicking her while she was down.  
  
Gerard met my gaze from across the room after a couple minutes and quickly read the distress in my eyes as he got up and walked to the washroom door. “Gloria?” he called and knocked. “Gloria, hey, are you alright?”  
  
Frank was up instantly when she refused to answer Gerard and knocked on the door just as her boyfriend had. “Glore, let’s talk,” he spoke gently.  
  
“Go away, Frank,” I heard her muffled voice respond.  
  
“No can do. You’re having a shitty day and so as your besty it’s my job to listen to you. So open the door.”  
  
I wasn’t all too surprised when Gloria opened the door to let him in, and it left Gerard standing outside, scratching the back of his head in confusion. I watched the expression on his face turn from surprise and hurt to neutral in mere seconds when he realized I was watching him.  
  
“Dinner almost ready?”  
  
“Almost,” I spoke quietly and gave him a weak smile. “Can you open the pack of paper plates we bought today?”  
  
“Sure.”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
I had just finished making dinner when the washroom door opened again and Frank guided Gloria out by the shoulder from behind. She had obviously been crying and turned to give Frank a big hug before shuffling over to the couch to curl up next to Gerard. Frank, in turn, came over to me and gave my sides a quick tickle before commenting on how amazing dinner looked.  
  
“They’re just stupid veggie-wraps,” I gave a small laugh and handed him a plate with one on it.  
  
“Veggie-wraps that _you_ made,” he corrected. “Thanks for putting a dinner together tonight for us.”  
  
I blushed and shrugged. “No big deal… Take a bite and be my taste tester!”  
  
He grinned and complied before nodding in approval. “It tastes awesome, Daph. Here, I’ll put the other plates together, you go sit down with them and I’ll bring the food over.”  
  
I agreed to it but paused before leaving. “Frankie? Is Gloria ok?”  
  
“Yeah, she’s fine, she just needed a pep talk. She gets like that sometimes. Sometimes the only thing Glore thinks she’s good for is hair and makeup… She forgets that she’s a lot more than that.”  
  
I nodded and turned toward the others in the apartment. Gerard still snuggled Gloria close, but she looked a great deal better than she had before, and even giggled over the program currently flashing across the television. Kevin sat next to Gerard and was smoking a cigarette. He looked dangerously low on energy and I was sort of glad I’d made him a veggie-wrap too. If nothing else than just to see him actually eat something.  
  
I sat on the floor in front of Gloria and leaned back against her legs comfortably while Frank handed out our food.  
  
“Man, when did we order in?” Kevin asked after his first bite.  
  
“Daphne made it,” Gerard answered calmly as I saw Frank’s jaw clench to keep any snarky remarks unsaid. “…That’s what she was doing in the kitchen this evening…”  
  
“Oh yeah, hey? Daphne this is pretty good!”  
  
“Thanks,” I responded, not in the mood to start any kind of confrontation. Instead I tilted my head back to look up at Gloria when I felt her playing with my hair.  
  
“Maybe you can teach me how to make this sometime,” she gave me the hint of a smile and I beamed back.  
  
“Sure!”  
  
She giggled and went back to eating as I continued to smile and glanced over to Gerard. He still held a dejected look about him and I wondered what was going through his mind. I wondered if Gloria even had the faintest inkling the impact her actions had on Gerard earlier when she chose to talk to Frank over him. I could understand why Gloria would have wanted to talk to Frank over Gerard in that moment, because Frank had been her best friend; her rock, for over ten years. It must be a very difficult bond to break after being friends with someone that long. Even if they did something wrong by you, it seemed you couldn’t help but forgive. I never had anyone like that in my life, but I respected the relationship. I knew Gerard did too, but it probably didn’t feel very good being second best in your girlfriend’s time of need.


	30. Chapter 30

The next few days were spent exploring Los Angeles and waiting for a phone call. It was veggie-wraps again the next couple days and then back to potato chips – a cheap alternative to a vegetable.  
  
In that time Kevin had exhibited his odd behaviour from sobbing on the couch at random to fidgeting his way around the apartment, flashing myself and Gloria creepy grins. It was the washroom he used as his setting to get high, but on what exactly I didn’t know. Within the last few days he’d disappeared overnight twice – returning in a less than fine state – a black eye, a bloody nose and torn up clothes. I didn’t exactly _like_ the guy, but it still made me feel worried for him. I wasn’t _that_ naïve, I knew he was somehow caught up with some bad people, and they were probably the same kind of bad people Frank used to mix with. Either way, right now Kevin was the only help we had in LA. Without him we’d be stuck living out of the car still, and as grungy and unsettling as Kevin’s apartment could be it was still a great deal better than living out of the car.”  
  
“That’s the phone,” Gloria shouted from the washroom. She was in the middle of a shower so I don’t know how she heard Kevin’s phone ring, not to mention the rest of us were in the living area lounging lazily. Kevin’s phone rarely rung, but when it did, Gloria completely took charge as if she actually paid the bills for the device – which is why I wasn’t too surprised when she came running out of the washroom in a towel and nothing else.  
  
“Where is it?” she all but shouted and seconds later was swatting away at Kevin in search of his phone. “Hand it over! Where is it?”  
  
Sadly it wasn’t the first time Gloria had tackled him – but it was the first time she had done so in a towel.  
  
When she had managed to locate his phone she held it up to her ear excitedly. “Hello?”  
  
I watched her face fall to a frown as she begrudgingly handed the phone back to Kevin and returned to the washroom as if she hadn’t just paraded around practically in the nude in front of four people.  
  
“Why don’t you run around in a towel?” Frank nudged my side after an extended pause.  
  
I snorted laughter and hid my face against his arm instead of making up an answer. Instead I listened in to Kevin’s conversation. He spoke nervously and rushed, and his free hand gripped at his hair until I was sure it must be hurting. “Yeah, alright,” he muttered. “I understand. After midnight.”  
  
Kevin fumbled with the gadget to hang up and immediately placed it on the table so his hands were free to wring together.  
  
“Going somewhere tonight?” Gerard asked casually.  
  
“Uh, yeah, man,” Kevin nodded. “Out.”  
  
And that’s always what Kevin’s response was. He never gave us more detail than that and I was sort of glad. The less we knew about his mixed up life the better, because the last thing any of us needed was to get caught up in all his drama.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
The next day Gloria and I were out on our own for a shopping trip, not that we could afford anything. Instead we sipped on smoothies and glanced longingly into windows. A few months ago Gloria would have yanked me by the hand into one of these big shot stores and played dress up with me. Then she would have pulled out her father’s credit card and bought me the outfits she liked best with instruction to wear one of them on Monday at school.  
  
Now we were at the threshold of trouble as Gloria looked around in one particular store. Her eyes lit up over a top she saw hanging on the rack and that’s when I knew what she was planning even before she voiced her thoughts.  
  
She yanked me by the hand alright, but not into the shop. Instead we stood in the alley between two different stores and Gloria whispered to me her plans while I finished my smoothie. “I’m going to swipe that top.”  
  
“Are you nuts, Glore?” I raised my eyebrows. “There are security cameras and everything! What if you get caught?”  
  
“I won’t get caught! That top is perfect for me. Gee will love it!”  
  
“How’re you and Gerard doing anyway?” I asked carefully. “Are you both ok?”  
  
“Why?” her eyes grew wide in worry. “Did he say something? Is something wrong?”  
  
“No. Nothing. Just seems like you’re not as close?”  
  
“Well this will change that!”  
  
“Gloria, seriously, don’t,” I begged and grabbed for her arm quickly when she made to leave. I was a split second too late as she rounded the corner and disappeared into the store. It left me in the alley alone and pacing nervously. I expected sirens or shouting to sound, but the next thing that happened was a blur, because Gloria came charging back around the corner and yanked me into a run. My smoothie fell to the ground, leaving a puddle of strawberry and banana goo running into the cracks of the pavement.  
  
We ran about four blocks before slowing down and when we did Gloria did a happy little dance. She pulled the same top she’d been gushing about out of her bag and held it up triumphantly. “Told you,” she smiled. “What do you think? It’s hot, right? He’ll love it so much.”  
  
I examined the black sequined top. It was very Gloria, alight, sleeveless and with tears up the sides. Sure it was a nice shirt, but I didn’t understand how that would be the resolution to her and Gerard’s resent distance from each other. It wasn’t like they had separated physically – they always slept next to each other or cuddled on the couch. What was lacking was the giddy excitement I’d seen between them on Halloween when they coordinated outfits, or how they held hands at the park and never stopped babbling to one another. Or even how they looked at each other at school. Those things had changed and it disturbed me, because they were supposed to always be together; they were supposed to be role models for me.  
  
Gloria opened her mouth to say more when she paused and narrowed her eyes curiously to something behind me. Following her gaze I glanced over my shoulder and saw Kevin across the street with a couple of mean looking men, bigger than him in size and dressed in clothes too warm for the weather. Just the sight alone made me feel queasy and again I felt worried for Kevin. Stupid Kevin, in his grungy looking attire and nervous demeanour. I didn’t realize I was even moving until Gloria tugged me back harshly and hissed at me to stop.  
  
“Where the fuck do you think you’re going?” she snapped.  
  
I glanced around and realized I had been heading over to Kevin and his thug-like buddies who weren’t at all friends as they shoved the smaller man around threateningly. I could hear yelling, but it wasn’t loud enough for me to make out what was being said. The way passing civilians moved around the scene led me to believe they weren’t shouting a motivational speech.  
  
“They’re going to hurt him,” I squeaked finally and took another step forward.  
  
“And?” Gloria frowned. “That’s not our problem, Daphne! Leave it alone and let’s go! Come on!”  
  
I had no other choice but to be led off by Gloria. The last glimpse I got of Kevin was one of him taking a hefty punch to the side of his face.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Back at the apartment I had all intentions of telling Frank what we’d seen, but instead the boys had news that just couldn’t wait. I’d never seen Gerard blurt news out so quickly before and he followed it up with a grin.  
  
Gerard had received a call for an interview at the carnival for the next day and while it was just one phone call, it was still a step in the right direction.  
  
“You can’t fuck this up, Gee,” Gloria lectured right off the bat, making my stomach tighten in knots. It wasn’t right to put so much pressure on the guy and it wasn’t any excuse for any pressure to be taken off of the rest of us. At least Gerard _had_ received a call. The three of us hadn’t heard a peep. “Take a shower tomorrow before you go and I’ll pick out an outfit for you. And we should really give you a haircut. I can do that.”  
  
“It’s an interview for a job at the carnival,” he explained slowly. “I don’t think they’ll care too much if I show up in a tailored suit or Canadian tuxedo.”  
  
“Well I know what I’ll be wearing to my interview when they call,” Gloria hinted and held up her new shirt.  
  
Gerard stared blankly at the garment before his nose crinkled up in distaste. “You can’t wear that to an interview, Glore. It’s slutty.”  
  
“Well fine,” she changed from giddy to angered in a mere second and chucked the top at his chest. “Go to your fucking interview looking like a slob! All fucking pale faced and creepy. I’m sure you’ll win them over, Edward Scissorhands!”  
  
“I will, thanks,” Gerard clenched his jaw in attempt to keep his own anger under wraps.  
  
Frank and I stood to the side watching the entire scene play out until our friends separated from one another.  
  
That night was the first night they didn’t sleep next to one another.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
The next morning Gloria was the one in the kitchen pouring cereal for everyone, because she didn’t dare try cooking anything of real substance. Kevin hadn’t returned that night so there were only four bowls lined up on the counter, not that she would even bother putting one together for Kevin. I was the only one who seemed to give Kevin a second thought at all.  
  
As Gloria moved around the kitchen area she made a silent statement by wearing the top she’d swiped from the shop yesterday. It looked perfect on her, of course, but now it was only a lingering sting that she and Gerard were falling apart. Yet she smiled and babbled on about random subjects to me while braiding my hair on the couch.  
  
Frank had gone out to buy us all some coffee, leaving me in the middle of the arguing couple. Gerard hadn’t said much, other than an awkward ‘thank you’ to Gloria for passing him his breakfast. Gerard, of course, wasn’t that big of a chatterbox unless invited into conversation first, but even so I got the feeling he didn’t want to talk. His own silent statement to Gloria was wearing his beaten up leather jacket over a t-shirt and black jeans. It was anything but proper interview attire and made his already pale complexion deathly white. He wore smudged eyeliner and obviously hadn’t bothered to shower either, which I knew ticked Gloria off, but she said nothing and continued on about how she’d swiped the shirt she was wearing.  
  
When Frank returned with our coffee Gerard was just heading out the door for his interview and Frank handed off the coffee with an encouraging slap to Gerard’s back.  
  
“Kill ‘em, hey?”  
  
“Yeah, man, see you later,” Gerard muttered.  
  
“Good luck, Gee,” I called and eyed Gloria who pursed her lips with nothing, but everything to say.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Gerard was gone all day at an interview that should have taken, max 45 minutes. By 6:30 that evening I was constantly going to look out the window to see if the car was back yet. Gloria too was checking alongside me and obviously worrying by the way she kept shifting around on the couch, unable to sit still.  
  
“Where is he?” Gloria finally ended up breaking the silence and voicing what all of us were afraid to ask. Frank shifted his gaze from the television to Gloria before me. I thought he would come up with some reassuring words for Gloria, but instead all he gave me was an equally worried look. It wasn’t like Gerard to take off without letting us know what he was up to. It was like an odd reflex of his to announce where he was going and how long he would be gone for; a habit he probably picked up at home. It never made sense to me, because the way Mikey and Gerard talked about their mother she couldn’t care less where they were going or when they would be back. Mikey was the same as Gerard, though, so it had to come from home.  
  
I was just about to get up and insist we go on a hunt for him when the door opened and Gerard walked in looking different than he had that morning when he left. He still wore the same attire, but his hair was cut shorter than it had been when he left. It was still on the long side, but no longer grazing his shoulders. It was messy, but styled in a way that said there had been effort put into it looking like it did. He flipped his newly shortened locks out of his eyeliner free eyes and pursed his lips nervously, obviously not ready to discuss what had occurred. Instead he walked to the fridge, taking his messenger bag off along the way and placing it on the counter while he got a Coke from the fridge.  
  
It was rare to see Gerard makeup free and I wondered why he had chosen to take it off. Gloria didn’t leave us guessing long when she quickly rose from the couch to follow him to the kitchen area. “Where the fuck were you and what the fuck did you do to your hair?” she insisted and grabbed the beverage out of his hand so it wouldn’t be a distraction. She left it alongside his bag on the counter and stood waiting for a response.  
  
“I don’t want to talk about it,” he muttered quietly and picked up his drink again before padding back to the door with his bag. “I’m going to sit outside for a bit,” he announced, more so to Frank and I than his girlfriend. And he left, just as randomly as he’d walked in.  
  
Gloria blinked slowly and stared at the door after his departure. Then she began to throw a rage again and I didn’t want to stick around to hear her degrading Gerard even more than she had. She was upset because he’d scared her, but that didn’t give her any right to say such hurtful things now and I walked out the door to sit outside with Gerard.  
  
He was seated on the stairs leading up to the doors of the apartment building. A cigarette in one hand and pencil in the other he was sketching one of his many comic characters listlessly – as if it was as simple as breathing to him.  
  
“Hey,” I greeted and sat next to him carefully, unsure of what kind of reaction I was going to pull from him. Maybe he didn’t want me to be there and maybe he’d be furious I’d followed him down. Everyone needed some privacy once in a while, and that was difficult to find in a tiny apartment inhabited by five people.  
  
He hummed a greeting, letting me know he wasn’t necessarily thankful I’d come to join him, but not angry either. He continued to sketch and I found amusement in watching cars drive by. I wanted to say something, but everything that came to mind sounded awkward and clunky. Not at all like the smooth life lessons Gerard had spoken to me in the past to calm my nerves. I owed him something in return for how shitty he probably felt now, but I didn’t know how to fit my words together as perfectly as he could.  
  
He exhaled smoke and flipped to a new page in his book before speaking. “I didn’t get the job today.”  
  
I gave a small shrug and reassuring smile. “It’s alright.”  
  
“No, it’s really not,” he gave a dry laugh and rubbed at his brow. “It’s not ok, because we’re running dangerously low on cash now and I threw the interview away.”  
  
“You didn’t go?” I asked in surprise.  
  
“I went, but I went like this,” he explained and tugged lightly at his jacket. “That guy gave me one look and I knew it was a lost cause. And the only reason I went dressed like this was because of Gloria. It’s not like I didn’t know it would be a bad idea, but I stupidly decided getting back at Gloria would be a better idea. And for what? What a childish act.”  
  
“You’re only human,” I answered, “and Gloria gets carried away sometimes.”  
  
“Gloria’s not at all like her usual self and it’s weird. It not only throws me off, but I think she’s throwing herself off. Like that ridiculous shirt she stole, what was that even about? She was so proud of stealing a stupid shirt.”  
  
“I think she was just trying to impress you or something,” I explained awkwardly. “You and her haven’t been getting along so great lately...?”  
  
Gerard ran a hand through his newly cut hair and sighed, “No, I guess not. You know, adults always warn you about how harsh reality can be, but we all need to stupidly shrug off their wisdom until we get there. I’m there. I get it. Maybe we fucked up, Daphne. Not only are we struggling to keep our heads above water, but all our relationships have been tried and meddled with.”  
  
“But we’re all still here,” I mumbled down at the pavement. “We worked through it.”  
  
“Did we? Gloria stole some slutty shirt yesterday because she thought it could fix our relationship. I cut my hair because it’s what she wanted. Is that really working through it?”  
  
I only hesitated for a moment before leaning forward to hug Gerard from the side. “Where were you all day?”  
  
“Santa Monica Pier.”  
  
“What for?”  
  
Gerard stood up in order to fish into the pockets of his jeans before revealing about eighty dollars in bills. “After the interview I was pissed off and decided to go for a drive. I ended up by the boardwalk, so sat down and started sketching. Someone walking by noticed and liked what they saw. They offered me twenty bucks for it, and so I agreed to it. We’re short on cash so everything helps.”  
  
“Gee, that’s great,” I squealed excitedly and jumped up to shake his arm.  
  
A blush set into his cheeks and his shrugged bashfully before speaking again. “I threw together a quick little sign, did a couple portraits and sold another landscape picture before heading home. I figure I can try again tomorrow. It’s not steady employment, but if it’s a good day then I could make a shitload more than if I’d got the job at the carnival.”  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
We only headed back upstairs when the sky began to darken and Gerard had completed a second picture he was working on. I shrugged off the leather jacket he’d given me to wear when I shivered from the cooling breeze and handed it back as we walked into the building.  
  
No more words needed to be exchanged and Gerard surprised me with a hug outside the apartment door. “Thanks, Daphne.”  
  
I opened my mouth to ask him what for, but he was already opening the door and was nearly tackled to the floor with the hug and kiss Gloria greeted him with instantly. “I’m sorry,” she sniffled. “I’m sorry I’ve been so bitchy.”  
  
“There, all fixed,” Frank gave a small laugh next to me and slung an arm around my shoulders. “She just needed another talk,” he muttered and pressed a kiss to my head sweetly.  
  
“Right,” I weakly smiled in return, but felt it fade away with the conflicted expression on Gerard’s face. No, nothing was fixed. Sure, right now we had our heads above water, but the tide was coming in.


	31. Chapter 31

Kevin didn’t return home until three days later, and he looked terrible. Even for Kevin. He staggered in through the door and Gloria and Gerard immediately moved off the couch so he could lie down. The side of his face was bruised but healing and he looked as if he hadn’t slept in days, not to mention how badly he smelled.  
  
Gerard, Gloria and I quickly began to gather things to help; Gloria grabbed ice from the freezer, Gerard went to get Kevin’s pillow and I wet a cloth from the washroom so he could at least clean up his face and hands.  
  
Frank stood leaned against the wall with his arms folded and his gaze burning into Kevin’s skull. “You’re fucked up, Kevin. Someone obviously isn’t happy with you and they’re going to be your demise.”  
  
“Shut up, Frank,” I snapped when Kevin whimpered. I tried to steady the frantic man’s hands in order to help him get somewhat cleaned up, but he continuously swat at me as if was a pesky fly.  
  
“I’m just stating the facts, Daph,” Frank spoke listlessly.  
  
“Yeah, and think about why the hell we’re here in California now! Why are we here?! Because this could have been you if we stayed!”  
  
What I said hurt, and it showed in Frank’s changed expression. Instead of arguing with me he grabbed hold of Kevin’s wrists, none too gently in order for me to clean him up. While I didn’t necessarily like the words that poured from my mouth in that moment, they had the impact I hoped they would and I just told myself I’d make up for it later.  
  
“You smell,” Frank mumbled down at Kevin. “You slept in a dumpster didn’t you? Got stoned and then slept in a dumpster.”  
  
“Mm-tired,” Kevin slurred.  
  
“I bet. Asshole.”  
  
“Frank,” I stared up at him hard. “What’s wrong with you?”  
  
“What’s wrong with _me_? Really, Daphne?”  
  
I shook my head and moved over so Gloria could press the bag of ice against the bruises on Kevin’s face. Frank carelessly let go of the unstable man’s hands and motioned for Gerard to follow him out of the apartment while Gloria and I finished getting Kevin settled in. I don’t know where they were going, but I was sort of glad Frank wasn’t going to be around to continue voicing his unfiltered thoughts.  
  
Gloria and I worked silently for the most part, with only quiet comments to pass items over or to go fetch something else. Within fifteen minutes we’d finished getting him as cleaned up as possible and sat on the floor with sighs of exhaustion even though the day had barely begun.  
  
“You know,” Gloria spoke up with a quick glance up at the sleeping man, “he’d be a pretty good looking guy if he learned to shower more and ate something once in a while.”  
  
I smiled sadly and agreed. It was true, Kevin would be a handsome guy if he got his life back on track. The problem was getting him there, and we weren’t in the right place mentally or financially to help him to the best of our ability. Right now we ourselves were in a panic, because the last of our stash of money had been spent and we were left with whatever it was Gerard could pull in at the pier each day.  
  
“What’re we gonna do for money, Daph?” Gloria voiced my thoughts. “We can’t just leave this all on Gee, it’s stressing him out.”  
  
I smiled, not because Gerard was under a great deal of pressure but because Gloria was acknowledging it. Since their fight Gloria had been reluctant to leave her boyfriend’s side, and had even gone to the pier with him the last couple days to keep him company. In all the chaos, it was nice to see something working out.  
  
“I don’t know,” I sighed tiredly after a few seconds. “Maybe we need to start busking for money too?”  
  
“Great, what are your talents?”  
  
She gave me a knowing smile that said she knew I had nothing, and I gave in after pretending for just the briefest of moments that I did have talent to flaunt. “Nothing. You could give makeovers.”  
  
“Sure, but I’ll need money for supplies. So I guess we’re back to square one.”  
  
“Ugh,” I groaned and tilted my head onto her shoulder. “I thought acting like a grown up would be a lot more fun than this is turning out to be. I just feel tired and-“  
  
“Hopeless.”  
  
“Yeah. I guess so.”  
  
“I want to be back at home in my own bed,” I found myself pouting quicker than I could cover it up. It was such a whiny and childish request, but in that moment that was all I wanted. I could put up with my parents nagging and the pressures of being a teenager just to be asleep in my own bed again.  
  
“I understand,” Gloria mumbled sadly and wrapped an arm around me. “But we’ll figure this out. Our boys are pretty clever when they need to be.”  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………....  
  
Even cleverness didn’t earn pocket money in California it seemed. We were broke a few days later and running low on food. Miserable weather and running ink kept fast cash out of grasp and the four of us sat around the small apartment staring at each other and the walls trying to map out a new plan.  
  
Frank looked particularly stressed out and I think he felt like all the blame was being put on him, when really no one was placing blame on anyone else. “Hey,” I spoke quietly and curled up next to him with a small smile. “What’re you thinking?”  
  
“What we all are,” he answered grimly. “We’re fucked.”  
  
“We’ve been in that situation before,” I tried to lighten the mood. “We got this far, we’ll figure it out.”  
  
“Ok, Daphne, so then what?” he challenged with anger tinging his words. Frank was frustrated and ready to take it out on anyone, including me. “What kind of whimsical magic do you have tucked up your sleeves to get us out of this situation? Can you pull money from thin air? People kill for money, Daphne. You don’t have a life if you don’t have money. And we don’t have money.”  
  
I swallowed thickly as the sting of his words set in place. Instead of arguing I simply moved back toward the other end of the couch and stared at the wall trying to push his words to the back of my mind.  
  
It was only minutes later that Frank left the apartment, without a word and with determination etched into his expression.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
“Daphne,” I startled to a wake and came face to face with Gloria who quickly covered my mouth with her hand. “Ssshh. We have to sneak out of here. I’ve got a plan, come with me.”  
  
I felt like I was in a dream, but no matter how many times I shook my head or pinched my arm I was still wandering down the stairs and out of the apartment building doors with Gloria, who held tightly to my hand as if I was a child who might dart off.  
  
Frank and Gerard had been sound asleep and our exit had gone unnoticed, which appeared to please Gloria who giggled once we were outside the building in the cool night air. That’s when I realized I was still in my pajamas and hissed in discomfort. “What’s going on?” I whined. “I’m tired and it’s cold. We couldn’t talk about this upstairs?”  
  
“Because we’re going out,” she explained and held up a bag containing some clothes which were clearly not mine. Gloria, herself, wasn’t dressed in pajamas, but in the revealing top she’d stolen, and a skirt a few inches too short, showing off her smooth, milky legs.  
  
“What’re you wearing?” I mumbled tiredly, and trying hard to focus. “What’s going on, Glore? I’m tired.”  
  
“Well you better wake up then, because you need to put on a show,” she explained and pushed me around the side of the building. “Put these on.”  
  
The plastic bag was forced into my arms and instead of arguing I went along with whatever Gloria’s magnificent plan was. I pulled on the short dress and wobbled pathetically in the stiletto shoes like a newborn fawn.  
  
“Your hair is a mess,” Gloria tisked and started teasing it with a comb as I was still pulling on the dress. “What the hell do you do in your sleep to acquire such a rat’s nest?”  
  
I swat at her hands lazily and slumped back against the wall. “Can you please tell me why I’m outside dressing like a slut in the middle of the night?”  
  
“Exactly,” Gloria muttered, and this time all excitement and enthusiasm was zapped from her tone. Gloria suddenly sounded like she might be physically ill and when she pressed three condoms into my hand that’s when it all clicked.  
  
“What the fuck,” I glared and threw the little packets onto the ground. “No! Are you kidding me?”  
  
Gloria forcefully pushed my shoulders back against the wall and narrowed her eyes. “Look, I don’t like it much either, but what are our choices? We’re broke, we can’t find jobs and I’m not going back to Jersey, ok? I’m not.”  
  
Her voice was desperate and she shook gently, from emotion or cold I wasn’t sure, but either way I began to feel my skin crawl. Gloria was talking about selling our bodies to slimy, desperate men, probably three times our age. Frank and Gerard wouldn’t hear anything of it, but that’s why Gloria had dragged me out of the apartment. They weren’t ever meant to know.  
  
“Are you coming or what?” Gloria cut through my nervous thoughts. “Nikki does this for a living, so we can manage it for a few nights. Just until we can figure out another plan.”  
  
“What would you tell Gerard?” I narrowed my eyes and clenched my fists at my sides. “How are you planning on explaining any money you might get?”  
  
“We landed night jobs at a diner,” she explained simply.  
  
“And that’s all we get? Night shifts?”  
  
“So it’s not a completely full proof story. So long as we’re bringing in the money I don’t think they’ll care too much! And who wants to work night shifts anyway? We lucked out, that’s all.”  
  
“I don’t like this! I don’t want this!”  
  
“So don’t come,” Gloria snapped and turned on her heel. “Stay here!”  
  
She bent down in order to retrieve the condoms I’d thrown down and I felt queasy watching as she tucked them back into her purse.  
  
“It’s just sex,” she added shakily over her shoulder, and I saw right through her tough exterior; a scared seventeen year old girl with too much makeup on.  
  
“You’re more than this,” I pleaded desperately. “You don’t have to do this, Glore! We’ll all figure something out together, this is not all being thrown on you! What Nikki does is dangerous and I doubt she’d want you going out there either.”  
  
“We’re at a dead end right now,” Gloria grit her teeth and began to walk away.  
  
I stumbled forward to match her quick footsteps, cursing under my breath for numerous reasons. “Wait,” I blurted out finally. “I can’t just let you go on your own. I’ll come with you.”  
  
Gloria slowed her pace until I was next to her and then in one fluid motion looped her arm through mine snuggly. “I love you, Daph. You’re my best friend, you know? It won’t be so bad, you’ll see. Nikki, she does it all the time, s-so it can’t be too bad. O-or she wouldn’t do it.”  
  
“Sure,” I mumbled and hugged closer to her body for warmth as we staggered into the night.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Gloria had been gone for five minutes the last time I checked the time on my watch. It hadn’t taken very long for a middle aged man to pull up and offer her money. The street we were on felt abandoned, but that was only because the people that roamed the night were good at lurking in shadows.  
  
I was seated on the pavement by a closed store, trying my very best to blend into the background while I waited. I was only present to make sure Gloria got home safe, and had since pulled my hoodie back on over my skimpy outfit.  
  
I could see the car parked across the street; the one Gloria had so simply climbed into, like she’d done this all before. I didn’t know what was going on in the car now, and I didn’t want to know. All I wanted was for Gloria to step back out unharmed and ready to go back to our temporary home.  
  
“Got a light?” a voice startled me out of my hiding. A young guy, probably only a few years older than myself looked down at me questioningly. He didn’t seem like a threat and I fumbled around through the plastic bag in search of a lighter that I was almost positive Gloria would have brought. Thankfully I was right.  
  
I held the lighter up to the young man without a word and he mumbled a thank you around his cigarette. His clothes were dirty and his blond hair matted; in need of washing. He lit his cigarette and tossed me the lighter back.  
  
“What’re you doing out so late?” he stuck around to chat.  
  
“Waiting for a friend,” I explained. “…You?”  
  
He laughed bitterly and slumped back against the wall next to me. “Ah, just feeding off the moonlight.”  
  
My face must’ve read confusion because he smirked and shrugged, “You also happen to be inhabiting my bedroom right now, princess.”  
  
“Oh,” I startled as my brain processed him as being homeless. I quickly made to move but he waved me off.  
  
“Don’t worry about it. It’s fine. Not like I don’t have other options, right?” he held his arms out to present our surroundings. “I saw you with another girl before. Where’s she?”  
  
“In that car,” I explained in a voice barely louder than a whisper.  
  
He clicked his tongue and gave a brief nod before pushing off the wall. “You’re a pretty thing, I wouldn’t hang around out here much longer. The night might swallow you up.”  
  
“Ok,” I muttered dumbly and watched the man walk away. Maybe it was stupid but I sort of wished he would have stuck around a bit longer.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
When Gloria returned she had a measly twenty in hand and a haunting memory to add to a list of the crazy that had become of her life. She didn’t say a word about the experience she’d just been through, but instead sat next to me and let her head tilt onto my shoulder. “Let’s go back?” her voice was soft and childlike a couple silent minutes later.  
  
I of course didn’t argue and rose to my feet in an instant. Gloria shivered and I quickly gave her my hoodie to wear for our walk back, herself barefoot and myself in my beloved sneakers.  
  
Creeping back into the apartment unnoticed was alarmingly easy and even Kevin didn’t stir when Gloria dropped her shoes onto the floor to disappear into the washroom. I myself quickly changed back into my pajamas and crawled into my sleeping bag next to Frank who was sprawled out as much as he could be in a cocoon of blankets and Gerard lay with his back to both of us. They had both been exhausted when they returned that evening , but just like the last few evenings nothing was said or shared about the day. Gerard went out and sketched for money while Frank went out and did whatever it was he did. No one, including myself, seemed to have enough guts to ask him about it after his mild fit the day Kevin came home beaten up. We just let him go.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
I was woken by Frank mid-morning with a gentle shake. “I’ll see you later,” he murmured before backing away.  
  
I yawned and stretched my arms over my head, urging myself to be more alert. “You’re going out?”  
  
“I’ll be back later,’ he repeated and leaned over me again. “I love you.”  
  
I blinked and gave him a small smile, because that was the first time in a few days he’d spoken those three words. “Love you too,” I answered quietly and watched him exit the apartment before sitting up.  
  
Gerard was in the kitchen eating a quick bowl of non-nutritious cereal, Gloria was curled up on the couch watching the television through heavy lidded eyes and Kevin was nowhere to be found.  
  
“Morning,” Gerard’s voice interrupted my thoughts as he came to a halt by my sleeping bag. “You slept later than usual.”  
  
“Tired I guess,” I explained with a guilty smile. “Are you going out now too?”  
  
We’d all been trying very hard to limit the amount we used the car. It’s not like our wallets were thick with cash to spend on gas. Gerard had been scouting out some tourist locations within walking distance to set up his talent instead. For Frank to be using the car meant he had somewhere important to go or something significant to do today.  
  
“Well good luck,” I gave him what I hoped looked like an encouraging smile.  
  
“Gee, wait,” Gloria’s voice drifted from the couch. She pounced up and rushed forward to her boyfriend, clinging tightly to his side. “I want to come with you today.”  
  
“Ok,” Gerard pressed a kiss to her head. “Go get ready and I’ll wait.”  
  
I watched Gloria rifle through her bag for a clean change of clothes and once again head into the washroom to change, leaving Gerard and I alone in the room. “Do you know where Frankie was going?” I asked hesitantly.  
  
“No idea,’ he answered and brought his dishes to the sink to wash before leaving. “He just mentioned needing the car and that was it. Maybe he just needs some space.”  
  
“From what? Me?”  
  
“I didn’t say that,” Gerard looked startled over my assumption. “I just mean from the entire situation. Maybe you should come with Gloria and I today. It’s probably not the healthiest idea to remain in here all day every day.”  
  
I contemplated his offer in my head before another voice, not mine, made up my mind for me. “You’re coming,” Gloria called from behind the bathroom door.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………....  
  
There wasn’t anything overly exciting in our immediate area, but Gerard explained having seen a park in his multiple strolls through the neighbourhood. It wasn’t very big, he’d described, but seemed quite popular. Kind of like the park the whole gang often hung out at back home after school or on weekends.  
  
Gloria was acting oddly throughout our walk and afternoon together; occasionally very clingy to Gerard and other times putting as much distance as she could between them without it becoming too obvious. I could sense the conflicting thoughts bouncing around in her mind but it wasn’t like we could suddenly strike up a conversation regarding last night’s events.  
  
I myself tried to keep my mind off of last night entirely, but that only led to confusion over Frank’s recent behaviour, and worry over the lack of money Gerard was getting. Still, he kept sketching and only paused long enough to eat a small lunch with us. We’d used the twenty dollars Gloria had acquired last night, but Gerard didn’t question where the money or food came from; only scarfed it down hungrily like Gloria and myself.  
  
“Gee, I want you to draw me like one of your French girls,” a voice I was always happy to hear spoke up from behind us just as my vision became blocked by a pair of hands.  
  
I giggled over Frank’s lame attempt at a French accent and line from ‘Titanic’. I had to forced Frank to watch the film one evening when he’d admitted to never having seen it before. He’d been very reluctant, but threatening to write all over his guitar with a sharpie proved to be all the persuasion needed and he ended up enjoying the film – bringing up the all too sensitive argument on how Jack ‘totally could have balanced the goddamn board with Rose’.  
  
Gerard’s only response was a snort and Frank tickled my sides in order to have me squirm out of my spot on the bench. He was pretty quick to sit in my place and yank me down onto his lap though. His arms held me snug around my waist and I sighed over the comforting moment with him.  
  
“How’d you find us?” I asked lazily.  
  
“Gerard’s come here to draw before,” Frank answered just as softly. “I just assumed he’d come back here again. I didn’t know you’d be tagging along, but I’m sure as hell happy you did. You slept in late today, are you feeling ok?”  
  
“Yeah,” I mumbled , fully aware that Gloria was staring at me from the other side of Gerard. “Just a bunch of weird dreams that kept waking me up.” I paused and traced one of the many tattoos on his arm slowly. “Where’d you go?”  
  
“Uh, just more job hunting,” he explained, but I knew instantly he was telling me a lie. “Nothing to find.”  
  
“Are you hungry?” I leaned down to pick up the bag from the store Gloria and I had gone to. “We got you some lunch.”  
  
“Famished,” he winked and thanked me with a kiss.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
We stayed at the park for another couple hours before heading back to the apartment where we fell right back into what was becoming our regular routine of watching television together and then turning in once we’d had enough. I thought being in California would lead to a more thrilling lifestyle but I felt just like the same kid I was at home. The only difference was that I inhabiting a druggy’s couch with three other teenagers.  
  
“How much did you end up making today, Gee?” Frank spoke up midway through a commercial I had completely memorized after seeing it half a dozen times within the past hour and a half.  
  
“Fifteen,” was the miserable reply. “It’s a been a terrible few days. We’re barely eating anymore, man. So what’re we going to do if I stop getting any money entirely?”  
  
“I don’t know,” Frank muttered and tilted his head back on the couch “Fuck.”  
  
Gloria shot me a concerned look and I knew exactly what she was thinking just within that one look, so it didn’t surprise me when I found myself back on the streets of East LA in the middle of the night. Gloria wore the same revealing outfit she had the previous night and once again I only tagged along to make sure she made it back home.  
  
We chose the same location and I sat on the stoop of the same store I had met the homeless guy I’d given a light to. It was only this time I realized we were outside a bridal shop though. The pristine glamorous gowns seemed to glow – even in the darkened windows - and I stared at them, trying to imagine myself clad in the smooth and lacy garments. Gloria was currently preoccupied in some old man’s vehicle down the road, but if she were at my side I was sure she’d be squealing enthusiastically in delight with ideas. The wedding and planning one seemed like a ways in the distance still, but eventually we’d get there and I smiled at the sparkling material before focusing back on the car I knew Gloria was in.  
  
This wasn’t the first customer she’d had all night. In fact it was her third and she’d handed me a total of eighty dollars to hold so far. I kept the few bills in my pocket, disgusted by them and wondering how it was Nikki made this a regular job. Or how it was Nikki’s clients – the ones I’d see at least – were so young and handsome.  
  
I looked up at the sound of a car door closing and watched Gloria make her way toward me. Nothing about her expression was happy and I curled into myself with nothing encouraging to say.  
  
“Here,” she mumbled and handed me another couple twenties. “He was quick.”  
  
Thankfully that’s all the information she gave me.


	32. Chapter 32

Everyone was grouchy two days later and I blamed the fact that no one had eaten anything the day before. Instead we all sort of kept to ourselves until Gerard returned from sketching in the park with no money in hand.  
  
“Are you fucking kidding me?” Frank narrowed his eyes. “Again?”  
  
“I told you,” Gerard glared back and dropped his messenger bag onto the floor. “Going to the same local park everyday doesn’t exactly draw in tourists. And what do you expect me to do? Walk all the way to the pier? We don’t even have money for the bus, what makes you think you can splurge on taking the goddamn car all the time?”  
  
“Don’t,” Frank warned him venomously. “Don’t push it, Way.”  
  
Gerard looked ready to swing a punch, but he refrained and instead went to get a glass of water in the kitchen while Frank collected his own composure and kicked at the table.  
  
“Look, Frankie, look,” Gloria piped up suddenly and hurried forward to him. “Look, honey, I have money. See? Look! Don’t panic.”  
  
This was the first time Gloria was revealing the money she’d earned from selling herself and I held my breath, waiting for the interrogating questions to surface. Where did she get the cash? When did she get the cash? How long had she been earning the cash for?  
  
I felt my throat close up on me when Frank swiped the money from her hand and gave Gloria an icy look instead. “Yeah, that’s fine for a couple days, but do you expect this to pay for everyone?”  
  
Gloria’s entire body faltered and she staggered back as if he’d just smacked her. “At least it’s something,” she spat suddenly. “It’s something isn’t it? I mean- what the hell are you even doing all day long? You leave in the morning and come back in the evening without a word!”  
  
“I don’t need to tell you anything,” Frank argued. “And besides, who’s hiding things now? Where did this fucking money come from Gloria?”  
  
“A diner,” Gloria explained calmly in a cold and disconnected voice. “I started earlier this week and figured I’d surprise you all. But if you’re going to be such a prick about it maybe the three of us should just share the money and you can fend for yourself, big shot.” Her hand shot out to swipe the money back out of his hand.  
  
“A diner? You expect me to believe you’re working at a diner when all day you’re either here or with Gerard?”  
  
“I work night shifts,” she answered firmly. “And I might start working day shifts too.”  
  
Frank eyed me and I averted my gaze to the corner of the room. Frank wasn’t stupid and I think he knew Gloria was lying, but he also didn’t press on the issue any further. Instead Gloria tugged Gerard out the door and Frank sat on the couch rubbing his hands over his face tiredly.  
  
“We’re so screwed, Daph,” he mumbled, taking me by surprise. “We’re so done.” An odd hitch in his voice guided me to his side and I pulled him into a hug. Frank liked to appear strong and in control, but Frank was also an eighteen year old kid who had no idea what he was doing and should be entitled to break down when he was scared.  
  
“No we’re not,” I tried to soothe and squeezed my eyes shut, knowing exactly the next steps I was going to take. “No, we’re not done.”  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
I was a shaking mess and felt on the verge of vomiting. Gloria stood at my side trying to give me some advice, but it was advice for all the wrong reasons and I at some point did keel forward, ready to throw up.  
  
“Maybe you shouldn’t do this,” Gloria rubbed my back helpfully.  
  
I stood upright and held a hand to my forehead, gazing up at the puffy white clouds. It was broad daylight, but business like this didn’t ever end and we weren’t the only girls standing around in our skimpiest outfits. “No, I can. I can do this. We need the money.”  
  
“Ok, well don’t use teeth. Unless they’re into that. Get the money first and no matter what it is you’re doing, make sure you use a condom.”  
  
“I’ve never given a-“ I tried to explain and Gloria reached up to fix my hair for me.  
  
“So it’s good practise,” she tried to lighten the mood. “You’ll be alright.”  
  
I took in a breath of air, but it didn’t fill my lungs and I cringed. Never in my life did I ever imagine I’d be in this position, yet here I was standing at the curb in a mini skirt and tight top, with too much makeup on and shoes I could barely stand in.  
  
A car pulled up and Gloria leaned in with a mischievous smile. She conversed with the man for a minute or so before leaning back out and gently pulling me forward. “You take this one,” she said quietly.  
  
I nodded stiffly and felt my stomach lurch again. I probably looked deathly pale and my shaky hands weren’t easy to conceal as I grabbed the door handle and nearly tripped into the front seat. I felt Gloria’s hand on my arm one more time before the door closed and the man began to drive.  
  
I tried to keep my eyes trained forward, in a moral conflict of whether this was a time I should be thinking about my fiancé or not. The man next to me gave a small cough and I turned my head to take in his appearance. He wasn’t as old as I thought he’d be. He was probably in his early thirties and was dressed casually, as if he were on his way to the supermarket and not trying to pick up a prostitute.  
  
“Here,” he muttered and held out forty dollars.  
  
“Th-thanks,” I squeaked and tucked it into my bra. “What did you want?”  
  
He pulled the car over before answering. “You’re going to suck me off,” he answered bluntly and undid the belt on his jeans while glancing feverishly into the rear-view mirror as if we were being tracked. “What’re you waiting for, come on.”  
  
I leaned forward in my seat at his command but, being so inexperienced fumbled with his pants the same way I had with Frank. Only this man wasn’t my understanding boyfriend and seemed almost more anxious over getting the entire ordeal over with more so than me. “Sorry,” I apologized over my awkward nature.  
  
“Don’t talk,” he shook his head and begrudgingly took the condom from me when I held it out to him as a silent demand. He fumbled with the package and I put my right hand to work on him, trying so hard not to cringe. Sex and love had never seemed like such polar opposites before.  
  
The man kept his hands off of me and for that I was thankful. He climaxed and kicked me out of the car, just like that, leaving me forty dollars pocket money.  
  
I met up with Gloria where we’d started and immediately she was scrutinizing me with her eyes; trying to pinpoint exactly where my wandering mind was at. “Are you ok? It wasn’t as bad as you thought it was going to be, was it? Did he hurt you? You made him wear protection didn’t you?”  
  
“Yeah,” I folded my arms across my chest and leaned back against the wall. “I feel gross. This is so wrong.”  
  
“We’re making money,” Gloria reasoned. “We’ll actually be able to eat decent dinners again.”  
  
A slowly approaching car came to a pause in front of us and I looked to Gloria with pleading eyes. “I don’t want to anymore today.”  
  
“I’ll go,” she explained and gave me her purse to hold. “Watch my stuff, and if the cops come go into the nearest store.”  
……………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
“Where were you both all day?” Frank was the first to question when Gloria and I returned home early that evening. Gerard sat at the kitchen table flipping through a paper, but paused to listen in on the conversation.  
  
“Daphne got a job working at the diner with me,” Gloria answered simply. “Not that it’s any of your beeswax. We’ve already had this conversation.”  
  
Frank opened his mouth to say something to me next but we were all interrupted by Kevin who waltzed through the door and pointed at Frank with a wink. “Hey, dude.”  
  
“Fuck off,” Frank dismissed him and eyed me seriously. “Are you working at a diner with Gloria or are you telling lies? What’s really going on here?”  
  
I swallowed thickly and fidgeted on the spot. It felt like being interrogated by Principal Dalton again in his office and it had taken practise to make those lies sound convincing enough. I had nothing scripted in my mind for this moment and I think Gloria gave me too much credit in my ability to wing a situation. “Yes.”  
  
“Yes what?” Frank was growing frustrated and I could tell by the way his body tensed. “Yes you’re telling lies or yes you’re working at a diner?”  
  
Gerard had walked over to join in the conversation, eyeing his girlfriend in concern before letting his gaze settle on me as well - waiting for a response. I think he too could sense we were lying, but if he had reprimanded Gloria, I didn’t know about it.  
  
“Yes. The diner.”  
  
“And how did that go?” Frank played along bitterly. “What’s the name of the diner?”  
  
“Uh-“  
  
“What’s your boss’ name?”  
  
“It’s-“  
  
“How much is for a burger and fries?”  
  
“Shut up, Frank,” Gloria snapped. “Shut up!”  
  
Frank came to stand right in front of me, his face inches from mine. “You’re lying. Where were you?”  
  
“Where were _you_?” I countered, feeling my own anger begin to bubble to the service. I didn’t like that I had to be so cautious around pushing him too far, when that’s exactly what he was trying to do to me. “Gloria’s right, you disappear daily with the car and none of us have any idea where you’re going or what you’re doing. What’s going on?”  
  
“Fine, lie to me,” he dismissed childishly and grabbed for his hoodie off the couch and car keys off the table.  
  
“Fine,” I yelled and slammed the door after him.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
I was already tucked into my sleeping bag when Frank returned home that night. I kept reminding myself to stay awake until he got home, but had been finding it a difficult feat when the clock read 1:52 AM. Gloria was in her own sleeping bag next to mine while Gerard lay sprawled on the couch flipping through channels on the television and Kevin’s snoring sounded from the kitchen.  
  
Gerard had said he would stay awake until Frank got home so that Gloria and I could sleep, but when I heard the remote fall onto the floor I knew he’d drifted off.  
  
When I heard the key in the lock I quickly shut my eyes and tried to relax my entire body as much as possible. I didn’t want Frank to know I was still awake; I didn’t want to give him the satisfaction of knowing I had been worried, because then in his eyes I would have lost our argument and he’d let it fizzle out without addressing the elephant in the room.  
  
Gloria didn’t budge so she must have been asleep for real and I listened to Frank shuffling around the apartment. He turned the television off, put his keys on the table and yawned. He kicked off his shoes, unzipped his hoodie and I heard him undoing his belt; readying himself for bed.  
  
It was only a minute later that I sensed him leaning over me, but he didn’t try to wake me. Instead he cuddled up close to my body until my back was pressed up against his chest and draped his arm across my waist lazily. It didn’t take very long for his breathing to slow and soften, letting me know he’d fallen asleep while my mind continued to reel with thoughts of our most recent fight and how I needed to do a better job earning money in the next few days.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
A couple days later and Frank continued his pissy behaviour, except at night when he’d pull me close, thinking I was asleep. Kevin had also taken to hovering around Frank when both were at the apartment. Frank had voiced his displeasure several times, but still Kevin stuck around playing nice and trying to buddy up. And I didn’t think anything of it – or at least I tried not to think anything of it.  
  
Gloria and I had gone out again the previous night, but I was reluctant to do anything and hadn’t since my first encounter. It made me feel wrong and finished. There had to be another way because nothing should make anyone feel so inferior.  
  
I was in the process of teaching Gloria how to make veggie wraps when Frank and Gerard came stumbling through the door together. I surveyed them both quickly from afar and realized it was Frank’s unbalanced walk and uncoordinated movement that had caused their stumble. Gerard looked to be supporting him and waved us over quickly. “He was down the block coming home,” Gerard explained. “He’s beaten up pretty bad.”  
  
“What the hell happened?” Gloria voiced the panic I was feeling as my hands hovered over his arms, unsure of what to do. He had some bruising forming on his face – his left eye a bit puffy. His lip was split and bleeding and his t-shirt was filthy.  
  
Gloria rushed to the kitchen to fetch some ice and I watched in horror as Gerard shuffled to the couch with Frank who made no sound but was evidently in pain judging by the expression on his face. Every slight movement was followed with a cringe and still I stood at a distance, frozen in shock.  
  
“Daphne!” It was Gerard who pulled me out of my current state, and he didn’t look happy. In fact he looked annoyed. “Christ! Daphne, come sit with your boyfriend, huh?” he practically spat.  
  
“Right,” I squeaked. “Right, right, I’m sorry.”  
  
Gerard moved out of the way for me to sit next to Frank who was slumped down in the cushions of the couch. Gloria returned with the ice only seconds later and shoved it into my hand before kneeling down in front of my fiancé and patting his knee in a comforting manner. I watched her calming action until the bag of ice began to sting my hand. I startled and switched it into my other before pressing it to the side of Frank’s face like he’d done for me at the gas station. He immediately flinched at my touch but settled into it and closed his eyes.  
  
“What the fuck happened?” Gloria demanded, her voice furious and revenge-seeking. “I’ll kill ‘em! What happened?”  
  
“He got mugged,” Gerard answered for Frank who appeared unable or unwilling to talk. All he did was move ever so slightly closer to me and my heart swelled with both love and sadness.  
  
“Mugged?!”  
  
“That’s what he told me outside,” Gerard further explained. “Would you lower your voice already? Yelling isn’t going to help the situation. Frank, what do you need, man? What can we do?”  
  
“Headache,” was all Frank winced against my arm. “Fucking headache.”  
  
“We don’t have anything,” Gloria squeaked and snatched up her purse from the floor. “I have some cash, I’ll go buy some medicine. Advil or Tylenol or something. Why the hell don’t we have anything for headaches? It’s not like we don’t battle the goddamn things every day!”  
  
Gerard grabbed for her arm to pause her from running out the door. “You’re not going out alone. I’ll come with you. Daphne, take care of him until we get back.”  
  
I couldn’t blame Gerard for speaking to me like I was a child, because I certainly was acting like one; rigid and nervous under Frank’s touch. When it had been Kevin crawling into the apartment I hadn’t had to think twice and took care of him a great deal better than I was my own fiancé who was leaned onto my shoulder practically begging for my attention.  
  
Gerard closed the door after them and we were left in silence. “We should take care of that cut on your lip,” I muttered quietly and shifted off the couch. “Can you hold the ice?”  
  
Frank’s hand came up to hold the ice in place and his scraped up knuckles told me he’d fought back and lost. Again my nerves started getting the best of me and it took longer that it should’ve for me to get a wet cloth from the washroom.  
  
Frank was still slumped down on the couch when I returned and had the ice pressed against his side, obviously a sight he didn’t want me to see because he raised the ice back to his face and refused to meet my gaze.  
  
“What are you hiding?” I narrowed my eyes and dropped the cloth onto the table in order to pull at his t-shirt. Frank put up a minor fight, but was exhausted and nowhere near his normal strength. “Daph, no,” he pleaded, but it was too late and my eyes grew wide over what I found - dark bruising up and down his ribs.  
  
“Frankie,” I whimpered and continued to stare, “you need a doctor. We need to take you to-“  
  
“Not broken,” he explained.  
  
“Still!”  
  
“I’m fine.”  
  
“You’re _not fine_ ,” I shouted so suddenly I startled myself. “You just got the shit kicked out of you! You’re _not_ fine!”  
  
“Hey, hey,” Frank’s voice was light and coaxing as he reached up to pull me down into a hug just as my tears sprung free and I shook against him. “I’m ok, Daph. It’ll be alright. I’ve looked worse, believe me.”  
  
“Why does bad stuff keep happening to us?” I choked and continued the game of toss the ice by gingerly holding it against his side. “What happened?”  
  
“A few guys jumped me,” he explained tiredly and let his head loll back against the couch. “I didn’t have anything for them to take though, thank God.”  
  
I sniffled and rolled my eyes when he reached up to wipe my tears away. I was supposed to be the one taking care of him, and still he was taking care of me.  
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Once Frank had taken some Advil he lay down on the couch with his head in my lap and closed his eyes while Gloria finished dinner in the kitchen and Gerard sat on the floor biting his fingernails like they had a death sentence. He too had wanted to take Frank to the hospital to get checked out, but Frank’s stubborn attitude won and Gloria had sided with him.  
  
He had a black eye to match his ribs and a puffy lip from the impact of someone’s fist. Frank didn’t go into too much detail over the scenario, which was probably even worse than if he had, because my mind was forever painting picture after picture of horrors, each one more brutal than the last.  
  
“Frankie, did you…” Gloria trailed off mid-sentence and lowered her voice when she saw his eyes closed. “Oh. I guess he won’t be eating dinner then.”  
  
“Just keep it in the fridge and he can eat later,” Gerard answered.  
  
“I’ll eat later too,” I declined gently. “Thanks, Glore.”  
  
She returned to the kitchen and Gerard went back to chewing his nails, only pausing long enough to give me a silent look that told me two things: we needed to talk and something was up.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
While I was growing pretty accustomed to being woken during the night I wasn’t used to it being by Gerard and concentrated hard to focus on him through the moonlight. We’d left Frank on the couch to sleep and Gloria was sound asleep in her own sleeping bag; no intention of sneaking out that night just after Frank had been attacked.  
  
Without a word I followed Gerard into the hall, happy to see that he, like myself, was barefoot – so we weren’t going far.  
  
“Do _you_ think Frank was mugged?” he lowered his voice so not to be heard by anyone but myself.  
  
“That’s what he said.”  
  
“You don’t actually believe him though, do you? What kind of assholes who mug someone don’t take anything of theirs?”  
  
I felt my face flush and shrugged. “Frankie said he didn’t have anything.”  
  
“But he did,” Gerard furrowed his eyebrows together in determination and held up Frank’s wallet. “He had this on him and look how much is in here, Daphne.”  
  
Even though Frank was my fiancé it still felt like an invasion of his privacy to be snooping through his wallet. Being in a relationship with someone meant you were able to trust them, and usually I could. There was a point where I didn’t trust anyone other than Frank, but things had changed and while I didn’t want to believe it I knew he’d been telling lies. As I pulled the cash out of the wallet I wondered if Frank felt the same way about me as I did about him.  
  
There was at least $400 and while I stared stunned Gerard eyed me suspiciously. “Did you know he was raking in this kind of cash, Daphne?”  
  
“Does it look like it?” I frowned and took the money to leaf through delicately – afraid that maybe Frank would notice it had been tampered with. “Where did he get this? Why has he been hiding it?”  
  
“I don’t know,” Gerard mumbled. “Maybe he’s trying to save up the money on the side so we can get out of here. With the money you and Glore are making from the diner we’re doing alright for food right now.”  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
I was the one to slip Frank’s wallet back into the pocket of his jeans while he slept but I was not as stealthy as Gerard and Frank’s hand came up to wrap around my wrist before I could walk away. I thought I’d been caught red-handed or that he was going to interrogate me on my conversation with Gerard, but he said nothing. His hand slid down to my hand to hold and I broke the silence lingering between us.  
  
“Do you need anything?” I whispered. “How are you feeling?”  
  
His voice was groggy from sleep but his request was solid and not about to take no for an answer. “Come lie with me.”  
  
“That’s probably not a very good idea.”  
  
“I’ll come with you then,” he grinned knowingly.  
  
“Fine,” I muttered and snuggled up against him on the couch carefully. I tensed – not wanting to make the wrong move and cause him pain. He, on the other hand, probably couldn’t care less and squeezed me tight.  
  
“I’m sorry about today,” he murmured into my hair, and I knew with every fibre of my being that he meant it. The problem was that I didn’t even know what he was sorry about anymore. Sorry for getting hurt? Sorry for his recent temper? Sorry for hiding money?  
  
“It wasn’t your fault.”  
  
“I still scared you though.”  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
The scent of coffee woke me up in the morning and Frank sat at the edge of the couch smiling down at me. There were two coffees from Starbucks on the table and a bag which I assumed contained some form of breakfast. A quick survey of the apartment assured me that I hadn’t overslept yet again because Gerard and Gloria were both still crashed out on the floor and the closed divider to the kitchen informed me that Kevin had come back home last night.  
  
“Let me take you out today,” Frank leaned down and pressed a kiss to my lips, tasting of coffee and cigarettes.  
  
“What?”  
  
“We’ll spend the whole day together. We’ll explore the city.”  
  
“You should be resting,” I dismissed and rolled onto my side away from him. “Go back to bed.”  
  
“I’m feeling better,” he reassured with a giggle. “Come on Miss Piss-Pants, I’ll let you pick where we go.”  
  
“You’re serious.”  
  
“It’s been a shitty couple weeks – let’s go out and just have a bit of fun, Daph. C’mon, I need this and you need this too. It’s awesome weather and I just splurged on a full tank of gas for the car, so we can virtually go wherever you want today.”  
  
I eyed him with a frown and remembered exactly what it was Gerard and I had discussed in the hall mere hours ago. ‘Splurge’ shouldn’t be a word any of us were using in the situation we were facing. And if it was, it was to say you ‘splurged’ for a tube of toothpaste, or you ‘splurged’ on fresh fruit at the grocery store. Splurging on a full tank of gas and Starbucks was impractical and unnecessary.  
  
“Where’d you get the money to splurge on gas?”  
  
“Lucked out and found a fifty stuffed at the bottom of my bag. C’mon, Daph. How about the beach? You want to go to the beach? We’ll throw together a couple sandwiches and have a picnic lunch. Just us – like when we used to drive off into the middle of nowhere.”  
  
“…Fine. But you think of a clever way to wake Kevin so we don’t get shot.”  
  
Frank’s only response was a grin.


	33. Chapter 33

If I closed my eyes and tried hard enough I could pretend I was back in Jersey with Frank driving to our usual nowhere.  
  
Of course we weren’t actually in Jersey and while California’s landscape was beautiful, nothing could compare to the dilapidated house I had dreams of fixing up. We spoke minimally, and instead got caught up in the blaring music and gust of wind coming through the open windows. It was pretty easy to get caught up in illusions that everything was fine between the two of us when Frank flashed me smiles or held my hand.  
  
We parked the car and walked to a more deserted part of the beach before setting up our picnic. Despite having hideous bruises on his ribs Frank still stripped down to his swimming trunks and lay on the towel with a grin. “You going to join me, Daffy, or are you going to take up navigation?”  
  
“Huh?” I snapped out of my daze.  
  
“You’re staring at the clouds,” he giggled over my daydreaming. “Planes….navigation…”  
  
“Oh, yeah,” I played along and sat on the blanket next to him. “So what are we gonna do?”  
  
“It’s a beach, Daphne. We’re going to do beachy things.”  
  
“Beachy things,” I laughed and pulled the cooler closer to grab a drink and sandwich. “Alright, I’m in. Beachy things it is. Did you want your lunch now or later?”  
  
“If you’re eating so will I,” he nodded and pulled himself up into a seated position. “Peanut butter and jelly has become so underrated over the years.”  
  
“Don’t forget apple juice,” I added while passing over a juice box as well. “This used to be all I’d eat when I was little.”  
  
“I was more of a cheese and crackers kid, but this is pretty damn good too.”  
  
“Maybe I’ll make you some gourmet cheese and crackers tonight then.”  
  
Frank snorted laughter and grabbed for his side with a moan. “Oh, too much funny,” he giggled.  
  
“Are you ok?” I asked in slight alarm. The very last thing I wanted was to have to drive Frank to the emergency room on our date day.  
  
“I’ll feel better after a swim,” he grabbed for my wrist and pulled me to a stand quickly. “C’mon!”  
  
“Didn’t anyone ever warn you about not swimming right after eating?” I teased as we raced toward the water.  
  
“Daphne Taylor, I’ve always been a rebel,” he grabbed around my waist and dragged me into the water as I screamed laughter. Together we fell under the waves and attacked each other with splashes and tackles. We did all the ‘beachy’ things; we walked along the shore barefoot; we skipped rocks and he helped me collect some seashells; we read a novel together; we even built a stupid little sandcastle that looked more like a caved in mound than anything else. And then I was reminded all over that I was building a perfect scenario overtop of a shaky reality.  
  
We collapsed onto the blanket and quickly wrapped up in towels, giggling with adrenaline and a brief moment of bliss where it didn’t feel like we had any troubles. That was until Frank calmed down and simply smiled at me. “I have a bit of a surprise for you,” he explained and dug through his backpack momentarily. “Close your eyes.”  
  
“What, why?” I smiled and complied. “What’re you doing?”  
  
“Just wait,” he giggled. “Where’s your patience, Miss Piss-Pants?”  
  
I squirmed on the spot and pulled the towel more snuggly around myself. It was a hot day, but having just dipped into the ocean, the breeze felt cool against my skin and a shiver ran up my back.  
  
“Alright,” Frank announced excitedly. “Open your eyes.”  
  
I first met Frank’s gaze before the shimmer from the small velvet box in his hand. I knew I was supposed to feel elated; overwhelmed with the very best emotions – but all that came to mind was the suspicious sum of cash I’d seen in his wallet last night, and his record of disappearances. His eyes shone with excitement over what should have been a thrilled reaction from me, but instead I stared blankly.  
  
“You don’t like it,” he concluded and examined the ring more closely. “It’s not your style?”  
  
“That’s not it, Frank.”  
  
“Then what’s wrong? You knew I was going to buy you a proper engagement ring, so you can’t be _that_ shocked about it. Was this the wrong moment?”  
  
“It’s not that either.”  
  
“Then what’s wrong?” he sighed loudly, obviously fed up with my simple responses. “I’m not a mind reader, Daphne, you have to tell me what’s up.”  
  
“How much did it cost?” I asked quietly and hugged my knees up to my chin. “It couldn’t have been cheap, it’s really pretty.”  
  
“Don’t worry about that.”  
  
“How can I not worry about it, Frank? The other day you were upset about having no money and now you’re giving me an engagement ring?! What exactly are your priorities? You need to quit acting like a teenager and start acting more like a grown-up, because that’s the only way we’re going to make it out here! I don’t want a ring right now, I don’t need it. It’s probably the very _last_ thing I need right now.”  
  
Frank snapped the small velvet box shut and tossed it onto the blanket carelessly. “So it was the wrong moment.”  
  
“What is wrong with you?!” I finally lost it and swatted at his arm angrily. “You keep disappearing with the car and you’re hiding hundreds of dollars from the rest of us! You came home beat up, Kevin’s trying to be your best friend and now you’re presenting me a fucking engagement ring? Where are you getting all this money? What the hell is going on?”  
  
Frank groaned and rubbed a hand over his face. “Do I actually have to tell you something that you already know, Daph? You know exactly what’s been going on. Just like I know what Gloria’s been doing for quick cash.”  
  
“You know?” I squeaked and tried desperately to blink back tears. “You know what Gloria’s been doing and you’ve done nothing to try and stop her? You’ve said _nothing_?!”  
  
“What am I supposed to say?” his swallowed thickly. “She wouldn’t listen if I lectured her. I can’t keep her in a plastic bubble – she’ll find a way of getting out. And who exactly would I be to tell her what she can and can’t do with her own body?”  
  
“Someone who cares,” I shouted and shoved him.  
  
“It never worked with Nikki! I cared about Nikki! I tried talking her out of it and keeping her at home, but it didn’t stop her because it was the only thing she thought she could do to keep paying the rent!”  
  
“Gloria isn’t Nikki, Frank!”  
  
“And what about you?” he choked and tipped my chin up to meet his gaze. “What about you, Daphne? How are you paying the rent? How is the diner job going for you?”  
  
“Fuck you,” I squeaked and shoved him so forcefully he fell back onto his hands. “You’re a fucking jerk! How could you go without saying anything to me about it?! I gave some random guy a blowjob in his car and you didn’t do anything to stop me? If you know what we were doing then why did you still let us go?”  
  
“Why did you let _me_?” Frank shouted back in turn. “I’m dealing again and I know you know it! How else would I have enough money for this ring and why would I have hundreds in my wallet? Kevin’s buddying up to me because I have what he wants! I got ganged up on yesterday for the product and when I fought back I got pulverized! And you know all of this, because we’ve lived it before. But you didn’t do anything to stop me either.”  
  
“What’s happening to us?” I whimpered and gripped my hair. I felt like I was going to throw up, and my head was pounding. I couldn’t decide what it was I was most angry about and the way Frank’s jaw clenched I could tell he was probably thinking the same thing. He was right, I think I always knew. From the very first time Frank disappeared with the car to the first time he came home with pizza for everyone. I just wanted so badly to deny it happening. I wanted to believe Kevin was being so clingy to Frank because he just genuinely wanted to be friends.  
  
Frank shook his head and stared off to the side. “I don’t know.”  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Walking alone in the middle of the night probably wasn’t one of my most brilliant ideas, but I needed to get away from Frank for a bit. Gerard and Gloria could instantly sense something had happened between the two of us when we arrived home from the beach. We avoided each other at all costs in the tiny apartment and I’d spent most of the evening at the kitchen table doodling pictures on a piece of paper while Frank sat on the couch plucking at the strings on his guitar.  
  
When night had fallen Frank and I had sided up next to each other as usual, but there was no cuddling and no sweet words of pleasant dreams. It was just a heavy silence and I’d stared at the ceiling for hours sailing through waves of thoughts, each growing increasingly darker and pessimistic. Yet maybe it wasn’t me being a pessimist as much as it was me finally being realistic.  
  
I kept my hands in my hoodie’s pockets and shuffled down the sidewalk slowly until I reached the bridal shop that had become a familiar sight for me amongst all of the late night ‘strolls’ I took with Gloria. It smelled like rain and the sky was cloudy and starless. There were a few flashes of lightning in the distance, but I still stood outside the window of the pretty dresses.  
  
I could still marry Frank and dive headfirst into whatever life it was we were developing in California. Gloria could swipe me a dress, or Frank could buy it with the cash he’d tried to keep a secret. I grimaced and sighed, my body slumped against the brick wall.  
  
When Frank and I had first discussed marriage, I thought our wedding would be amongst all of our friends and family. I had hope that would still be the case when we left for California, but it was wishful thinking. In reality my own parents didn’t even know I was engaged. They’d never even met my fiancé, and it hadn’t bothered me in the slightest until now. Now it was amplified and stupid. My own parents didn’t know Frank other than that boy who occasionally gave me rides to and from school.  
  
The reality was that I was a pathetic eighteen year old girl wrapped up in the dramatics she’d brought upon herself the day she stuttered out her admiration for Frank in the hallway at school. I was becoming another statistic for the books and it hurt. I didn’t just want to be another teenaged girl people shook their heads over, wondering what had happened to my promising future. Because I could see the future now if I stayed where I was. I saw myself right where I stood now, seated on the cold cement with mascara tears running a steady stream because Frank hadn’t been home for two days. I saw myself alongside Gloria, doing sexual favours for money, just trying to save up enough to buy a dream house one day; a dream house paid for with sex, drugs and memories gone astray.  
  
Where would I be now if I’d never met Frank? Where could I be now without Frank? What was wrong with boring Daphne Taylor who went to classes, did her homework and played it safe? In a world where so many dared to live on the edge what was so bad about being the one who stayed back five paces and watched? Maybe Frank was always meant to be a dream – something meant to smile over but never touch. I’d wandered too close and now I had another difficult choice to make.  
………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Frank was still asleep when I returned to the apartment and I quietly changed back into my pajamas before sitting on top of my sleeping bag. On Frank’s right Gloria and Gerard were cuddled up together and I couldn’t help but smile weakly before wiping away a stray tear.  
  
Like all those nights Frank came home and snuggled against me, thinking I was asleep, I did the same to him now. I moved slowly, savouring the moment and the feeling of being pressed up against him. I tried to memorize all his little sleeping habits: the way his arm wrapped around me out of reflex, or how he’d hum quietly once in a while from contentment in his slumber. Part of me wanted time to freeze for eternity, but the best I could do was submit myself to the best dream of my life; fancy garments, clinking champagne glasses, cheerful faces of the people I loved, and Frank, holding his hand out to me for our first dance as husband and wife.  
…………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
Night came to an end and I fought to keep my eyes closed amongst all the noise around the apartment. I could hear someone in the kitchen preparing some form of breakfast. I could hear the shower running, and the television set on regular morning cartoons.  
  
“Is she still asleep?” Gloria’s voice carried softly on by.  
  
“Looks that way,” Frank muttered.  
  
“Should I wake her up?”  
  
“What for? What’s there to do?”  
  
“Touché… Are you doing ok, Frankie? I know you and Daph must have had a fight yesterday, so if you want to talk-“  
  
“I’m fine, don’t worry about it. We’ll figure it out like we always do.”  
  
“Well you are a pretty resilient couple.”  
  
I squeezed my eyes shut tighter and pulled the cover over my head, hoping no one noticed. Eventually I drifted off into a light sleep again, waking later to the sound of Gerard’s voice.  
  
“Man, she’s been sleeping all day, don’t you think we should at least check on her?” Gerard’s touch was gentle and he shook me delicately, as if I might break. “Daphne?”  
  
“Yeah?” I squeaked, crinkling my nose over my broken, sleepy voice.  
  
“Are you feeling alright? It’s almost three in the afternoon and you’ve been asleep all day.”  
  
“Oh,” I played dumb and slowly sat up on the spot. “I fell asleep really late, no big deal.”  
  
“You’re sure?” he gave me a look that said he wasn’t completely convinced.  
  
“Yes.” I stood up and started running my fingers through my messy hair to straighten out any knots or kinks. Frank’s gaze was set on me, unwavering and with a battle of emotions in his eyes, probably all wondering where we stood with each other after our fight yesterday.  
  
I waited around patiently for Gerard and Gloria to head out. Any overnight storms had dispersed, leaving a bright, cloudless day, perfect for Gerard to get some artwork done at the park. I tried not to let it get to me that when Gloria and Gerard bid me farewell for the day, that it might be the very last time I saw or heard them. Kevin was, unsurprisingly, out, and it left Frank and I alone, which is how it needed to be.  
  
All it took was me opening my mouth before the tears began to pool in my eyes, which alarmed Frank from where he sat on the couch watching me. “Don’t, don’t,” my voice wavered and I waved him off from speaking first. “I have to talk first. I have something I need to say and you just have to listen.”  
  
Frank gave a brief nod but leaned forward anxiously.  
  
“I’m going back home,” I struggled through my words. “To Jersey.”  
  
“What?” Frank’s voice was startled and disbelieving. “Jersey? But- What was the point of all of this if you just turn and run back home now? We had a fight yesterday, Daphne, we’ll get through it.”  
  
“No we won’t,” I snapped. “We won’t and we can’t, because I can’t take back what I did and you’re back where you started in Jersey. There’s a future, because it’s inevitable, but it’s not what it should be. Why is it just me who realizes that if we stay here we’re not going to get anywhere we want or need to be?”  
  
“Look, Daphne,” his voiced coaxed as he came closer. “You’re upset and you’re not thinking clearly. You never have to do what you did again. Ever. And the dealing won’t last forever – just until I can find a job, huh? It’ll-“  
  
“You’re a manipulator, Frank,” I sobbed and shouted. It couldn’t have been a pretty sight. My face felt flushed and my body shook with the intensity it took to get my words out and in the open. “Y-you threaten or sweet talk or play hurt to get people to do what you want them to, and I’m so tired and done with your game! Y-you promised me too much and made me believe that being here would fix everything, but all it’s been is a _nightmare_. You made me up and moulded me into exactly what you wanted, not what you thought would be best for me. I’ve done things in my life I swore I’d never do and now I can’t take them back. I’m my biggest problem.”  
  
“I never made you do anything you didn’t want to do,” Frank shouted back, his eyes tearful and his own body shaking. “ _You_ came to _me_ that morning in the hall. _You_ asked me to help you. _You_ smoked that first cigarette. _You_ wanted to party: to participate in anything and everything we did in the gang. _You_ ultimately decided to come to California with us. _You_ \- Y-you agreed to marry me!”  
  
“Because I l _oved_ you,” I slumped back against the wall and covered my face. Everything he said was true. “I loved you.”  
  
“But you don’t anymore,” he choked on his own voice and I felt him gently grab hold of my forearms to guide my hands away from my face.  
  
“I don’t know,” I squeaked and looked him right in the eyes. “I don’t know if I do or not anymore, Frank. I c-can’t be with someone who has this much…negative influence on me. I can’t be me when I’m with you. This. Me right now, is not Daphne Taylor. This is not how I was supposed to be or what I was supposed to become. I’m this because I’m your toy.”  
  
“You’re not a toy to me, Daphne,” he snivelled and pulled me into a hug. I didn’t pull away nor give anything in return. I felt like Raggedy Anne; tossed around and numb. “You’ve never been a toy to me. Look, I’m sorry. I’m sorry – is that what you want me to say? I’m sorry I fucked up. I’ll do better. I’ll try harder.”  
  
“No you won’t,” I whimpered and gently pulled away. “Or maybe you will, but this isn’t about you. It’s about me and what’s best for me right now. And I think what’s best for me right now is that I go home. I need to see my family again and try to get my life back on track. I can’t keep this life up with you. I can’t keep putting myself through what I am, and I can’t stand by watching you do the same.”  
  
“So you’re leaving,” he swallowed thickly. “That’s it, we’re over? After all of this we’re just done? Daphne, I love you. You saved me.”  
  
“From what, Frank? A bad break-up? Drugs? Looks like that really worked out well didn’t it? We’re back where we started and I can’t go through it again. We tried and it didn’t work, and now I just want to go back home and finish being a teenager. I want to graduate and go to college. I don’t want to be sitting around here wondering if you’re going to make it home at night. And I don’t want to live my entire life in a ratty apartment with this grungy guy with a gun who is high out of his mind twenty-four seven. I don’t want Gloria to keep selling herself for cash and for Gerard to come home every day with a diminishing pride in his work.”  
  
“You don’t have to I’ll-“  
  
“Stop it,” I shouted. “Please just stop it, Frank! I’m going home, I made up my mind. I’m going to call home and ask them to wire me money, or come get me or something. But I’m leaving.”  
  
“And what do you expect me to do? Just let you go?”  
  
“You’re going to have to.”  
  
“Daphne, you’re my fiancée,” his voice broke. “We’re engaged-“  
  
“No we’re not,” I squeaked and took off my ring to place on the coffee table near him. “I’m sorry.”  
  
“I’ll do anything you want, Daphne,” he begged, “just stay. You want me to stop dealing, I will! Stay!”  
  
“I’m sorry,” I whimpered and moved forward to press a kiss to his cheek.  
  
Without another word I left. I picked up my duffle bag and walked right on out of the apartment without looking back. Because if I looked back I knew I’d be trapped.  
……………………………………………………………………………………………………………………………  
  
The airport was loud but I couldn’t process anything around me. I knew people were probably giving ragged looking me worried or peculiar looks, but I didn’t care. All I wanted was to hug my family again, go home and forget the last ten months of my life. And maybe that sounded harsh, but it would be better living without any memory of Frank than living the rest of my life wishing things could have been different.  
  
“Daphne,” the familiar voice of my mother sounded out across the large room. “Daphne, oh my God!” Her voice wasn’t the annoying shrill scream of lectures I remembered it being, but instead racked with worry and relief all in one.  
  
I was wrapped up in her arms tightly, quickly joined by my father and Mitch who had also come along to pick me up. It only briefly registered in my mind that they’d flown across the country to come get me and I couldn’t understand why they’d want to after all I’d put them through.  
  
“We were so worried,” my mom snivelled into my shoulder while dad rubbed a hand over my back comfortingly and Mitch stood to the side with his hands in his pockets.  
  
“I’m ok,” I mumbled, which was my very best effort in trying to reassure her that her daughter’s heart and mind weren’t in shards.  
  
“No you’re not,” Mitch said quietly.  
  
I turned my head quickly to stare at my little brother, ready to argue, but when I saw the look of pure honesty in his eyes I broke down into sobs and lunged myself at him for a hug. “I’m sorry, Mitch.”  
  
“We have a lot to discuss,” my dad spoke up gruffly, all in attempt to mask the real feelings in his voice. “But first let’s get you back home.”  
  
“Home,” I agreed softly.


	34. Epilogue

“Daphne, we have to go, the movers are leaving,” Mitch called up the stairs.  
  
I ran down, skipping the last two stairs and landing uncharacteristically gracefully. Mom and dad already stood outside the front door waiting with nervous smiles. It was true I hadn’t handled the news of moving back to New York well. We’d only lived in Jersey for four years and it had taken me a while to adjust. We hadn’t moved far of course, but it was still another house in another state and now we would be returning. The idea of it shook me up.  
  
Some of the first bits of dad’s lecture to me after getting home from California had been about how I needed to make up for my last month and a half of schooling. Being in California I’d missed my graduation and prom of course. At the time I hadn’t cared, because I’d been living what I thought was ‘the life’. Now I knew it was just another regret I’d carry with me into and throughout my adulthood.  
  
Nikki, Mikey and Bob had each tried getting in contact with me by visiting the house, but I’d holed myself up in my bedroom for the last three weeks, leaving mom to dismiss each one of them. I didn’t want to see or speak to anyone. I didn’t want to know how Frank was doing and I didn’t want to feel guilty by the expression on my friends’ faces. In that way, moving was a good thing, because it would allow me to start fresh. I could reinvent myself again, but in a way I was happy with, and one that reflected me and not another’s image. Saying ‘no’ wasn’t a bad thing. In fact it was necessary from time to time and I was giving myself another chance to get things right.  
  
I followed my family to the car and got in next to Mitch who was already plugged into his music for the ride. He’d been oddly supportive throughout the last few weeks and we’d had a handful of heart-to-heart chats. I told him why I’d left and why I felt stupid for it now, and he didn’t pass judgement on me. Instead he filled me in on all the drama that had occurred after I’d left; how panicked mom and dad had been and how they’d contacted the police, put up pictures and even ended up on the local news like Mikey had told me over the payphone.  
  
“Doors all locked?” dad glanced over his shoulder.  
  
“Yeah,” I mumbled, considering Mitch couldn’t hear anything over his blaring music.  
  
I was alright with the idea of moving, but that still didn’t stop by body from tensing when we started to pull out of the driveway. The same anxiety I had felt when leaving that night for California began to build up in my system and I folded my arms tightly against my chest. No matter how much I told myself it was all for the best and I was ready for a bright new future, there was always going to be a part of me that missed the gang. I hated the thought of never again hearing Nikki’s young yet wise remarks on love; Bob’s grumbled metaphors; Ray’s nerdy yet intelligent comments about computers and video games; Mikey’s incessant failed pickup lines; Gerard’s embarrassed smile when complimented on his incredible artwork; Gloria’s stubborn nature when it came to anything she wanted.  
  
Driving by the school one last time my breath hitched and I felt my heart rate pick up the pace. I could almost picture all of us outside the building by the smoking doors, bantering with each other over the most random of subjects that changed on a minute to minute basis, which was completely normal for us.  
  
“Say goodbye, Daphne,” my dad joked lightheartedly. He didn’t mean to upset me, he genuinely thought I hated the school, but that wasn’t the case in the slightest. That stupid building held more memories from the last year of my life than my entire childhood combined.  
  
“Yeah,” I responded quietly and forced a small smile for his sake.  
  
And then there was Frank. My first love.  
  
I was going to miss the way Frank would giggle anytime he thought I did something cute or stupid; I was going to miss the way he stuck up for me when everyone else thought I was awkward; I was going to miss his tattoos that mapped out moments of his life; I was going to miss the way he cuddled me in his arms when we were reminiscent together; I was going to miss the wild look in his eyes when he was conspiring crazy antics; and I was even going to miss the way he’d teasingly refer to me as his little Miss Piss-Pants.  
  
Frank. My dream and nightmare all in one.  
  
I closed my eyes and exhaled slowly.  
  
“Bye.”

**Author's Note:**

> So here we are. The end of “My Dream Nightmare” after 7 years (of stopping and starting and forgetting and revisiting, etc). Hitting that submit button was oddly difficult to do. I kept hesitating, haha. This was the first MyChem fanfic I ever started and I’m both happy and sad it’s over. That being said, I realize the ending was quite abrupt. Daphne suddenly blew up with all this anger and walked right on out of Frank’s life. Because this is Daphne’s point of view, we have no idea what happened to Frank following the fight. We don’t know what he did or where he went. We have no idea what Gloria or Gerard’s reactions were either.
> 
> There are two reasons for this. The first reason is that I wanted it to be sudden and I wanted you to be left in the dark. Daphne essentially will never know what happens to them and because it’s Daphne’s point of view, you’re not meant to know either.
> 
> The second reason is because it sort of leads into a sequel. My Dream Nightmare was never meant to have a sequel, and when I started writing what I now consider to be the (sorta) sequel (because the timeline doesn’t add up. The gang would have existed in the 80’s) I didn’t mean to have it connect. But as I continued working on it, it was fun to bring in elements of MDN.
> 
> So Frank does have an ending. It will take place in “Magic” (the working title) if you’re interested in checking it out. You’ll find out where the whole gang ended up. Even Mikey.
> 
> And once more, thank you so much for sticking around to see the ending of this fanfic. It’s been fun!
> 
> \- Cat


End file.
